by Ruby Jackson
“Mmmm, this is wonderful! I’ve never had anything so good. I love snow cream!” Sammie squealed.
“I knew you’d love it,” Danny said through mouthfuls, “but don’t eat too fast. Pa says it will eat your brain and make you have a headache.”
Sammie burst out laughing. Pointing at Cecil, she shook her finger.
“You better listen to him,” Cecil said. “I know from experience you’ll get brain freeze and your brain will hurt.”
Sammie nodded and took another big bite, then another and another.
“Oh,” she said, holding her head. “My head hurts. I should have listened to both of you.”
“We warned you,” Cecil laughed. “Just stop eating and your head will slowly go back to normal.”
“We can make more tomorrow and you can eat it slower,” Danny said without looking up. “Mama always ate it slow. She said eat it slow like molasses pouring out of a bottle.”
Everyone laughed.
“I’ll remember that, Danny,” Sammie answered, patting him on the head. Looking at Cecil she waited for a reaction. To her surprise, there wasn’t one. His eyes glowed with love for his son, but there were no words.
Chapter 10
Cecil waited in the truck as Sammie and Danny finished getting ready for church. The snow was almost gone and temperatures had risen above freezing.
Ole Blue jumped into the back of the truck. Turning around several times, he finally settled onto the canvas tarp that was always in the back.
Sammie held the door for Danny then ran toward the truck. Danny slid into the middle of the seat with Sammie close behind.
“I’m glad you’re going to church with us,” Danny said as the truck bounced down the road.
“I’m glad you invited me,” Sammie answered.
“Margaret’s housekeeper goes every Sunday. She sits with another woman. Are you going to sit with them?”
“Well, I don’t know,” Sammie started. “I haven’t thought about it.”
The little church was a white clapboard building sitting at the end of a dirt road near a gray house.
“That’s where Preacher lives with his family,” Cecil said, pointing to the house. “They farm this place. Jesse was born here and when he was called to preach, he felt the need to stay here.”
“It’s a lovely place,” Sammie replied. Her eyes moved around the horizon. It was barren except for a few leafless trees. Sammie could see a chicken pen and barn behind the house. A sad moo came from the fenced corral.
“You’ve known him a long time?”
“Jesse and I went to school together. He’s been my best friend forever. He and Betty, that’s his wife, used to visit often.”
Getting out of the truck, Sammie straightened her skirt. It was old and worn, but the color wasn’t faded.
“How long have you attended this church?” she asked as they walked to the door.
“Long time. This is where Lydia and I mar---.” Cecil’s sentence ended.
Lydia and Cecil married here, Sammie thought. With a smile she went through the door.
Prayer was ending as they moved down the little aisle. Sammie wondered if she should sit with Cecil and Danny, but as they walked, she realized it would be best to sit in a different pew.
Best to keep rumors down, she thought. No reason to rock the boat and hurt Cecil. She needed to be where she was. She was safe and happy.
Smiling at the women in the third pew from the front, she moved into the seat with them. They smiled back and turned their attention back to the front.
Danny watched Sammie as his father led him to another pew. They settled in and Cecil directed his eyes toward the preacher.
Sammie fidgeted through the service. The preacher was hitting her nerves.
“Lies only beget more lies,” the preacher was saying. “They will catch up with you.”
Sammie fidgeted more.
Lord, she said to herself, I know it’s wrong. I should have cleared all this up when Cecil found me. I’ve depended on you all my life. What do I do now?
The service ended and Sammie grabbed her coat. She didn’t make it out of the pew.
“You must be new to these parts,” one of the women said.
“I’m Mary Fletcher. And, you are---?”
“Sammie Fagan. Yes, I am new here.”
“I’m Pearl Logan,” the other woman said with a smile. “It’s nice to have new people come in.”
“Yes, it is nice to meet you. I saw you come in with Mr. Bryan and his son. Where are you staying?” Mary said, looking in Cecil’s direction.
“I’m staying at their farm. I’m taking care of Danny.”
“I’m the housekeeper over at the Bowden farm. The missus passed on last year and the five young’ns need to be taken care of and the house cleaned. Mr. Bowden hired me to stay at the house and care for things.”
“You take care of Margaret and her brothers,” Sammie said almost under her breath.
“Why, yes, I do,” Mary said in surprise. “Do you know the family?”
“No,” Sammie answered. “Danny told me about you and them. I’m taking care of Danny and the house. His ma died a few months ago.”
“Yes, I remember,” Mary said, eyeing Sammie. “I heard Mr. Bryan’s wife’s cousin was staying there but I didn’t realize how young you are.”
“You do seem young to be living on your own. How old are you anyway?” Pearl added.
Sammie felt scrutinized. Did these women think her too young to take care of a family?
“I’m seventeen,” she finally answered. “I’ll be eighteen on Tuesday.”
“Your birthday is Tuesday?” Danny chirped in. “Will you bake a cake for your birthday?”
“Yes, I will bake a cake for my birthday if that’s what you want,” Sammie answered, patting him on the head.
Turning to the women, she cocked her head.
“Is there anything else you’d like to know?”
The women smiled and shook their heads. Sammie read more in their eyes.
“Come by and visit sometime,” Sammie continued. “The farm gets lonesome.”
“The winter will keep us in most of the time,” Mary answered. “With the children home and meals to prepare, it’s hard to get away. We must always remember our place.”
“I know what you mean,” Sammie smiled back and took Danny’s hand.
Do I really know? she thought. Am I doing the right thing?
“You’re quiet,” Danny said as the truck rattled down the road. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, of course not,” Cecil said, changing gears.
Sammie glanced in his direction. There was an underlying anger in his voice. Puzzled, she looked back down the road.
Sammie was glad she had prepared a roast the night before,
“I’m glad I found that cookbook,” she said aloud. “It sure has helped since I didn’t know much about cooking.”
Sammie hurried and made coffee. She poured Danny a glass of milk and took the bread she had baked the day before from the pie safe. Grabbing plates and forks she hurriedly set them on the table.
Danny came into the kitchen with his clothes changed. Cecil had not come in from outdoors.
“Where’s Pa?” Danny asked, sitting down in his chair.
“He’s still outside,” Sammie answered, staring out the window.
Quickly turning from the window, Sammie grabbed her coat.
“Danny, go ahead and eat. I’ll be back in a little while. Don’t forget to drink your milk.” Sammie told Danny as she opened the backdoor and stepped outside. Cold wind slapped her legs.
She found Cecil in the shed. He was pouring chicken feed into a bucket.
“Dinner’s ready,” she said to his back.
“Go ahead and eat.”
“Cecil, did I do something wrong?” Sammie asked, wincing.
“No,” he answered sharply.
Sammie gasped. She hadn’t seen this side of Cecil. She
had always seen a kind, loving, tender man, not the one who had anger and bitterness.
Turning to leave, Sammie’s heart fell. She felt dismissed.
“I’m sorry,” Cecil said behind her. “I just can’t believe how callous and distrusting some people are.”
“What…what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about those people who judge me…and you, without knowing anything. Danny---.”
Sammie’s mouth was agape. “Who said something about…about us? Wait. Danny.” Sammie nodded. “You mean some people at church said something to Danny? Oh, Cecil, they didn’t mean anything. They’re just curious. They don’t want you hurt by an outsider. That’s all. They’re really nice people. Besides, Danny is just a little boy. He gets things mixed up. He probably misunderstood what they said.”
“We won’t be going back.”
“Yes, we will. I’m not going to let a little talk destroy this family. You haven’t done anything wrong. People will see it. They love you there.”
“But….”
“There is no, but. We will be going back. God is my judge. I don’t care what other people say. Besides, I like the church. It feels like home. Yes, we will continue to go there. The people will soon know me and accept me just as they accept you. They are good Christian people.”
Cecil was puzzled. She was strong. She had convictions and when her mind was made up, it was unwavering.
Sammie moved to leave, but Cecil spoke again.
“They think I see Lydia in you.”
“Do you?” Sammie held her breath.
Cecil didn’t answer. Minutes passed.
“It doesn’t change anything. I like the church,” Sammie answered. Turning she went back to the kitchen.
After putting Danny’s dishes in the sink, Sammie walked to her room and threw herself on the bed. The tears couldn’t be controlled.
Cecil sat down on a bale of hay and placed his face in his hands.
“God, she sounds so much like Lydia. It’s so uncanny. Am I transferring my feelings to this young girl? What is going on?” Cecil prayed, through his hands.
Cecil’s mind was made up as he walked slowly to the house. Sammie had to go. The sooner, the better.
Entering the house, he averted his eyes as he continued to the living room.
“Would you like to eat something?” Sammie asked as his back went through the door. She had returned to the kitchen only moments before he entered. Danny had finished eating and was in the living room. She was washing the dishes.
“No,” he said over his shoulder.
Turning on the radio, Cecil listened to the big band music blaring out. Closing his eyes, he tried to concentrate on the music.
He would have to avoid her, he decided. He couldn’t let himself get any closer than he already had. He had to find a way to keep Danny from getting more attached also. He had no other choice. Sammie had to go.
As Cecil turned off the light in his bedroom, his mind was made up. He would put Sammie on the bus when spring came.
“Can I lick the bowl?” Danny asked as he stood next to Sammie a few days later. “That caramel icing looks good, too. I might like a taste of it.”
Sammie smiled. “I think you like everything, Danny Bryan.”
“No, not every thing, but I do like birthday cake. Caramel is my favorite. Maybe I can lick the spoon.”
“I think that will be just fine,” Sammie said with a laugh. “But, it’s still very hot. You need to let it cool for a while.”
The back door opened as Sammie handed the spoon to Danny. Cecil looked surprised.
“Smells like cake in here. Special occasion?” he asked, putting his coat on the nail.
“It’s Sammie’s birthday!” Danny shouted. “She made a caramel cake for her birthday!”
Cecil looked at Sammie, then at Danny.
“It’s your birthday? I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Happy birthday,” Cecil said apologetically.
“No problem. You didn’t know. And, thank you for the birthday wish.”
“Sammie is eighteen today. She’s only…only, I don’t know how much older than me she is, but I know it’s not that much,” Danny chimed on. Icing circled his mouth.
“Eighteen is a nice age,” Sammie said, wiping his mouth.
Danny kept conversation going. He was excited and animated.
“Calm down, Danny,” his father admonished.
“I can’t! It’s Sammie’s birthday. We need to sing to her, Pa. Come on, let’s sing.”
Cecil sighed. The boy wasn’t going to stop. He was adamant.
“All right, Danny, you start,” he finally gave in.
“Yeah! Now it’s a real birthday celebration. Sammie, I’m glad you’re here so we can celebrate with you,” Danny blubbered through bites of cake.
With sticky caramel washed off Danny’s face, Cecil carried him to bed. Pulling the quilts up, he sat down next to his son.
“You really like Sammie, don’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, sir. She is really nice. I’m glad she’s here. It’s like when Mama was here.”
Danny sat up quickly.
“That’s it! Pa, she looks like Mama!”
Cecil was taken back. Shaking his head, he looked down at the floor.
“You don’t think she looks like Mama?” Danny asked eyes wide.
“No, Danny, I don’t,” Cecil answered quietly. “I really don’t see a resemblance.”
“Well, she’s small like Mama and her voice is a little like hers. Her hair is the color of Mama’s, too. She even likes to cook like Mama did,” Danny stopped and nodded. “Yep, she’s a lot like Mama.”
A pain shot through Cecil.
No, she’s nothing like your mother, he wanted to shout. Your mother didn’t like it here. She wasn’t content here. She didn’t like to cook either. She just knew there were things she had to do and did them.
“Do you think Sammie will let me take a piece of cake to school tomorrow?” Danny was saying.
Cecil smoothed his son’s hair.
“I think she would pack you two pieces if you ask,” he answered.
“Oh, boy! I could give one to Margaret or to Mr. Sanders, our teacher.”
“In that case, maybe you should ask for three pieces.” Cecil laughed.
Sammie was darning socks when Cecil returned to the living room. For a moment he stared at Sammie’s profile.
Shaking his head, he went to his chair and sat down. Turning the radio on, he listened to the Adventures of Helen and Mary program for a moment. Turning, Cecil found the end of the Death Valley Days drama.
“I love listening to those programs,” Sammie said. “I never knew there was anything but news and music on the radio. Radio is fun and interesting.”
Cecil nodded, but didn’t look up. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. Another program was coming on. He had to keep his mind averted from the thoughts he was having.
Amos and Andy blared on. Sammie laughed at the antics of the two comics.
“What a wonderful program!”
“Yes, it is.”
Sammie continued to laugh as the live jabs on the radio continued. Cecil turned his head and watched her.
She is completely enjoying this, he thought. Turning back to the radio, he tried to listen. The beat of his heart kept getting in the way.
As the program ended, Sammie put everything back into her sewing basket. Picking it up, she looked around for stray socks.
“Cecil, is there anything you need before I retire?”
“No, no, I can’t think of anything. I may get me another cup of coffee, but I can warm it up.”
“Cecil…what I said…what I said the other day out at the shed, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to return to the church, I understand. I shouldn’t have interfered.”
“You were right to say something,” Cecil answered, running his hand through his hair. “Sometimes, I open my mouth before I really think things through. It is a go
od church. Danny is happy going because his friends are there.”
“You like it there. The people are your friends, Cecil.”
“We’ll keep going.”
“Good, now that that’s settled, are you sure you wouldn’t like another piece of caramel cake?”
Cecil laughed. “Well, maybe a small piece to go with my coffee.”
Sammie smiled. It was the first laugh she had heard in days from him.
“You know, I might just grab me one more piece, too. Do you mind if I eat a piece with you,” she said at the door.
“I…I don’t mind,” he answered quietly.
Sammie cut two pieces of cake and carried them to the living room. Turning she went back to the kitchen and got a cup of coffee and a glass of milk.
“I think this late I need the milk instead of coffee,” she said as she handed Cecil his cup.
Smiling, Cecil took the cup and set it on the table where the radio sat.
“You did a good job on the caramel,” he said through bites. “And…and, happy birthday again.”
“This is the first real birthday I’ve ever had! I’ve enjoyed being with you and Danny today,” she answered.
Cecil stared at her for a moment. “Surely you’ve had birthday cake before.”
“Not really. When Lydia was there, she would take me down to the bakery, if she had any money, and we would share a slice of cake. But, I’ve never had a real birthday cake just for me.” Sammie stirred her crumbs in the plate.
Cecil looked down at his plate. Words wouldn’t come.
Chapter 11
Sammie heard voices coming from the living room. Wiping her hands on a towel, she walked to the door and peeked through.
Linda was hugging Danny. Taking her coat off, she sat down on the divan. Danny jumped into her lap.
“Did you come by yourself, Aunt Linda?” he asked patting her hand.
“Yes, I did. I thought you boys might need groceries, so here I am.”
“Linda, we were planning to come in next weekend. I thought Danny might like to see Granny.”
