by Val Daniels
“It won’t happen again,” she whispered determinedly to the empty room. “Daniel Scott Bridges will never do this to me again.” She pressed her fist against the ache in her chest in hopes of alleviating some of the pain there.
Before she knew it, Alicia was back in her room dragging her forlorn-looking suitcase from the shelf and throwing things into it. Bill would release her tomorrow, she decided mutinously. She would not be sick tomorrow, she resolved. The spurt of determination held back the tears until she stashed the suitcase back into the closet.
Damn him! she muttered to herself, shivering. Damn him. It suddenly didn’t matter what he thought of the idea of taking the job in Greenville. Whatever he had to say he could say in writing. Dr. Dan was going to be wifeless again tomorrow. She was going to Greenville.
His car turned automatically toward home when he left Bill’s. What had he been thinking of the night Alicia had found him and Maggie together? Maggie’d found a white paper bag from the local deli on one of the reception room chairs the next morning, and although they’d both laughed about how long someone had expected to sit in the waiting room, the significance of the bag hadn’t dawned on him until Alicia’s visit that same afternoon.
He thought fondly, hungrily, of the other time she’d brought him sandwiches because he was working late. He hadn’t gotten much work done after she’d arrived, and those sandwiches had to be thrown away the next morning, too.
Still feeling like a caged bear as he entered the house, he absentmindedly turned off his pager and called the hospital to make sure the summons was the one Bill had taken for him.
He should go to bed, he told himself, but made his way to Allie’s room. He paused by the door and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light filtering into the room from the hall.
He smiled when he saw her footed sleepers. She’d had them on one morning when he’d stopped by her apartment to take her to work. She’d greeted him frantically because she hadn’t heard her alarm. “I’ve been picturing you as you were when I left,” he’d mocked disappointedly. “Is this what I have to look forward to when we’re married?” He’d fingered the fluffy yellow material teasingly. “Or were you going to let me assume you slept in the buff and surprise me later?”
“I didn’t have anyone to keep me warm,” she’d whispered, flirting with her eyes but blushing furiously.
“Once we’re married,” he’d promised, “you won’t need these.”
Another promise broken. He sighed sadly.
She was wrapped around her pillow with her face cradled in the hand that wore his wedding ring. With her lips parted, and her soft brown hair haloed out around her face, she looked as innocent as the babe that made an almost imperceptible curve in her perfectly shaped body. He felt the usual stirrings and wished things were the way they’d been before.
He leaned over to kiss her, noted the package of saltines on the nightstand, and hesitated. Poor kid. He was gone every morning before she was awake or he could take care of her until the morning sickness passed. He couldn’t share that with her, but he could keep her warm, he thought.
Silently, he slipped out of most of his clothes, and snuggled in beside her, molding himself around her angles. He’d be gone before she woke, he reasoned. She’d never know it, and couldn’t protest, but he was going to keep one of his promises if it killed him.
She let go of the dream slowly. It was soft and warm around the corners, like an Indian summer sunset, and she couldn’t remember it but knew it had been one of the really good ones. She wiggled deeper into the covers and tried to bring it back, but a discordant sound from nearby reminded her that she should feel lousy.
Alicia slipped back the sheet and tentatively sat up, expecting a surge of nausea. Good, she thought, and grinned at the slight queasiness. The sense of safety and security and warmth left over from the dream must have been an omen, because it left her feeling wonderful compared to the way she’d felt every morning for the past month.
The sound came again and she decided to go explore.
Either she’d slept much later than usual, or Hannah was here early. The noise was now being repeated every minute or so and she followed it to her bathroom and peered around the door. Her chin dropped in surprise as Dan looked up at her from his sprawl beside the toilet. He looked pale as he yanked his head over the porcelain bowl again and groaned.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he moaned as she sank beside him.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know,” Dan mumbled, and launched another attack on the toilet. “I woke up like this,” he said weakly as he leaned back on his hands.
“I hope it’s not the flu,” Alicia sympathized as she laid the back of her hand across his damp but cool brow.
“I don’t think so.”
“Shall I call Bill?” she asked worriedly.
He shook his head sharply. “I’ll be all right in a minute.”
“Here.” She stood and filled one of the tiny Dixie cups from the dispenser with tap water. “You must have needed help to come to my bathroom. Why didn’t you wake me?”
He shook his head again, almost as if he were afraid of what might happen if he opened his mouth to speak.
His color returned slowly as Alicia sat quietly on the edge of the tub feeling helpless. When his retching hadn’t returned for several minutes, she extended a hand to him. He ignored it and pushed himself off of the floor. He had on the slacks he’d worn last night, she noted, but his torso was bare. She slipped her arm around his waist, careful to keep her arm over the heavy waistband of his pants and her body a few inches away, as she led him toward her bed. “You want me to call Dr. Bill and the hospital? Tell them you won’t be in?” She almost expected him to refuse what little help she offered. Instead, he pulled her tighter and leaned heavily against her. She decided he must be awfully sick.
“No. I’m really feeling much better,” he said, contradicting her thoughts and his actions. “I hope if it’s something contagious, you don’t catch it,” he added in an apologetic murmur.
“I don’t think I will,” she assured him. “I slept so well last night. I had a wonderful dream.” She was suddenly very flustered because she knew somehow Dan had figured in that wonderful dream. He verified her assumption that her face reflected the feeling by aiming an odd, almost pleased look in her direction. “I’m...I’m feeling better than I have in a month.”
His smiled weakly and spread himself full-length on her bed. “Thanks,” he said. “I needed to hear that.”
As she stood helplessly watching, wondering what she should do next, he grabbed her crackers from the bedside stand and munched one contentedly. Then he pulled her pillow into the curve of his neck and let his long lashes slowly hide his eyes. “You wanna wake me in a half hour or so?” he asked, then went immediately to sleep.
Alicia was left with the stunned realization that her strong, invincible husband must have been suffering from sympathetic morning sickness!
CHAPTER FIVE
ALICIA finished packing with mixed feelings a few days later. She knew she was doing the right thing in accepting the assignment in Greenville, but she had this terrible nagging longing to stay with Dan.
She hadn’t had the nerve to broach the subject of where he’d been the other night, but he’d been wonderful during the time she’d waited for Dr. Bill to release her. He’d treated her like a precious and very delicate treasure. And he was considerate in every word and deed, though very careful not to touch her. What more could she ask?
She’d even found herself almost believing he loved her—as long as she managed to block thoughts of Maggie.
But what was his love worth if he had his father’s wandering eye? He’d gone directly to be with Maggie after almost making love to her. Alicia knew she couldn’t turn a blind eye the way his mother seemed to have.
Thoughts like this got her nowhere. She shook her head and jammed the new maternity dress she’d bo
ught in the soft-sided garment bag that bulged distortedly, reminding her of her own gentle but growing bulge.
She wasn’t surprised Dan had worked late twice in the past week. Who’d want to come home to this odd-looking form when he could stay and admire another, much more shapely one?
Miss Marks, the neighborhood nosy, had made sure Alicia knew that Maggie had put in a few hours overtime, too. “And we all know what that means,” Alicia muttered to herself miserably, and began closing zippers on the multipocketed bag.
“Don’t you dare!” Dan’s voice threatened and she jumped, dropping the bag back on the bed. Dan pushed himself off the door frame he’d been leaning against and made his way toward her as she slumped to the edge of the bed, clutching her heart.
“Who’s going to lift and carry this for you when you get to Greenville?” he grumbled as he set her bag by the door. “It sure as hell better not be you.” Then his tone turned soft as he faced her. “This isn’t a good idea, Alicia. I don’t think you should go.”
“I’ve already promised.” Alicia said firmly. She couldn’t resist a dig. “I don’t break my promises.”
She felt a stab of guilt as she watched his jaw clench.
After a moment he sat down beside her on the bed and took her hand in his. He turned it over, idly examining her palm, then turned it again and rotated the wedding ring he’d given her around her slender finger. “Did Bill tell you not to leave this on if your fingers start swelling?” he asked.
“No.”
He ran two fingers the length of her ring finger and her heart pounded frantically. It must be connected to every nerve ending in my body, she thought as she began to tingle all over. She gently withdrew her hand. “I’ll take it off if I notice any problem.”
He cleared his throat. “You wouldn’t guess how many of my patients have had to cut them off.”
“Is it something I need to be especially concerned about?”
His eyes joined with hers and held. She gulped as his lips parted.
“The swelling, I mean? With all the problems I’ve had so far?” she stammered, and squinted at the hand that looked fairly normal to her.
“Probably not,” he admitted reluctantly. “To tell you the truth, Allie, I’m trying to find reasons to worry you so you won’t leave. How long are you going to be there, anyway? You said—”
“I’ll be there two or three months.”
“You were doing the same thing here and it took you nearly four.” His arm came around her. He gently stroked her hair.
“Normal is about three months,” she said, rising, moving away from him. She just couldn’t take this continual touching. “I had more problems here than I usually do.” She gave him a meaningful stare, daring him to say anything. “If there aren’t many bugs, it may not even take a couple of months,” she added brightly.
“Then it may take longer, too.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But not likely. And I’ll be home on weekends.” It was time to change the subject. “Would you carry my bags to the car, then?” she asked sweetly.
For a second, she thought he would refuse.
“It’s only a two-hour drive. Why don’t you wait until morning so you’ll feel refreshed?”
“I could,” she agreed, “but I want to start my first day feeling rested. Please, Dan, we discussed this all last night. Dr. Bill said doing this would be okay as long as I didn’t wear myself out. You heard him.”
“Then let me drive you.”
“And what would be the point? Then I’d be there without a car. Believe me, Greenville has even less in the way of public transportation than Providence.”
“Brad said he’d follow us down and bring me back.”
“You talked to Brad about this? Both of you are nuts,” she said, turning to pick up her suitcase again. “And I’d really better be on my way if I don’t want to get there after dark. That’s exactly what you said you wanted me to avoid.”
“And if you touch that suitcase again, I won’t be responsible for what I might do.” He yanked her away from the door, pulling her against his chest.
She swung on him, furious. She managed to bite her tongue even though she knew her eyes snapped angrily. She forced herself to maintain her temper. “If you take my stuff to the car for me, I’ll find someone to carry it into the motel room there. If not and I have to carry it to get out of here now—” she shrugged “—then I may as well carry it then, too.”
His appalled expression was her undoing.
“I’m sorry, Dan. I know all of this is just concern about your baby.”
“It’s your baby, too,” he hastened to add.
“Yes.” She sighed. “It’s my baby, too. So what makes you think I’m going to disregard it just because I’m leaving? Do you think I would go through all of this for nothing?”
The muscle in his jaw flicked. He bent and reached for the bag. “I can’t help it, Allie. With all the trouble you’ve been through...”
“Most of my troubles have been with you.”
Dan didn’t speak to her again until they were standing by the car.
He placed her things in the trunk, slamming it with impatience as she stood close at hand. Before she could move to the driver’s side door, Dan’s arms came around her again. “Take care,” he whispered, pulling her close. “And remember, the weather may get dicey between now and the time you are home for good. Don’t try anything foolish.”
She tried to squirm away from his hold. “If it’s bad on the weekends, I won’t try coming back. I promise.”
He obviously didn’t like her reply. His hands on her vanishing waistline tightened as he searched her eyes. She looked away first.
He brought his mouth close to hers. “For the neighbors,” he explained, his breath warming her cheek. “We can’t have them thinking you’re leaving because it’s what you want to do.”
She savored the excuse, then the taste of him as his lips parted hers. Two seconds of him managed to make her feel drugged. She knew she should pull away, but couldn’t. Every time he kissed her, it just reminded her all over again of how much she wanted more of him, of how little time they would actually share.
He raised his head and she felt a sagging disappointment in herself for not being stronger, for not being the one to break away.
She did manage to put enough distance between them so that he wouldn’t realize her impulse was to cling. “I’d better be going,” she said to the third button on his sky-blue shirt.
His fingers caught her beneath her chin and she had to look at him. “I’m not happy about this,” he said. “I still don’t want you to go.” Her eyes were once again locked with his. “You take care of yourself... and our baby,” he ordered.
And suddenly it wasn’t so difficult to leave.
She was several miles out of town before she let the tears teasing the backs of her eyes flow. “Damn him,” she murmured, and immediately turned it on herself. “Damn me,” she changed it. Every time she started hoping and having second thoughts about making their marriage work, he reminded her again that his every motive had nothing to do with how he felt about her. It was for their baby...or the neighbors...or Maggie. What would it take for her to learn her lessons and start gathering strength to leave? Somewhere down along the line, she was going to need it.
The next six weeks dragged...and flew. Alicia used every excuse she could find not to return to Dan on the weekends. Because every time she went back, it got harder to leave. And she had to listen to Brad and Cindy and Laura and Melanie talk about all that had happened while she was gone. And Dan was always on call so she didn’t have to see him much anyway.
Seeing him was worse than any Chinese water torture anyone could have invented.
She’d used rain and the possibility that it might turn cold enough to be icy as her excuse one weekend, the computer system another. The tentative forecast for snow the day she would have to return worked another. She was relieved when snow actually started t
o fall on the Friday two weeks before she would be finished with the job. One more weekend when she would not have to see Dan, she thought as she placed her call and connected with the answering machine. “I promised I wouldn’t try the drive if the weather was acting up,” she said on hearing the tone, “so I guess I’ll see you next weekend, Dan. Maybe I’ll get my Christmas shopping finished,” she added, then cleared her throat. “Anyway, have a good weekend and... I guess I’ll see you next week.”
She hung up the phone and brushed her hands together like she’d just finished with an especially messy task. Then she sat dejectedly down on the side of her motel room bed and wondered how she would stand another two weeks of killing time like this. And the only times she didn’t want to see or be with Dan were the times when she knew she would.
There was one thing good about being pregnant, she decided, lying down and flipping the corner of the bedspread over her. She was always tired. And time flew when she was asleep.
She had barely closed her eyes when the pounding began on the heavy metal door. She was sure she was dreaming when she opened it and saw Dan standing there on the other side, huge flakes of snow decorating his dark thick hair.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked, not waiting for the invitation. He stepped inside, pulled the door shut behind him and set the small bag he carried on top of the TV.
“Dan. What are you doing here?” she finally managed to stammer.
“If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed...” He let the sentence drift and to her horror, she burst into tears.
“Oh, Allie.” He drew her gently into his arms and began to croon. “What’s the matter, hon?”
His gentleness only made the problem worse. She couldn’t speak. Couldn’t stop. Couldn’t seem to stern the crying that turned into monstrous, embarrassing, hiccupy sobs.
“Come on, Allie. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
