by Lisa Suzanne
I blow out a breath, and it feels meaningful. It’s more than just a sigh of happiness, though it’s definitely that, too. It’s like I’m letting go of the past so we can embark on a brand new future together.
There will be bumps in the road, but every road has bumps. The fact that he came back for me—for us—tells me he’s in this now. He’s scared, and I am, too, but we can face those fears together, hand-in-hand.
“We should go get him,” I say softly.
He nods then lightly lifts me so he falls out of me, and I miss the connection immediately. But we’ll do that again. That’s something I’m absolutely sure of.
We get cleaned up and dressed, and then he gets into the car with me driving. I navigate carefully toward the daycare, and he takes in the scenery.
“Do you want to keep a house here in Phoenix?” he asks.
I shrug, and the truth hits me while I talk. “I have a few friends, but not really any family or anything. I’m not tied to this place. I like it, sure, but there are also a lot of painful memories here. I’m not totally opposed to leaving it behind and visiting when CK tours through.”
He reaches over and squeezes my thigh. “You sure? Because this is where your roots are, so I get it.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that far from LA. We can visit whenever we want.” I’m referring to Chance and me. My sister—his mother—is buried here, so surely we’ll come back to visit.
“Of course,” he says. “Any time you want.”
“When do you want to head back to Los Angeles?” I ask.
“I need to be back tomorrow for a band meeting, but we can get you moved out any time.”
I twist my lips. “Tomorrow sounds good to me.”
He chuckles. “Yeah?”
I lift a shoulder. “Yeah. I’m ready for a fresh start. My classes are online so I can keep taking them, and we can find a daycare in LA to help when we’re both working.”
“We could hire a nanny,” he suggests.
I glance over at him with alarm. “Uh, you slept with the last nanny you hired. I don’t know if I like that idea.”
He bursts into laughter as I pull into the parking lot and cut the engine, and then we head inside to pick him up.
When we walk through the door to Chance’s classroom, I spot him right away playing with some blocks. One of the two teachers in the room, Darcy, comes over. “Is this Chance’s dad?” she asks, and I hear just a bit of flirtation in her voice.
I link a possessive arm around his waist. “Yep. Chance’s dad and my boyfriend.” Boyfriend. It sounds like such an immature word for whatever it is we’re starting, but it still seems to fit.
Darcy raises both brows as Brett leans over and presses a soft kiss to my temple.
God, I love this man.
“Dada!”
My eyes widen as Chance ambles over toward us. He just took his first steps a few days ago, and he’s already practically running across the room. He trips halfway in his pursuit, but he gets up, brushes it off, and tries again.
“Did he say dada?” Brett asks, his voice as incredulous as my brain. “And is he walking?”
I laugh. “Yes and yes! I’ve never heard him say dada before!”
“How long has he been walking?” he asks.
“Just a few days!”
Brett kneels down and Chance flies into his arms. Brett lifts to a stand, and Chance pokes him in the chest.
“Dada,” he says again.
Tears fill my eyes as I glance up at Brett, who is clearly choking back his own emotions. I didn’t think this day could be any more perfect, but I was wrong.
Because this...this feeling of family, this feeling of love...this is what life is all about.
On the way home, we pick up some dinner and a birthday cake, and once we get home, Brett disappears into my bedroom for a few minutes. When he emerges, his arms are full of wrapped presents.
I can’t help my smile at the sight.
He wanted to make this day special for Chance, and just the sheer thought he put into getting here armed with gifts on time makes my heart squeeze with emotion.
“You didn’t have to do all that,” I say softly.
He smiles. “I know. But I did it anyway.”
Chance shows no interest in unwrapping the gifts, so I help him out. Brett gave him nesting toys and building blocks and pretty much every toy in the toy aisle that’s appropriate for twelve months plus, and Chance is most interested in one of the boxes the toy came in.
“I’m sure next year will be a completely different story,” I say, and we both laugh.
Brett hands the final present to me, and I unwrap it for Chance. It’s in a tube, and when I open the tube, I find a map of the United States.
“I’ve already filled in all the states we’ve visited together,” he explains. “All the ones we hit on tour. Someday I want to fill out the whole map. I want to visit all the states with the two of you, and I want to make memories there and travel to other countries and just experience life with both of you.”
My brows dip as I try not to cry again. “This is so thoughtful, Brett,” I murmur as I stare down at the states he’s already filled in.
When I look up at him, his lips are curling at the edges. He glances over at Chance, and then he lowers his voice to a rasp that’s just for me. “I bought two. The second one is our sex map. All the states I got to fuck you in.”
My eyes widen and I smack him in the arm. He just laughs, and somehow I don’t think he’s kidding.
“What do you say we eat some cake and then check California off the map?”
Since Chance has already been to California, I can only assume he’s talking about the sex map. I lift a shoulder. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”
He laughs. “Jo can get us on a flight tonight if you’re ready. I can send someone to pack up this place for you and we can get started on making up for lost time.”
“Let’s do it,” I say, and we sing to Chance, we eat a lot of cake, we pack up the essentials, which includes all of Chance’s new toys plus all the travel stuff Brett had shipped here to me, and then we head to the airport so we can start our new life together as a little family of three.
CHAPTER 50: BRETT
Four Months Later
After I finish signing the contract, I set the pen down on the table. We may be confident in our decision as a band, but that doesn’t make these choices any easier. And to allow cameras into our lives to film what we do on a daily basis was not an easy decision—and one we had to get everyone who’s a part of our band, including women and children, on board with.
I still can’t believe how everything fell into place.
It wasn’t that long ago that Tyler agreed to go on one of Ashmark’s competition reality shows as a way to get some press for our band. He never wanted to win the competition to replace a bassist of another band; he just wanted Capital Kingsmen to find a wider audience. It was mostly Tommy’s idea, and it worked. We’re household names now, none of us more than Tyler...something that pisses Tommy the hell off. He wants to be the household name. And he is, but Tyler still has that element we don’t have since the rest of us weren’t on that show.
It created bad blood between Capital Kingsmen and MFB, the band running the competition and producing the reality show.
But our label stepped in and smoothed things over, and here we are.
They want us to appear on the next season of Rock on the Road, a reality show that follows bands from the inception of an album through the tour promoting it.
Tommy campaigned hard to get us here. He befriended Dax Hunter, the lead singer of MFB. He explained that Ashmark was the one who approached us about the idea to compete on their show. He took him out for drinks and charmed his way through their first few meetings and somehow, by the grace of God, they agreed to a season featuring us.
Obviously it shows they’re the bigger men. It shows they’re mature enough not to hold grudges. And it’s
going to give Tyler a chance to redeem himself to the public.
Now that three out of the four of us have women and kids in our lives, Ashmark wanted to highlight the angle of touring with small kids on the road. And they’ll still get the bad boy vibe, as they called it, from our front man, so as a band we have all the elements to create a very successful season of the show.
Dustin signs it last, and he pushes the paper across the table toward Mark Ashton, CEO and founder of our label and lead singer of Vail, pretty much the biggest band in the universe. Every time I’m in this office, I’m awestruck. Not by the platinum and diamond records adorning the walls, but the sheer energy, power, and confidence of the man behind the desk.
“That’s it,” Mark says. “You’re in.”
He stands and reaches across to shake each of our hands, and a thrill runs through me at what sorts of doors this could potentially open for us. We’re already at the top of our game, but as Tommy always reminds us, there’s still room to move up.
Mark pours us each a glass of whiskey plus one for himself from the decanter set in his office, and it’s all so classy. Shit like that’s usually only in the movies. I’ve never actually seen one like this in a real person’s office except here at our label.
We toast to the future, and I can’t help but feel excited about where all this is going.
I hitched a ride here to the office with Tommy from his place so we could talk on the way. Tyler’s taking Danielle out to dinner and Dustin had to head right home. I want to get back home to my girl and my kid, but Tommy already reserved my time for the evening.
I’ve not been a good friend lately since I’ve spent all my time with Hannah and Chance, so I agreed to hang out tonight. We’ll get drunk and play video games and maybe hit a bar...not so I can hunt—there’s nothing to hunt for when I have everything at home—but so I can play wingman to Tommy.
I laugh at the thought. As if he needs it.
He navigates Los Angeles traffic as we head back to his place.
“You excited for the show?” I ask. He shrugs, and my brows dip. “That’s your reaction after you campaigned the fuck out of getting us on?”
He blows out a breath. “It’s what’s best for the band.”
“Are you backing out?” I turn to look at him.
He keeps his eyes focused on the road. “Nah, man. We signed papers. I’m all in.”
“Then what’s this about?” I press.
“What’s what about?” he asks, and his tone is exasperated.
“What’s going on with you?”
“My brother texted me just before our meeting started,” he says quietly. “He and his family are going to Disney and they’re hoping we can go to dinner while they’re in town.”
He talks all the time about how his family’s fucked up, but he’s never really gotten into specifics about how or why. I know his family is originally from Seattle and he moved to Los Angeles when he was teenager with his dad. His parents are divorced and it was hard on him, and I know he’s got a brother, but that’s the extent of it. He never talks about his brother. I don’t even know who’s younger or older.
Even now as I sit here, I realize I tell him everything about myself and my own messed up family, but he doesn’t tell me much. I always think of him as my best friend...but who’s his best friend?
“I take it that’s not a good thing?” I ask.
He presses his lips together and doesn’t answer, and I feel like he’s sort of opening the door for this conversation. He wants to talk but he wants me to pull it out of him. That’s just how he is about some things while other things he won’t shut the fuck up about.
“You’ve talked about how your family is messed up, but you’ve never said how,” I point out.
“It’s complicated,” he says. “You know how once you make a little money, things change? I paid off my dad’s mortgage with our first fat check and it wasn’t enough. He wanted a bigger house when I bought my mom one. It’s just a shit situation.”
“I know the feeling of never doing anything good enough for your parents. I still haven’t introduced them to Hannah. I just don’t want them trying to talk her out of being with me since they’ll see I’m not good enough for her. Or even worse, that they judge her in some way.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t take that shit.”
“I feel like if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that you can create your own family, like we did with CK.”
I nod. “I feel that. But what about your brother?” I ask. “Isn’t he married?”
He keeps his eyes focused on the road, but something shifts in his face when I bring up the brother. “Yeah, and they have a kid.”
“You like his wife or is she a money grubber too?”
He clears his throat and doesn’t answer right away. “Do I like her?” he repeats softly with a short huff of a breath. We get to a stoplight, and he glances over at me. “You know how the second you met Hannah, you wanted to walk down a different path than the one you were on?”
My brows dip. “Yeah...”
He nods. “Should I spell it out for you?”
“You’re in love with her?” My brows shoot up in surprise.
He presses his lips together as his eyes return to the road. “Only woman I’ve ever been in love with.” His voice is soft as he makes this confession, and it sort of feels like it’s the first time he’s said these words aloud. Maybe even the first time he’s admitted them to himself.
And I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do with that information. “Does she know?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. And I don’t know how she feels about me. That’s why I stay the fuck away and just live my life. You know me, man. I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I also don’t know if I’m strong enough not to.”
“Will you see them while they’re here?”
He raises his brows. “I don’t know, man. If I don’t, I’m the asshole who refuses to see family. But if I do...” He trails off as he tries to figure out the end to that statement. “I don’t know how I’ll stay away.”
We’re both quiet a while as he loses himself in his thoughts, and then he asks, “When are you doing it?”
My brows dip. “Doing what?”
“Proposing,” he says flatly.
I grin. “Soon.”
“Before or after she meets the parents?” he asks.
“Definitely before. Hell maybe I’ll even marry her before that so they can’t talk her out of it.”
He laughs, but I’m not kidding. “Nah, man. It may be a fucked up relationship, but you still want them there, don’t you?”
I smile as I think about Hannah and Chance.
It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than judgmental parents to break us up. In fact, after everything we’ve been through...there’s no chance anything will ever tear us apart.
EPILOGUE: HANNAH
Two Months Later
“Oh my God, yes, yes, yes!” I scream. I fist the sheets as my body bends into yet another incredible, taxing, amazing climax. I see stars. Fireworks explode. Every cliché in every love song comes to life as Brett handles me in the way only he knows how to. I stare down at his head as he moves between my legs, and I let go of the sheets to touch the top of his head as I start to come down from the epic release.
I’m about to return the favor, but Brett’s already wiping his lips with the back of his hand as he makes his way toward the door.
“What about you?” I call after him.
“We’ve got all day, babe. We’ll get to me.”
He has a rare day off. Like completely off. No band meeting, no recording studio, no media, no label executives. It’s a day for just Brett, Chance, and me.
He winks and I giggle as he disappears into the hallway. I take a minute to stare up at the ceiling of our bedroom.
Our bedroom in our house.
It’s sort of incredible how it’s my house, too, and it actually feels like it now. Cha
nce’s room is down another hallway, and he’s still asleep in the crib, so it’s no big deal to be as loud as I want as Brett wakes me up in the best possible way: with his tongue between my legs.
The last six months have been incredible. They haven’t been perfect, and they haven’t always been easy, and there are still moments when I fall over with grief or seconds where I feel like I’m living the life that was meant for somebody else. But the good outweighs those moments.
Brett returns a few minutes later with a tray. “Breakfast on the balcony?” he asks.
I raise a brow, but I scramble out of bed anyway and throw on some clothes. Breakfast on the balcony nearly always means danish, and I can’t think of a better way to start the day than Brett pleasuring me followed by danish as we look out over the ocean.
Except, of course, if Chance was out here...but he’ll be asleep another hour at least.
I use the restroom, brush my teeth, and throw on some clothes and slippers before I head out there. Brett is already sipping his first cup of coffee, and I take a minute to breathe in the scene of a balcony on a beach house built into the side of a hill that faces the Pacific Ocean. Waves crash into the shore, and the beach is deserted on this cool February morning. The view is gorgeous, but it’s got nothing on the man sitting out here.
Against all odds, the man I love is Brett Pitzer, and he’s out on his balcony sipping coffee while he waits for me. His knee bounces up and down, a subconscious habit of his that either stems from nerves about something or tapping out the beat that’s constantly strumming through his talented mind. More than likely in this case, it’s the latter since I can’t think of a single thing he has to be nervous about right now.
I slide into the chair next to him, and he glances over at me as he watches my eyes light up at the tray.
It’s an assortment of cheese danish—the mini ones that come from one particular grocery store in the area that are my absolute favorite. A few strawberry ones mixed in since Chance seems to like those better. A cup of coffee the only way I’ll drink it.
