by Jeff Moss
a) I wish when crummy Shelley says rotten things about me, my best friend Ellen (ha! ha!) would stick up for me instead of giggling in the corner like she did today.
b) I wish some king and queen from a faraway land would come and claim me as their real child who had somehow gotten into the hands of parents who don’t know how to pay attention to their daughter when she has a problem.
c) I wish my dumb brother, who I should never tell any secrets to in the first place, would leave me alone and move to Mars (where he probably comes from anyway) and take his Laser Men toys with him and tease them for a change.
d) All of the above
If you checked d, you are correct.
ABBY’S DIARY (Friday)
Dear Diary,
Read the following and make a check (√) in the box at the bottom next to the things you think I really feel glad about.
a) I’m really glad that today in school Ellen apologized to me and told Shelley she’s not her friend.
b) I’m really glad that this morning at breakfast my parents said they were sorry they had to leave in such a hurry last night and they were happy I trusted them enough to talk to them about my problems.
c) I’m really glad my brother didn’t go to live on Mars because I guess I kind of like him after all.
d) All of the above
e) All of the above except c
If you checked e, you are correct.
A RHYME ABOUT TIME
On some rocks
Near the docks
Once a fox
Bought some clocks
In a box
Sealed with locks
From an ox
Wearing socks.
But the ox
(Wearing socks)
Dropped the box
(Slippery rocks!)
And the shocks
And the knocks
Broke the locks
And the clocks!
(And although the fox was mad that his clocks were broken, the ox just gave him his money back and said, “Sorry, I don’t have time for you anymore.”)
THE MOST INTERESTING PARTS OF THE BODY
The wrist
Is not on my list.
You can’t love somebody with all your wrist.
Or run your fingers through someone’s curly wrist.
Or look into someone’s two big beautiful blue wrists.
The wrist
Would not be missed
If it did not exist.
(Except that your hand and arm wouldn’t be connected and that might cause trouble.)
WHAT DAVID GOT WHEN HE DIDN’T GET A CHRISTMAS PRESENT
For the first day of Hannukah
He got a harmonica.
(He got presents on the other days of Hannukah too,
But since they didn’t rhyme I won’t tell them to you.)
SHELLS
I have one I call an angel’s toenail
And one that’s like a razor
From the barber shop in the old Western movies.
Jeanie has one from somewhere she’s been,
All curled up around itself
Like a black and white snake.
But the best one is the one we listen to.
We hold it up close to our ear,
And in it we hear the sounds of the ocean
That whisper from someplace so far away
No one could ever find it.
I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON
I’d like to visit the moon
On a rocket ship high in the air.
Yes, I’d like to visit the moon,
But I don’t think I’d like to live there.
Though I’d like to look down at the earth from above,
I would miss all the places and people I love.
So although I might like it for one afternoon
I don’t want to live on the moon.
I’d like to travel under the sea,
I could meet all the fish everywhere.
Yes, I’d travel under the sea,
But I don’t think I’d like to live there.
I might stay for a day if I had my wish,
But there’s not much to do when your friends are all fish,
And an oyster and clam aren’t real family,
So I don’t want to live in the sea.
I’d like to visit the jungle, hear the lion roar,
Go back in time and meet a dinosaur.
There are so many strange places I’d like to be,
But none of them permanently.
So if I should visit the moon,
I will dance on a moonbeam and then
I will make a wish on a star,
And I’ll wish I was home once again.
Though I’d like to look down at the earth from above,
I would miss all the places and people I love.
So although I may go, I’ll be coming home soon,
’Cause I don’t want to live on the moon.
RUTH
Ruth
Had a tooth
Almost ready to come out.
Ruth tied a string to the end of her finger.
Ruth pulled the string but to tell you the truth,
As hard as she pulled, she couldn’t move that tooth.
Ruth
(With her tooth
That wouldn’t come out)
Then tied the string to the end of her doorknob.
Ruth slammed the door but to tell you the truth,
As hard as she slammed, she couldn’t pull that tooth.
“Tooth!”
Hollered Ruth,
“You had better come out!”
Ruth tied the string to a horse in the stable.
Off ran the horse but to tell you the truth,
As fast as it ran, it didn’t pull that tooth.
“Tooth!”
Cried poor Ruth,
“Why won’t you come out!?
I’ve pulled and slammed with
a horse and a doorknob!”
“Excuse me,” the horse said,
“but here is the truth—
You forgot to tie the other end
of the string …
To your tooth.”
THE FIRST MUSICIAN
Thousands and thousands of years ago
There must have been a cave person
Who found a hollow stick
And blew into it and
Liked the sounds it made.
So he or she took the stick home
And blew into it for the family and
The family liked the sounds, too.
So they called in the neighbors and
The neighbors also liked the sounds.
So then, each Tuesday night,
Everyone would gather around to listen—
High sounds and low sounds, soft and loud,
Fast and scary sounds, or dreamy and peaceful.
And the sounds from that cave person blowing into the hollow stick
Became the first music
And the cave person became
The first musician of all time.
PIGS AND PIGPENS
He uses his pigpen to draw a pig picture.
She uses her pigpen to sign her pig name.
Others write letters or stories or poems,
No two pigs use their pigpens quite the same.
MRS. MACUNDER
When Mrs. MacUnder was just a small kid
People noticed the very strange things that she did.
She watched the bright moon shining under her head
And found her lost shoe hiding over her bed.
Her favorite pet was a pony named Lloyd,
She was so glad to have him, she felt underjoyed.
They went to a friend’s house to stay undernight,
Crawled over the covers and turned off the light.
She grew up and went sailing under the seas
But was swept underboard by a very stiff breeze.
Too b
ad that she drowned near the white cliffs of Dover …
Now her story is done, and this poem is under.
For
Annie
and
Stella
To Esther Newberg, Steve Rubin, Barb Cohen, Deb Futter, and Diane Shanley, thanks and more thanks for their help in the making of this book.
And to Henry Ferris, the same and more.
J.M.
Jeff Moss was the head writer and composer for Sesame Street, and has won seven Emmys and written the songs for four Grammy-winning records. Moss’s music and lyrics for The Muppets Take Manhattan earned him an Academy Award nomination. He has authored and coauthored more than a dozen bestselling books under the Sesame Street name. Moss created some of television’s most memorable characters, including the blue, boggle-eyed Cookie Monster. His hit songs include “I Love Trash” for Oscar the Grouch and “Rubber Duckie.”
Chris Demarest is the author and illustrator of The Lunatic Adventure of Ritman and Willy, No Peas for Nellie, and Morton and Sidney. He lives in New Hampshire.
