by K. A Knight
Panting, I dance around him and elbow his knee. He goes down, but gets up fast and whirls. “If you think Jago would go easy on anyone, whether he was fucking them or not, then you are an idiot,” I say conversationally, and I see the anger flare in his eyes. In all the old books and TV shows it says getting angry makes you stupid, you miss things you shouldn't and get sloppy. Letting your rage guide you. I asked Jago once and he told me his rage constantly guides him. It’s what makes him hit harder, move faster and get back up when he shouldn't be able to, but this recruit is the total opposite. He doesn’t let it make him better, he uses it like a weapon. Let’s it take over.
That will work in my favor, and if I can get him really angry, he might slip up. “You are just jealous that no one has ever touched your pleasure pump,” I taunt and his face starts to turn red. “I am betting you sit touching it at a night, imagining you were a great warrior like Jago.”
He yells and jumps forward, his arms whirring but sloppy. Grinning, I jump towards him.
Our fight turns real, each trying to land a blow. I can feel the bruising already on my body and I know he isn’t pulling his punches...good. But he is nothing compared to Jago, and I have been sparring with him for five days now. He beats my ass every day, so I am used to it.
I manage to get the upper hand and he ends up on his back with me on top. He reaches his hands up high, over me and brings his fists down hard on my stomach. Again, and again, and I hold on still. Wanting to win, wanting to prove myself. They will never trust me with their backs out there unless they know I can handle myself, and I know I will have to prove myself more than the others.
“Enough!” comes a roar and I break away, turning to face Jago where he stands next to our mat. He looks furious, his face is red, and his mouth twisted in a snarl, every muscle is tight like he is ready to pounce. His eyes are spitting fire and I am pretty sure I can feel him from here. Standing there like that, he’s a scary motherfucker. The other recruits actually step away, eyeing him worriedly.
The one I was fighting cowers before him….me? I jump up and smile his way. “Sure thing, captain.”
He growls, glaring at me, but when the other recruit gets to his feet Jago’s anger turns on him. “You ever, and I mean ever, disobey an order again and I will kill you myself.” His voice is cold and hard, every word pushed out of clenched teeth.
The recruit nods, his face pale as his body shakes, but it sends a perverse pleasure through me when I spot his nose bleeding.
“Do you understand me?” Jago snarls, stepping until they are toe-to-toe. Side by side the difference is staggering. He’s massive, a fucking beast, but it’s the power he wears that makes other men want to piss themselves. I wonder what that power would feel like between my thighs. Shit, okay. Bad Piper. Think of other things than his Moby Dick.
When the recruit nods, gulping like he might be sick, Jago turns his attention back to me. His eyes rooting me to the spot even as I smile at him. He doesn’t scare me. His eyebrow raises when he sees I am just waiting for him, but he steps up close to me like he did the other recruit.
“Do you understand me?” he asks again, but I can see the anger in his eyes has lessened and what looks like...amusement, dances in their fiery depths.
I nod and smile at him, my shit-eating grin as Evan calls it. He snorts as I fake salute him. "Aye, aye, Captain. Sir, yes sir."
"What did he say to you?" he says, his voice lowered and velvety. Only for my ears.
Tilting my head, I eye him, smirking all the time. "Maybe I just didn't like his face."
He huffs and steps back, his face wiping clear of his amusement as he turns towards the waiting recruits. "These two will run laps until they can't move. The rest of you are dismissed, don't forget tomorrow I will be testing you. Three of you will get to go on patrol with the other guards for one night, or more if you do well." With that, he turns to eye us with an expectant expression. I salute him once again and start to jog around the room. The other recruit falls in behind me, making sure not to get too close.
I concentrate on my breathing as I run, ignoring everything else until I circle the room and see the other recruit stumbling to his ass in the middle. Jago eyes him with a disapproving frown. He barks something at him and the other recruit stumbles from the room on jelly legs. I know the feeling, every step I take sends agony through my muscles and they feel like they are about to give out from under me.
"You can stop running," Jago shouts, watching me curiously.
"You-said-not-until-we-fell-down," I pant, but my stride is slowing.
"Piper, stop," he sighs and I slow down into a stop, bending over to catch my breath before I drag my exhausted ass to the mats and collapse on my back.
"Evil. You are evil," I declare, pointing my finger into the air before it drops back down to my chest with a thump.
I hear him snort again. Hot, big hands grip one of my thighs as he digs his fingers in, making me moan long and loud. "Fuck," I say and he grunts again.
I let him work in silence, massaging all my aches and soreness away until I am a turned on, sweaty mess and he only touches me with his hands. "Where did you come from?" I blurt and almost smack myself in the face. "I mean like, I know you came from a vagina, but you weren't born down here..." I trail off when I notice he isn't moving his hands anymore. They are just gripping my upper thigh.
"Does it matter?" he asks eventually, starting to massage me again.
"No, not to me. I am just curious," I admit, tilting my head so I can see him. He doesn't look my way but concentrates on his hands touching me, his face turned away from me.
"You don't want to know," he answers eventually, his dark voice making me shiver, but it doesn't stop me from leaning up onto my arms, watching him.
"You were born out there, weren't you?" When he doesn't answer I carry on, "What happened to your parents, what is it like out there?"
He spins on me, his hand spanning to the mat on either side of me, and his face is dark and dangerous. "You want to know what it's like out there? It's a fucking nightmare. Everything is a fight for survival. Against the sun, the heat. Against the land itself, and don't get me started on the people. I see the stars in your eyes, you dream of the world out there, but it will only disappoint you just like everyone else. It's nothing but dust and death and you won't survive."
I look into his eyes and watch the trust in them, he really does believe that. It makes me sad for him, that he can't rely on anyone, that he has no one. I reach out and lay my hand on his chest. I can feel his heart racing against my palm, and I lower my voice, making it soft and calm. "Then teach me, teach me to survive. Watch my back and I will watch yours."
He snorts again, but it sounds self-loathing more than anything. "Why would I do that? Why would I trust you, when I don't even know you?”
"Then get to know me. You really just going to keep on fighting everyone and everything, every moment of the day? All I am asking is for you to give me a chance, I am doing everything you ask. I am working harder than anyone else. Tell me you don't see me improving. I am not saying we need to braid each other’s hair and talk dick to rim, but a partnership."
We stay like that, with my hand on his chest, and I watch the fight in his eyes. "I told you I would train you. At the end of the month if you don't make the cut, that is your own fault. If you do, I will take you out on a patrol. Better me than one of those idiots," he mutters the last, as if almost to himself, but I smile.
"Sounds good, captain."
He shakes his head. "Stop calling me that," he grunts and leans back, letting my hand drop, and moves onto my other leg.
"Boss man? Beast? Stud muffin?" I wiggle my eyebrows and he snorts again, and I see his lips curve into a smile.
"Aha! I saw that, so you do smile! Muffin it is!" I point and grin, and he glares at me again.
"Don't you dare," he warns in the same voice he used on the recruits earlier, but it just makes me giggle.
"What's wr
ong, muffin?" I yelp when he smacks my thigh.
"What's wrong, princess, scared of a little pain?" he mocks and I laugh again.
"Only if it doesn't come with a hot guy." I wink and he shakes his head and leans back, sitting next to me.
"What's the deal with you and the doctor?" he asks, out of the blue.
Sitting up I cross my legs with a wince, and he looks way too happy at my pain. Sadistic man. "Why?" I drawl, dragging the word out.
"Never mind," he grunts, grabbing two bottles of water and throwing one at me. I grin and take a swig, my eyes still on him.
"Aww, muffin, is you jealous?" I question all cutesy.
He glares at me and I grin back. "Not a chance, princess. Just wondering if he is going to come storming in here again and try to kick my ass."
I snap upright, eyeing him, all teasing disappearing. "He threatened you? Evvie? The guy who avoids touching other people because he hates them?"
Jago leans back with a nod. "It seems he doesn't like the fact I am 'encouraging your delusions,'" he explains, and my chest freezes before anger bursts to life. "He said if I didn't stop training you, we would have a problem."
Blowing out a breath, I grind my teeth. "Did you hurt him?" Because no one, and I mean no one, would get away with threatening the Beast and not end up hurt.
"Do you want me to?" he asks seriously.
I honestly think about it, so hurt that he would say that and go behind my back. "No, I'll do it myself." Getting to my feet I turn without another word.
"He cares, that's why he did it. I can tell that much."
I nod but don’t turn around, anger racing through my veins. "Must be nice," I hear him murmur, but I am already out of the door.
I fume for the next two hours. I went straight to Med Bay, but of course, he wasn't there. How dare he? All I asked is that he support me in the same way I did him! Yet he can't even do that. The fact that he went behind my back and threatened the man who has given me a chance, who is training and trusting me to learn just like the other recruits, infuriates me. He is such a hypocrite and the chasm between us only grows, filled with anger, betrayal, and all our unspoken feelings. It’s strange how I like two very different men. Where Evan is smart, calculated, and calm. Jago is all wild fury, he’s smart but he trusts in himself, he's closed off. Where Evan is a quiet thought, Jago is a storm. A force to be reckoned with.
With nothing else to do, I go back to my room and shower. Scrubbing at my skin to wash away the feeling of betrayal. When my skin turns pink, I decide to get out and towel off, but underneath I am still furious, like one word or thing might make me flip.
With the towel still wrapped around me, I walk into my room to see Evan waiting for me. He looks tired. His hair is a mess and his eyes have huge bags under them, his face is pale and concerned. It deflates me a bit but then I remember how Jago described what he said, and that white-hot anger flashes through me once again.
"How dare you?" I shout, the words tumbling from my mouth.
He must have been in his own world because he jumps and snaps his head around to face me. When he spots me in the towel, his eyes go wide and he licks his lips. Any other time and I would have been all over that, but not today.
"Huh?" he asks, his eyes locked on my legs.
"You heard me! For fuck’s sake Evan, to go behind my back like that? You thought it would work? Just get me kicked out of training, completely ignoring what I wanted?" I scream the last and he walks towards me slowly.
"Pip, I just wanted what's best for you. I don't want to see you get hurt," he says sadly, locking his puppy dog eyes on me.
"Don't you fucking dare. The only person who hurt me is you. You are supposed to support me, and it doesn't matter if you think this a stupid fucking decision. You support it!" I scream as tears start to drip from my eyes.
"Pip—" He begins, stepping forward as if to hug me.
"Don't," I warn, stumbling away from him. "You hurt me more than anyone else out there ever could. This was my choice Evan, mine. I spent years supporting you, always at your back, defending you to others. We promised each other that's how it would always be, but when I need you the most, you can't get out of your own brain long enough to see that your opinion isn't needed. That I need to do this, and by going behind my back you broke my trust." I get it all out, all my hurt and anger, everything that has been building in me since I saw him with that other woman.
"Pip, I am so sorry," he cries and his eyes fill, tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. He looks heartbroken. I know the feeling.
"Don't call me that ever again. We are not family, we are not friends. I am nothing to you. How could I be? Just please, get out," I finish, my heart hurting and my chest tight. If he doesn't leave now, if he tries to hug me, I will break down. Yet, at the same time, something in me is screaming at him to push through this, to see how hurt I am, and make it better.
"Okay, I will let you calm down then we can discuss this." He wipes his eyes and turns, leaving without another word. I stagger backwards and land hard on the bed, my eyes locked on the door like he will come back. Like he will realise that I need him, now more than ever. I need his words, I need him to tell me he loves me, that he supports me no matter what. Yet he doesn't and my heart shatters.
Sobs burst from my throat as I curl into a ball, it feels like I can't get enough air and pain runs through my whole body. We have had fights before, of course we have, but none like this. None where the other one just walks away, it felt so...final, and with it, that last piece of the child inside me hiding behind his legs crumbles into dust.
I lie like that for a while, crying out my heartbreak until I can't cry anymore. My nose is stuffy and my eyes hurt, but I get up and splash some water on my face, not looking into the mirror, not wanting to see the mess I am. I can't believe he didn't come back. Do I really mean that little to him? I know he always runs from a fight, but not like that.
A knock on my door jars me out of my thoughts and I lean my head out of the bathroom, listening. It's not him, he would have just let himself in. Unless he is trying to make up and respect my privacy? The thought gets me moving until I swing the door open and see Jago waiting on the other side, looking uncomfortable as he shifts from side to side.
My heart drops again. He opens his mouth but then he really looks at me, and I see his eyes flare and his fists clench. "Who do I need to kill?" he growls, and I snort, which turns into a desperate sounding sob again, ripping through my throat.
His eyes fly wide as I rush forward and push my face into his chest, seeking comfort from the only other person I trust. I can feel him physically hesitate, obviously unsure how to deal with a crying female.
He pats my back awkwardly. "Er- There, there?" he soothes, ending it on a question, and I can't help the snort of laughter that escapes me.
Pulling back, I see the panic in his eyes and it makes me laugh harder. He frowns at me, searching my face. "I don't do...crying," he says gruffly and I nod.
"I can see that, muffin."
He groans at the name but lets me get away with it, though I know he will punish me for it in training tomorrow. I turn and slide back into my room before falling back on the bed, making sure to clutch the towel to me. No need to give him a heart attack. I hear him shuffle before the bed dips, and I am rolled towards him. I stop myself with a hand on his steal thigh.
"What happened?" he asks, looking down at me. Sighing, I flip over until I face the ceiling.
"Don't worry about it." I lift my hand to my chest and spin my mum’s ring nervously.
"Tell me, I'll kick their ass."
My lips twitch, but I don’t reply until his hand cups mine, stilling my nervous movements.
"Piper, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I know something that might help."
I turn my back to him, and he looks down at me softly. His hand reaches out and he moves the wet strands of my hair away from my face, the move so similar to Evan that I swallow
hard.
"What's that?" I inquire, my voice shivering.
"Get dressed, princess, and I will meet you outside in five. That's an order." He stands and makes his way towards the door.
"Aye, aye captain," I call and I hear him huff a laugh.
I dress quickly and when I come out, he is leaning against the wall waiting for me. Without a word, he turns and I follow him down the hall. When we reach the gym I laugh.
"Really?" I ask, as he pushes in and I spot that it’s empty at this time of night.
"It helps, trust me," he answers.
Shrugging, I follow him in as he kicks off his shoes and jacket, and moves to the middle of the mat. I do as he did and mirror him. "Hit me, get all your anger and frustration out. When you do, you will feel better."
"So, you want me to fight out my feelings?" I ask, grinning at him.
"Pretty much, just do as I said, princess," he drawls, grunting the last before holding his hands up again. Obviously done with talking. That's fine, I feel too raw and numb to try and hold a conversation.
Watching him carefully, I decide what the hell. I punch him and he catches my fist and pushes it back towards me. "Harder," he demands.
"That's what she said," I joke.
He ignores me and holds his hand up again.
I punch, time and time again, letting loose, letting my emotions guide me as I hit harder and harder. Eventually he stops catching my fists and lets me pummel his palms. "Good, keep going," he encourages as I breathe deeply.
I let loose, letting that final piece that was holding me back go until I am screaming as I kick and punch. He just stands there through it all, my rock as he lets me beat him.
I start to slow, my movements losing their fluidity and when I punch again, he catches my arm and drags me to him. I try to fight him but he's too strong. I stumble into his chest with an 'oomph.' He wraps his arms around me and holds me there, and I relax into his embrace. He doesn't talk, just lets me find comfort in his arms. It only confuses me more. For someone who claims not to trust or feel, he sure knows a lot about dealing with emotions, and here he is holding me tight like I mean something to him.
