Amy tipped her head back, laughing harder. “Wouldn’t you just die?”
“Ten deaths. Yes.”
Amy climbed into her car. “Hopefully I’ll see you again.”
“Maybe.” Heather wasn’t about to commit. She hadn’t even committed to a single date with Amy’s brother. Having lunch with his sister would be a bit weird.
She was smiling as she reentered the house though. She liked Amy. She liked Neil. They were obviously nice people who’d been raised by nice parents. Heather wondered if their parents lived nearby. She should have asked Amy.
In any case, it was likely their parents were closer to June and Ward Cleaver than Heather’s own parents who more closely resembled All in the Family.
When Heather stepped back inside, she intentionally moved that vase on the glass table all the way off-center, hid all the coasters from his end tables in a kitchen drawer, and then, giggling like a maniac, grabbed a sexy red thong from her suitcase and tucked it between two couch cushions.
So… Neil wasn’t nearly as perfect as she’d believed. Granted, he had told her he wasn’t, but it was hard to believe until his sister confirmed it.
Chapter 4
“I understand my sister stopped by,” Neil said in a flat voice when he called a few hours later.
“Yep. Enlightening.”
He groaned. “Are you mad?”
“About what? That you have a sister? That you have an ex-wife? That you were a pilot in the Army? That you do own outdoor plants? Or that I now know you won’t have a heart attack when you find my lingerie between the cushions?” She couldn’t resist needling him.
His laughter made her flush as she dropped onto the bed in the guest room and stared at the ceiling.
“I didn’t intentionally keep anything from you. I hope you don’t think that. We just haven’t gotten around to all my skeletons.”
She giggled. “I know. Don’t worry. It’s all good.”
He sighed. “Okay. I was concerned. Amy can be talkative. When she told me how long she’d stayed, I panicked a bit. Not because I have giant secrets but because I’d rather tell you my life story myself.”
“Well, she stopped short before telling me anything else for that reason, so no need to panic. I told her we were just friends. It would be weird if we’d been sleeping together for six months and I didn’t know anything about you.”
“I would never let that happen,” he said seriously.
“I know.” She rolled onto her side.
“I’m sure you have a dozen questions. I’ll answer all of them, but I’d rather not do so over the phone.”
“You don’t owe me answers, Neil. We haven’t even known each other very long.”
“Well, some of those answers are things all my friends know. For example, I told you I’m not nearly as OCD as it appeared when you arrived.”
Heather giggled. “Your sister thought I’d cleaned the place.”
He laughed. “See? Proof. As for my family, Amy is my only sister. No brothers. Our parents live on the other side of Dallas. We’re pretty close. I usually see them at least once or twice a month.”
“June and Ward Cleaver?”
He chuckled again. “Sort of. Though having amazing parents doesn’t mean I didn’t make bad choices and do stupid shit.”
She wondered what he meant by that but didn’t ask.
“Yes, I was a pilot in the Army. It was all I ever wanted to do from the moment someone asked me what I wanted to be growing up. I wanted to fly military helicopters.”
“Why did you get out?”
“Not by choice. I was on a mission in Afghanistan. My chopper got shot down.”
She sucked in a breath. “Shit.”
“Yeah. We were ambushed. We all survived though. Another chopper picked us up minutes later, but unfortunately, my head got slammed into the side of the chopper and my left retina was detached. I was rushed to Germany where I had the first of two surgeries, but the damage was severe. I only regained partial vision in that eye. That ended my military career for good.”
“I’m so sorry.” She was clenching the phone. Actually, her entire body was tight listening to Neil tell her how his life’s dream went up in smoke.
“It was hard for a while, especially considering everything that happened when I returned home and ended up immediately getting divorced, but I remind myself every day that I’m alive. I could have died. I may not ever fly another helicopter, but I went to college, got my degree, and now I work with an amazing group of guys.”
Heather smiled finally. She could imagine he’d probably been beyond bitter for a while, but he’d moved on and he seemed happy. “Is that how you got the nickname Hornet? From flying helicopters?” When the guys spoke to each other, they usually used their military nicknames. She’d heard the guys call him Hornet.
“Yep. Once a nickname sticks, it’s there for life. Good thing I don’t hate it.” He drew in a slow breath. “As for the rest of the questions I’m sure you have, I glossed over the story about my ex, but I don’t want to talk about her right now. Tell me about you. How’s your day been? How was lunch with Raeann before my sister descended?”
“Lunch was good. Raeann looks great. The kids are good. Deacon is a God.”
“He really is, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Did she hassle you about staying in my house?”
“Of course. And, I’m pretty sure my friends take turns deciding who’s going to needle me about you each week. It was undoubtedly Raeann’s turn.”
He laughed. “The guys do that too. It’s a conspiracy.”
She couldn’t stop smiling. She was well aware that she enjoyed talking to him. Was she ready to date someone? Probably not. The idea made her want to run in the opposite direction. But the flirting over the phone was fun, mostly because it was safe. They could say things they might not ordinarily say out loud in person. Things like, I might have tucked lace panties between your couch cushions.
She did worry about what their odd relationship might look like when he returned. She wasn’t ready to hit the gas pedal and go full-speed ahead. The idea made her cringe.
If they’d been in the same room at any point in the last week, she had no doubt they would have kissed, or even gone further. And that was panic-inducing.
“How about work? Have you heard anything new? I spoke to Tank about what you told me about the manifests. He’s the most experienced of all of us with hacking. He’s doing some digging.”
“I think Open Skies is trying to keep a lid on things to avoid a general public panic. Can’t say that I blame them, but it doesn’t lower the panic of the flight attendants. There are rumors among us. I’m willing to bet many of them are true. Luggage tags being wrong. Doors to the jetways not opening with the codes. Stuff like that.”
“Seems like someone is playing a game, fucking with the airline for shits and grins.”
“Maybe. It’s unnerving, especially considering everything that has happened in recent years. I try not to dwell on it to stay sane,” Heather said.
“Yeah, probably a good idea. Besides, luckily those incidents were all one-offs, not related to each other. I’d bet this computer problem is something else entirely.”
“I would think. The previous assailants are either dead or in prison. But why would someone fuck around with the computers?”
Neil sighed. “There are a million possible reasons. Could be the guy or gal is just bored and having a field day watching people scramble.”
“I hope they trace whoever it is soon. It’s unnerving.”
“Me too. You don’t need the added stress.”
She smiled. “Hey, my life is stress-free right now. I’ve slept like a rock since I took over your house. Your neighbors don’t scream all day and night. Or if they do, they’re too far away for me to hear them.”
He chuckled. “To the best of my knowledge, neither of my next-door neighbors scream at each other.”
; “It’s not just the fact that the yelling wakes me up. It also scares the hell out of me. My hair stands on end worrying one of these times that guy is going to kill the woman. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I wouldn’t even be able to go over there and reason with her. She’d never listen to me.”
“You’re right. Your hands are tied.”
“Ugh. Let’s talk about something else. How’s your project going?”
“It’s going well. Right on target. I’m still planning to wrap this up by Saturday and fly home on Sunday. You won’t leave before I get there, will you?”
“I’m not sure. I need to look at my schedule. I think I have a flight Monday morning, so depending on how early it is, I might need to get back to my apartment and get organized for the new week.”
She was pretty sure her flight out was closer to noon Monday, but she didn’t want to commit to Neil at the moment. Seeing him in person was still daunting. The man had kissed her. That changed things. He would kiss her again. She would be powerless to stop him because the devil on her shoulder wanted it, and the devil always won.
“Heather…” Neil said, his voice softer, deeper.
“Yeah?” Her heart beat faster at his tone.
“Don’t run from me. Please.”
She swallowed. “Okay. I’m trying. But if you rush me, I can assure you I’ll bolt.”
“I get it. I do. And I promise not to rush you, but please let me see you in person, okay?”
She chewed on her lips, knowing this was a dangerous path.
“Heather?”
“Yeah, I’m here. It’s just that I don’t think I’m ready, Neil. I panic when I think about dating. I know it seems like I would be over myself by now, but instead the opposite kind of happened. I didn’t realize how liberating it would be to move into my own place. The thought of letting someone into my bubble is more than I can handle.”
“I get that, and I’m glad you told me about your past. It helps me understand and know I need to tread carefully.” He was speaking so gently.
“I don’t like you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells with me. That’s not fair. I just know myself, and I know I cringe at the thought of being set off by even the most innocuous thing.”
“That’s okay.”
She shook her head. “It’s not okay. Not even close. Raised voices trigger me. Being told what to do triggers me. Hell, Neil, I trigger myself. If I thought you were coming to my apartment, I would judge my own actions if I left a glass on the table or didn’t push my chair in. Very real panic I already feel even thinking about dating.”
She knew her voice had risen in her panic. She couldn’t stop it. Her hands were sweating too. She was also shaking. The idea of dating was out of the question.
It was like she was living two different lives. Part of her enjoyed the banter she had with Neil and looked forward to it every day. She liked talking to him. She liked listening to him. She’d very much enjoyed kissing him and even holding his hand.
But that wasn’t the real her. That was who she wished she could be. The real Heather couldn’t do the dating thing without hyperventilating.
“Okay. Let’s take a step back. I never said a word about dating. I haven’t even asked you out. But we are friends, and I’d like to see you in person. You see other people in person. Why can’t I be one of them?”
She wasn’t sure if he sounded offended or not and decided to ignore that possibility. “You’re right. I do see other people. In fact, I’ve had female roommates for years. Eight years. I was never unsettled by any of them because they aren’t a threat to me. I never had a roommate who shouted at me or had any control over me. They didn’t feel like they owned me or could boss me around. We could just coexist without it getting under my skin. I wasn’t sleeping with them.”
“You’re not sleeping with me,” he pointed out carefully.
“But I want to.” She blurted that out before she could stop herself. It was like that was the first moment she fully realized the extent of her problem. The reason why she was suddenly so stressed about dating or Neil in particular.
He sucked in a breath.
“And, Neil, that is the problem.”
She could hear him breathing heavier. How could she blame him?
“And that brings up another issue. There’s no way for you to feel like you can just be yourself around me. You’re too nice. You’ll always be worried about saying or doing the wrong things. And I hate that for you. And for me. Eventually, it will be more than you can handle.”
“Heather…”
She pursed her lips. She’d said too much.
His voice was even softer when he spoke again. “You may be right about a lot of that. And I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect. I can’t promise I’ll never raise my voice. People do. But I’ll make a conscious effort to make sure I don’t trigger you, and I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would shout at you. I’m not sure I’ve ever shouted at anyone. Except maybe my sister when I found out she stopped by today,” he teased.
Heather groaned.
“I’m kidding.” He chuckled. “I was nervous, but I didn’t yell at her either.” He drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t want to say anything deep or personal to you over the phone, but I feel like I should at least say one thing. I need you to know that I understand.”
There was a long silence. “You understand what?”
She could hear him breathing heavily. “None of the guys know this about me because I met them all less than two years ago.”
More silence.
“Tell me, Neil.” She tried to control her voice. This was incredibly important.
“Women aren’t the only people who suffer from abuse,” he murmured, barely audible.
“I know that,” she whispered back. Oh. Ohhhh.
“I don’t have the history you have. My parents were, like you said, June and Ward Cleaver. But I married young. My high school sweetheart. And she changed over the years. She thought it would be super cool to be married to someone in the Army. Romantic. It’s not. It’s hard and stressful. She didn’t handle it well. She was depressed and angry, which grew over time.”
“She was abusive,” Heather murmured.
“Yeah.”
She could almost picture him pacing. Her chest felt tight. Emotion welled up inside her. “That embarrasses you, doesn’t it?”
“Yes.” He sighed. “I was in the Army. I was supposed to be strong in every way. Emotionally and physically. And I tried to be. I tried to be what she needed. I tried to get her counseling. But she kept spiraling downhill, and it was out of my control.” Neil was speaking faster now. He sounded desperate.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said, a line she’d heard ten thousand times over the years from her own counselors.
“I know. I do. I get it. But it was hard to believe that at the time.”
“I know that better than most people, Neil. I understand.” She did. She felt bad for him. Sometimes she forgot that men could be victims of abuse too. She also felt kind of sick about all her ranting about her own problems when he’d suffered through a similar situation. “I’m so sorry.”
He blew out a breath. “Don’t be. It’s over.”
“But that’s why you haven’t dated either. Same reason I haven’t.”
“Yes. It was different, of course. I don’t have the same fears you do. My ex-wife never asked me to put my dishes in the dishwasher or pick up my clothes. But she raged about dozens of things all the time. None of them rational. None were things I could do anything about from the other side of the globe.”
“That must have been hard. To do your job, I mean. With that kind of pressure on you all the time.”
“Fortunately, I was able to separate. Compartmentalize. If I spoke to her on the phone or read emails, I would take some time afterward to shake it off. Remind myself I couldn’t possibly be what she needed me to be from Afghanistan. I’m sure I was able to manage better
simply because I wasn’t raised in that kind of household. My parents demonstrated nothing but love. Listening to Lacey scream at me was foreign and jarring, but most of the time I could sort of step out of myself and let it roll off me. If that makes sense.”
“Yeah, I get that. I’ve done that myself at times. It can help. When I was little, I would run and hide in my room with my hands over my ears. Or press a pillow against my ears to muffle the shouting. After I moved out and started dating abusers, I would sometimes stare at them and pretend I was someone else or someplace else. Sitting on the beach or hiking in the mountains. Anything to disassociate.”
Neil sighed again. “I didn’t want to have this conversation on the phone.”
“I’m sorry about that too. You’re right.”
“The point is that I want you to know that I at least understand how you’re feeling to a certain degree. I don’t mean to imply it’s exactly the same and I’m some kind of expert on abuse. I’m not. I only have one experience in my pocket. But it shaped me. Hardened me. And I’ve never let someone into my life since then.”
Heather held her breath. A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. She didn’t want him to know, so she didn’t let out a single sound.
“I’m not perfect. I never will be. But I’m asking you to give me a chance. I know it’s hard for you. I totally get that. Me coming out of my self-imposed pity party is also hard. I don’t live with the same level of fear that every woman is going to be abusive, but I have been living with a hard outer wall that no one could penetrate for five years. I’ve told myself I’m better off without a woman. Better off alone. It’s easier.”
Heather couldn’t keep from releasing a short sob. “Yes.” She swiped at the tears and swallowed. “Yes,” she said, stronger. “It’s easier. You get it.”
“But it’s lonely, Heather. I’ve asked myself dozens of times in the last several months. What’s worse? Taking a risk on the amazing, sensitive, shy, strong, determined, independent, quiet, sweet, sexy woman everyone is encouraging me to date? Or living my life alone because I won’t take chances.”
Her breath hitched. Why did he have to be so damn right?
Jetway Page 4
