Don't Look Back

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Don't Look Back Page 20

by Wendy Vella


  “Mom's so upset. I-I’ve never seen her l-like this.”

  “He was her life partner, Macy. There had to be love, even though she didn't always show it to you. They shared a lot together, and now she's facing her life without him.”

  She rested on his chest and listened to the slow, steady thud of his heart while he talked.

  “Billy's been a trooper today, but I have to tell you Razzle pooped inside. But we cleaned it up, and just to make you happy, I vacuumed twice.”

  She felt laughter bubble up inside her.

  “Although I couldn't find the gloves, I'm pretty sure you need to dust the living room.”

  Her laugh sounded rusty, and pathetic, but it was a laugh.

  “Tired?” he asked when she looked up at him.

  “Crying makes you tired.”

  “Among other things. You ready to face them now?”

  “Of course.”

  “I have to tell you about what happened in the Hoot, and I need you to check for gray hairs, because I'm pretty sure I got a few.”

  He lifted her to her feet, then took her hand, and it felt good and right, but she knew it was only temporary.

  “Friends.” He looked down at her. “We can do friends for now, Macy. Because you need that.”

  “I do, and yes, let's be friends.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The entire town of Lake Howling turned out for the funeral of Harvey Reynolds. Delany had made sure it was grand, and the service was held down by the lake with a marquee set up for after.

  People talked about Macy's father, and Brad learned about the man he had met only briefly. The man who had asked him to look after his girl.

  She sat with her mother in the front row, looking small and weary. Her eyes were hidden behind dark glasses, and she wore a black short-sleeved fitted dress.

  He hadn't seen much of her the last few days, but Ethan had told him that while her mother had seemed to take the loss of her husband hard the day he died, the following one she had reverted to the woman she’d always been.

  That momentary weakness was forgotten, and she had spent the days since atoning. She'd ordered her daughter about. Demanding this and that, until Ethan had told Brad that he'd heard from Branna, who'd heard from Jake's mom, that Macy had told her mother she was using her father's death to stage a three-ring circus with the name Delany Reynolds up in lights.

  They had yelled at each other, and Macy had left, and from what Brad understood, this was the first time they had been together since that day.

  He sat with the others at the rear and watched Macy get out of her chair. When she did, Billy, who was sitting on the end, looked down the aisle and saw him. Without asking, he simply hopped off his seat and ran.

  Brad caught him as he launched himself at him, lifted him, and resettled him on his lap. Little arms wrapped around his neck.

  “You doing okay there, big fella?”

  “I'm sad ’cause Granddad’s gone and Mom’s crying.”

  “You need to be upset about that, Billy, but you also need to remember that Granddad was in pain, and now he's not, so what happened is the best thing for him. It's just the people he left behind who are suffering now, okay.”

  Ethan shot Brad a look, and then nodded, which he hoped meant he'd said the right things.

  “’Kay.”

  He held the boy as Macy adjusted the microphone. She then unfolded a piece of paper. Her hands shook, but she squared her shoulders and spoke.

  That's it, sweetheart, you can do it.

  “My dad was my hero.”

  She had everyone crying from the first word. Her voice shook, and she stopped a few times to sniff, but she kept on going until the end. He wanted to go to her, put his arm around her, and just stand there at her side until she was done.

  “Billy loved his grandfather very much, and I would be grateful if you all told him lots of stories about the man we all loved. Thank you for coming to farewell Harvey Reynolds, and please stay and spend some time talking about him over a cup of his favorite tea.”

  She crunched the note in her hand, looked down the aisle to where he sat with Billy, and then went to sit beside her mother again.

  “Hand me a tissue, will you, Annabelle.” Ethan's voice sounded thick with tears.

  “And me,” Brad added.

  The coffin was carried by Cubby, Ethan, Jake, Buster, Noah, and Newman, because Macy had insisted upon it, and in this it seemed she had won the battle with her mother. They walked through town slowly, with everyone following. Tourists lowered their heads out of respect.

  Macy's mother had her friends flanking her, and Branna, Willow, and Annabelle surrounded Macy. Brad carried Billy behind them.

  He stood beside the grave with Billy in his arms. Beside him now stood Mikey Tucker, who held one of Billy’s hands in his.

  “That's Jilly's grave,” Billy whispered as he pointed to another grave a few feet away. “She was murdered.”

  He didn't know how to answer that, or who Jilly was, so he simply nodded.

  The day was long, and Billy hung with him and the others while Macy stood with her mother, although Delany Reynolds barely acknowledged her.

  He could see the strain on her face and it grew more pronounced with every smile she forced. After the day her father died, he hadn’t seen her break down again, but he had the feeling it was coming.

  Macy dragged herself off the sofa to answer the door. She was a big mass of hurt; there was no other way to explain it. Her head ached from crying, her body felt weary, and she just wanted to curl back onto the couch and sleep.

  “I'll get it, Mom.”

  “I got it, honey, you go on back and watch your program.”

  She'd kept it together for him, her son. She'd laughed, cooked his meals, played with him on the floor, and even taken him and Razzle outside to water their new flowers. But she felt like she was walking through a dense fog.

  Macy had known her father would die, Jake had told her that, and she'd even thought herself ready for it, but it turned out she hadn't been.

  “What the hell, Macy. You look like shit!”

  Annabelle and Branna were on her doorstep.

  “Funny how that happens when you lose someone you love.” She was surprised she still had the strength to snap. It felt good, if she was being honest.

  “We get that your father passed, and we're incredibly sorry for you, sweetheart,” Branna said, pushing Annabelle inside and closing the door. “And what Annabelle is trying to say in her tactful way is that you've had three days inside this house now, and it's time to come back out and join us.”

  “Only three days, Branna, surely I get a few more? And where's your daughter?”

  “With her daddy,” Annabelle said. “Now, Macy, the thing about grieving in your own company is that there's no one there to make you feel better.”

  They reached the lounge, and Annabelle got on the floor next to Billy and tickled him. His laughter made Macy smile for the first time in days. Razzle raced around the room in circles, yapping.

  “Man, I have never seen your place such a mess. I love it!”

  Macy looked around and saw the dirty dishes and toys everywhere. Annabelle was right, it was a mess.

  “I should clean up. It’s weird, but I can’t find my vacuum.”

  “Well, if you want my opinion that’s a good thing, as the only positive about a vacuum is you can shut it off.”

  “Now you go take a shower, because you smell, and then we’re going to the carnival,” Branna said, nudging her in the back toward the stairs.

  “Oh, no, I don't—”

  “Carnival! Is that today? Can we please go, Mom?” Billy leapt to his feet.

  “No fair, Branna.” Macy sighed.

  “Stop whining and move, and put some makeup on. You look like a ghost,” Annabelle added.

  She made herself head upstairs, simply because she was too tired to argue. Her room was a mess, so she cleaned it because… just bec
ause she really should. Then did the same to Billy's, because she was a bad mother for making him get into an unmade bed. Then she took a shower.

  Her father was dead, and as he was the only parent she’d had any kind of relationship with, it felt strange that now she was without him. It had hit her hard yesterday that she couldn't just get in her car and go see him. That he wouldn't be where he'd been last week, and the week before that. He wouldn’t see Billy grow up, and share any of his milestones, and because her mother didn't care, that made it doubly hard.

  She cried in the shower, and then told herself in the mirror after that those were the last tears she was shedding. Her father wouldn't have wanted her to weep constantly. He'd want her to get on with her life.

  After slipping on underwear, she dried her hair. Pulling on a lemon sundress and short white cardigan, Macy slipped her feet into sandals. She added a dash of makeup, because she couldn’t discount Annabelle hauling her back up here and doing it herself.

  “Much better. You look less bride of Dracula, and more chic boutique owner again,” Annabelle said when she walked back into the room.

  “You guys cleaned up.” Macy looked round her.

  “We did, but with no vacuum we had to sweep your floor, which was weird but kind of fun.”

  “I think Brad hid it.”

  “Why would Brad hide your vacuum?” Branna asked.

  “I told him I vacuum sometimes two or three times a day, and he said that's not normal.”

  “You never told us you were still doing that.” Annabelle looked concerned. “How come you told him?”

  Macy didn't want to tell them the truth so she lied, a small white one, but still, she wasn't about to admit he'd come over and they'd made hot, sweet-as-hell love.

  “When we were hiding, waiting for Ethan at the Buchanan place, it just kind of came out then.”

  “What kind of conversation has something like that, 'just coming out’?”

  “I thought you were here to cheer me up, not grill me, Gelderman?”

  Her friend smiled, and it did amazing things to an already amazing face. Dressed in shorts that stopped several inches up from her knees and a fitted collared shirt, Annabelle looked like a runway model. Branna was elegant and beautiful too, in a denim skirt and floral top.

  “I can do both. Now hurry it up, we need to get to Gussie's stall before Jake eats all the fudge.”

  “I don't suppose there's any point in arguing anymore, and added to that, I just don't have the energy.”

  “Your father loved this carnival, Macy. Do this for him.” Branna slipped an arm around her waist.

  “I don't want to cry anymore,” Macy wailed.

  “Well if you are, wait until we see that hunk, TJ, then fall into his arms.”

  “Annabelle!” Macy found a laugh. “I can't believe you said that about your brother-in-law.”

  “Please.” Annabelle fanned her face. “The man's a walking fantasy, and he's got eyes for you, girl. Go have some fun. That is, of course, if you haven’t already.”

  Macy didn’t bite, instead she concentrated on her son, who had just returned with his shoes.

  The summer night carnival was an annual event in Howling. They chose to walk, as the day was still warm, the heat clinging to the air as it slid into early evening.

  “Well now, so much beauty can't be good for an old man's heart.”

  “Evening, Walt, Lizzie,” Annabelle said as they were joined by the elderly couple on the sidewalk at the end of Macy's driveway.

  “Nice night for it to be sure,” Elizabeth Heath said, neat as a pin in her white capris and pink collared shirt.

  They were the poster couple for how to live in a long and happy marriage. Both had their own interests and friends, but never lost sight of each other.

  Others joined them, and Macy felt her spirits lift as they grew near the carnival. Billy was happy, holding her hand and skipping along, chatting to Walt about his puppy. Razzle would no doubt now be heaving a sigh that his owner had gone, and he could find some peace snoozing in the kitchen in his basket.

  “So we'll have to get him walking on a lead soon, Billy, and do a bit of training so he can sit and come when you call.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. Once he's comfortable, we'll get on to it.”

  “Gee thanks, Uncle Walt.”

  They said it took a village to raise a child, and Macy knew she was lucky enough to have one around her little boy. Yes, her mother didn't have a maternal bone in her body, but there were plenty who did. She didn't need a man, this was enough.

  She thought about Brad, and how wonderful he had been the day her father had died, and at the funeral. There was no doubting he was a good man, but not her good man. He wasn't the settling down type, and like her had issues. But when he did decide, the woman who ended up with him would be a lucky one.

  He'd rung her twice, leaving messages to say if she wanted anything to call him, but she hadn't, because she'd desperately wanted to, and that was enough to make her keep her distance. Macy had been scared she'd beg him to hold her and talk in that lovely voice of his. She'd wanted him to make love to her and make her forget the sadness of losing her father, if only for a while, and that was not going to happen.

  She didn't want to rely on a man again. Brian had made her dependent. It had happened slowly over a period of time, when she’d been young and eager to make him love her. But the bottom line was, she’d let him. He'd controlled her in every way it was possible for a man to dominate a woman, and she never wanted to give that much of herself to another human ever again.

  You’re stronger than that, Macy.

  She didn't feel strong right at that moment, but she would again. Looking at her friends chatting in front of her, she felt that lovely warmth slide through her that came with the realization that she was loved. It eased the cold aside and settled around her heart.

  “Thank you.”

  They heard her and turned. Saw the look in her eyes and simply gave her a group hug. Billy got caught in the middle and protested loudly.

  “I love you guys.”

  Everyone sniffed. Walt said loudly it was a grand day for it, and then they were walking again.

  Brad had never been to a small town carnival before. He'd passed by a few, but never actually stopped. Ethan picked him up, telling him in his usual way that he was coming, and as he still hadn’t left Howling and honestly didn’t know why, he agreed.

  Jake was in the passenger seat when he stepped outside the cabin, which left the back free beside Rose's car seat.

  “Jake.”

  “TJ.”

  “Well if it isn't sweet little Rose McBride.” Brad slid over and gave her a gentle smile. “How you doing, sweet cheeks?”

  “Don't start smooth talking my daughter. I swear you Texans come out of the womb that way.”

  Brad smiled again, then gave her chin a tickle that made her giggle. She had sweet black curls and soft creamy skin like her mom.

  “Glad you take after the good-looking parent, honey.”

  “It was a relief to us all,” Ethan agreed.

  She held out a hand to him, so he took it, and her little fingers wrapped around one of his and held him there while they drove.

  “Do you reckon Mr. Hope will get Branna and Annabelle singing again this year?”

  “They say no, but between you and me, they were heard practicing in the barn last week. So they're prepared if it happens,” Jake said.

  Brad listened to Jake and Ethan talk as he let his mind wander. He really should have left by now, but the news on the Buchanan place was not getting any better. Their lawyers were searching hard for any angle environmentally but so far coming up blank. They had a meeting planned at HRH's tomorrow, and he hoped Militant had found out something more about this rare bird.

  “You two look like you're going on a date,” Jake said, looking into the backseat.

  “She loves me, what can I say.”

  �
�Put him down, honey, you have no idea where he's been.”

  Rose gave her daddy a big smile and then blew him a kiss.

  “And your heart melted all over again,” Ethan drawled.

  “Plenty of cars again this year. Looks like the tourists have arrived in big numbers.”

  They parked a fair distance away and walked. Brad found himself pushing the stroller while Jake and Ethan strolled ahead arguing, as they were inclined to do.

  You couldn’t help but feel good, surrounded by so much beauty. It was goddamn calming on the soul, and Brad hadn’t had a lot of calm until he reached here.

  He wondered how Macy was, but didn’t ask. He’d rung her, but she hadn’t replied, and that was probably for the best.

  “Any reason why I'm doing all the work?”

  “You're the youngest, it's the way things are done,” Jake threw over his shoulder.

  “Jesus.” Brad whistled as he caught his first sight of the carnival. “You'll take out the grid with all those fairy lights.”

  They were everywhere. The main street was crisscrossed with them, every building lit up like a Christmas tree. Tents, attractions, stalls. The place was a thriving mass of people.

  “How come I didn’t notice those lights going up?”

  “You're unobservant, and just FYI you should be thanking us for letting you push Rose's stroller. It's a serious girl magnet.”

  “I don't need props like some, Ethan.”

  Jake was still laughing as they walked up to the first stall, which just happened to be the fudge one. Brad saw the bags and his mouth started watering.

  “Watch the kid, we’re going in.”

  Jake elbowed someone aside, and when he came back he had six bags of fudge. He handed one to Brad.

  “I only get one?”

  “You’re single, you still need your teeth.”

  “I'm hoping none of that is for our daughter, Jacob McBride.”

  “Hey, honey.”

  Brad straightened as Branna, Annabelle, and Macy arrived with Billy.

  “Your daughter has her first boyfriend,” Jake said, kissing his wife. “She held Brad's hand the entire way into town.”

 

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