by Rin Grey
But it was gone. Both wrists were bare.
If it had been anyone but Sean, she would have checked magically to see if he was hiding it. But he’d know.
And she didn’t have to.
She’d seen it enough times to be certain.
The only question was, had he hidden it because he knew it had something to do with her family?
He had to have. What other reason could there be? The only explanation for hiding it had to be that he didn’t want Jocelyn to know.
Meaning they were connected in some way.
And Sean knew it.
“Thank you, Miss Salinga,” Sean said. “You’ve been most helpful. I’ll arrange for my group to meet you here in the morning, say ten o’clock? Two of my Seekers will be leading it. I trust them implicitly, and consider them to speak for me in this instance.”
Jocelyn nodded, and Sean rose to leave.
Elizabeth searched desperately for something… anything, that she might reasonably say to him without giving away their previous relationship, and came up blank.
For a second, his eyes passed over her, and she hoped he would say something, anything. Surely he could think up an excuse to talk to her in private? Jocelyn would have a fit, but Elizabeth didn’t really care.
But there was no sign of recognition in his eyes.
Elizabeth stood up with the rest of the group and watched him leave, her heart thumping, silently cursing the situation that put them in the same room for the first time in twenty years, but prevented her from saying any of the things she longed to say.
Chapter 3 - Regret
It took all Sean’s willpower to walk out the door and not look back. His heart was pounding like he was a mere century old again.
Seeing Elizabeth again had shaken him more than he’d expected.
Or perhaps what had shaken him was the casual reference to her being Jocelyn’s heir. His hands clenched unconsciously, and his jaw tightened. It took all his self control not to stalk back in there and demand to know if she knew what it meant.
He knew what it meant. He touched the tattoo at his wrist, visible now he was away from the Salingas, and bile rose in his throat. He would not let that happen, not again.
It was unacceptable that the Salingas had taken things that far. Sean needed to move quickly, before they went any further.
He swallowed down the rage. He’d dealt with this before. He could do so again.
His strong feelings did reassure him that he would have no problems in carrying out his task. Sleeping with her would be easy.
It was what he would do after that he was uncertain about.
He needed to do something, that much was clear. The Salingas would take any opportunity to tie her to them forever. He couldn’t let that happen.
He glanced up at the sun, and figured he had at least an hour to kill, so he teleported home to make his preparations.
*****
Elizabeth barely had time to catch her breath and attempt to still her beating heart before Jocelyn started asking questions.
“So, what does it mean that Prince Veryn is our contact? Does it mean that the items aren’t a security risk to the mages, or aren’t of interest for their research?”
“It probably means that Princess Einara and Prince Yastik had more important matters to attend to.”
Elizabeth was aware that her tone was biting, but couldn’t stop herself. Biting was far better than wavering.
She wasn’t in the mood for questions. She was too busy trying to will her heart to return to its normal beat and convince her shaky legs not to betray her before she sat back down safely. She couldn’t believe she was feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush, but she couldn’t help it.
She needed a moment alone, to consider what this meant. She didn’t want to face another round of questions right now.
Jocelyn clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “No need to be sarcastic, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath, and forced her mind to calm. Her mage training stood her in good stead, and after a few shallow but steadying breaths, she was able to push thoughts of Sean far enough way to achieve a pretence, at least, of serenity.
“No, you’re right, Jocelyn. But the truth is, there is little we can infer from his presence here. All we can do at this stage is see where this leads us. In which case, we could all do with a calm evening and an early night.”
Jocelyn frowned, but nodded reluctantly. “All right. But I’d like you all here by nine o’clock in the morning.” She nodded dismissal.
The other three left the room quietly, but much as she wanted to get out of here, away from Jocelyn, Elizabeth remained behind. There was one more thing she needed to discuss.
Jocelyn sorted through the pieces of paper in front of her, making a notation in the margin, before she realised Elizabeth was still standing in front of her.
She looked up, and raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were eager to get home.”
Elizabeth took her time taking a seat across the table from her. “I am, but there’s something I need to say.”
“Yes?” Jocelyn’s tone wasn’t impressed.
Elizabeth hesitated for a moment. No matter how she phrased this, Jocelyn was going to be insulted and probably question her loyalty. But the risks of saying nothing were greater.
“You aren’t planning anything are you?” she asked bluntly.
“I’m planning lots of things right now. The most salient being an assault on a heavily guarded city in a few days’ time. I assume you mean something in particular by that question?”
Elizabeth swore under her breath. “You are going to honour the mage’s deal, right?”
Jocelyn looked affronted. “As if you have to ask.”
“Jocelyn,” warning laced Elizabeth’s words. “Freck, I put my reputation on the line to make this deal to bring Mitch back. If you’re considering pulling a swift one, I need to know now.”
“Why, so you can warn the mages?” Jocelyn demanded.
“No, so I can slap you around a bit until you realise the stupidity of that choice. Working with the mages to get those items was part of the deal that enabled us to bring Mitch home. If you don’t hold up your end of the deal, then who knows what the mages will do. I, for one, don’t want to find out.”
Jocelyn’s eyes narrowed. “You think the mages will try to take Mitchell back to the Dome if something goes wrong with this deal?”
“I have no idea,” Elizabeth said in frustration. “That wasn’t discussed. The king allowed Mitch to come home based on my giving my word that we would honour our side of the deal. I somehow suspect I will be the one answering to him if you don’t, and I don’t need to tell you I’m not too keen on that. Do you have any idea the risk I’m taking here?”
“As heir, your loyalty should be to me first and foremost, not to the mages,” Jocelyn said flatly.
“I would like to hope that the two won’t conflict. Because unfortunately, I swore an oath to Linarra long before I became your heir. No matter what it costs, I won’t break that.”
She really didn’t get it? Even if Elizabeth was blindly loyal to her family above all else, it wouldn’t matter. The king was far more powerful than anyone in the Salinga family.
Jocelyn looked taken aback. “And you’ve only seen fit to mention this now?”
“It hasn’t been an issue up until now.”
“Maybe not for you, but you having a prior loyalty is definitely an issue, no matter who it is to. An oath to Linarra concerns me greatly.”
“Well, it needn’t, I didn’t promise obedience or anything of the sort, it was simply an oath to do nothing that would harm Linarra or its people. I need to know if you are planning anything that is going to conflict with that.”
“I thought you didn’t have any reputation with the mages to worry about anyway?” Jocelyn pointed out.
“True, but I do happen to value my life, screwed up as it is. If you double cross the mages, I�
�m the one who’ll be held accountable. Much as I’m sure you don’t care, if I’m caught breaking a deal with the king, it’s considered treason and the punishment is death.”
Jocelyn raised an eyebrow. “You expect me to believe that they’d kill you if I betrayed them? Why did you agree to the deal then?”
“I have no idea, sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost my mind. But at the time, it seemed reasonable, and I just wanted to get Mitch home. So now I need to know, should I be concerned?”
Jocelyn looked at her for a moment, lips pursed, then shook her head. “Not so long as the mages hold up their end of the bargain, no.”
Elizabeth heaved a sigh of relief. “Good. I think it’s time for me to go get that sleep then. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jocelyn nodded dismissal and turned her attention back to her work, and Elizabeth stood up to leave.
Jocelyn seemed sincere enough, though of course it was impossible to be sure. If her niece did try to double cross Linarra, all Elizabeth could do was try to prevent it, and if all else failed, plead innocence.
Plead innocence and hope that Sean would not see her executed if it came down to it.
He certainly hadn’t shown any signs of caring today.
She tried not to let it get to her, but it was impossible not to. Elizabeth walked out the front door of the Salinga offices and started down the street. She should go home, should get that sleep she talked about, but she couldn’t face them. Couldn’t talk to Digger and Gemma about this day yet.
She needed to clear her head, to try to shake the memories of Sean that crowded it.
So instead she let her feet take her in the opposite direction, to the tavern she knew was only a few blocks away. It had been a long time since she’d felt the need to drown her sorrows, though she hadn’t gone so far as to re-acquire the total abstinence she had had before her exile from the Dome.
Usually throwing herself headlong into some dangerous adventure sufficed to subdue the disappointment, but she hadn’t come face to face with Sean for twenty years.
Tonight she desperately longed for oblivion.
Even that was hard coming. It had taken her years to get over him last time. Years to be able to push the hurt to the back of her mind and pretend it didn’t ache every time she touched it.
But she’d thought she had mostly managed it.
She’d even begun to consider that maybe she could make a life for herself with Digger, maybe move on. That maybe she could be happy without him.
She was wrong. That old injury may have scabbed over, but the wound underneath had never healed. It was just as deep and painful as always. And nothing could heal it but him.
The past flooded back as though the injury had been inflicted only yesterday. Sean’s parting words would be forever etched in her memory, “Things can never be as they were before, Beth. Too much has changed. Maybe one day, when all this has cooled, we can talk about it, but not now.”
Then he’d walked out, without looking back. Leaving her floundering, hurt and alone. With no understanding of how she was supposed to deal with this pain.
Just as he had today.
Even though his parting words then had offered a glimmer of hope of a possible reconciliation, each passing year had made that chance seem more and more remote. She’d reached the stage where she’d honestly never expected to see him again.
She’d thought she had accepted that.
Then to have him in front of her. To see his face, hear his voice, yet not be able to say any of the million things she had wanted to say to him. Not to be able to touch him, or press her lips to his. Not to even be able to look into his eyes and see an answering passion.
For a few moments she’d thought she had seen a reaction from him. She’d dared to hope that maybe he cared. That maybe he was there because of her.
Then he’d left without even looking back.
No, it would seem he hadn’t forgiven her.
And why should he, she berated herself bitterly. Anything he thought about her was only the truth. She had done all the things he hated her for. She could deny none of it.
It had been so hard to pull herself out of the stupor she had sunk into then, she wasn’t sure if she had the energy to do it again.
What was the point?
She sat down and nodded to the barkeep who filled her glass. She tossed it down, followed by another.
For a brief moment, thoughts of Digger and Gemma, waiting at home for her, intruded. They’d be worried about her. And both of them deserved better. If that wasn’t enough, she had a job to do tomorrow. Jocelyn would not be impressed if she weren’t at her best.
But none of those thoughts were enough to silence the pain. It was unwavering and relentless, and Elizabeth knew of only one thing that would silence it.
Chapter 4 - Promises
Halfway into her fifth drink the blessed feeling of indifference finally began to steal over her. Five drinks were barely anything these days, her body had developed an immunity of sorts after far too many years of overindulgence. But they helped, just a little. The nagging doubts and self-recriminations were ever so slightly easier to push away, or at least easier to ignore.
It was always a fine line to walk, to drink enough to stop the pain, but not enough to dull her magic to the point of uselessness.
Fifty years ago, that had been why she drank. Now the fact that she would lose the ability to use her magic was the one thing that stopped her from drinking into a stupor.
Most of the time.
There were occasions when she just didn’t care.
She paid no attention when someone took a seat next to her at the bar, until a voice said in annoyance, “How did I know I’d find you here?”
Elizabeth froze, euphoria blasting its way through the drink induced haze. For a moment, she didn’t dare look up, afraid she was imagining him. He’d appeared often enough to her in her dreams she wouldn’t be surprised.
Today was one of the few days his presence was ever so slightly more likely to actually be true, rather than her imagination.
Her hands tightened on the glass and she glanced up quickly. Her eyes met Sean’s, and she let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.
The green eyes that stared down at her were anything but loverlike. In fact, they were distinctly disapproving. “Elizabeth, I thought you’d moved past this a long time ago.” He took the glass out of her hands and placed it on the opposite side of the bar.
“Sean?” Her voice sounded distant, even to her own ears. “I didn’t expect to see you here. I assumed I was the last person you’d want to see.” She tried to sound disinterested. Uncaring. But she failed miserably.
Afraid he would see the raw longing and pain in her eyes, she looked down at her hands, wishing she still had the glass, just for something to focus her eyes on.
“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see you or not until you walked into that room this afternoon.”
Elizabeth’s heart constricted so suddenly and tightly that it made it hard to breathe. Did he mean…
“Beth?” He reached out, and tilted her face gently up so that she could no longer avoid looking into his eyes.
The shortened form of her name that only he used caused her gut to twist, laying her heart bare. It took all her courage to stare back at him, a touch defiantly. To leave herself open for him to knock her down if he chose to.
Her attention caught, he released her chin, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away.
She’d take the risk everything, take any chance, just on the hope that they could have this again. And she’d always known she would. This, right here, was why she’d hesitated to commit to Digger. Why she’d avoiding coming back to her family all these years. Because she knew that she’d jump at the chance to do it all again.
Even risking the pain she knew was a very real possibility.
Did she see the same pain and uncertainty in his face?
“How about you?” he as
ked softly. “Do you want to see me?”
There was no hint as to the answer he sought in his tone, but he only used that nickname when he was inviting closeness.
The strength of her desire for that closeness scared her. Stopped her from dropping all her barriers and giving an unequivocal yes.
“I’m long past the angry stage.”
“That wasn’t an answer.”
A small sigh escaped her lips. There was no point in hiding it. He had to know. “Of course I do.”
She thought she heard him sigh too. He reached out to take her hand, his fingers warm, and the familiar touch both satiated the cravings that never seemed to leave, and enhanced them. Heat flashed through her, and her breath hitched.
Neither of them said anything for a while, too much hanging in the silence between them.
Was there any chance of making this work? Was there any hope of overcoming all the hurt and pain that crackled in the silence between them? It seemed impossible, but even so, Elizabeth had lost all inclination to touch the glass of ale again.
Sean asked quietly, “Do we want to go through all this again, Beth?”
Scenes from long ago played through Elizabeth’s head. There were many positive memories of the good times they had shared, but those last nine months…
“How is he?” she asked finally, hesitantly.
She didn’t elaborate. She didn’t have to.
Sean was silent for a moment, then sighed, “Do we have to discuss this now, Elizabeth?”
She noted the change in address and knew she was on dangerous ground. But the only thing she longed for more than his touch was news of her son. Their son.
Before she could decide how far she was willing to push the issue, he answered his own question. “I suppose so. But not here.”
“Where then?”
Without answering, Sean stood, still holding her hand and she followed his example. Pausing only to pay her tab at the bar, she followed him out into the twilight.
They walked a few blocks silently in the cooling night air. The moment was too fragile, too precious for Elizabeth to risk shattering it with words.
