by Rhian Cahill
“I have no regrets,” she whispered over her shoulder.
“What?” He leaned closer. “I couldn’t hear you.”
“I don’t regret what we did.”
His eyes widened, his gaze searching hers. “I don’t either.”
“Good.” She turned to face him fully. “It was . . .” Stupendous. Magnificent. Unforgettable.
One side of his mouth kicked up. “Yeah, it was.”
“It can’t happen again.”
“I—” Rylan shook his head. “What?”
“We can’t do that again. I’m not looking for a relationship. I like you. I think of you as a friend, but we can’t have sex again.”
“O . . . kay.”
“Don’t get me wrong, you were great. It was great. I’m just not interested in a repeat.”
“You’re not interested . . .”
“Please, don’t think this is your fault—”
“Is this an it’s not you, it’s me conversation?”
Mazey cringed. “As much as I hate to admit it, yes, that’s exactly what this is.”
“Okay. No more sex. Can we still be friends?”
“Friends?” She couldn’t control the little bubble of delight that burst inside her at his request. He wanted to remain friends. “Yes, of course. Of course. That’s what I want. And thank you. You probably don’t want to hear this, but I needed that.”
One of his dark brows arched. “Oh, you needed that did you?” He stepped closer, his body heat brushing against her skin. “Well, if ever you need that again . . .”
“Ah, um, well,” stammering, she swallowed to clear her throat. “Okay.”
Rylan grinned. “Okay.”
What had she just agreed to? “Ry—”
“I’m going to make coffee and grab some of that pie if there’s any left. You want some?” he asked as if they weren’t standing in the shower naked after having had sex against the wall.
“Um, sure. Yes, coffee and pie would be great.”
“See you out there then.” He scooped his wet underwear from the floor before he turned and left the stall, not one bit self-conscious of his naked state as he walked out into the common area of the bathroom.
She closed her eyes. She hoped no one was out there. Shit! What if someone had come in while they were in the shower together?
How could she go out there and face her colleagues wondering if one of them had heard them. If all of them knew what she and Rylan had done?
She’d never be able to look anyone in the eye.
A knock on the door made her jump and suck in a breath. “Y-yes?”
“Can I get you anything before I go?” Rylan asked through the closed door.
“Ah . . .”
“A towel?”
“Yes. Please. A towel would be good.” She switched off the water and stepped toward the door. It opened, and Rylan stuck his arm through the small gap, a towel clutched in his fist.
“Here. Do you need something else?”
“No. I’m good.” She took the towel and wrapped it around her body. Opening the door all the way, she stared up at Rylan. “Thank you.”
“No problem. I’ll go make us some coffee. See if I can find some pie to go with it.”
Nodding, she held the towel together with both hands between her breasts. “That would be great, thanks. Wait, I hid two pieces at the bottom of the refrigerator.”
“Perfect, I’ll see you in the kitchen.” He glanced behind him quickly, then bent forward, brought his mouth close to her ear. “No one knows we were in here together. They were all outside talking to Levi and his partner, who turned up when we came in here.”
“Oh. Okay.” The relief that filled her eased her breath, loosened the tension in her shoulders and back, and she lowered herself to the bench beside the door.
“I don’t kiss and tell, Maz. About anything.”
She looked up at Rylan. A small smile curling her lips. “So, nobody knows I threw up all over you last weekend?”
“No. And they never will.” His hand came toward her, but he pulled it back before he touched her. “Take your time.”
The door closed between them before she could thank him again. Staring at it blindly, she tried to remember the last time someone had taken care of her the way Rylan had in the previous week. That he’d done it without strings.
Whenever Stuart had done something for her, it was in expectation she’d do something for him, he’d always required her to reciprocate.
Could Rylan really not want anything from her?
She’d never had a friendship with a man before, not one that didn’t include sex.
Her gaze moved to the shower. Okay, so they’d had sex. But they weren’t going to continue to have sex, and he’d seemed fine with that. He’d asked to stay friends. And when he had, she’d been relieved that what she’d done, virtually thrown herself at him, hadn’t destroyed what she now realized was one of the two friendships she treasured most in her new life.
Rylan and Alyssa were the two people she felt closest to, and she’d be devastated if she’d ruined things with Rylan.
“No.” She pushed to her feet. “He still wants to be friends. It’ll be fine.”
But even as the words echoed in her ears, she wondered if they could remain friends after the explosive sex they’d just had.
She hadn’t had that many sexual relationships. In fact, she’d slept with a total of five men in her entire life, including Rylan, and she’d been seeing those other four men for months before they’d gotten physically intimate.
So why did she feel closer—more connected—to Rylan than she’d ever felt with anyone else?
18
Rylan pulled up in front of Mazey’s house and drew in a deep breath.
They’d stuck to their agreement. They were friends.
In the two weeks, one day and fourteen hours since they’d had sex—and yes, he was counting—they’d kept to their friends only deal.
How he’d kept his hands off her, he couldn’t say. There were a lot of close moments where he’d almost blown it. He wanted nothing more than to get his hands on her again.
He had a crippling case of blue balls most of the time. The only relief he’d found was in the few seconds after he’d given in and put his own hand to work. Not that it mattered how many times he did or didn’t take things into his own hands, he still wanted her to the marrow of his bones.
It didn’t help when the glances between them were loaded with lust either. Rylan was sure others had noticed. The sparks that flew around them when they were close couldn’t be invisible.
At first, he’d thought they weren’t going to be able to stay friends, but after a couple of days, they found a rhythm that worked.
Well, it worked if he didn’t count his blue balls.
Today would be a test though. Mazey had agreed to go shopping with him to purchase everything he needed for the barbecue he was hosting tomorrow. The furniture and grill he’d ordered online had arrived on Wednesday, and he’d spent Thursday putting it all together and moving it around his deck to decide where the best place for each new piece was.
He still wasn’t sure he’d gotten that right. He’d have to ask Mazey later.
When she would be at his house.
She hadn’t just agreed to go shopping with him.
She’d agreed to help him set everything up. Today and tomorrow.
They’d be together for two straight days. He couldn’t wait, even knowing he was in for hours of torture. Being around her and not touching her was getting harder and harder, and he wasn’t referring to the state of his dick. He’d given up on that ever going soft again. Keeping to the friends only pact was going to kill him by starving his brain of oxygen.
He didn’t only want to touch her. He wanted to spend time with her. Wanted to ask more questions about her, about her past. The need to know everything about her rode him just as hard as the need to get her naked.
There wa
sn’t anything about her he didn’t want. He’d never felt this way with any other woman. Not even Renee and he’d married her.
He couldn’t afford to blow it with Mazey. The idea of not having her in his life left him gutted in a way his failed marriage hadn’t. He had to find a way to bring them closer without scaring her off. If he could just keep his libido in check.
Shoving out of his truck, he slammed the door behind him and headed across her lawn. Mazey met him on her porch.
“I’m ready.” She smiled at him, and it took everything he had not to lean down and press his mouth to hers.
Fuck!
How was he going to make it through today and tomorrow without touching her, kissing her, fucking her?
He cleared his throat and forced a smile. “Great. I’ve got the list, and I cleared space at home for everything.”
“Let’s go then.”
Rylan almost groaned. That smile. It made him think of a million dirty things she could do with her mouth. Starting with kissing. He licked his lips.
Shit!
They needed to get moving, get to the shop before he pushed her back into her house and took that mouth with more than his.
“Ready?” He growled as he spun around and all but ran for his truck. He was behind the wheel, the engine running before Mazey got in.
“Are we in a hurry?” she asked as she locked her seatbelt in.
“What?” His gaze darted to hers. “Oh, no. Sorry. I’m a little nervous about tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.
She put her hand on his arm. “It’ll be fine. It’s just a backyard barbecue with friends.”
There was that word again. Friends. He had plenty, including the woman next to him, but he wanted far more than friendship with Mazey, and for the first time since he’d agreed to be just friends, Rylan realized he wasn’t going to be able to keep that pledge.
Because his plan to wait a year after moving to Sunnyville and starting at Mercy-Life to get back in circulation was a failure since he found himself already circling. And the woman in his sights didn’t want him.
Well, she did. He couldn’t deny the heated looks she gave him, and he couldn’t miss the way her body reacted when he was near.
No. Mazey Novak might not be looking to get involved, but neither of them could deny their chemistry.
Rylan only had to wait her out.
He glanced at the hand on his arm and covered it with his own. “If I haven’t said it yet, thank you for helping with this.”
“No need to thank me. It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do.” She shrugged and pulled her hand from beneath his.
He didn’t miss the way her breathing had hitched when he’d touched her, and he didn’t miss the hungry look in her eyes either, but like the good friend that he was, Rylan ignored it and put the truck in gear. “Me either. It’s why as much as I’m nervous about having everyone over, I’m also excited. I’ve never done this type of socializing. In the army, if we hung out away from work, it was usually at a bar.”
“I guess that’s the standard for single guys.”
“The women too. No shortage of females in the army, and they were just as likely to be found at a bar as the men.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean . . .”
Rylan smiled. “I know you didn’t.”
“Well, um, where’s the list?”
He tipped his chin at the console between them as he navigated through traffic. “On my phone.”
“Can I add a few things to it? I thought of something this morning,” she explained, reaching for his phone.
Glancing at her, Rylan asked, “You’re still making pies, right?”
“Yes. But I have an idea about something else for the kids. I thought maybe you should have some popsicles on hand. It’s supposed to be hot tomorrow.”
“Really?” He hadn’t thought about checking the weather. Shaking his head, he admitted, “I didn’t even think about the weather.”
“They’re saying high eighties.”
“Wow, okay, yeah, popsicles for the kids would be a good idea.” He pulled into the grocery store parking lot. “How many are coming? Kids, I mean.”
“I don’t know. Didn’t you ask?”
“No. Gray only said to cater for about thirty people.”
“Surely he meant adults and kids.”
Rylan shrugged. “Who knows. I’ll get extra burgers and dogs. I can always freeze whatever doesn’t get used.”
“True.” She cracked her door when he turned off the engine. “We should probably get two carts. That way, we can keep the heavy stuff in one and the rest in the other. You don’t want to squash the burger buns.”
“Right. One cart each.” He stepped out of the truck and walked around to meet her. “It’s a good thing you’re here. I’d have never thought about that, plus I’d probably end up having to do two runs through the store.”
Mazey smiled at him. “That’s what friends are for.”
“Shopping together?” He’d never gone grocery shopping with anyone. Not even Renee.
She linked her arm through his and tugged him forward. “Yep. Get a move on. I need to get home in enough time to make the pies tonight.”
“You’re not going to make them at my place?” He’d been looking forward to watching her bake.
“What?” She looked up at him as they walked into the store. “You thought I’d make them at your place?”
“Well, yeah, I just assumed . . . but now I think about it you’d have to bring whatever you might need. I don’t have much in the way of kitchen accessories. Only the basic standard things. Definitely no pie plates.”
“I love to bake.” Mazey let him go and reached for a cart. “I’ve done more baking in the last few weeks than I have in the last few years.”
The frown that took over her face made him wonder why she hadn’t baked as much before moving to Sunnyville. Had her job taken up all her time? “I, for one, am really glad you’re baking a lot.” He rubbed his belly. “You can never have too much pie.”
“Pie isn’t the only thing I can bake.”
Rylan laughed. “Of that, I have no doubt. After weeks of eating your cooking at work, I don’t doubt you could bake anything you wanted to. You can bake or cook for me any time you want.”
She stopped, her head tipping slightly to the side as she frowned at him. “You’d want me to cook for you outside of work?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? So far, I’ve loved everything of yours I’ve tasted, and it beats going out or getting carryout.” Rylan tried not to think about what else, other than Mazey’s food, he’d tasted. Or the things he hadn’t.
“Hmmm . . .” Turning, she pushed her cart toward the fresh produce section. “Get your list out.”
He didn’t know what had just happened. He’d said something that put a shimmer of sadness in her eyes he hadn’t seen before. Did she not like cooking for others? Had she done it before and had to stop?
There was so much about her he didn’t know. As her friend, did he have the right to ask?
Right or not, Rylan promised he’d get to the bottom of that look she’d given him.
He wanted to know what caused it and then he wanted to make sure he erased it from her memory.
Then he wanted to make sure nothing put that sad look in her eyes ever again.
19
Mazey juggled two shopping bags as she stepped through the doorway between Rylan’s garage and house.
She’d been so surprised when they pulled into the driveway a few minutes ago. His home was not what she’d expected. She thought it would be something similar to her place, a small house with a bit of a yard. He was a bachelor, after all. But it wasn’t.
Rylan lived in a big two-story with an attached garage.
It didn’t fit her assumptions at all.
The fact he lived in a house and not an apartment had come as a shock but this . . .
Well, this was so fa
r out of her expectations for Rylan’s home she felt a little ashamed.
Why couldn’t he have a home designed for a family?
He might be single, but that didn’t mean he wanted to stay that way. Or planned to stay that way.
The thought of Rylan finding a woman to share this big house with tightened Mazey’s chest.
“Put those down on the island counter. We’ll put the cold stuff away, then I’ll give you a tour,” Rylan said, coming into the house behind her.
“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll help you put everything away then get out of your hair.” She put the bags where he said and started unpacking one. She would not look at his gourmet kitchen with its state-of-the-art appliances and granite counters.
“What? You’re leaving? I thought we were prepping some of the food today?”
“The only thing that has to be done today is the pies, and I’m making those at home.”
“Oh.” Rylan frowned at her. “Okay.”
Mazey couldn’t say why the thought of touring Rylan’s house made her want to run. It made no sense. It was just a house. Except the idea of walking through each room with him made her sad, and that made her want to escape.
She was lying to herself. She knew exactly why touring his house made her want to run.
It represented everything she wanted, had wanted, her entire life.
A home, a big house with a loving partner, and a bunch of kids running around underfoot. Maybe a dog to keep those kids busy in the backyard.
He lived here alone, she knew that, and she’d be stupid to think he’d stay single until she was ready to explore the connection between them. And that just made her downright depressed.
They didn’t speak as they put the perishables in the fridge and set everything else on the counter ready for tomorrow morning when she’d come back to help him get ready before everyone arrived.
The last thing had been placed in the fridge when he said, “Don’t worry about the drinks. I’ll put them on ice first thing in the morning.”
“Oh, okay.” She glanced at the garage door where the drinks were in the back of his truck. There was no reason for her to stay now. And even if she didn’t want to tour his house, she didn’t want to leave.
