by Trio, L. M.
“What am I looking at?” Luke asks as I hold tightly onto his hand while Maria, Lucca and De sit across from us, their faces covered with worry.
“They’re offering a plea deal four to seven years. For provocational manslaughter, that is the lesser of the manslaughter charges. That means that you didn’t intend to kill the person, something happened that made you act in the moment and not think about the consequences. The other option is going to trial. You may get acquitted, have the charges dropped altogether, but, given the defense testimonies, if the jury chooses to believe them, you could end up with a more serious manslaughter charge, which carries more time. Possibly, ten to fifteen years. It will probably be close to a year before they schedule the trial.”
De abruptly leaves the room, unable to deal with his options. I hear Maria gasp and quietly sob. Luke is ignoring her, staring only at his lawyer. He’s squeezing my hand so tightly; I don’t think he even realizes it. “What’s your recommendation?” he asks his lawyer.
“I’m good. I admit. We could go to trial and hope for the best. You have great character witnesses all around you. There are a lot of people willing to testify on your behalf. I’ve had dozens of letters from reputable people willing to testify. The prosecution is aware of this, that’s why they offered the plea... On the other hand, I’ve seen the girlfriend cleaned up. She’s got a kid, not his, but still, she can come off looking like a sympathetic, poor, single mother trying to raise her child alone. They’ll portray you as a snobby privileged pro athlete, celebrity type that thinks he can get away with anything. You know it’s not true, I know it’s not true, but it’s convincing to the jury. Considering where the trial will be held, you may end up with more people in their shoes, than yours.”
“Again, what’s your recommendation?” Luke asks sternly.
“With a plea, it’s a done deal. Good behavior, you could be out in maybe a year and half to two. Put this all behind you.”
“When would I leave?”
“I don’t know. I’d have to check.”
“I’ll take the plea, but I want to start immediately. I can’t sit around here waiting.”
Just then, Mikey arrives and swiftly sits by Luke’s other side. He has the day off and flew in to be with Luke. Luke fills him in on the details of accepting the plea versus going to trial. Mikey verifies everything with the lawyer and instantly agrees with Luke.
Lucca interrupts, “Luciano, we need to talk about this before you make a hasty decision.” Maria and I both nod in agreement.
“He just laid it all out Dad... I could start my time now or wait for a trial, which could take almost a year. I can’t live with this hangin’ over my head for that long, not knowin’ the outcome. I may even end up with a longer sentence. To me it’s a gamble. I would rather take the deal and that’s it; a year and half to two years. If I start now, I’ll be done by the time I’m twenty-one. I’d rather get it over with. I did it, there’s no gettin’ out of it. I don’t even know if I could live with myself if I did.” This time I squeeze his hand.
Lucca asks the lawyer if we can call him in the morning with an answer. He says it’s fine, but he has to have an answer by the following day. We sit around and talk it over. After hearing Luke’s argument, I agree with him, and so does De. Lucca and Maria are unsure, but it’s their son, they won’t be able to accept any situation. Lucca and Maria need time to absorb everything.
Later that evening, Luke and I take a walk to the beach to try and get our minds off everything that is going on. As we walk along the water, not speaking for what seems like forever, I suddenly can’t take the silence any longer. “What are you thinking?” I ask as we find a quiet spot along the beach.
“I’m actually relieved that my mind is made up. I’m okay with my decision. I just want to get it over with. I killed someone, JJ. I have to do this.”
“It was an accident, Luke. He wasn’t a good person. If you didn’t step in, he may have killed her. You can’t possibly think you deserve this?”
“That’s not the way they’re saying it happened. There are a lot more of them and only me and you.”
“They’re lying.”
“I don’t care. I have to do this. I just need you. I need to know that you will wait for me.”
“Are you serious?” My eyes begin to well. “It’s only a year and a half for God’s sake.”
He wipes a fallen tear from my face. “Maybe... It could be four to seven.”
“I don’t care if it’s ten to twenty. How could you even ask me something like that?”
“I love you,” he says as he pulls me close to him.
“Me, too... Let’s go home.”
We go back to my house and lock ourselves in my room, thankful for the privacy of being alone. It’s been hard sitting around with everyone at Luke’s house. We have all been so upset the last couple of weeks. With my dad working, we can escape for a while, try to focus on each other and try to forget, even if it’s just for a short time.
The next morning Lucca informs the lawyer of Luke’s decision and he goes to work right away to finalize the details.
Chapter 42(Jesse)
The prosecution agrees to let Luke begin his sentence right away. He’s to turn himself in by the weekend. Only when I’m alone, do I allow myself to break down. I have to stay strong for him, but I have that constant lump in my throat and pain in my heart. I can’t believe this is happening.
In the days leading up to the weekend, Luke’s attitude begins to change. He distances himself from everyone, including me. It hurts, but I hang in there, knowing how he’s feeling. I’ve been through this before. You feel like your whole life just came crumbling down. It’s happening again, but at least I still have him. I just have to make him see, we will get through this.
The morning before he leaves, we have just awakened from a nice quiet night at my house. We’re lying in my bed talking. I’m reassuring him that everything is going to work out as he holds me tightly in his strong arms. It is just a minor setback, I’m telling him. I want him to know that I’ll be there every week to visit him.
“I love you, babe, but it will be a little hard to fly in every week from Florida to visit, you’ll be busy with school. We can talk and write as much as possible,” he says enthusiastically while rubbing the back of my head as I rest it on his chest.
“I’m not leaving you, silly. Do you really think I will go to Florida without you? I’m signing up at ACC.” The local community college. “Then, when you come home, we’ll go together as planned,” I say as I snuggle closer and tilt my head up to look at him.
I feel his body tense and then he sits up. “Wait... What?” he asks confusedly.
I sit up beside him. “I’m not going to Florida without you.”
“Yes. Yes, you are... You have a scholarship... You paid your tuition. End of discussion.”
“I can’t leave.”
“Yes, you can and you will. You think I’m goin’ to ruin your life, too? You think I want that on my conscience? This isn’t goin’ to work,” he says angrily as he jumps out of bed and begins to dress.
“What do you mean by that? What’s not going to work? This is my choice, you have no say. You can’t tell me what to do. This is what I want,” I answer back sternly.
“Then, I don’t want to be with you. I don’t want to be with someone that would give up their dream so they can stick around here to visit their boyfriend in prison, like some low-life.”
He starts heading for my door. I jump out of bed and throw my sweatshirt over my head. “Where are you going? Don’t you walk out of here, Luke. Why are you acting like this?” I ask as I block the door.
His face and tone soften as he reaches out and tenderly holds my face in his hands. “You have to stick to your plan. You have to go to school. You’ll go, right?”
“I am going to school, just not in Florida. My mind is made up, I’m staying with you. It’s done. I’ve already called,” I say, giving him a smile a
s I rest my head against his hand. I didn’t really call, but I’m planning on it.
His face twists into some monster-like form that I do not recognize. He drops his hands to his side as he stiffens his shoulders, jaw clenched, fury burning in his eyes, daring me to look away. “The truth is Jesse... you’re too fuckin’ needy and I don’t need this shit. I don’t need you,” he emphasizes calmly as he pushes me aside, leaving me standing alone in my room, shocked.
After crying my eyes out for what seems like forever, I realize that he didn’t mean what he said. He’s blowing off steam. That’s good. He needs to blow off steam. I’ll give him the day to cool down and we’ll talk later. We’ll figure it out together.
Chapter 43(Luke)
“Hey, what are you doing here? We’ve… You’ve got a game tonight,” I say, sitting at my laptop in my room.
“They gave me the night off,” Mikey answers, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a bear hug.
“Nice, you came to see me off to the chair,” I answer sarcastically.
“I came to remind you that you will be back in no time and we’ll… I’ll… be waiting to get you back on the field with me.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
“Don’t be an asshole.”
We both laugh. I’m glad he’s here. He’s the only one I think I can stand to be around right now. I don’t have to act any certain way in front of him, he’s not staring at me, wondering what I’m thinking, scared of what I’ll do next, afraid of what to say to me.
“Where’s JJ?” He asks casually. Normally, this is a common question.
“That subject is off limits tonight,” I say as I head down the steps, passing my mom and De in the kitchen, not saying a word to them as we head out the door.
“Where we goin’?” he asks, following behind.
“Haven’t decided yet,” I answer as I get in the passenger seat of his car.
“What about your mom? I’m sure Maria has some big send-off dinner planned,” he jokes as he starts the car.
“That subject is off limits, too,” I answer dryly.
“Okay, buddy, you let me know,” he answers as we turn off our street. “Where to?”
“AC?”
“Sounds good,” he agrees.
We play the tables at the Tropicana for a couple of hours. I blow a lot of money in a really short amount of time. I don’t give a shit. I was always careful about spending money up until this point. I’ve hardly spent any of my bonus money. My biggest purchase to date is a house that I found in Petersburg, Florida. It’s an awesome, four bedroom fixer-upper that sits on the end of a private, tree-lined street. It’s on the canal and has its own private dock, surrounded by tropical foliage. I got a great deal because it needs a lot of work. I knew JJ would love it. I thought it would be fun fixing it up together. I was going to surprise her when she moved out, she doesn’t know about it. Oh well, what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. I’m going to talk to Mikey about it today, tell him to get rid of it… sell it for me.
Mikey’s the best, sitting beside me, letting me do my thing as he’s blowing through his money, too. Granted, he’s not betting as much as me, but he’s still willing to stick it out and not complain.
“You ready?” I ask, standing up from the table.
“Phew! Thought you’d never leave,” he says, punching me in the arm. “Yo. I’m starvin’, can we eat?”
I laugh. Actually, I’m hungry, too. I haven’t had an appetite lately. I want something good. After all, it is my last supper. I have to admit, even though my mind is racing in a million different directions, this is the first time in weeks that I feel somewhat at ease. We head over to The Palm and order a ton of food; filets, lobster, clams; you name it, we go way overboard, but that is the mood I’m in, to go way overboard. During dinner, we avoid any talk of family and baseball. We actually have an in depth talk about the upcoming football season.
After consuming large amounts of food and drinks, we head to the boardwalk so Mikey can walk off his buzz before getting back in the car. I offer to drive, what the hell else do I have to lose, but he won’t go for it.
“Alright, bud, I’m only goin’ to ask once. Is there anything you need me to do for you while you’re away?” he asks.
“Sell the house.”
“What about JJ? It’ll be there when you get out.”
“Nope, don’t want it anymore. As of right now, we’re over. I’m not ruining her life any more than what I have already done. She needs to move on. You think I want her hangin’ around here for the next few years waitin’ for me? I can’t have that on my shoulders man. She has too much talent to waste sittin’ around here waitin’ for me.”
“I don’t think it’s your decision to make for her,” he answers sarcastically.
“I’m not askin’ for opinions,” I state dryly. “Look. I need to end it now. It would kill me a year from now, she sends me a letter tellin’ me how much I mean to her, but she’s met someone else and needs more. I can’t deal with that. I can’t sit in there and be worryin’ about her, you get it?”
“I don’t know if I do. I think she’d wait ten years if she had to.”
“It’s got to be this way. Just check on her once in awhile. David will be worried sick with her in Florida alone. Make sure she does the fundraiser in the spring, it keeps her head straight.” I can feel my eyes beginning to fill. I turn to face the water.
“You got it. Whatever you want,” he answers. I reach in my pocket and hand him a check made payable to him. “What’s this for?” he asks, looking at the check, then at me as if I'm crazy.
“For whoever needs it. I booked the bowling alley for the fundraiser. I pay for it, but she doesn’t realize it. I was thinkin’ next year, maybe a golf outing… I don’t know, whatever, just make sure it gets done. You know, things like that. Make a donation to the foundation. Whatever you think. If De needs anything...”
He holds up his hand interrupting me. “Stop. You’re nuts. I’ll do all that without this, you know that,” he says, pushing the check towards me.
“I know. Humor me. It’ll make me feel a little better,” I joke, pulling my hand away.
He shakes his head and shoves the check in his pocket. We both know he’ll never cash it, but I feel better knowing he has it. It is my way of asking him to take care of things while I’m gone, even though, deep down, I know I don’t have to ask him.
We both stand silently, side by side, leaning on the railing, staring into the ocean. “You’re like my brother, man, you know that. I love ya and I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. I’m a phone call away,” Mikey says. I turn to give him a hug.
“I know. I’m countin’ on that. ”We look like two fags staring at the sun settin’ over the ocean and huggin’,” I joke to lighten the mood.
He pinches my ass to add to the show as we turn to head back to the parking garage to get the car.
“Where to?” he asks once again as we get in the car.
“CJ’s. I want to get hammered and forget about everything,” I answer.
“CJ’s it is.”
We speed off to my next destination. I text the guys, they’re going to meet us there. I know I should check in at home, but I’m not in the mood. Besides, I have a feeling Mikey is taking care of that.
We arrive before the others and head to our usual spot at the back bar. I’m not much of a drinker, but I’m ordering vodka on the rocks. Mikey has switched to beer halfway through dinner and is switching off with club soda now. When the guys arrive, they are raring to go, just like me. The shots start flowing and soon I can feel my head starting to spin. Alexa and her friends show up, she gives me a kiss and a hug and tells me she’s sorry to hear what has happened. Sure she is. I down another shot and keep my distance. I talk with the bartender, I can’t tell you about what, though, things are getting fuzzy. After a while, Mikey walks up behind me.
“Did you have enough yet? How about we head out?” he asks, patting m
y back.
“Yeah, sure, this sucks.” I slur as he guides me towards the doors and I try to get my feet to cooperate with my head. I’m wrecked and I miss JJ. I treated her like shit this morning. I need her tonight. I know I’m going to do the drunk thing and go knock on her door, beg her to forgive me and wait for me.
***
(Jesse)
De stops by dressed for her shift at CJ’s. She’s due to be in soon. We sit in my room as I try to pull myself together, not wanting to face anything that happened over the last few weeks, but, there is no time to feel sorry for myself right now. There are a lot of other people that are hurting, too. Maria and Lucca will be losing their son, watching all of his hopes and dreams crumble. De is losing her brother, who she has counted on her whole life. Mikey has to live with the guilt of continuing on this journey without his best friend, knowing how hard they worked to make it to where they are, or were in Luke’s case. Most of all, Luke’s' whole life is about to change, he’s lost everything, especially his respect for himself. Thankfully, he will not be lost forever.
I have to stay strong, make him see that it was an accident, he’s not to blame. He will have it all back someday. I didn’t handle things so great earlier. His words stung, but I should have been able to see through it, I should have known that it’s not me he is angry with. Tonight, our last night together, I will make sure he knows that no matter what happens, my love for him will never change, we’ll always be together.
“What are you thinking?” De asks sadly, realizing I’m lost in thought.
“I just need to get through to him. I know that I can, I just need some time alone. I shouldn’t have let him get to me earlier. I shouldn’t have let him walk out angry. I know he’s hurting.”
“It’s not your fault. He’s so angry, he won’t talk to anyone. He hasn’t even looked at me or my mom the last few days. My mom is a mess, my dad tried talking to him, but he won’t listen. He’s worse now than before. Mikey’s with him now, they were in AC and are heading to CJ’s.”
