by Jahquel J
“How is Kiss? She good?” he questioned. I could tell from his eyes that he hadn’t slept. How could he? His niece was having a baby. Priest was so involved in his niece’s lives that I knew not being there for Kiss was hurting him.
“He’s so beautiful, baby. A chocolate little butter ball. He was breathing too fast, so they put him in the NICU for observation since he was born a month early. Kiss is doing good too, she’s in pain, but they have her on some good medicine. I came to update you, get some sleep and head back later with her things.” I yawned and walked upstairs to the guest room that Priest had been staying in before he went back home.
“Bet, I’m gonna come with you.”
“Babe, she doesn’t want to see you and has blocked you from coming to see her. They won’t even give you information on her,” I sighed. This wasn’t what I wanted to tell him and the look on his face was the number one reason why I wished I didn’t have to relay the message. He was hurt and even if he tried to hide it, I could tell his niece’s actions hurt the hell out of him.
“Damn, she really gonna get down like that. That’s fucked up,” he leaned on the staircase railing. “I gave up everything for that girl and she wants to be done with me for some nigga that likes getting fucked in the ass?”
“She’s going through a lot right now. Give her some time and she’ll come around,” I tried to convince him. He was having a mental conversation with himself and stopped when I touched his arm.
“Nah, fuck all of that shit. I gave up so much for Kiss’s ass and she continues to act like I’ve never did anything for her ungrateful ass. You not bringing her shit to the hospital and I mean that shit.”
I chuckled. “Stop being dramatic.” I turned and headed up the stairs and stopped when I didn’t hear him behind me. “You coming up?”
“I’m being dead serious, Justice. All that shit she asking for, I bought that shit. Her baby daddy didn’t buy a damn thing. If she wanna cut me off, then I’m cutting her ass off too.”
“You can’t do that to her,” I protested.
“I can and I am. I’m sick of Kiss always complaining about shit, not being grateful, yet always got her damn hand out. I’m sick of the shit with her and it’s time for her to learn how to survive on her own.” He headed the opposite direction.
I plopped down on the stairs too tired to even put up a fight about the situation. My heart wanted to bring those items to Kiss, but I knew I couldn’t go against what Priest said. Kiss fired the first shot into the destruction of their relationship. The part that probably hurt the most with Priest was the fact that it seemed like she was choosing Zoe over him. I picked myself up and found Priest sitting in the living room with the twins and Rain. They were watching Netflix while Somali put braids in Rain’s hair. Rain was attached to her older sister’s hip. It almost softened the blow of losing Summer.
“I don’t want to hear anything about it, Justice!” he yelled out before I could even make my presence known. The kids jumped, stared at us and then continued watching their show on the TV.
Sitting on the arm of the chair, I looked at him and rubbed his chest. “As much as I want to go to the hospital, I’m not. This is between the both of you and I’ll let you both handle it. As her friend, I’ll be there for her.”
“Friend? You’re not her fucking friend, Justice. She’s a seventeen-year-old fucking brat that continues to push my buttons and now she pushed the right one.”
“Whether you like it or not, we’re friends. I’m not telling her all my business, but it doesn’t seem like she has a bunch of friends that are leading her the right way.”
“And you think you can lead her the right way with the shit you got going on?” he snapped.
“That’s not fair,” I replied and walked away. It was too early in the morning to deal with all the shit that Priest and Kiss had going on.
After sitting in the hospital with his niece all night he had the nerve to make these small digs like they didn’t hurt. Yes, I knew my life wasn’t put together and there was a bunch of things that I had to work on within myself, but I was once a lost seventeen-year-old girl. I was a seventeen-year-old girl who had lost a parent too, so I could understand why Kiss acts out. Priest could give her the world, yet none of that matters to her. It doesn’t matter because no matter how hard he tries, he could never bring her mother back. A girl needs her father, but she really needs her mother.
A mother was supposed to guide their daughter into womanhood. As much as Priest tried to be there for his nieces, he couldn’t teach them how to be a woman. All he could show them was an example of what kind of man they should be with once they started dating. Clearly Kiss didn’t give a damn because she went out and got a nigga that she knew damn well she shouldn’t have been messing with. I climbed up the stairs and went into the bedroom to grab a few hours of sleep before I headed home to get my own life together.
When I opened my eyes, it was pitch black. Stretching, I climbed out the bed and grabbed my cellphone. I couldn’t believe that I had slept the entire day away. It was four in the morning. Stretching again, I went to use the bathroom and headed out the room. I was disappointed that Priest wasn’t lying in the bed beside me. He had a lot going on and I understood he was stressed out. Still, I didn’t want this to mess with what we were trying to build together. When I made it downstairs, he was lying on the couch with his headphones on. Music was something that he resonated with whenever he was going through something. Pulling one of his air pods out, I sat down on the coffee table beside him. He leaned up and stared at me. Before I could speak, he stopped me.
“I didn’t have the right to come at you that way. I’m sorry, Jus.”
“You’re fine. I underst—”
“Stop excusing my toxic traits. Just because I’m stressed or going through something doesn’t mean that I have the right to disrespect you. Your situation had nothing to do with what we were discussing, and I brought that shit up. Stop making shit alright, call me out on my shit. I’m a grown man, but I need a woman that will call me out when I’m wrong. I don’t want a yes woman, Justice. There’s too many of those out there and I don’t want one.”
I grabbed hold of his hands and kissed them. “I understand what you’re saying and it’s an adjustment. I’ve been with a man who I’ve always had to make excuses for. If you really don’t want me to help Kiss out, I will stay out of your business and allow you both to work on it.”
“Yeah, that’s what I want. I’m going to drop that shit off to her today and then we’re done. I love my niece and I told my sister I would always look out for her, but Kiss got a taste of the hood and feels like she knows what she’s doing, so I’ll let her figure that shit out,” he told me.
I could tell it had been something he thought about for a while. It was probably something he struggled with because Kiss was like his child. No parent ever wanted to toss their child out into the street, but Priest had no choice. Kiss was going to do what she wanted to do, and she made that clear the moment she restricted his access into the hospital.
“Well, I support you and I will mind my business. You were right, I have to get my own life together,” I sighed.
He touched my face and stared into my eyes. “I love you, Justice. I meant that shit.”
“And I believed you when you said it.” I smiled and stood up. “I need to head home and get my apartment together and figure out what’s the next step for me,” I sighed.
“You don’t have to figure that shit out right away,” he told me, and I nodded my head.
Although I couldn’t fix or change things in a matter of a day, I felt like I didn’t have time to waste. My life was in shambles because I loved one man more than I loved myself. Today, was the first day that I was going to work on doing what I had to do to make sure that I never felt like that again. It was alright to love your partner, but it became unhealthy when one person was giving all the love and taking all the damages in the relationships. I didn’t know where me
and Priest would go. I prayed we grew into something amazing, still no one ever knew where they would end up. One could only pray about it.
2
Liberty
I grabbed a pack of cigarettes off my counter and went to the balcony to sit down and smoke in peace. Staten refused to leave and had been here a week. A week had passed since Priest shot Zoe outside of the club. Zoe was murdered and his ass wasn’t coming back. Even if he tried to fake his death, he couldn’t. Nearly everyone reported back to Ghost about how he died on the operation table. I asked a few of the nurses that worked that night and they told me that he died. Priest had always been a straight shooter, so I wasn’t surprised by his aim. Ghost had people in the force that he paid to look the other way. They were still looking for Zoe’s murderer, but they weren’t looking over here and Ghost made sure of it. I was still shocked that Kiss had fucked Zoe. Then if that wasn’t enough, he fucked Myla and Free. The freaky web that they spun was one that needed a damn STD test attached to it. It was something about Zoe that always made me stay away from him. Zeek, he was the one who could get it all day long, but after knowing that he had something to do with Summer’s death, I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole.
“This the third cigarette that you smoked this morning,” Staten plopped down in the other chair. I hated that he did this shit to me. Why was he counting how many cigarettes I smoked? Where I was going? And everything else I did? I was a grown ass woman that was capable of taking care of myself.
“I didn’t know you were counting,” I countered as I took a pull from the cigarette. “Shouldn’t you be home or something?”
“Nah, I’m good.” I knew what he was about to bring up and it made me cringe before the question left his mouth. “When you going to get your son?”
“Staten, are you fucking serious? You’ve been asking me this for a week. The answer remains the same. I’m not going to get him so get off my back about the shit!” I raised my voice. I knew my neighbors were probably going to peek out the window to see what was going on.
“You sure pulling that cigarette like it’s a crack pipe or something.”
“I’ve never smoked crack in my life!” I yelled, put my cigarette out and went back into the apartment.
He followed behind me like he always did when I screamed and tried to leave the apartment. “You need to go and get your fucking son, Liberty. Shit, you haven’t even went and checked on your damn aunt.”
“I’m too sober to deal with this,” I went over to my bar and poured a shot into a glass and took it back. “I can’t deal with this and I shouldn’t have to right now.”
“You really don’t want me to start fucking shit up in here, Liberty. I’m really trying to be patient and I can’t do this shit with you.”
“Then, bye!” I took another shot of the rum and then went into the kitchen. “You acting like I’m forcing you to stay or something. Bye nigga,” I mumbled as I pulled some pots from under the sink.
Staten paced the floor and then stood in the middle of the living room and stared at me. “I’m really trying. God don’t give you shit when you want it, but he does give it to you eventually. That’s how the fuck I feel about you, Lib. I feel like when I wanted you more than I wanted to breathe, he felt I wasn’t ready for you. You coming back into my life wasn’t a coincidence, he put us here for a reason. That reason could be your addiction, but I want to fucking help you be better.”
“And I’m fine with how I’ve been living.”
“No, the fuck you’re not. You get high to hide the fact that you abandoned your disabled child. You hid that boy and built a life that didn’t include him. Getting high helps you deal with your guilty conscience. You’re cool with your son living in an institution while you sleep in this nice ass condo every night? Nah, that shit is fucked up. Disability or not, you fucked that slimy ass nigga and made this blessing. Handle your fucking business, Liberty!” he barked and kicked over my glass coffee table. I watched as it shattered, and he walked away and went into the bedroom. I jumped when he slammed the door behind him.
“Nigga fucking up shit in my house, oh he got to leave,” I continued to mumble as I fixed myself something to eat.
Yes, I knew it was fucked up just to leave my child with my aunt. I couldn’t handle the shit and I knew she could. My aunt was good with children and I knew Chance would be good with her. He wouldn’t want for anything and he would always have my aunt praying for him. What could I offer him back then? I didn’t have shit and knew nothing about my child’s disability. I was twenty years old, lost and incapable of loving another human being. After years going by, I realized that it wasn’t love that I felt for Pook. I was infatuated with an older man because I had lost my own father. Pook was just a small reminder of feeling that sense of safety, care, and love. It was weird as fuck, but it was how I felt. I was looking for a man to replace my daddy and Pook was that man.
My son had always been taken care of and I knew he was fine. It was the reason I worked so hard. I sent a bunch of money to my aunt to make sure that he had everything that he needed. It wasn’t like I was this dead-beat mom who didn’t provide. Chance knew who I was as his mother and he knew my aunt was his aunt. I took the ride upstate every third of the month. I had been slipping on my visits, but my son knew that I loved him. Seeing him that way fucked with me bad. Chance had down syndrome, but that boy was so smart. He was nine, about to be ten in two months. I hated that my niece and nephew never got to meet their cousin, but he acted just like them. Chance was in the best programs and speech therapy in the town they lived in. He went to a specialized school too. I never missed a school meeting. I was there for my son and tried to be as much as I could.
The pressure of being a daughter, sister and mother while trying to maintain a demanding career and keep up with my own selfcare was overwhelming. So, yeah coke was something I did to get through the day a little easier. It had been the norm for all these years, and I couldn’t see myself not doing it. Clearly, I was good at keeping it a secret. Free and Justice knew nothing about my habit and Staten wouldn’t have known if my dealer didn’t pull up while he was there. I’m not hurting anyone. I realized that I needed to do it at home and not at work, so I didn’t kill any patients, still that didn’t mean I had to stop. It’s not like I was missing work or doing other crazy shit. I was on top of my game more than some women who didn’t even touch drugs.
Free had been calling me wanting to talk and I just don’t have the energy to sit and explain everything to her. When she left, she did what was best for her. Including, hiding her kids from Ghost. She chose to go to another state, start over and have her children. What made her so different from me? Eventually, I would sit down and talk to her about everything. Today wasn’t that day. Justice had sent me a text and told me that she loved me. Justice knew all about Chance. She had met him once and refused to go see him again. She told me it was wrong of me to hide him from our mother and Free. She claimed it was torture building a bond with a child that she could never have a normal aunt and nephew relationship with. Chance was six months the first and last time she saw him. We never spoke about him. It was like Chance was just a memory that neither of us chose to speak on, just like our father.
“I’ll replace your table,” Staten came out the room after his tantrum. I didn’t know who was worse, him or a five-year-old.
“Why do you get yourself so mad? I’m not worth that shit.” I replied as I took a bite of my bacon.
“The fuck you mean? Your life is worth being upset about. You fucking around with your life is worth fucking shit up over.”
It was so hard having someone come in and try to change your life. This was a life that I had created for ten years. Everything inside of my life I had control over and who I chose to deal with was my choice. I purposely didn’t get into relationships because I didn’t want to have to reveal the demons I held locked up in my closet. Relationships meant that you had to be vulnerable and reveal your cards, ju
st like the other person. Sitting down and telling someone about my life and all the things I had going on wasn’t at the top of the list. Having someone eat my pussy, fuck me hard and then sending them on their way was how I had got through all these years. I craved real love, everyone did. Yet, I wasn’t at a place in my life where I would be willing to accept it.
“You seem more concerned than I am. To be honest, you’re being dramatic about the shit. I have this under control and have had it under control without you.”
“You almost killed a fucking patient, you’ve been ignoring calls from your son and you think you have it all under control? I fucking walked into your apartment with you on the couch sleep with white under your nose. How the fuck do you think you have shit under control?”
The door’s bell chimed, and I looked at Staten. He looked just as confused as me. I left my half-eaten plate on the counter and went to the front door. My heart’s beat quickened when I saw Pook standing there. Staten came behind me.
“Open the door. The fuck you standing here frozen for? It better not be a fucking dealer either, Liberty.” He swung open the door and laid eyes on Pook. “The fuck you doing at my girl’s door?”
“Your girl?” Pook chuckled. “Lil nigga, you don’t want these problems.” He smirked and leaned on the door. “Lib, you gonna let him treat me like this?” he looked at me and I froze. I froze because Pook hadn’t been a second thought on my mind. I wasn’t worried about the fact that he threatened my mom if I didn’t get his money.
“Um, yeah come in,” I held the door open wider and Staten stood there blocking the entrance.
“Liberty, I’ll knock you and the old ass nigga out right here and go take a shit when I’m done. Don’t you ever fucking invite another nigga in your crib. And you, you know where the fuck I be so go ahead and come find me and call me a lil nigga then.” Staten pushed me back and slammed the door.
