Garrett closed his eyes, put his palms on his thighs and took several long breaths before he looked at her again. “I see. Then you are still determined to never remarry.”
Again, a lie would be so easy. Aurora bit the inside of her cheek. “Actually, I’ve decided to find a suitable father for my children. I shall make an arrangement with a man of good standing for whom feelings will not interfere with an amicable marriage.”
A look grew in Garrett’s eyes that she’d never seen before. Fierce and dangerous, he was hardly recognizable. “And who are you considering for this lofty position?”
“There’s no need to be rude, Garrett. You and I do not suit. I want you for my friend but cannot give you what you wish for.” She folded her hands in her lap and forced herself to keep from fidgeting.
“Who, Rora?”
“The other Wallflowers and I have come up with three possibilities. Of course, they will need to be investigated for bad habits and such. I am currently thinking of the Earl of Belham, Viscount West, and the Marquess of Potsum.”
Garrett blinked several times, took a deep breath, and let his gaze fall back on Aurora. “I am sure you will find a suitable arrangement with one of them.” Standing, he crossed to the door before stopping and turning back.
“Was there something else, Garrett?” She wanted to kiss him, to feel his arms around her again, but what would be the point? He deserved a wife he could cherish and possess, and she would never be that wife.
“Only the irony.” He grabbed his gloves and hat from the table near the door.
Aurora searched his face for some clue to what he meant. “I don’t understand.”
“For years, you Wallflowers have gone to great pains to keep away from the cold loveless marriages arranged by so many families of the ton. Now, it seems, it is all you could want. You will be a wonderful mother, Rora. Of that, I have no doubt, but what kind of example will you have set for your sons and daughters in your business arrangement of a marriage?”
“That life is not always fair. It is a good lesson to learn early on.” It took all her energy to hold down the despair churning inside her.
Garrett’s shoulders slumped. He shook his head. He met her gaze. “I fear you have learned that lesson far too well, dear friend. I wish you well on your quest.”
And he left.
Aurora held down tears until her stomach ached with them.
Chapter 21
A highly touted new soprano meant that the theater was filled to capacity. Garrett didn’t generally mind a crowd, but he’d been in a foul mood since Aurora’s declaration that she would marry, but she wouldn’t marry him.
Mary Yates and her mother, the countess of Flitmore had been stalking him for a fortnight and it was becoming tiresome. Even as he attempted to make his way to his box, he spotted the two tenacious women parting the crowds to get to him.
“Your Grace,” Mary called before he was far enough away to make a pretense of not hearing her.
It wasn’t that he didn’t find Mary attractive. She was lovely and exactly as a young lady should be. She was both accomplished and smart, but since the reaction he’d gotten from Aurora and the other Wallflowers, he’d paid attention to the small things. Mary could be cutting to those she thought beneath her, and Garrett found that distinctly unattractive.
Trapped, he plastered a warm smile on his face and turned. “Lady Flitmore, Lady Mary, how nice to see you again.”
Lady Flitmore fanned her ample bosom with an elaborate fan. “These things are always so hot, Your Grace. We were to sit in Lady Decatur’s box, but it is so full I thought I might perish from the heat.”
“Are your friends with you this evening, Your Grace?” Mary batted her eyelashes. Her expression was perfectly balanced between adoration and coyness. It should have been alluring, but instead Garrett was repulsed.
Something about her was all wrong and it had nothing to do with her trying to catch him as a husband. Most young ladies of the ton would jump a moat to wed a duke. He was used to that. It was something more and Garrett couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “No. I’m on my own tonight.”
“Just you in that big box?” Lady Flitmore practically purred. She dipped forward so that her breasts were precariously close to tumbling out of her sapphire gown. One might think she was after capturing a duke in marriage rather than her daughter.
Mary frowned at her mother and slid to the side to block the embarrassing display.
Grateful for that, Garrett had to hold in a laugh. “Would you ladies like to join me? I’m sure it will be cooler than Lady Decatur’s box.”
“You are too kind.” Mary didn’t quite simper, but it was nearly that vulgar.
He escorted them up the steps and down the hall to where an usher waited to open the curtain and help them inside. Garrett saw that his guests were seated and said, “Ladies, I shall return in a moment. I see the Earl of Marsden and need a word. Make yourselves comfortable.”
Practically running from his box, Garrett sprinted down the steps and found Rhys and Poppy near the main doors.
Rhys stepped back and Aurora was behind him. Dressed in a gown the color of wine with a low bodice and just a hint of lace, she was as elegant as she was breathtaking.
Beside her, the earl of Belham gaped at him and bowed. “Your Grace, good of you to condescend.”
Oh Lord in heaven. “How do you do, Belham. Nice to see you, my ladies. Marsden, may I have a word?”
Wide eyed, Rhys stepped out into the lobby. “What on earth is wrong with you, Garrett? Since when do you call me by my title?”
“Belham is not within our circle. I wouldn’t want to start rumors of any kind. Is Rora being courted by that buffoon?” Garrett’s stomach literally heaved at the notion that Michael Perch, earl of Belham might lay a hand on Aurora.”
“Is that why you pulled me out here?” Rhys looked back to make certain his wife and sister were safe.
“No. I just needed to get away from my own box. It seems Mary Yates is determined to invade my world.”
Rhys had the nerve to laugh and not a polite chuckle, a full guffaw.
“I don’t see what’s so funny. She’s pretty enough and has plenty of money. It might be a good match.” Why Garrett was defending the idea, was a mystery to him.
“Other than the fact that it was Mary Yates who dubbed our friends and family ‘wallflowers’ and made their lives hell while away at school. Other than the fact that Mary Yates might be the only woman who all four Wallflowers agree is vile. I see nothing wrong with the match. However, far be it from me to tell you who to court.” Rhys let another laugh spill out.
“Oh.” Garrett looked back at Aurora. “Don’t let her marry that dunderhead.”
Rhys shrugged. “As you well know, Rora has a mind of her own. I have little control, but if it’s any consequence, I believe she’s already bored out of her head. He speaks of nothing but insects.”
“Bugs is it.” It made Garrett strangely happy, but maybe that was the kind of man Aurora wanted. They would have nothing in common and therefore nothing to keep them under the same roof.
“You had better get back to your guests, Your Grace.” Rhys winked and returned to his wife’s side.
Poppy gave Garrett a sympathetic smile and a helpless shrug that surely indicated she wished he were their companion rather than Belham. However, Aurora didn’t look at him at all. She paid close attention to whatever Belham was pontificating over and had the blank look she’d perfected over the years. No emotions showed on the outside, and she looked perfectly content to anyone who didn’t know her well.
With no options, Garrett returned to his box and wished he had a large glass of whisky to get him through the evening.
By the end of the second act, he thought he might poke his own eyes out. Mary had been perfectly charming, but her mother never let up about all of Mary’s talents. It was a running dialog of why Mary would make an excellent wife.
When the music s
tarted again and both ladies were engrossed by the soprano, Garrett excused himself from the box and wandered down to the lobby.
The elaborate decor was awash with deep reds and golds. A chandelier filled the lobby with light.
A swish of wine-colored dress poked out from behind a curtain. Beyond was another row of boxes, which lay across from his. There might be any number of women wearing that color tonight. He might be about to make an ass of himself, but he couldn’t stop as he crossed the carpet and eased the curtain back. “Rora?”
She gasped. The shimmering light of the candles and crystal caught in her sky-blue eyes and shimmered off the diamonds in her hair. “What are you doing?”
“The same as you. Hiding.” He let the scent of roses and promise fill him up.
Pulling her shoulders back she pursed her lips. “I am not hiding. I just needed some air and some quiet.”
“Why are you doing this to us?” The question was out before he could stop himself.
“Doing? I’m doing nothing to us. There is no us. You will see in time that I have the right of it.” Her words came in a rush that was far too practiced even in the required whisper of the theater.
Taking her hand, he tugged her down the hall to a small alcove where a curtain would properly hide them from anyone getting a break from the music or the company. It was dark and the sounds were muted. He pulled her close so her body pressed to his. He could barely see her, but he felt her breath coming harder. “What I see is that you are dooming us both to a life of misery. I could live with that for myself, Rora. It’s what I have always expected. But the idea of you living out your life in a loveless marriage breaks something raw and needy inside me. I’m begging you to reconsider.”
Silence followed, but a tear fell on his hand where he still held her upper arms. He skimmed his hands up and down her skin. “You said you didn’t mean the things you told me when you’d been drinking, but I say a drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. I’m sorry you’re afraid to love, but do not lie to yourself, Rora. You are capable of great passion.”
“Garrett, why must you make this so difficult.” She blew out a breath. “You are angry and maybe jealous. I should not have given myself to you.”
“You think this is about sex?” He kissed her forehead and breathed in her scent. “I love you, Rora. That will never change.”
“That is exactly why we cannot be together. Don’t you see. You will be irrevocably hurt should you marry a woman who will never return your affections.” Her voice was a mask of cool reserve.
Garrett ran one hand along her jaw. His thumb caressed her lips.
They parted on a gasp and Garrett leaned in until his lips pressed to hers. She stilled as he drew her bottom lip between his. He treated her top lip the same.
Her hand curled around his neck and she toyed with the hair at his nape.
Under his gentle caress her mouth opened to him and their souls mingled in an exchange of breath. A sigh puffed from deep inside her and he was lost to the possibilities of a life with Aurora.
His body burned for all of her, but they were in the middle of a theater and he was still a gentleman. “May I come to West Lane tonight? I would like to speak of a possible future with you, Aurora.”
She spread her hand across her chest and caught her breath. “There is no future. I’ll not deny we have passion, but I cannot be what you need or deserve, Garrett. I know you think I’m being foolish. I know you disapprove, but I’m a grown woman and make my own decisions. I would appreciate it if you would respect them.”
The pain in his chest bloomed until every part of him ached. “Of course. If that is what you want, I’ll not bring up my wishes again.”
“Those are my wishes.” Her voice wavered, but she said nothing more.
“Then you had better go back to your seat. I will return to my box in a few minutes. We wouldn’t want anyone to think we were together.”
For a long moment she didn’t move and part of him thought she might be having a change of heart, but then she whispered, “Good-night Garrett.”
With his head leaning against the wall, he waited as she left him in the dark alcove without the slightest hope. He understood she feared giving her life over to a man but now he saw it was more than that. She must have expected to love Radcliff. She must have gone into her marriage with a girls dream of love and happiness, and had found only misery and pain. Her notion of marrying an unfeeling but mild man had its merits, but she could never be happy with such an arrangement.
One thing was certain, she was a grown woman and he had been thwarted by her for the last time. He vowed not to renew his affections and wishes and he would abide by his word.
Garrett pulled his shoulders back, left the niche and went back to his box.
Mary and her mother looked at him when he entered, but asked no questions. Perhaps they had seen Aurora return to her box a few minutes earlier and supposed where he was. It made no difference. Mary Yates was not likely to be his duchess, but someone would have to fill the role. It was time to put childish notions aside and do his duty.
Still, his gaze drifted to Rhys’s box. Aurora listened intently to something Belham said then smiled. Even at that distance it was obvious Belham would never elicit any passion from Aurora. She went through motions as they were expected and evaluated him like one might a stock animal.
Garrett stood, looked at the wide-eyed ladies in his box and couldn’t bear another moment. “Ladies, enjoy the rest of the performance. I must go.”
He gave them no opportunity to argue, but rushed from the box, down to the lobby and outside. His carriage was buried behind several others. Giving Reggie, his driver a nod, he walked away from the theater.
The first threads of autumn’s cooler air filled the late summer night. The streets were quiet with most people already out for the evening and not yet heading home. It was a good time to walk. He would be home in thirty minutes if he kept a good pace. Perhaps he’d even be in a better mood.
Aurora had made a list of men to investigate and pick from. A list he was excluded from because she had feelings for him. Perhaps she had the right of it. He would make his own list and find a suitable wife to be his duchess. It hardly left one awash with notions of romance, but without love, what was the point of searching for romance.
In the morning, he would contact Wesley and decline the dinner party invitation. He cursed. What would he say, he was too much of a coward to face Aurora for an evening so he wouldn’t dine with any of his friends? Then would that be only the first of dozens of invitations he’d have to refuse to avoid her? No. He’d not abandon his friends, nor would he refute his word to be Aurora’s friend no matter what.
It would be difficult for a time, but then they would get used to the sight of each other with their respective spouses.
The knot that had formed in Garrett’s gut tightened, and he feared he must grow used to its presence.
Chapter 22
Aurora arrived at the Earl and Countess of Castlewick’s townhouse early to see if she could be of use to Mercy on the eve of her first dinner party.
Autumn had arrived and the weather was cool with the promise of an early winter. It would mean the bulk of society would be coming to town earlier than usual. The entire summer had been rather cooler than normal and Aurora wished less of the ton had been around. Another escape to Whickette Park and the Castlewick School might be in order. If for no other reason, to escape the mess she’d made.
She stood outside Mercy’s music room and listened to the sound of the guitar.
“I can see you there, Aurora. Why don’t you come inside?” Mercy never missed a note as she issued the invitation.
“I didn’t want to interrupt. It’s very beautiful whatever you’re playing.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but neither was it the truth. The music was beautiful, but Aurora had not stayed in the hall to avoid interruption.
“You were woolgathering. Tell me what you were thinking ab
out?” Mercy put the guitar aside. “I have some time before our guests arrive, and the staff here barely allows me to do anything. They’re so efficient, I only walk through and nod my approval.”
“I was thinking that I dread seeing the Marquess of Potsum almost as much as I dread seeing Garrett, and I’m seriously thinking of running off to Cheshire to avoid the coming season.” There, it was out. She’d said it and she didn’t feel bad about it. Well, not much anyway.
“You asked me to invite Potsum, Aurora.” Mercy leaned forward and took Aurora’s hands.
“I know. And my reasoning is still sound.” She wanted a baby and not to be bothered by the affections of a husband. It was a good plan.
A maid stepped inside.
“Lila, will you take my guitar up to my room. I’ll not need it tonight and I’d hate for it to be ruined.” Mercy crossed the room to hand the maid the instrument.
When they were alone again, Mercy looked back at Aurora. “I never thought the idea very sound to begin with. How can you be assured that a man like Potsum won’t fall in love with you?”
“Love? He hardly seems the type.”
Mercy shrugged. “Even a stuffy man can fall in love, Aurora. At least with a man like Garrett, you know he’ll always put you before anything else in his life.” She held up a hand to stop Aurora’s excuses. “I know everything that’s going on in that head of yours and we must agree to disagree. I will support whatever decisions you make.”
“Even if I run away to a certain girls’ school for a few months.” Aurora raised her brows in an attempt at humor.
The knocker sounded in the front hall. Mercy had a wide-eyed look of horror for a moment before she steeled her features. “It’s only friends.”
Aurora rose and took her arm. “That’s right. It’s only friends. It will be a very fine night.”
They stepped into the hall. Mercy squeezed her hand. “If you must retreat to the country, then you shall have my support in that as well. Only promise me you will find someone to escort you. You cannot go all that way by yourself. It’s far too dangerous.”
Not Even For a Duke Page 21
