‘So what’s she good at?’ said Renata.
I thought and I couldn’t think of anything, and this was humiliating. I mean she has to be good at something and I should know what it is. All I could think of was the fact that she was good at playing doll’s houses when we were small, and that she does have a quiet sense of humour, but I couldn’t see how to turn that into anything.
‘Sport? Gymnastics?’ said Heeun anxiously. I shook my head. Justine is about as athletic as piece of wood.
‘No,’ I said, ‘and she’s not good at schoolwork either, so don’t ask.’
‘Being good at school work doesn’t stop you being bullied anyway,’ said Anna.
‘Art? Music?’ said Renata.
‘No,’ I said, because she never draws and she can’t play an instrument, but then I remembered, ‘oh, she does have quite a good voice.’
‘Quite good, or very good?’ said Renata.
‘Well, it’s sweet,’ I said, ‘and in tune. It’s not a big voice but it sounds … nice, sweet.’
We all thought about that. ‘Maybe she could join the school choir?’ said Anna’s mum. But we all shook our heads because that would take ages – she’d have to do trials and then she’d just be stuck in the chorus for ages, and nobody would notice her, and nobody really thinks the choir is cool anyway.
And then Anna said, ‘Oh I know … Tommy!’
TUESDAY DECEMBER 15TH
The main thing I’m working on is being nice to Justine, because Anna’s mum said (and I knew anyway) that more important than revenge on the bullies was her having positive things in her life and stuff to look forward to.
But the thing is – I’ll only admit it here – she is still a bit annoying. Sorry to say. But I guess this is not surprising because a) her being annoying isn’t going to disappear overnight just because I’m hoping and willing it too, and b) Anna still annoys Renata, it’s obvious. So it is possible to have a relationship with someone who annoys you.
(Although if I think about it Anna and Renata’s relationship is hardly The Ideal. I mean Renata is witty, but she’s hardly kind. I am working on being kind.)
Also because of what Mum said about me ignoring her and Dad and thinking my house is dull and unworthy, I have decided to make more effort to spend time here. So today I invited Heeun back. Of course Heeun is truly kind so I could see Justine adoring her.
This is part of what’s (a bit) annoying, but I am (trying to) restrain these thoughts.
Anyway Heeun thinks I am very lucky to have a sister and a dad who comes home for dinner.
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 16TH
Oh God – we have two parties to organise for this weekend! Christmas parties! On top of everything else we have to do!
Not to mention the soup kitchen and the asylum-seekers!
We have decided to go to them first and then do the party. This might well kill us with tiredness, but Heeun is gonna help with the party, so that’s good. Of course we will get less money because we will have to divide in three but since we have two parties, that’s covered. Besides, better less money than complete meltdown …
Thought I’d better check in on the blog. Although they seem to get on fine without us. I mean they’re having a good time arguing among themselves.
Sample of what’s on blog:
CuriousinDenver:
Yeah, Hefto, beware of lepidopterists… are you a rare speciman?
ZeeZee:
Alright snoggers – birds do it, bees do it, even monkeys in their trees do it …
Girlgonecrazy:
Demise, Bomb and Hefto, I am new to your blog, but I think it rocks…
Hirhito:
God bless you too!
Tash:
But I’m bald! Does He love every non-hirsute follicle on my head?
CuriousinDenver:
Don’t be facetious!!!
The more recent messages were getting demanding though:
Hirohito:
Next instalment please!
Pippa:
What about the asylum seekers and the soup kitchen? Can’t you lot lay off songing for a bit and think of other people?
I wrote:
Oh, so sorry, Tash, no! – He only loves hair!
(This was mean but obviously Tash isn’t really bald so it doesn’t matter)
And:
Actually to be pedantic – birds and bees don’t do it! Only we humans actually kiss! (aa-hh! Sweet!!).
(I did actually find this quite touching when I thought about it.)
Well that was fine, but just reactive, as Ms Jackson (our chemistry teacher would say). I was just reacting to their comments. I did really really want to put up the latest bullying instalment, but obviously it wouldn’t have been fair. I mean possibly someone in our school might read it one day (other than Declan). I tried to write it up cryptically but it wasn’t really working, or else I was paranoid, I was imagining people reading between the lines, so I decided to just write nothing. I might write it up if our plans come off.
What plans?
Well they are top secret so I am not even gonna reveal them here!
THURSDAY DECEMBER 17TH
Am trying to instil Justine with courage and reassure her, but she doesn’t seem to need it – she is weirdly relaxed and nonchalant. I hope this is not just false courage (but I’m afraid it is). She’s eating a lot better though. She doesn’t have a huge appetite but it’s now on the normal scale. Even though her school situation hasn’t really improved (yet!), just the fact that she has me and Anna and Heeun to talk to has relaxed her a lot. This has relaxed my parents so dinner-times are a lot more pleasant.
SATURDAY DECEMBER 19TH
Well I dunno, is there something about us? I mean is it our karma to sort out bullies? Has some bit of karma stuck to us and is it sending out signals so that we’ll find ourselves in bullying situations for the rest of our lives? (Not quite sure how karma works). Because the poor little party girl today is being bullied. Mrs Sheilds (her mum) wanted us to come early and when we got there she told us she was having this Christmas party because Florabelle (her daughter) was being bullied. Her (Mrs Sheilds’) policy was to befriend the bullies, and give them such a great time, so that they’d want to be friends with Florabelle and get invited back.
Heeun (earnestly), ‘That is such a good idea, Mrs Shields.’ (Mrs S beamed).
Anna (also earnestly), ‘Do you have a television, Mrs Shields?’ (Mrs S looked confused and said, ‘Yes, we have two…’ I watched Anna mentally tick off that reason).
I wanted to say (but didn’t), ‘Mrs Shields, does Florabelle have a second name, like Jane or Sarah, that you could call her?’
But anyway she’d asked the right people to sort out the problem. We threw ourselves into that party as if it was the 1,500 metres and we were Olympic medalists. Yes, by the end of it we were actually panting and sweating and half dead from our exertions. Luckily the little girls were seven and little girls of seven really admire older girls especially when they are wearing sparkly earrings and shiny tops, like Heeun was.
I heard Florabelle saying nonchalantly to one girl, ‘Yeah, they’re my friends, they come and hang out with me a lot.’
I felt I should reassure Mrs S that her daughter was a perfect little liar who knew how to make the most of a situation and she’d be just fine. We played it up of course, hugging Florabelle as if she was our favourite teddy bear. She (Florabelle) seemed like a cool kid and I couldn’t see why she was being bullied; but this just shows of course that bullying is pretty random (must tell Justine).
Bullies are not so random, however. Of course they are not all big hulking lumps like Pierce (who could model for a statue of A Bully, if anyone ever wanted to put up such a statue, which I can’t imagine they would), but you can still spot them. I spotted the bullying ring-leader immediately; she was called Samantha and she wasn’t a big hulking lump, she was a little curly thing, but she had a hard, nasty little face. So me and Heeun and Anna e
xchanged glances, and gave her a hard time, like in Pass the Parcel, we said loudly ‘Don’t hang on to that parcel, Samantha, just pass it. Hanging on to it is really un-cool.’
Afterwards Mrs S thanked us profusely and Florabelle said did we want to come to their house in Clifden for New Year, and we said thanks, we just might (Ha! Mrs S looked kind of horrified at the idea – too bad, Mrs S, your plans are running away with you …)
We all felt pretty good about ourselves, cause we’d made money and helped a poor little bullied kid. The Instruments of Karma couldn’t have done better (no, they’d have made a right mess of it, with their record!) But now I’m feeling guilty – I mean am I being complacent and self-congratulatory? Is that what mum would say? I am trying to be on the alert for this terrible trait within myself.
SUNDAY DECEMBER 20TH
Probably it is good to be so busy so I don’t have to worry about next week. If I didn’t have so much to do I’d be in my room chewing my nails and drawing spirals on the walls.
From the soup kitchen we had to leg it over to the party house. Well this was the exact reverse of yesterday’s party because this time the party boy was the class bully! We caught him and a ferret-faced kid down the back of the garden pushing a puny kid against the wall. Our duties were torn – I mean we were getting paid to give the party boy a good time – but, hell, we’re nothing if not the scourge of bullies, so Heeun took the puny kid by the hand and said, ‘Come with me, I’ve got a special treat for you.’
Then Anna said very briskly, ‘Right, we can tell your parents or your teachers or you can take your punishment now, which is it to be?’
They said, ‘We weren’t doing anything’, so I said, ‘Okay, I’ll just describe to Jake’s parents how you were pushing him against the wall and they can decide if that was anything’.
So Birthday-boy whined, ‘It’s my birthday.’
So I said, ‘I don’t think birthdays mean you can bully whoever you want but I can check with your parents if you like.’
He said, ‘No!’
Anna said, ‘Because it’s your birthday, we’re giving you a chance to take your punishment now. Normally we’d just tell.’
They said, ‘What is it?’ in sulky voices, so Anna said ‘Twelve press-ups.’
They laughed like that was easy, but they weren’t used to Anna. She said ‘straighten your backs … no, all the way down … lock your knees … tuck in your arms …’ until they were puffing and panting and red-faced. Twelve proper press-ups is a lot for an eight-year-old boy. At the end they were cross and exhausted but laughing. There was quite a good-humoured atmosphere.
Anna said in a disgusted voice, ‘God, you’re weak. You need to build up your muscles, but not on other kids. If I hear you’ve been practising on other kids I’ll––’ and she drew her hand across her throat, ‘but if I hear you’ve been good, I’ll give you my brother’s chest-expander.’
When they ran off, quite happy, I said, ‘Were we too nice?’
Anna said, ‘I think it’s better not to make a major issue of it. Bullies aren’t necessarily bad at that age. They’re bad at Jayne and Pierce’s age. Anyway I’ve learnt that we can’t eradicate bullying worldwide, we can just make sure it doesn’t happen on our watch.’
She sounded sad and resigned. I was shocked, there’s something scary about hearing Anna admit there’s a social injustice she can’t eradicate!
On the way home, Heeun said dramatically, ‘Is nobody normal? Just having normal friendships?’
I said, ‘We are.’
Anna said, ‘Nothing to be done. Bet there’s bullying in Charlie’s crèche.’
This seems a rather gloomy viewpoint.
Later
Well, at least I’ve something for the blog. I wrote up this weekend’s party experiences and poured my heart out about the problem of The Bullies and The Bullied. It was pretty emotional. I am kind of regretting it now. Am not gonna write what I posted up because I don’t know that I’ll want to remember it in future years when I read over this diary. Oh alright then… one of my lines was: ‘Is nobody normal? Are we condemned to play out, our whole lives, the equally unattractive roles of Persecutor or Victim?’
You see what I mean?
Pretty heavy stuff.
Pretty pretentious too. And I don’t even believe it. For example: me and Anna and Heeun are not persecuting each other; my dad and mum are not persecuting each other; Tommy and Declan are not persecuting each other …
I could go on …
I wonder is it cheating to take stuff down off the blog?
I am in an absolute state about Wednesday. How is Justine so calm?
MONDAY DECEMBER 21ST
Our readers are worried about me.
There were a lot of ‘Cheer Up’ and ‘Relax’ messages posted.
curiousinDenver wrote:
Demise, is Bomb bullying you? We know she’s the boss of you – has this tipped over to persecution?
Xenawarrior cleaner:
You know you can phone the Samaritans anytime.
Oh God! Humiliation!
I wrote:
Thanks guys, I got a little bit stressed about things, but there is really no problem and Bomb is not even the boss of me, and certainly not bullying me. I am sorry for treating the blog like it is my personal sigh-chiatrist. I will tell you some jokes next time.
Well here is a joke now: what did the masochist say to the sadist? – ‘Hit me!’ – Sadist: ‘No!’
I have a feeling that joke is gonna really get the readers going. Probably they will rush over to save me. But I couldn’t resist it. I mean, I think it’s funny.
TUESDAY DECEMBER 22ND
Sitting in my room gripping my hands into fists willing it to all turn out okay tomorrow.
Even Justine is (finally) worried. She didn’t eat her dinner – i.e. she’s stressed. Saw Mum looking upset (Justine has been eating okay since our talk). Wanted to reassure Mum but can’t let on.
Of course I only have to do one thing tomorrow and it’s the smallest of the three things.
Heeun has to do a hard thing.
And Justine has to do the hardest thing.
Anna doesn’t have to do anything, but she is master-minding our three-pronged attack, and running a stall.
THURSDAY DECEMBER 24TH
Christmas Eve!
God rest ye merry gentlemen and nothing you dismay …
So yesterday: The Most Momentous Day of Term:
I had the first task of the day. There weren’t lessons really because it was the last day of term. In fact this day is dedicated to having fun and raising money for charity. We don’t even have to wear our uniforms. Everyone makes a big effort to look good. There are athletics competitions – running, jumping and so on, but only for the best students. Most of the grounds are taken over by stalls selling food and hosting various games and competitions – like one stall has a wheel of fortune, you bet on what number is gonna come up, and at another stall you test your strength, pushing down on this weird contraption hung with weights. Mostly it’s the kids who come up with the ideas for the stalls. If you have an idea you run it by the teachers, and if they like it, you get a stall and there’s a kind of unspoken competition to see how much money you can raise. Well because it’s the kids some of the stalls are quite way-out. Mostly it’s the older kids who do the stalls, not us, and certainly not Justine’s class, but we can get involved. Like this year there’s a kissing stall! You pay money for a kiss! Well this was set up by the fifth years and they started off with Lucy Carter in the stall because she is recognised as The Hottest Thing in School, but obviously she wasn’t gonna sit there being kissed all day (although it is only a quick kiss, not a song) and also, said Joanne Dunne (who was organising it), you have to cater for all tastes (meaning that not absolutely everybody would fancy Lucy Carter). So other people took their turn. They even came to our class and asked who wanted to go in, so we all said (sigh): Celine.
But then I sa
id, ‘What about the boys?’ and everyone laughed, including Joanne Dunne, who’d come to get kissing volunteers.
But Anna backed me up, ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘the boys have to be up for being kissed too! Otherwise it’s sexist.’
There was practically a gasp – she’d used the S word! – and Joanne Dunne looked very nervous and very calculating all at once. So next we knew boys were being put up for the stall too, and that was thanks to me and Anna! They will raise twice as much money and it is all down to us!
Of course Tommy was immediately nominated, and he will be mobbed, poor him. Nobody put up J.P. – like I said people are just not honest about fancying him.
I am quite surprised the teachers allowed a kissing stall at all. Probably there was an argument about it in the Staff Room, but since there’s no songing allowed, just the quickest peck on the lips, and it’s for charity, it probably comes under the heading of Good, Clean Fun.
And of course – you’ve guessed – Anna had a stall. She was the only person under third year to get a stall. She came up with a pretty neat idea: a fashion stall. People donate clothes they don’t want and then we sell them on cheap. At the end of the day the left-over clothes (and the money of course) go to charity.
It was quite an unusual idea for Anna cause she doesn’t exactly care about fashion. Possibly it was actually Renata’s idea …
But back to my task! Before being released to spend the day wandering the stalls and giving up our money to charity, all the classes had to convene briefly with their form teacher. So we went to O’Toole’s class and he gave us a short speech and wished us happy Christmas and said he’d see us after the holidays and then we all got up to go. But I lingered. He looked up when everyone had gone and saw I was still there and raised his eyebrows.
So I said, ‘Mr O’Toole?’ He nodded. ‘In confidence.’ He nodded. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘the thing is, that girl, Jayne O’Keeffe––’
The Bad Karma Diaries Page 15
