She felt beautiful, voluptuous, gorgeous, his reverence, his sheer delight in her body utterly empowering her. Never had she felt more feminine, more graceful, more proud. The bed was only a metre away but he picked her up with ease and laid her down tenderly before bringing his body over her, loving her with his eyes as he explored her with his hands, parting her legs with his own he rocked back on his heels and she lay there writhing with lust, her pelvis jutting impatiently, silently begging him to enter her.
But Max had waited for this moment too long to rush things. Slowly he held the peach of her buttocks, explored her with his tongue, his eyes occasionally looking up, capturing every image of her gasping, shuddering climax, and when the last flickers of her climax had abated, when she was sure she could never feel that way again and live to tell the tale, Max stoked the fires of her passion again, filling her with his manhood this time, pushing her to the absolute limits of endurance, delving ever deeper into her as she bucked against him, driving him on, urging him still deeper, her legs coiling around his back, calves gripping his waist. He could never be too close, his body never too near. Five years of hidden passion, buried desire and burning desperate need were expended with the explosion of their union. So sweet the passion, the pain of before was dispelled in that instant, the questions that had tormented her forgotten now as she lay, breathless, exhausted but utterly adored in the arms of her lover, their bodies wrapped together, and for the first time in half a decade Tessa slept as nature intended: with Max by her side.
CHAPTER NINE
GINGERLY Tessa felt her head, her fingers probing her scalp, praying to find a bump, a tender spot that she could possibly blame her moment’s madness on.
Nothing.
Turning, her eyes drifted over Max who slumbered on, a half-smile on his face, his eye swollen and black, his body a swirling mass of bruises, hair tousled and unkempt, a dark shadow smudging his chin.
Never had he looked more beautiful.
Slowly Tessa inched herself out of bed. There wasn’t much choice but to move slowly, her body felt as it had the morning after her first and final aerobics class. Every muscle seemed an inch shorter, every movement stiff and unnatural. Padding down the hall, she eyed the untouched brandy bottle ruefully.
She couldn’t even blame it on alcohol—they hadn’t had a drop.
The shower helped somewhat, a whole tank of hot water, and gradually her body started to relax, to move a bit more freely. Aiming the dwindling hot water on her neck, Tessa rotated her head, trying and failing not to think of Max lying just a matter of feet away in her bed.
They had made love, blissful wonderful love. She had succumbed without question, without even a hint of resistance, accepted without argument that she could trust him, that it was over with Emily.
But was it?
I’d never hurt you. Max’s words echoed through her mind.
You can trust me.
The water was running cold now but Tessa barely noticed. She wanted so badly to trust him, to believe what he had said, but what had seemed so straightforward last night suddenly appeared terribly complicated.
He was flying to England tomorrow.
How could she not be hurt?
The questions rattled on unanswered as Tessa waited for the kettle to boil and, gazing at the rising steam, she debated how to play this. Should she confront him now, ask him to come into the kitchen away from the warm bed and inevitable temptations, or wake him with a kiss and a coffee, slip between the sheets and let Max hold her, listen to his story, let him explain how they were going to play things? How they were going to tell everyone that they were now a couple...
It wasn’t going to be easy, Tessa knew that, but as she poured the water into the cups, a smile played on her lips. With Max beside her she could face anything. It was a delicious problem: they were in love, it was over with Emily, they’d done nothing wrong.
If only she could have captured that moment, held onto that feeling for just a moment longer, but as she pulled the milk carton out of the fridge and the telephone rang, she answered it with such a smile in her voice, but every tiny fledgling dream she was nurturing wilted as the crisp, businesslike voice of Emily winged its way down the telephone into her kitchen and into reality.
‘Tessa, sorry to ring you at home.’
‘That’s fine, no problem.’
‘Are you still thinking of coming in?’
She was tempted to say no, to slam down the telephone and dive under the quilt in her bedroom, but Tessa knew deep down that would solve nothing. Her bemusement with Emily ringing her for a moment overrode her nervousness. ‘I’m just getting ready, actually.’ Tessa hesitated, her cheeks burning, anticipating confrontation. Surely the guilt she was feeling was misplaced? Surely? ‘What’s the problem?’
‘It’s Kim.’
Tessa initial relief that it was obviously a work call was instantly replaced by guilt and concern as Emily continued.
‘She’s just been brought in by ambulance, she’s bleeding heavily.’
‘Oh, no.’ Tessa felt sick to her stomach, hating herself for the relief that had flooded her, all thoughts of Max, Emily and the hopeless triangle she had joined forgotten as she thought of her friend and colleague and the baby Kim so desperately wanted.
‘Has she lost the baby?’
‘We’re not sure yet. Tessa, her husband’s away on business and Kim’s come in to the department by herself and she’s terrified, she’s really not telling me much. She’s bleeding quite heavily but apart from letting me put in an IV she won’t let me near her. She doesn’t want to hear the news if it’s bad, I think.’
‘That would be it.’ Tessa’s mind raced. ‘This is a very precious baby. They’ve had years of IVF, and from what she’d told me it’s their last go.’
‘Well, she’s just mentioned to me that she’s spoken with you about it. Now, her husband’s in Perth so even if he jumps on the next plane it’s going to be lunchtime before he gets here. I wondered if you could try talking to her—she’s so scared, but a friendly face might help. If she’s lost the baby I think she’ll need to go to Theatre fairly soon so we can try to stop the bleeding. I’ve rung my father and he’s coming in, but without an ultrasound there’s not a lot anyone can do.’
‘I’ll come straight in.’
‘Thanks, Tessa. Sorry to wake you.’
‘No problem, I was up anyway.’ She was about to ring off but, instantly regretting it as the words spilled out of her mouth, Tessa prolonged the conversation. ‘How come you saw her, Emily? I didn’t think miscarriages were the ortho’s domain.’
‘Oh, sorry.’ Emily laughed. ‘I didn’t explain myself very well, did I? I covered Emergency last night—I finish up at nine. I’m supposed to be on call tonight and tomorrow, so I owe a lot of favours with people covering for me. But with Max going, I couldn’t miss his party. Our families are getting together for a barbecue tomorrow before we all head off for the airport, so I don’t suppose we’ll exactly be having a romantic last few hours. Still, it’s worth a try.’
Strange how Tessa’s voice managed to stay calm, despite the strangled scream that resonated in her head; strange how she even managed a couple more minutes of chit-chat as her world caved in around her. As if on autopilot, Tessa added the milk to her cup and drank it quickly, staring out of her window at the ocean. How calm it looked now, how hard to believe that only yesterday it had been a treacherous black hellhole, and now the water looked as clear and still as glass.
She had believed Max, trusted him, loved him.
And now she was paying the price.
Walking into the bedroom, she stood for a moment or two gazing at him, as calm and unruffled as the ocean, belying the awful deceitful lies he had told her, everything she had wanted to hear just so he could get her into bed.
Tessa toyed for a second with ripping off the sheet, pulling the pillow from under him, screaming her accusations, demanding his answers, his pathetic attempts at a
n explanation—but what would that solve?
What could he possibly say?
She dressed quietly, slipping his leaving present into her bag and picking up her shoes so as not to wake him.
The last thing Tessa wanted now was a fight.
She couldn’t change the past, couldn’t take away what had happened last night, and though shame, guilt and anger swept through her, deep down neither did Tessa want to erase it. Last night had been the happiest night of her life. One tiny glimpse of paradise to sustain her.
Quiet tears slid down her cheeks as she stared at the man she had loved, the man she had trusted above all else. This was how she would remember him; this was the image she would try to hold onto.
Max lying warm and sweet in her bed.
Quietly pulling the front door closed, a devilish smile broke through her tear-streaked face.
So what if she hadn’t set the alarm?
Let Max come up with an excuse for his lateness.
* * *
‘Sorry, Tessa.’ Kim’s face crumpled as Tessa pulled back the curtain. ‘You’re supposed to be off sick.’
‘Shh...’ Tessa wrapped her arms around Kim’s heaving shoulders. ‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for. As if I’d leave you on your own at a time like this. I was coming in anyway.’
‘I’m bleeding.’
Tessa nodded, but didn’t say anything. With Kim in this friable emotional state it was important not to rush things, to let Kim’s story unfold at its own pace.
‘Mark can’t get a flight until nine, but he’ll be here by this afternoon.’
‘That’s good.’ Tessa undid the side of the trolley and perched herself on the edge.
‘I think I’ve lost the baby.’
A long silence filled the air and when Kim didn’t elaborate Tessa tentatively spoke. ‘How much are you bleeding?’
‘A lot back at home.’ Kim lay back on the pillow, her face almost as white as the cotton. ‘It seems to have stopped now.’
‘Do you have any pain?’
‘None.’ Kim’s eyes looked up, suddenly hopeful. ‘That’s a good sign, isn’t it?’
It was a good sign, but a large bleed was still ominous and the last thing Tessa wanted to do was raise false hope. ‘It can be,’ she said gently. ‘But until we do an ultrasound it’s really just guesswork.’
‘I mean, we don’t know that I’ve lost it, it’s not as if Emily’s examined me.’
Kim was starting to get upset again, her labile mood swinging between hope and despair, and Tessa moved quickly to stabilise her, refusing to be drawn into Kim’s irrational yet utterly understandable mind games. ‘She won’t examine you yet,’ Tessa said firmly, ‘because if the baby is still there and your uterus is a bit irritated, an internal might exacerbate things. We really need to do an ultrasound.’
‘Now?’
Tessa nodded as Kim took a deep breath.
‘Will you stay?’
‘Of course I will. Can I get Emily?’
It was Kim who nodded now, and Tessa popped her head out of the cubicle nodding to Emily who was waiting with the ultrasound machine.
‘She’s ready.’
Kim was ready, almost, but as the cold blue jelly was squeezed onto her softly rounded abdomen she stalled at the final hurdle.
‘I shouldn’t have told everyone,’ she sobbed. ‘People are going to think—’
‘Kim.’ Tessa’s voice was firm but kind. ‘One of the most stupid things I’ve heard of is not telling people until a woman is passed her first trimester.’ She watched as Kim frowned, the tears stilling for a second. ‘Why shouldn’t people know what you’re going through? Why would it hurt less if you lost your baby at eight weeks or fourteen? If it’s a wanted baby it’s going to be agony, and having your friends know the hell you’re going through can only help. This baby has been your dream and if you do lose it you’re going to need your friends around you more than ever. It isn’t silly or stupid, and there’s nothing wrong with a bit of sympathy.’
The words reached her and as Kim lay back to find out what fate had in store for her, Tessa looked up at Emily, expecting her to begin the procedure, expecting her calm, unruffled colleague to be patiently waiting to start. Nothing, but nothing prepared Tessa for the sight of Emily with tears coursing down her cheeks, her shaking hands fiddling with dials on the machine.
‘I’m fine,’ Emily mouthed, obviously not wanting her sudden distress acknowledged, putting up her hand to still Tessa whose first instinct had been to go over to her. The glint of her diamond ring shamed Tessa back on the trolley and such was her guilt, her utter despair, Tessa felt like crying herself.
‘Let’s find out, shall we?’ Tessa said, her voice shaky with emotion as Emily wiped her face with a tissue and picked up the probe.
Nursing had its good points, its great points even. There was elation, satisfaction when things went well, but it was tempered all too often with moments of great sadness. Times when no matter what you did, no matter what you said, no matter what the technology or equipment available, it was rammed home that greater forces in the world operated. That life wasn’t always kind or fair—sometimes it was downright cruel.
Gripping Kim’s hand, Tessa awaited the inevitable, pushed her problems to one side in the name of professionalism and searched her mind for words that might, if not comfort Kim, make this horrible situation no worse than it already was.
Emily had turned down the volume on the ultrasound machine and the screen was turned away. Tessa watched Kim, tears still managing to slip out from her tightly shut eyes as Emily moved the probe backwards and forwards for what seemed an inordinate amount of time then fiddled some more with the controls.
A whooshing rhythmic sound suddenly filled the room and Tessa jumped almost as much as Kim.
‘Normal heart rate.’ Emily was smiling now and it was happy tears glistening in her bright blue eyes. ‘You’ve got yourself a little fighter in there.’
‘I’m still pregnant?’ Kim gasped.
‘Absolutely.’ Emily turned the screen around and they all stared in wonder at the screen, the unmistakable image of a baby, little knees tucked up, five tiny fingers attached to a tiny hand, oblivious of the distress the anxiety it had created.
‘But how?’ Kim begged.
‘I’ll have to leave that question for Dr Elves to answer.’ Emily smiled. ‘He shouldn’t be too much longer. He’ll do a more thorough ultrasound. But from what I can see, the placenta is nice and high, and the baby’s not in any distress. Sometimes bleeds just happen and we never really know why.’
‘Could I still lose it?’
‘Let’s wait for Dr Elves, shall we?’ Emily said gently. ‘This is very positive news, but you know no one can give you a cast-iron guarantee. We’ll just have to take it a day at a time.’
‘Dr Elves?’ Kim’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘You’ve both got the same name.’
Emily grinned. ‘He’s my father, and don’t tell him I told you this but he’s also a great doctor, he’ll look after you.’
‘Thanks, Emily.’ Kim turned slightly. ‘And thanks, Tessa—for coming in, I mean.’
‘Don’t even mention it. Now, you lie back and get some rest. Do you want me to bring the phone in so you can ring your husband? This might make his flight a bit more bearable.’
‘Please.’
There was an awful awkward moment as they left the cubicle. Tessa was a kind person and normally without question she would have guided Emily to the coffee-room, or at the very least checked that she was OK, put a hand on her arm and asked how she was doing.
But how could she now?
How could she look her colleague in the eye and ask if everything was OK when Max was lying in her bed?
The weight of her guilt, her deception chilled her to the core, made the nausea of yesterday seem like a walk in the park by comparison.
‘Sorry about before.’ Emily gave a thin laugh. ‘I’ve been up all night, you know how it is.’<
br />
‘Sure.’
Maybe she should tell Emily, Tessa mused as she busied herself around the department. But clearing her own conscience wouldn’t help anyone. It was up to Max to tell her, up to Max and Emily to sort out whatever mess they were in. But Tessa knew this much—Max could walk in now and tell Emily it was over in full view of the department, but it was too late.
She could never want him now. Tessa mentally kicked herself. Wrong, Tessa, you’ll always want him but you’re never going to have him, she corrected. He’d left it too late. How could she ever trust him now?
Every traffic jam he got stuck in, every shift that went on too long or night out with his friends would have her wondering if she was getting her just desserts.
If he was doing to her what he had done to Emily.
If that larrikin smile, those cheeky good looks and that silver tongue were working their way into some other unsuspecting heart.
‘Have you seen Max?’ Everyone seemed to be asking, everyone was checking their watches or looking up at the clock. Tessa’s cheeks burnt ever darker as she fiddled with the roster and directed the traffic in the corridor.
Max Slater might flaunt the rules now and then but he was never late.
Never.
In between asking where Max was, everyone seemed to be humming ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’ and even Tessa, who hadn’t even known she knew a John Denver song, found herself idly humming it as she sat on hold as the nurse supervisor yet again tried to come up with a valid reason as to why they couldn’t have an agency nurse for the night shift.
‘There you are!’
The Elusive Consultant Page 12
