“Not at all.” I reached for her hand when she stood, slowly, carefully. “You know you can tell me anything, right? We don’t have to keep secrets.”
She patted my shoulder as she made her way past me. “Everyone has secrets.”
***
When Kendra arrived, Macy was resting, her body covered with a throw and her head on a pillow.
“How’s our patient today?” Kendra whispered when she caught sight of Macy.
“Don’t let her hear you call her that,” I warned, smiling. “She’d hate it.”
Kendra grinned. “She is a little obstinate, isn’t she? But that makes her a better patient. She’s not satisfied to lie around feeling sorry for herself. She wants to get well as quickly as possible.”
“I hope she’s not rushing it,” I said, frowning at her back. Macy was turned away from us, but she could have been eavesdropping. “I don’t want her to have a setback.”
Kendra curled her hand around my forearm, looking at me with warm brown-and-gold eyes that would have elicited a reaction from me before Macy. “You really care about her, don’t you?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t.”
She regarded me carefully, and I could tell she was wrestling with her conscience. “She said it was a marriage of convenience.” She blushed when I narrowed my eyes. “So to speak.”
“I didn’t realize she was confiding in you.” Not that I was surprised. Macy warmed up to people quickly, and Kendra had a sweet disposition that made it easy to like her.
“I hope you’re not mad, but sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger about your problems, you know? I know that must seem like a liability in your profession, but Macy would never have talked to me about you if you and I weren’t already friends.”
The only people I’d ever confided in were my family and my brothers at the station, all guys I’d known for years. But I did trust Macy to protect my privacy. She knew in my line of work trusting the wrong person could be a fatal mistake.
She sneaked a peek over her shoulder. “I know I may be way out of line for even suggesting this…”
I’d known Kendra, through her estranged husband, for a long time. I didn’t mind if she gave it to me straight. “Just say whatever’s on your mind.”
She tugged me into the kitchen so we were out of earshot. “I think she really cares about you.”
My chest constricted, hoping like hell Kendra was right. “Why do you say that?”
“She talks about how great you’ve been to her.” She smiled. “At first, it was just innocent comments, but yesterday she told me you were the kind of man she’s always dreamed about settling down with.”
It was hard for me to imagine a free-spirit like Macy had many thoughts about white picket fences and mini-vans. I assumed she’d find that kind of existence stifling. I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms. “Is that right? What else did she say?”
“She was asking me what I knew about you.”
“Why would she think you knew any more about me than her sister does? No offense, but Ri’s been like family for years. You and I are just…” I didn’t want to offend her by saying casual acquaintances, but it was true. I was friends with her husband, the firefighter, since our paths crossed often, but not with her.
“I may have confided in her first.” Kendra bit her lip as her gaze dropped to the tile floor. “God, this is so embarrassing.” She touched her hands to her cheeks.
She took a deep breath before retying her long dark ponytail at the nape of her neck. “It’s about your brother. Gabe.”
“What about him?” I knew Kendra’s estranged husband was one of Gabe’s close friends, since they both worked for the fire department, but beyond that, I didn’t know much about his relationship with Kendra. “Is he a lousy next-door neighbor? Plays his music too loud? Leaves his trash cans on the street? Parks his car in front of your driveway?”
“No, nothing like that.” She met my amused gaze. “I may… kind of… have a bit of a thing for him.”
I masked my laugh with a cough. “I’m sorry, what?”
Kendra was gorgeous. Even in scrubs, wearing very little makeup, and her hair in a ponytail, she couldn’t downplay her natural beauty. With her caramel skin and petite, curvy figure, she could have her pick of partners, and she had an adorable little girl who would be irresistible to any man. So why my brother? Not that there was anything wrong with Gabe, but I would have expected her to set her sights on anyone other than a firefighter, given the way she’d been burned by her ex.
“Why is that so funny?” she demanded, propping her fists on her hips. “You don’t think he’d be interested in me? I’m not his type? Is that it?”
“Gabe is friends with your husband,” I reminded her. “That’d probably be a deal breaker for him.”
She sagged against the center island at her back. “And therein lies my problem. Jason wants to get back together. I don’t.”
“Because…?”
“He cheated on me.” Her eyes filled with tears before she turned her head away. “I can’t forgive that. I won’t.”
“Oh, wow.” Her ex needed to have his head examined if he’d cheated on her. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“Yeah, well. Gabe knows, and that still doesn’t change how he feels.” Crossing her arms, she said, “I know Gabe’s attracted to me, but he said Jason made a mistake, that it was a one-time thing, and maybe I should try to put my marriage back together.”
My kid brother could be such a dumbass sometimes. Jason may be my friend, but if he’d cheated on his beautiful wife, he clearly didn’t deserve her.
“Don’t listen to him. Go with your gut. If it’s over between you and Jason, file the papers. Prove to Gabe you’re serious.”
“Believe me, I’d like nothing better than to officially end my marriage, but Jason’s making it damn near impossible.”
“Kendra?” Macy called.
“Sounds like our patient’s awake,” Kendra said, gripping my hand. “Thanks for listening. And remember what I said—don’t give up on your wife. That would be a huge mistake.”
Chapter Twelve
Macy
After my pseudo shower, where I had to sit gingerly on the bench to avoid getting my incision wet, I felt almost human. I watched Kendra redress my wound, and I sucked in a breath when the tape pulled my stitches.
“Thanks for washing my hair in the sink. You’re a lifesaver.” Since I couldn’t raise my hands above my head, washing my hair was one of a long list of things I couldn’t do yet.
“Just doing my job.” She squeezed my hand before helping me back into my robe. As she packed up her kit, Kendra said, “Um, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m feeling kind of guilty… like I may have broken your confidence.”
“What do you mean?” I hadn’t known Kendra long, but she struck me as trustworthy and honest.
“I kind of told Kane what you said about him.” She winced when I gaped at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell him. It just sort of came out.”
I didn’t know how I felt about being outed. On one hand, I was relieved I didn’t have to tell him the truth myself, but on the other hand, I was afraid of how he might react. I didn’t want him to want me just because he knew I wanted him.
“And?” I asked, reaching for a hairbrush as I turned to face the mirror.
Kendra guided me onto a stool and took the brush from me. I knew she was going above and beyond the call of duty when she pulled the hair dryer and a clip out of the drawer Kane had set aside for my toiletries. She was doing this not as a nurse but as a friend, and I was grateful. I could have let my hair dry naturally, but then it would have been a frizzy mess. I wanted to look nice… for Kane.
We were facing the mirror as she carefully tugged the brush through my damp hair. “It’s not one-sided, girl. I can tell you that.”
“Really?” I must have sounded like a high school girl all over again,
the one who’d lain on her bed talking to her best friend about… ironically, the very same man. “What did he say?”
Kendra smiled. “It’s not so much what he said. It’s more about how intrigued he seemed when I told him I suspected you had feelings for him.”
I would have felt better if she’d been able to offer something concrete. “Things have been going so well.” I watched her clip my long hair on top of my head, leaving just a few strands loose. “I mean, we’ve been getting along great. I don’t know why, but I didn’t really expect that.”
“Why do say that?” Kendra asked, frowning at my reflection. “Didn’t you say you guys were friends first? That’s why he proposed getting married, right, to help you out of a jamb with your ex?”
“Yeah, but in my experience, living with someone ultimately leads to disagreements.” I reached for a small tube of hand cream I’d left on the counter and squeezed a drop into my hands before rubbing them together. “All of those minor irritations eventually lead to fights. Isn’t that what you said happened with you and your husband?”
“Well, yeah, but it doesn’t have to be that way.” Kendra set the hair dryer down and shifted to sit on the edge of the counter in front of me. “My parents have been married for forty years, and I can count on one hand the number of blowouts they’ve had.”
“Lucky them,” I muttered. I would give anything for a relationship like that.
“Luck has nothing to do with it,” Kendra said, crossing her arms. “They love and respect each other, so they treat each other accordingly.”
“Makes sense, I guess.” I was grateful my parents were still together, but I wasn’t sure I would describe their relationship as ideal. They didn’t fight often, but only because my mother didn’t express her opinion when it opposed my father’s. That definitely wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted.
“Of course it does,” Kendra said, touching my shoulder. “Think about it. Everyone says they want to marry their best friend, but when they do, they somehow manage to forget that person is their best friend. They start picking apart every little thing the other does until there’s just so much bitterness and resentment festering, there’s no room for love anymore.”
“You’re right.” I thought about my relationship with Brendan. Those little grievances, which we both continued fixating on, had driven us apart.
“If we treated our spouse the way we would our best girlfriend, we wouldn’t have any problems.”
“So true. How’d you get so smart about relationships?”
“I had both a good and a bad example,” she said, reaching for some of my hand cream. “My parents showed me how to get it right, yet I still managed to get it wrong. So when my marriage fell apart, I did a lot of self-analysis to figure out what happened so it wouldn’t happen in my next relationship.”
“Self-analysis?” I took a tube of lip balm off a small mirrored tray on the counter.
“Don’t laugh,” she said, plucking a stray hair of her pants, “but I read a lot of self-help books. I really studied myself, my behaviors. I figured out what I liked and set about changing what I didn’t.”
“Wow, you’re brave.”
“Not really. I just did what I had to do. Remember, I have a little girl watching my every move. I need to set a good example for her. I needed to learn to love myself again, in spite of my failed marriage, so I could teach her to do the same.”
“Gabe must be blind not to see how amazing you are.” I’d known Kane’s brother a long time and he certainly wasn’t stupid. I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t asked Kendra out on a date despite the fact she’d made it clear she was interested in him.
Kendra sighed. “You know how he is. I think sometimes he’s too damn virtuous for his own good. Just because Jason is his friend, that makes me off-limits as far as Gabe’s concerned.”
“Maybe I could talk to him?” Kendra had been great to me, so the least I could do was help her get things on the right track with Gabe.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m honestly okay with the way things are. Sure, I like Gabe. A lot. I’d like for us to be more than friends someday, but if it doesn’t happen for us, I’m going to assume that’s because there’s someone even better out there for me.”
“How very Zen of you,” I teased, making her laugh.
“I know, right? Seriously though, you have a distinct advantage. You and Kane are already living together, you’re already married, and most importantly, you’re friends. There are always going to be compromises in any relationship. You know that. You just have to decide how much you’re willing to compromise to give this thing with Kane a shot.”
I looked at her a long time before asking, “You know those books you mentioned?”
“Yeah. What about them?”
“You think you could bring a few over next time you come? I think it might be time for a little self-analysis of my own.”
***
We were curled up on the couch later that night, watching That Awkward Moment since it was my night to choose the movie, when Kane surprised me by reaching for my hand. He’d barely touched me since the accident, unless it was to help me.
“Do you mind?” he asked, linking his hand with mine.
“No,” I said, looking at our joined hands. “Not at all.”
He used the remote to pause the movie. “So Kendra and I talked earlier.”
“I know, she told me.”
“She did?” he asked, looking surprised. “I hope you’re not mad at her. I think she was just trying to be a friend… to both of us.”
“I’m not mad.” With my free hand, I reached into the popcorn bowl between us. “Quite the opposite, actually. I was hoping it would open the lines of communication between us.”
He blew out a slow breath before turning to face me. “I’m glad to hear you say that, Mace. I was trying hard not to push, since your physical recovery obviously has to be the top priority right now. But I’m dying to know—is there a chance, even a slight one, that you’d consider staying on here… with me? You know, even after you recover?”
I thought it was endearing that a guy like Kane, who was so confident and self-assured in every other area of his life, was struggling with the same insecurities I was. “Kendra and I had a good talk today about compromises and how every couple has to make them.”
“True.” He released my hand and set his arm on the sofa back behind my head. “And I know it sounds like I’m asking you to make all the sacrifices to make this work, but I’m not. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help you with your career. I want to support you. Even if you have to be away a lot, I get that. As long as you’re willing to make this your home base.”
“My home base, huh?” That had a nice ring to it, especially since this city was already home to all of the people I loved most.
“You don’t have to answer me right now,” Kane said, letting a strand of my hair slip through his fingers. “I just want you to know that’s what I want. For you to stay here with me, to give this thing a real shot.”
He still hadn’t said the three little words that would make his proposal seem like a viable option. I could be the first one to say them, since I was definitely feeling them, but I was scared shitless that he wouldn’t say it back or he’d think I was moving too fast.
Without answering his question, I said, “Kendra said something that made a lot of sense to me today.”
“What’s that?”
“She said that we all claim we want to marry our best friends, but when we do, we stop treating them as such. You think that’s true?”
He took a moment to think about his response, obviously considering it as important as I did, and I loved that. “Well, the best example I’ve had is Ryker and Mac, and one thing I can say for sure, they’ve always been each other’s best friends. Even when they were going through a rough patch, Ryker was willing to accept responsibility for his part in it, and he never had a harsh word to say about Mac.”
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“I’m sure that’s what allowed them to find their way back to each other,” I said, reaching for a kernel of popcorn. “They not only loved each other, but they liked and respected each other too.” I chewed slowly before I looked at him. His gaze was hooded and intense, as though he understood my unspoken message. “I’ve always wanted a relationship like that—with a man who was my best friend, my lover, my everything.”
“You didn’t have that with Brendan?”
There was so much he didn’t know about my ex, and I’d have to tell him some day, in the spirit of full disclosure. He needed to know about the things influencing my decisions, the reason I was reluctant to go back to Nashville. I wanted to tell Kane everything, but I was afraid of how he might react. I knew I could trust him with my secrets, but I couldn’t trust him not to hop on the next flight to Nashville and pummel Brendan for the things he’d said and done.
“We started out as friends,” I said, thinking back to the early days of our relationship. “I’m not sure when that changed. But then we became duet partners, and sometimes it felt like music was the only thing holding us together, our one common bond.”
“I can see how that might happen,” he said thoughtfully. “Especially with both of you being so focused.”
“I used to think Brendan wanted to hold on to me because he loved me so much, but now I’m not so sure.” I stared straight ahead at the built-in, wall-to-wall cabinet, trying to choose the right words. “I don’t think he believed his dreams could come true without me, and he didn’t want me to believe mine could come true without him.”
“No offense, but it sounds kind of dysfunctional.”
Kane had no idea how bad it had gotten.
“It was, but I didn’t realize that until it was too late. The fact that I had to marry you at all proves that.” To soften my words, I reached for his hand. “I should have just been able to break up with him, tell him that I still wanted to be his friend and partner, but the romantic part of our relationship was over. The fact that he wouldn’t accept that and I had to resort to such drastic measures should have tipped me off to the fact that something wasn’t right.” Realizing I’d said more than I intended, especially to a cop who’d been trained to read between the lines, I bit my lip and eased forward on the couch slowly. “Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.”
Kane Page 12
