I went back to the dancefloor where by now there were excited huddles, saying; ‘J.P!’ – the word had got round. The most excited was clustered round Celine who was looking tearful and righteous and self-important. I looked round to tell Anna and I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t see her anywhere. And I couldn’t see Keith either!
And then Derek came up and we chatted for a bit about J.P. and Derek said thoughtfully, ‘It’s not really on to steal from your friends’ parents’, so I said, ‘No, but obviously you could if they weren’t your friends!’ and he got that I was being sarcastic and laughed. When he’d finished laughing, he gulped and said, ‘Do you want to come outside?’
I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘Outside. Do you want to come outside?’
I was thinking, hmm, outside, okay, see the gardens, probably Heeun has big gardens, but there was something about the way he was asking … nervous or something … and then he said, ‘Anna and Keith have gone outside’ and I looked up and his enthusiastic dark-brown eyes were shining hopefully at me like I was going to let him play a great game, so then I got it, and I acted totally instinctively.
I said, ‘I’ve just got to sort something for Heeun,’ and I moved off, really fast, leaving him standing there.
My heart was beating very fast. Derek wanted me to go outside with him! I had no idea of this. Shouldn’t you have an idea? I had never even thought about him like that. I hardly thought about him at all. He did not give me a shivery dreadful feeling like Carl, and he did not give me excited goosebumps like J.P., he did not make me feel irritated and cruel like Declan did, and he did not intrigue me like David Leydon … the only thing he made me feel was friendly. I didn’t want his shiny enthusiastic eyes to turn sad, that’s all. I was glad I hadn’t looked at them when I moved off.
Oh, where was David Leydon? Was he asking a girl to come outside?? I looked around and he was leaning against the wall, shoulders slumped, so I went over and said, ‘Hey. Have you heard about J.P?’
He said, ‘Uh-huh. Stupid him getting caught.’
I said, ‘Yeah!’ but somewhere inside I did not like this remark – it was a kind of a try-hard remark. I started telling him about how I’d been afraid they’d call the police, but they weren’t going to, and he was nodding, and we were having a conversation, definitely, but that’s all it was. He never moved from his (admittedly cool but also try-hard) stance leaning against the wall, and he never really volunteered any information. He just reacted to what I said. As usual. Which gets exhausting. There was no chance of him asking me (or anyone else I didn’t think) outside.
Luckily I was rescued from this actually quite desperate situation. I looked up and two new adults had come in and were talking to Heeun. They were very well-dressed.
‘Oh,’ I said, ‘Heeun’s parents. I’d better say hello.’ So David Leydon just stared ahead with his usual unimpressed expression and probably he was thinking, ‘whatever’ in disgust at my creeping up to parents, but I was staying in their house and Heeun needed some help with the J.P. situation and anyway I was done standing and babbling to David Leydon, so up I went to be introduced. Heeun’s mother was really pretty and seemed nice too. Her father was a bit scary. He looked like he’d be impossible to talk to. They looked around and they looked a bit confused and for a moment I saw the party through their eyes, all these kids, some of them very strangely dressed, jumping around to totally unrhythmic music. Probably they’d thought all the girls would be in pretty dresses like Heeun and all the boys would be in … chinos (or something ambassador-like) and we’d be doing ballroom dancing (or something ambassador-like).
Anyway then after a bit the other parents began to arrive, and people were leaving and soon it was just me and Anna and Heeun. But I like the end of parties. We made some toasted sandwiches and we had a lot to talk about. I said to Anna, ‘so is Keith your new boyfriend then?’ She said, ‘Maybe…’ I told them about Derek. I didn’t necessarily want to. I quite like keeping things like that to myself but I had to have something to tell them. Heeun said, ‘Oh Denise! But he is quite hunky, I think.’ So then Anna and I got such laughing fits we choked over our sandwiches – hunky, where the hell had she got that word? When we calmed down, I said, ‘I dunno what I think about him.’ Anna said, ‘well maybe you should give it a try.’ That is her philosophy, for sure. Like I said, she is pragmatic and unromantic, and ready to experiment. But I am romantic and I wonder – is there any point kissing someone if they don’t give you goosebumps?
Phheww! My hand is exhausted from writing all that. It is a pretty comprehensive account. So now I have to think what to write on the blog. Not a comprehensive account, and not tonight anyway …
TUESDAY DECEMBER 1ST
The boys do all fancy Heeun! It is going round the class. I don’t why it took them so long to realise this. Maybe she is a slow-burner, not like Celine who was an instant hit? Or maybe when they saw her in her very pretty dress in her very big house, they realised they all fancied her? I don’t know, but anyway, they know now. So as a result Caroline Hunter is all over Heeun. But since me and Anna got to her first, Heeun has no time for Caroline Hunter. She (Heeun) is being (typically) modest about all this attention. Probably now she can go out with any boy she wants to (except J.P. – because he doesn’t go out with people, and somehow I think that she is not his type).
We went back to Heeun’s to write the blog. We couldn’t write it in Anna’s because of being rumbled, and obviously I’d prefer to go to Heeun’s then mine. Heeun’s is cool; there is loads of delicious food, and it is so big and tidy, it makes you feel light and floating. We have let Heeun in on the blog, seeing as she is our friend. Of course there were more notices posted up today and some of them were quite menacing.
Pippa:
It’s only a party girls, get over it, get out of bed, and fill us in.
ZeeZee:
So what? Spill the beans. How bad can it be? So – oooh! – you kissed someone’s toe?
(Weird! Why toe?)
Others were kinder:
Come on, we’re all agog …
CuriousinDenver
but all were insistent.
Heeun giggled, ‘Oh, they are like teachers looking for homework!’ This was somehow a quite cute image.
‘Like vampires, more like,’ said Anna darkly, ‘sucking our blood …’ but we thought we’d better give them what they wanted to shut them up. So this is what we wrote:
Sorry for not updating you. Truly we were exhausted and also we had to do more community service on Sunday (remember that?)
So the party was in our friend Hefto’s house
[blurred photo of Heeun. Anna and I think it’s hysterical that Heeun’s predictive-text name is ‘Hefto’. You can’t imagine anyone less hefty!]
and it was pretty mental
[photo of the dance floor which Anna had taken with her phone from J.P.’s shoulders so it was the tops of people’s heads, pretty cool!]
Demise looked punk
[photo we took of back of my head with its punky hair]
and Hefto looked angelic
[photo of Heeun’s dress, just the skirt bit]
and Bomb looked just exactly the same as usual!
[photo of Anna’s runners].
Somebody got chucked out for trying to nick Hefto’s parents’ booze! Bomb dumped her boyfriend and got another! (She is a bombshell!) Demise refused all offers (She is hastening her own demise!) And Hefto is the new class pin-up! (but she hasn’t decided who to pin herself to…)
This showed how much trouble we’d gone to – all those photos, which we took in advance for the express purpose of uploading them (that’s preparation!) – so perhaps it will keep our readers quiet for a bit. And luckily (well, it wasn’t luck – I made sure) we did not mention the servants. That could incite a riot among our right-on, power-to-the-people readers!
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 2ND
Went to chat to David Leydon and Brian and Derek today. I thought I’d bet
ter behave very naturally in case Derek was embarrassed, although luckily I hadn’t exactly rejected him because he hadn’t exactly asked me (although as good as). He did look just a bit embarrassed but I kept chatting until he relaxed, and soon his eyes went from mortified to enthusiastic, and we were talking friendly as ever. This is not always the case, I know, because I’ve heard Renata and Alva in Anna’s kitchen talking about guys they’ve rejected – Alva (scornfully): ‘And now he’s cold-shouldering me, as if I’ve mortally offended him’ – Renata: ‘Yeah, like get over it, I don’t fancy you, live with it.’
While I was chatting away normally, I was taking sneaky secret looks at Derek, seeing him in a new way. His skin is quite good for a boy’s, less spotty than David Leydon’s (although who knows what’s under that greasy fringe?!), and he is tall enough and although his arms obviously can’t compare to J.P’s, they are quite wiry and muscular (I obviously have a thing for arms!). But I wasn’t getting goosebumps, unfortunately. David Leydon was moody and silent as usual. I think he would like to be too cool for school but sorry, Dave, it takes more than black clothes and moodiness to be too cool for school. And as soon as you try, you aren’t, you know. So you either are or you aren’t, live with it! I mean J.P does not wear black (any time I see him outside school he is wearing very tight light-blue jeans and a grey sweater – and that’s what he was wearing at the party) and he is not that moody (although I think he has a temper, I mean sometimes he punches people – boys, I mean. He does not have a temper around girls).
THURSDAY DECEMBER 3RD
On the blog:
Xena:
way to go girls! A tease, a fast-mover and a pin-up! Dynamite combination!
I worked out who was who and it seemed I was the tease because Anna was definitely the fast mover. I didn’t really see how I’d been teasing, like I never mentioned any practical jokes or jeering, but I thought it might mean something else the way words do, so I texted Anna:
check clog. What’s a tease? Ask Senata
She texted back:
a flirt. Someone who makes it seen like she’ll song the guy, then doesn’t.
I unscrambled ‘song’ – it means snog.
I thought that was pretty unfair of Xena! I never ever made it seem like I’d song Derek, no way! And I don’t make it seem like I’d song Declan either! (Why do all my admirers have to begin with ‘De’ – I should go in search of a cute Dean, or a Dermot, or a Dexy, or maybe I’d better just start saying DEvid Leydon (ha!))
Well at least I hope I don’t make it seem like I’d song. But maybe I do? How do you make it seem like you’d song anyway? If I don’t know how than maybe I do it unconsciously?
This is A Concern.
But I defended myself. I wrote on the blog:
I (Demise) am no tease! I do not ever imply that I will song the guy. It is really not my fault if they get that impression!
SATURDAY 5TH DECEMBER
Went into town with Anna to meet Keith. I said, why did I have to come? She said just because … so I brought Heeun. Luckily, because Keith arrived by himself, so it would have been just me and the Happy Couple. He looked confused and not that happy to see me and Heeun, but he got over that quickly and began to take charge. He always has to be the leader in any group he’s in, I think. So does Anna really, so this is gonna be a problem for them, unless they take it in turns … For today while we were with them, she let Keith take charge, maybe because she had me and Heeun, so she thought he needed something.
Keith knows a lot of stuff and he likes to talk. I think once he got over being annoyed he was glad me and Heeun were there because he had three girls to look at him and listen to him and giggle at his jokes. But after burgers me and Heeun said we had to go and we left them to it. We went round shops. Dunno where they went.
Heeun said cheerfully, ‘He seems nice!’
I said, ‘Yeah… if you like listening!’
So then she giggled and said, ‘I don’t think Anna is a number one listener …’
I am finding out that you have to prod Heeun. Her first reaction is always to say something nice and sweet, but if you prod her a bit, she says what she really thinks, which is not necessarily nice and sweet …
Did some Christmas shopping. Heeun has something like a million pounds to spend on presents. I brought Justine an Alice band. I think it will suit her.
Later
Have just remembered – Anna did not go and help Asylum seekers today! Neither did I go to soup kitchen (have decided it is just for Sundays, like mass) but I do not claim to be as committed as Anna. Her social conscience is being corrupted by sex!
SUNDAY 6TH DECEMBER
Suspect Heeun has as big a social conscience as Anna. Well, at least, she is religious. She had a very religious conversation, all about mass, to Agnes. She is making a very good impression in the soup kitchen. She is a very neat chopper – all her carrots are chopped the same size, in perfect little matchsticks. It is quite amazing, as if a machine had gone through them. Mine are all sizes and all shapes. I am quite jealous of her chopping skills – it came to me as I sat there hacking off great, ugly, shredded chunks of carrot, that Heeun’s carrots are like her hair and clothes, and my carrots are like my hair and clothes …
Mr Noisy shouted at us today, ‘God loves every hair on your head!’ We looked at each other, and then, at exactly the same time, we both put our hands to our heads and twiddled our hair, to check what it is God loves … it is nice that He loves messy hair like mine exactly the same as neat hair like Heeun’s.
MONDAY 7TH DECEMBER
I asked Anna if she was in love with Keith. She was nonchalant and off-handish about it, actually very similar to how she was over Carl, so I’m guessing this is not love either, but more pragmatism, although it’s improved pragmatism because Keith is a step up from Carl, and is not that bad really. I mean he’s an energetic and chatty person with initiative. It’s just a pity he’s a bit of a know-it-all and a bit, I dunno … in his head. What do I mean by that? Well I think I mean he is ruled by his head – when you think of him you see his head and his mouth talking. Whereas some other people are in their bodies – J.P. definitely, when you think of him you see his veiny arms and his tight jeans with his hands scrunched into his pockets. And Tommy too, when he’s on stage he’s fluid and it’s like his head is just another part of his body, not necessarily the most important part. And even David Leydon, if I think of him I see him leaning against a wall, his long back and his moody, slumpy shoulders.
So now I know what J.P. and Tommy and David Leydon have in common (because otherwise they’ve nothing in common!)
I was curious though. Why doesn’t Anna kiss J.P.? If I got an electric charge from him like she does, I definitely would. But I didn’t ask her because I didn’t want to plant the idea in her head, because if she did get to kiss J.P., I might explode from jealousy. Sorry, it’s not that I don’t want my best friend to be happy and not go up in life and improve on Carl and Keith, but let’s not go too far! Like I’ve already said I am not an actual do-gooder. Besides she didn’t need me to put the idea in her head, I mean if I can feel the electric charge, so can she. I guess it’s that she knows that J.P. wouldn’t actually go out with her, wouldn’t be the pragmatic boyfriend that you could use when you needed him. J.P. would be trouble.
TUESDAY 8TH DECEMBER
Heeun wants to know what animal she is so she can put it up on the blog. We said we’d have to ask Renata because she is the (nasty) expert on this, so after school we all went round to Anna’s. This time all the Lotto numbers came up (except her Dad obviously; it was too early). Even Alva was there. Heeun looked all open-eyed and excited, just like me the first time I was ever in Anna’s kitchen. I hope she doesn’t take my place. This is a very real concern.
After a bit we said to Renata, ‘So what animal is Heeun like?’
Renata didn’t miss a beat. She said, ‘Butterfly’.
We said, ‘Butterfly?’
‘
Yeah, because she’s shy and everything about her flutters. You know – her eyelashes, and her giggles and her hands fluttering up to her mouth … and she flies down to sit on your finger and then she flies away again,’ Renata looked assessingly at Heeun in her uniform, ‘And probably she wears bright colours …’
Heeun cried, ‘But I want to be a St Bernard!’ so then we all exploded laughing (Tommy and Anna’s mum too) because you couldn’t imagine anyone less like a St Bernard. It is amazing how people’s idea of themselves is so far from what they are. ‘Yes!’ said Heeun, also laughing, but also earnest, wanting to be taken seriously, ‘very loyal, and hard-working and useful, and saving people’s lives!’
I looked at her closer then, and I could see that actually she is very loyal and hard-working and useful and would like to save people’s lives, but … sorry, Heeun, you definitely look like a butterfly. And she does wear bright colours when she’s out of her school uniform! And she is always flying away – I mean she has been to four schools in four different countries already. How did Renata know? That is the type of thing you know if you’re a genius, I guess.
‘Anyway,’ I said, ‘at least a butterfly is pretty, not like a frog and a chipmunk!’
‘Yes,’ said Renata, ‘you’d better watch out for lepidopterists.’ Then, because we were looking at her incomprehensibly (obviously!), ‘A lepidopterist is a butterfly-collector. Only stamps inspire the same obsession from collectors as butterflies. Yes’ (dreamily) ‘they’ll want to catch you and drop a drop of ether on your head and pin you to a slide where they can look at you forever.’
Heeun looked terrified. Poor her. She is not used to Renata. Me and Anna waited, and sure enough:
‘Oh, Renata!’ said her mother.
The Bad Karma Diaries Page 13
