by Rin Grey
“Are you all right?” Jon asked uncertainly. He took a step closer and looked at her searchingly.
Elizabeth managed a laugh, though it sounded harsher than she’d intended. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s not like Sean and I made any promises to each other. Obviously.” She waved her hand back towards the house, hoping he would realise she was referring to Digger.
Not for the first time, she was glad she’d convinced him to stay.
She wasn’t sure why she was so determined to convince Jon she didn’t care. Maybe because she felt so stupid for letting herself care in the first place. Not to mention for believing that Sean meant a word he said.
Maybe because she knew she’d do it all over again.
Jon glanced towards the lighted window and seemed to get what she was saying. “I suppose not.” He sounded wistful again. Then he looked back at her. “I’d better get home. It was nice seeing you again, Elizabeth.”
“You too,” Elizabeth answered, not having to make any effort at all to add warmth to her voice.
Jon nodded once more, then teleported directly out.
Elizabeth stood out on the lawn for a few moments, trying to compose herself before going back into the house.
It was harder than she thought. She couldn’t shake the picture of Sean and this woman, the one he had given her son to, sitting at a table together and waiting for her son to come home. The thought made her heart ache for all the things she’d missed out on.
The things she’d never have. Why was she kidding herself about things between her and Sean? Why did she ever let herself think there was a hope that things might ever be different?
Why couldn’t she just let him go and move on?
Sean had never intended her to find out about his wife. Of that much she was certain. If not for Jon’s slip-up, she might never have known. But now that she did know, what was she going to do about it?
She heard the door open behind her and surreptitiously wiped at the corner of her eyes. She would not cry over Sean. Freck, she was better off without him.
She just needed to convince herself of that.
Turning, she managed an almost genuine smile at Digger, who stood on the step looking worried. “Is everything all right, Liz?”
Why did people keep asking her that?
She drew in a shaky breath, then nodded and walked up the steps, and slid an arm around his waist. “Everything’s fine,” she said firmly, and led him back inside, closing the door behind her.
Digger didn’t ask again, and the forced cheerfulness became easier with each step. When they reached the living room and Gemma asked in concern, “What was that about, Elizabeth?” she was relieved to have some valid news to give. And a distraction.
“That was a message from the king. He’s sending someone to test Mitch tomorrow.”
Mitch blanched visibly. “Tomorrow?” he repeated.
“That was my reaction too,” Elizabeth said sympathetically. “I could have put it off, but I figured we’d only have longer to worry about it. By this time tomorrow, it will all be done and finished.”
“If I pass,” Mitch muttered. His face was pale. No doubt he was remembering the test he’d already undergone.
“You did fine today, and I have no doubts that you’ll do fine tomorrow,” Elizabeth said with certainty.
Mitch managed an uneasy smile. “Will this test be the same as the one today?” he asked apprehensively.
Elizabeth winced in sympathy as she nodded. “Yes, it will be similar to what we did today. But hopefully less intense, since this time you’ll be aware from the start that it isn’t real.”
Mitch swallowed and nodded.
She dropped a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll do just fine, Mitch, I’m certain of it.”
She reached out and poured him another glass of ale. “Now drink up, then off to bed with you. You’ll need all your wits about you tomorrow.”
For a moment, both Mitch and Gemma looked as if they were about to argue, but a look from Elizabeth subsided Gemma’s unspoken protest. After a moment’s hesitation, Mitch took the glass and drank, then obediently went up to bed.
Once he was out of the room, Elizabeth collapsed into her chair. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and she stared at her untouched glass of ale.
The urge to drink it, almost as much to break her promise to Sean as because she desperately wanted the effects of the drink itself, was almost overwhelming. But something held her back. And not just the look of fear that had been in Gemma’s eyes earlier when Digger had brought up alcohol.
If that were all, she’d take the drink to prove to her daughter that it no longer held any power over her.
But somewhere in the back of her mind, she was obviously still hoping that Sean had some explanation, or some reason…
Why had he asked her to stop drinking, if he hadn’t?
She told herself she was stupid to keep hoping, stupid to care. But she couldn’t stop herself.
“Are you sure it was wise to let Mitch drink so much before his big test?” Gemma’s worried voice broke into her thoughts. “He hasn’t had more than a sip before.”
“He needed to sleep, and without the ale to help him, he was going to lie awake worrying all night. It won’t hurt him.”
Gemma looked slightly reassured. “This test tomorrow, what is it?”
Elizabeth hesitated and slid one hand around the ale. What she wouldn’t give for something to dull her thoughts right now. “Someone—I daresay a couple of teachers from the Academy, probably with a guard or two—will run him through most of the skills we’ve been going over for the last few weeks.”
“And?” Gemma prompted.
Elizabeth sighed. “And the tests to see how good his control is.”
“What do the tests involve?” Gemma asked in concern.
Elizabeth heaved a sigh. “Pushing him to the limits to see if he loses control. In a carefully controlled situation of course.”
Gemma swallowed. “You did this test too?”
“Yes.”
Elizabeth was careful not to wince. Careful not to even think back to her own test and how horrible it had been. She had enough problems to deal with in the here and now.
There was silence in the room, and then Gemma nodded. “If you say it’s all right, then I guess it’s all right.”
Elizabeth took pity on her. “He’ll be fine. I’ve already put him through the test this afternoon, and he performed flawlessly.” Better than she had. “This one tomorrow is just a formality.”
Gemma looked a little happier with that. She nodded and picked up her own still full glass to empty it. Reluctantly, Elizabeth handed hers to Gemma as well. It was not worth it. Not right now. Not until she knew more at least.
“It’s been a long day, Gemma, so if it’s all right with you, I think I’ll get an early night,” Elizabeth said.
Gemma nodded. “Of course. Goodnight, Elizabeth.”
“Goodnight, Gemma.”
“I think I’ll turn in too,” Digger chimed in. “Goodnight, Gemma.”
“Goodnight, Josh,” Gemma said with a smile.
Elizabeth had her back to them, walking towards the door, but that made her head snap around. “Josh?” She raised an eyebrow at Digger.
He looked sheepish. “Gemma asked what my real name was.”
Elizabeth glanced over at Gemma briefly and laughed. “I’ve lived with him for five years. You’ve known him less than five weeks, and already you’re finding out things about him I never knew,” she joked.
“Maybe you should start opening your eyes,” Gemma said softly.
Elizabeth suspected she didn’t mean the comment as anything more than a gentle nudge, but it hit home anyway. She nodded and quietly left the room.
As they walked up the stairs, Digger said softly, “I would have told you, if you’d ever asked.”
“I know.” And she knew he would have.
It had just never even occurred to her to ask.
Gemma was right. She’d taken Digger for granted for the five years they’d been together. They’d fallen into this relationship, and it had been comfortable and easy for both of them. He’d never asked more than she’d been willing to give.
Until he’d followed her halfway across the country. Now everything was different.
And if Sean hadn’t shown up, maybe they could have built on that. But now…
She felt guilty for the feeling, but she knew that she’d never feel the same way about Digger as she did about Sean. She cared about him, she didn’t doubt that, but she couldn’t imagine ever feeling the same flush of excitement when he touched her, or missing him as dreadfully as she missed Sean.
There was too much about her he didn’t even know. She and Sean shared so much history, stuff she couldn’t imagine even telling someone else.
Especially not someone she would outlive in a painfully short amount of time.
Her heart ached as she went into their room and Digger closed the door behind them.
Elizabeth settled into their usual nightly routine, unbuckling her sword and laying it next to the bed as Digger sat on the edge and pulled off his shoes. The familiarity of it calmed Elizabeth’s chaotic thoughts. And as she stared at her sword, she remembered. “I owe you a new sword.”
“Are you going to be around long enough to give it to me?” Digger’s words carried a deep gloom, echoing the sadness in Elizabeth’s heart. She knew just how he felt, because it was the same pain she felt in her heart when she thought of Sean’s wife.
Wife.
That thought dredged up a pain she didn’t even want to think about.
She couldn’t do anything about Sean, but she could ease Digger’s fears at least. She turned and looked at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. She might not love him, but they did share something special, didn’t they? Something worth fighting for.
Elizabeth sat down on the other side of the bed. “I thought we’d been through this?” She reached over to take his hand, but he pulled it back.
“So did I. But…” He broke off, then said instead, “Was that him?”
“Who?” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose in confusion, then realisation dawned. “Jon? Goodness, no.”
“But you’re obviously close to him.”
Elizabeth hesitated. What could it hurt? Digger was never going to be in the Dome, so what did it matter if she told him? “Jon is his son,” she admitted quietly. She ached to add ‘and mine’, but the words stuck in her throat.
The admission didn’t seem to buoy Digger’s spirits any. He sighed heavily and began to undress, his back to her
Elizabeth stood up to do likewise. She stepped out of her trousers, then pulled her top over her head. Digger was already in bed by the time she pulled back the covers and slid in beside him.
She knew he was hurting, but she had no idea how to make it up to him. Tentatively she reached out to him, touching his cheek gently.
It was as though she had unleashed all his pent-up emotion. “How am I supposed to compete with him, Liz? I feel like I’m just waiting around, every second expecting you to walk out. I can’t keep doing this.”
His words sent a chill through her heart. She couldn’t lose him as well. Not now.
She’d been alone for so long, she hadn’t even realised that one day she hadn’t been. Digger had been at her side for long enough that she’d be lost without him.
“You don’t have to compete. It isn’t a competition. And I am not going to walk out.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
Elizabeth hesitated over telling him, not really wanting to say the words out loud. But she wanted to make Digger feel better. And somehow, offering up her own stupidity, her own hopeless, unrequited love, seemed only fair.
“I’m not going to, because he’s married.” Voicing the words somehow made them seem more real, and it was a struggle to keep the tears at bay.
Digger was silent, then said softly, “I’m sorry, Liz.”
She stared up at him. He was sorry? “I would have thought you’d be relieved,” she said in confusion.
“I should be, shouldn’t I? But just because I’m not happy with the situation, doesn’t mean I want you to be unhappy either. If he’s too dumb to see what he’s missing out on, that’s my gain I guess, but I do wish it were for a different reason.”
“I really don’t deserve you, you know?” Elizabeth said softly, more touched by his statements than she cared to admit.
Digger stared at her for several long moments, then he reached forwards to gently brush her cheek. “That makes two of us then. Looks like we’re stuck with each for now,” he joked.
“You’ll get no arguments from me,” Elizabeth said huskily and slid across the bed to lie close to him. She reached up to caress his cheek, then kissed him gently. He groaned softly, and his arms tightened around her.
Chapter 6 - Evaluation
Everyone was gathered in the kitchen bright and early the next morning. Gemma cooked up a hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast for everyone, and piled all their plates high. Elizabeth noted that Mitch was only picking at his food, but when Gemma opened her mouth to comment, Elizabeth shook her head and she closed it again. A morning without food wouldn’t hurt Mitch. It was better not to make a fuss. He was already stressed enough.
Thankfully, they didn’t have long to wait. As though on cue, there was a knock at the door moments after they finished breakfast.
Mitch paled visibly, and Elizabeth gave him a clap on the shoulder as she stood up. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” She doubted it helped much, but it was the best she could do. In actual fact, she herself felt a flutter of nerves as she went to answer the door, even though she knew she had nothing to be concerned about.
Or so she thought.
Until she opened the door and came face to face with Sean.
She stared at him in shock for a few moments. Sean? Here? He was the last person she felt like seeing right now, and the last person she’d expected to see. It had never entered her head that he would come himself for such a small matter.
Chances are, he wasn’t here for Mitch, but for her. If Jon had told him about his slip-up, that might have brought Sean out for a matter that would normally be beneath his notice. She berated herself for the flicker of hope she felt that he’d bothered to come.
She didn’t care.
Maybe if she repeated that to herself enough, she’d start to believe it.
“Prince Veryn,” she stuttered, and very conscious of the two mages wearing academy robes behind him, she bent in a bow.
Not the half bow she had done at Jocelyn’s, where no one would have known the difference, but the full bow that a mage would give to a prince who showed up unexpectedly on her doorstep.
“Please come in.” She pulled the door open all the way and stepped back, waving Sean and the mages in.
“Thank you, Mage Salinga,” Sean said, far more smoothly than she’d managed, and stepped inside.
Elizabeth saw Mitch standing in the kitchen doorway, looking suddenly nervous.
She felt a forlorn hope that Sean would put him at ease, rather than continuing this imposing prince act. But he probably couldn’t in front of the academy mages.
That had to be what it was, she tried to assure herself. Then again, she’d never seen him as an imposing prince. He’d always been just Sean. And right now, she should be glad of anything that kept a bit of distance between them.
Sean waved the two mages in front of him and said to Elizabeth, “Mage Salinga, is there somewhere quiet we can perform the tests? Preferably with a decent sized clear space.”
Elizabeth nodded, glad of something else to focus on, and led them all into the living room. “I’ll just move some of the furniture back.” She searched around for Digger, who had made himself scarce but not disappeared completely. He hung back near the kitchen, but he came forwards when she waved to him to help.
Sean indi
cated for the Academy mages to assist too, and though they looked put out, they did lend a hand.
Finally the furniture was moved, and Sean nodded in satisfaction.
“Where’s the boy?” he asked next.
Elizabeth went to find Mitch, who had retreated to the kitchen, leaving Digger standing with the mages looking like he would very much like an excuse to escape.
“It’s time, Mitch,” she said quietly, giving him what she hoped was a confident look.
In reality, her own confidence was faltering. The academy mages, looking bored and disinterested, would have given Mitch a perfunctory test at most. Sean, she knew from personal experience, was far more thorough.
He would push Mitch as hard as he could, almost as though he were trying to make him fail.
Elizabeth quailed at the thought.
But Mitch would do better than she had, wouldn’t he? He was young, with no pre-existing fears to make the experience worse for him. And he’d coped with her test just fine. So long as she hadn’t been too tempted to go easy on him.
She swallowed down her fears. There was nothing she could do now. Mitch would succeed or fail on his own merit.
When she brought Mitch in, Sean stepped back and stood with his arms crossed, his face impassive, his back to the wall. He simply watched as the Academy mages ran Mitch through a series of magical skills, all of which Mitch could have performed with his eyes closed.
Elizabeth let herself relax. She was needlessly worried. Mitch would be fine. He was an excellent mage, and a kind and caring young boy. He’d get it right.
Trouble was, when she stopped worrying about Mitch, all she could think about was Sean.
She stood next to him, trying to pretend he was just a prince—not her lover, and most certainly not married. But it was impossible. She was minutely aware of his closeness, that his arm was only inches away from her own. She could hear each breath he took, and she was sure they were far more even and relaxed than her own, all of which he could probably tell.
Freck him.
She wasn’t sure where Digger had gone. He’d slipped out of the room when she returned with Mitch.
