by Natalie Ann
“My father worked a lot, and when he wasn’t, my mother wanted all the attention on her. The Landers name meant more to her than anything.”
“But she didn’t work. What did she do with her time?”
“Not much. That didn’t mean she was home for me. She was more into luncheons and event planning. She’d met my father at some charity event my grandfather funded and had forced my father to attend back in the day. They married and had me.”
“Are you an only child?” she asked.
“I am. Thankfully. I’m surprised my mother even had me, as she wasn’t much of the maternal type.”
“I know that type.” Surprising, how they had that in common.
“I’ve got cousins, and they’re part of the family business. None of us are really ‘trust fund kids’ in that we just live off someone else’s money. It wouldn’t be allowed.”
“By your parents?” she asked.
He laughed. “Hardly. My grandfather. As my grandfather told me when he was giving me the final lecture at sixteen from an interrogation room at a police station, I had a choice to make. My parents were living off of my father’s trust fund because my mother thought money was water and all she had to do was turn on a faucet wherever she was. My grandfather dropped my trust fund on the table in front of me that night and flipped open a lighter. He told me to get it together or I was on my own. He doesn’t make idle threats.”
“Why were you arrested?” she asked. Maybe she was completely wrong about him and she was thinking she needed to get out of this bed in a hurry.
“I wasn’t arrested. I never was. I was seeking attention in any form I could. I liked to speed in my car, among other childish shit I did as a kid. I was drag racing and got caught. Thought my father would come pick me up and give me a lecture, show me he cared or had time for me. Anything. Instead the cops got sick of me visiting them and called my grandfather.”
“The threat of losing your trust fund turned your life around?” she asked.
“No. My grandfather told me to make him proud. He was the only one that ever paid much attention to me. The only one I ever felt cared about me enough. When he told me that, I was stunned. I had no idea how to make him proud. I asked him how I was supposed to do that.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me to make myself proud first.”
“So you went into medicine for him?”
“I went in to help him.”
She turned to look at him and saw a sadness in his eyes. “Is he ill?”
“He has Parkinson Disease. I had no idea I was going to go into medicine back then. I just got into a college and figured I’d pick a field after a year or so. That summer he’d taken me to Kent Island, he’d told me he was just diagnosed with it. It was early yet and there are a lot more advances than there used to be. He was proud I’d turned the last two years of my life around, and wanted me to spend the summer with him to learn to relax.”
“Relax?” she asked. That was an odd thing to want an eighteen-year-old to learn.
“He never relaxed much in his life at all. Always on the go. He knows now he has to take the time to care for himself. He has to cut back his work when he is more symptomatic. No one else spent the summer with him—but me—that year he’d found out. I saw what it did to him. I saw a vulnerable side to him I never thought I’d see. That summer, he taught me a lot, but most of all it was a turning point in my life. It wasn’t about me anymore. It wasn’t about me seeking attention. It was about being there for the only person who actually believed in me.”
“I believe in you, Connor.” Yeah, she was already in love with him.
Thought of Often
“So things are going well with Connor?” Sheldon asked her a few weeks later.
“You know they are. I tell you everything,” Melissa said. Labor Day had come and gone. She and Connor had a routine now. They saw each other a few times a week. They talked when they could, but during the day was hard for him. During the night harder for her. She was trying her damnedest to shut her phone off for a few hours a night just to be with him.
He was doing the same when he wasn’t on call. By now he knew she got bothered when his phone went off a lot. She was still insecure about his past and maybe a bit skittish about having been with Stephen and never realizing he was married. She could almost always tell when Connor was getting a call or a text from a woman he’d known before her. He’d look at his phone, force a blank face on, and pretend it was nothing, then put his phone away.
“But you’re still unsure of something?” Sheldon asked.
“Not really.”
“Yes, really. Lift your glasses up so I can see your eyes,” Sheldon said.
They were sitting on her dock right now. It didn’t matter it was September; it was still in the high eighties and the sun felt fabulous.
“There,” Melissa said, tilting them down so Sheldon could see her eyes better. “I’m not lying to you.”
“I didn’t say you were. I asked if you were still unsure of something.”
There was no use pretending. “I guess. I know he gets calls from other women all the time.”
“Does he take those calls when he is with you?”
“No.”
“Then how do you even know who they’re from?”
“I just know. I can see the change in him.”
“If he isn’t taking the calls, then what is the problem?”
“Is he taking them when he isn’t with me?” she asked. It was something she thought of often and wished she didn’t.
“Have you asked him that?”
“Of course not.”
“Why not?” Sheldon asked. “You’re not afraid to say anything else to him, why not talk about that?”
“I don’t want him to think I’m jealous.”
“But you are,” Sheldon said, pointing at her.
“Thanks for being a great friend,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“Glad I could help. Seriously though. Talk to him about it.”
“I’m not sure what to say.” Which was odd because she never lacked confidence in what she should say before, but everything about her and Connor’s relationship was making her nuts lately.
“Just ask him. You’ve been upfront about everything else. Ask him that.”
“I should just say ‘so how many women call or text you in an average week and how many do you respond to’?”
“Yep. I would.”
Melissa snorted. Sheldon would totally do that. “I’ll think about it.”
“So what else is there beside his phone?”
“We haven’t done anything together in Annapolis or Baltimore. Every time we’re together it’s on the island.”
“So? He wants a house here. You’re showing him properties and showing him around the island.”
“I think he doesn’t want anyone to see us together.”
“Because you’re such an ugly troll. Get over yourself, Melissa. I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“I’ve never been like this before. What’s wrong with me?”
“That’s a loaded question. Do you want me to answer it completely?”
Melissa laughed. Sheldon was exactly what she needed right now. “Just in regards to my relationship with Connor.”
“It’s kind of funny you’re asking me this, don’t you think?”
“Very much so, which is why I know I’m losing my mind.”
Sheldon reached down and splashed water on her, which caused her to do it back, and the two of them got into a little childish water war. When they were both cooled off and giggling, Sheldon said, “You never thought you’d be in a relationship with him. Admit it. You thought by now he’d do something to tick you off and you’d go back and say ‘I knew it’ and that hasn’t happened yet. You’re waiting for it to happen.”
“Sad but true. It’s like I’m afraid to get too close because I’m fearful I’m just going to get hurt.”
&n
bsp; “We all get hurt in life, Melissa. You know I did. You lectured me enough about my life and opinions and look at where I am today. You need to forget about Stephen and the other prick when you first started working. They’re in the past. Put them in the grave with a bunch of creepy crawly worms and beetles. Stop letting them influence you anymore.”
“I know. But your situation was different. Erik is different than Connor.”
“Not so much. From what you told me he had a pretty odd childhood. Privileged for sure, but neglected in a way. What he did was for attention. Maybe he’s matured enough to not need that attention.”
“He’s all but said that a few times.”
“Then, again, what is the problem?”
“He hasn’t asked me to go to the ceremony in two weeks.” Connor’s grandfather was a big supporter of the University of Maryland Medical Center and he donated money for a new wing in the hospital in Baltimore. Erik and Sheldon were going and she was sure Connor was too, but he hadn’t said a word to her about it.
“I just found out three days ago,” Sheldon argued. “You said you haven’t seen Connor in four days.”
“But we talked two days ago and we text every day.”
“Maybe he wants to ask you in person.”
“Maybe,” Melissa said. But she felt there was more to it. That maybe Connor was embarrassed to bring her around his friends and colleagues. His grandfather. She expected his parents would be there too. She probably wasn’t good enough in their eyes.
So the next day when she was showing Connor another house, she decided to bring it up. “So this was a no go too?” she asked, after she locked the door behind them.
“Sorry. It just doesn’t feel right. I know you think I’m a pain, but I want it to feel right and it doesn’t.”
“You could make the kitchen the way you want it and it has a tiny beach.”
“I know. It’s not just that. I can’t explain it. It doesn’t feel right here,” he said, touching his chest.
“I get it. I really do. It’s just as we get further into fall, and then winter, it’s going to be even harder to find that house for you. I hope you aren’t in a hurry.”
“No hurry,” he said. “I’ve got all the time in the world. I can stay at your place when I want to get to the island.” He pulled her in and kissed her quickly. He did that a lot. Just like he’d been spending more time at her place. She’d only spent that one night at his. Their first night together.
“Why don’t we get some dinner in Annapolis tonight?” she asked.
“I’d rather stay here. It’s quieter and closer for you. I can drive in in the morning.”
An argument she’d heard before. “I don’t have anything scheduled in the morning. I can leave when you do and come home and do some paperwork. Then it’s less of a drive for you to get to work.”
“There is that,” he said, looking like he was going to agree. “I just like it here better.”
She couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you seeing someone else?”
“What? Where did that come from?”
“Just answer me,” she asked, fighting the moisture in her eyes. Her heart was racing and she was afraid tears were going to spring forth like a geyser.
“No,” he said. “But this is a conversation to have at your house, so let’s go there and finish it.”
“Fine,” she said. They drove over together, so he climbed back in her car and they made the silent trip to the other side of the island and into her house. “Go on and explain to me why we never do anything in Annapolis. Why you always want to be here.”
“I don’t want anyone to see us together.”
At that moment her heart broke.
The Context
“I knew it,” she said, tears forming. “You’re seeing someone else.”
“No,” he said. “You don’t understand. And that explanation came out completely wrong.”
“I think it came out exactly right. If you’re not seeing someone else, then you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“It’s not that either,” he said, losing his patience. He knew he’d have to address this at some point, but was hoping to push it off. He’d noticed her distance this past week. He was afraid he was losing all he gained and knew now was the time to talk about this before it got any worse.
“Then what is it?”
He pulled her into his arms, horrified she looked so miserable. He never realized he could make this big of a mess of something. “I don’t want my mother to know.”
“Geez, that makes it sound all the better.”
He shifted her back. “You don’t get it. My grandfather knows about you, but my parents don’t. You know my grandfather means the world to me.”
He’d told his grandfather two weeks ago. When they knew when the ceremony for the new wing was going to be, he’d told his grandfather that he’d been seeing someone and he wanted to bring her to the event. His grandfather laughed, and told him that he should know better than to bring women to these events as it brought the claws out of his mother.
He’d told his grandfather more, that he cared about Melissa, that he thought he might be falling in love with her and he wanted to show her around.
“You better be positive before you do that because your mother will be there and she’ll say something. She’ll say a lot. If it’s just a short-term fling, she’ll be nasty, if it’s something serious, she could be even nastier.”
“I know. I don’t know how to handle this. I know Melissa can hold her own. I just don’t get why my mother would be worse, but something tells me she would be.”
“Because she knows darn well that if you settle down and have a family, a bulk of the trust goes to your family and away from her. I have so much allocated to each of my children and then it’s split between their children. If you add another generation, it lessens her share.”
“I didn’t know that,” he said. Not that he cared in the least though. Money didn’t matter much to him, not like it did to his parents. He had more than enough to get by on for the rest of his life without any more added from his trust fund. Something he barely touched as it was.
“They know it. They’ve always known it. Your father was the one that wanted kids, not your mother. That’s why they stopped after you.”
Connor supposed that made sense now. “Talk about selfish.”
“Did you expect any differently?” his grandfather had asked him.
“No.”
“Then be upfront and honest with Melissa about it. Otherwise, you might lose her.”
Melissa shoved out of his arms. “Explain it to me then, because I’m starting to feel really great about myself right now.”
“Let’s sit down.” It was like ripping a band-aid off a hairy leg. It had to be done fast and was still going to smart like hell. “My mother doesn’t want me to settle down. She doesn’t want me to consider having any relationship at all. If I do—if I bring another generation into the world—then my father’s trust fund will shrink. She doesn’t want that. And anytime I bring a woman out in the public and she’s there, she makes herself known. Makes sure those women know she’s a witch and she won’t go away. I’ve given up reacting to it at this point since it only fuels it even more.”
“What does she say to those women?”
“It doesn’t matter the words, it’s the context. If it’s someone I’m just bringing as a date, she makes sure the person knows they’re nothing but a disposable commodity.”
“And if it’s more than just a date?”
“I don’t know what she’d say, but something tells me it’ll be worse. You’ll be the first and I’m not sure I want to expose you to that just yet or out in public for the first time.” He reached his hand for hers and held it loosely. The protectiveness was new to him.
“I’m tougher than you think,” she said.
His lips twitched. “So says the woman who asked me if I was cheating on her.”
“You get
calls and texts all the time. You force yourself to not have a reaction to them but I see it anyway. What am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to trust me. Yes, I get texts and calls from women in my past, but I delete them. I don’t call them back and haven’t once. I see people when I’m out, women I’ve been with and I’m embarrassed over it now. I don’t know if I’m ready to have you see that either.”
He couldn’t remember ever being embarrassed over his past before, but now it was this heavy cloud over his head that the sun couldn’t evaporate, nor would it move away with gale force winds.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t either. Just trust me, please.” He held his breath, waiting for her response.
“Is that why you haven’t asked me to go to the ceremony?”
He knew she’d know about it. Erik and Sheldon were going. “Yes. But I was going to bring it up tonight. I really was. This is how the conversation started with my grandfather. I told him I wanted to bring you. That I wanted him to meet you. That I was ready to take that step.”
“What did he have to say?”
“He seems to think that it’s time I put you out there if you’re starting to mean something to me, and you are. That I needed to be upfront with you so I didn’t lose you.”
She cracked a grin and pulled him into her arms, held him tight and he felt for one moment in time that things might just work out. “I think I might like your grandfather.”
He snorted. “I know you will. So what do you say? Want to go with me?”
“Yes.”
***
Later that night, Melissa watched Connor sleeping next to her. She felt foolish for what she’d been so concerned about. And though she was happy it wasn’t what she thought, now she had another fear. Coming face to face with the woman who made Connor into who he was.
The woman who didn’t love him or care for him, who made him act out for attention that he never got. She supposed she should be thankful Connor had his grandfather, but if he didn’t, then what would have happened to his life?
