by Amy Cross
As I get changed ready to go out, I keep a nervous eye on the window. Patrick comes at most two, maybe three nights a week, but it would be awkward if he came tonight because I would have to explain why I need to go out without him. The last thing I want is to have him tagging along with Jess and me. For one thing, it would give Jess another chance to flirt with him, and for another he would probably laugh at me for indulging Jess.
***
At half past nine, I'm on the corner of Pincer and 44th Street exactly as Jess requested. Sure enough, she arrives five minutes late. Typical Jess, always five minutes behind time for everything, never any more or any less. And she always, always has a good excuse.
"Sorry I'm late," she says, arriving wrapped up in a beige wool coat with a beige hat. She's fiddling with a box. "I borrowed Daddy's camera, isn't it wonderful?"
I look at the camera. It's a large black object, the likes of which I wouldn't know how to begin to operate.
"Does he know?" I ask as we start walking. I realise I'm totally under-dressed for tonight, which means I'm in for a cold evening.
"About the camera?" Jess replies. "I told him it's for a school project".
"I mean about all this," I say. "Does he know we're going out so late?"
"Are you kidding?" Jess asks. "This is need to know stuff".
We soon reach the edge of the woods, which look menacingly dark and still. Jess marches straight into the brush, but I hold back. "Are you sure about this?" I ask. "Do you have a flashlight?"
"No light," Jess says. "We need to be able to see any other lights out there. We'll be okay if we walk slowly, our eyes'll adjust. And yes, I'm sure". She doesn't even look back to see if I'm following.
I run after her. "Can you imagine the kind of people who are out here?" I ask. "Murderers. Kidnappers. Worse".
"What's worse than murderers and kidnappers?" Jess asks. "What's wrong, Rosie? Worried you'll meet a tall dark stranger and he might deflower you?"
"Hardly," I say.
"So you've already been deflowered? Is that what you and Heathcliff get up to when I'm not around?"
We're right in among the trees now, moving slowly so we don't bump into anything. The only sound comes from our feet crashing and snapping through the bushes on the forest floor.
"For your information," I say, "Patrick is a perfect gentlemen. More so than the boys you hang around with".
"Ah, but the boys I hang around with are just that. Boys. Patrick..." She laughs. "Don't take this the wrong way, Rose, but Patrick strikes me as a real man. Men are more dangerous than boys".
"Well... I disagree!" I say. "Men are sure and steady. They know how to behave. Boys are more likely to make mistakes than men. Give me a man over a boy any day".
"I don't have any experience with men," Jess says. "But I have plenty of experience with boys. And they're harmless enough". She stops walking suddenly. I look up ahead and see a flickering light in the distance. "Rose, do you see that?"
I'm nervous now, but I don't want to show it. "Forest ranger," I say.
"There aren't any forest rangers," Jess says, whispering. "And keep your voice down. Anyway, it's not a torch. It's completely still".
I stare at the distant light. "It's a long way away," I say. "Maybe by the beach". As I say that, a second light appears from behind the first one and seems to sort of hover next to it.
"We have to get closer," Jess says, but I grab her arm to stop her going any further.
"Are you a complete fool?" I say. "It's two people out with torches on the beach, and whatever they're doing, I really don't think we should be poking our noses in".
"They're not torches," Jess says ."The edges of the lights are too fuzzy. And yes, I think we should be poking our noses in. Come on, a light can't hurt us".
She breaks free of my grip and marches on. I wait for a moment, then realise I'm in danger of getting stranded alone in the forest so I follow her.
"I don't want to get too close," I say. "Can we at least agree on that?"
"Sure," says Jess, and I know she has no intention of paying any heed to my warning. Ahead of us, the lights are flickering slightly, but they're still there, though we're still several hundred metres from them. They seem small, and not far off the ground.
"They're by the lighthouse," Jess says. "Aren't they? That's where the old lighthouse is".
"I think so," I say. The lighthouse has been abandoned for years, and I can't imagine anyone decent wanting to go near it at any time of the day or night.
We reach the edge of the forest and, to my great relief, Jess stops. We can hear the sea rolling in on the beach, and the dark tower of the lighthouse - which has been unlit for decades - is just about discernible in the gloom. The two lights are still hovering near the base, though they seem to be moving a little from side to side.
"Now what?" I ask. "Shall we go back?"
"Let's just watch," Jess says. "Work out what they are".
We stand in darkness, watching the lights. We're still a few hundred metres away, but it's clear now that they're not torches. They seem to be fuzzy balls of light, almost out of focus, and the way they're flickering and hovering seems unusual, like nothing I've ever seen before.
"Rose," says Jess.
"You want to go back?" I ask, hopefully.
"Look," she says.
"What?" The lights haven't changed. I turn to Jess, and then I realise she isn't looking at them at all. She's looking behind us. I turn to look back the way we came. And that's when I see two more lights a couple of hundred metres behind us.
9
It's getting late as Adam walks me all the way to my house. Slightly against my better judgement, I decide to invite him in once I see that all the lights are off, which means my mother and brother must be asleep. I check my watch. How did it get to be midnight already?
I take Adam straight to my room, which might seem a little forward but trust me: if you'd seen the state of the rest of the house, you wouldn't want anyone wandering about. I should really have made up some excuse to get Adam to climb in through my bedroom window with me, but that'd just be... weird.
On the way, we've been talking about Jess Harper and Rose Tisser. I've been trying to steer the conversation onto the subject of vampires, and it seems now's my chance to strike. "Some people thought a vampire killed them," I say.
"Yeah," says Adam, barely suppressing a laugh as he looks at the books piled up on the table in the corner of my room. One day I'll have a bookcase.
"Pretty crazy," I say. I'm not sure what to do or where to sit. If I sit on the bed, it's like I'm inviting him. If I keep standing, it's just awkward. The floor? I suddenly notice that my bedroom curtains are still open. I walk over to the window and look out at the pitch blackness out there. Patrick, are you watching?
I pull the curtains shut. "There was something about puncture marks on Jess Harper's neck," I say.
"That's what they said," Adam says. He's picked up my copy of 'Brave New World' and is thumbing through it. "But you know they didn't have DNA testing or anything back then".
True, but I don't see what it's got to do with puncture marks on someone's neck. "What did your grandfather think?"
Adam puts the book down. "I think he thought it was all a big mystery, and I think he accepted a long time ago that he'd never ever know the truth". He looks at me for a moment. "So... you think it was vampires?" He seems a little incredulous.
"No!" I say. "I don't believe in that sort of thing". There we go. First lie of this relationship. "It's just interesting how people explain things they don't understand".
He comes over to the window and pulls the curtain back for a moment to take a look outside. I can't help wondering: is Patrick on the other side of the glass, looking in? Letting the curtain fall closed, Adam sighs. "I'm 99.99999% sure there were no vampires involved," he says.
"Only 99.99999%?" I ask.
"I like to leave possibilities open," he says. "Just in case". And with that, h
e leans in and I let him kiss me. It's a longer kiss than before, but there's still no tongue, just touching lips. We don't even touch one another with our hands. It's the gentlest, most chaste kiss you could imagine.
"Hi," he says, pulling back slightly.
"Hi," I say. "You want to do that again?"
"Yeah," he says, and he leans in again. This time there's more to the kiss, from both of us. After a moment, we seem to simultaneously take things a step further and our tongues meet. It's at this point that I put one hand on his shoulder, and he takes the cue and puts an arm around my waist.
"You saved my life today," I say when there's a moment. "I never thanked you".
"It was nothing," he says. "I mean... it was something, obviously..." He seems awkward now. "It was something, but it wasn't anything you need to thank me for. I saw you were in danger and I helped you. It was instinct".
He leans in and we kiss again, still passionately. There's this voice in my head saying Don't sleep with him! over and over, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to listen to that voice.
"Do you want to sit down?" I ask, breaking from the kiss and stepping over to the bed. He comes and joins me, sitting on the edge. We kiss again, and there's definitely a sense of progression: his tongue is deeper into my mouth, and I'm fighting back by going deeper and harder into his.
"I don't know if I want to go all the way," I whisper. "I... I have a problem with that".
"It's okay," he says, whispering too. "We can wait for that".
"It's not that I don't want to I say," still whispering. He has his hand on my knee now. "It's just... I've only ever been with another guy once before and it really hurt. Like, really hurt. I'm sorry. It was like a knife inside me. I went to see a doctor and he said -" At this point I sigh. Way to go ruining the mood, Sophie. "He said it's muscular. He said I get too tense. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it".
He smiles at me kindly. "We can do other stuff," he says. "If you want to".
I open my mouth to say something - I'm not even sure what! - but in the end I just nod.
"Kiss me again," I say, and he does. After a moment, I start to speak while we're still kissing. "Do you want me to take my top off?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says. "If you want to".
I nod, then I quickly unbutton my shirt and pull it off. I reach behind my back and unhook my bra, letting it fall down into my lap and exposing my breasts".
Adam looks at my body. "You're really hot," he says.
I stifle a laugh. "You're the first person who's ever said that!" I say. "I usually hang out with my friend Shelley. She's the hot one".
He shakes his head. "Can't be. You're clearly the hot one in any situation".
I blush, then I relax back onto the bed and he starts kissing my belly, working his way slowly up my body until he starts kissing one of my breasts.
"You can bite me," I say softly. "Not too hard. Just a little. If you want".
He looks up at me. "Like this?" he asks, before gently taking one of my nipples in his teeth.
A shudder of pure pleasure jolts up my body. "Yeah," I say, and he bites a little harder. It feels so good already, I stare at the ceiling as I feel him biting me more, moving his hand over my other breast. Without meaning to do it, I grind my hip a little, thrusting towards him. I look at him and see that he noticed. I don't know what idea he's got, but I decide there's no way I'm going to stop him. The only problem is, I can feel the muscles in my vagina tensing. Shit. I knew this would happen, but still... I wish it wouldn't.
Adam inches up the bed and then reaches one hand down to unbutton my jeans. I lift my hips to help him pull them down, then he slips my underwear down to reveal my bush. I can't help twisting my hips slightly towards him, inviting him to explore me further. He puts a hand on my leg, then kisses me passionately on the lips again.
Okay, maybe it won't hurt this time.
As he pulls away from the kiss, though, I realise something is terribly wrong. I stare into his eyes, and he stares into mine, except it's not Adam at all: it's Patrick! With that fixed, expressionless look on his face, it's Patrick who's leaning over me; Patrick who's moving his hand towards my vagina; Patrick who's been biting on my nipples.
"Get off!" I shout, sitting up. Patrick falls backwards, except now I can see it's not Patrick at all, it's Adam again. Adam. Which is who it should be.
I look at the curtains, which are still closed. I run to the window and check it's still shut, which it is. I turn to Adam, who's still on the bed but looking confused. I realise I'm doing full frontal nudity, and I quickly grab a sheet from by the bed and cover myself up. "Sorry," I say. "I'm really sorry, I..." Looking at Adam now, I realise I was just imagining Patrick. It's okay. He wasn't here at all.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
I stare at him, focusing on his face, making sure it's really him and not Patrick.
"I'm fine," I say. "But do you mind if we wait?"
"Sure," he says. "Okay".
"It's not you," I say. "It's other people". Wait, that sounds wrong. "That's not what I mean," I add hurriedly. "It's me! It's just me. I'm really sorry".
"Don't sweat it," he says. "Just... when you're ready, promise I'll be the first person you call?"
I nod, smiling a little.
"I should go," he says. "You seem like you need some time alone".
"Do you mind going out the window?" I ask. "It's just... my mother..."
"It's fine," he says. He goes to the window and opens it. Is Patrick out there somewhere, watching? Adam comes over and kisses me on the cheek. "See you tomorrow, maybe?" he asks.
10
"It's a sign," says Jess. "They want us to keep moving". She turns to me. She has this excited look in her eyes. It's the kind of look I always dread. When we were children, it usually meant I was going to end up with a grazed knee, or a twisted ankle, or being chased by someone, or something equally horrible. Tonight, though, it seems like a particularly bad omen.
"They?" I ask. "Who are They?"
"I don't know," says Jess, as if it doesn't matter. "But look at it like this. We go forwards, we meet lights and we find out what's going on. We go backwards, we meet lights and maybe we don't learn anything. Come on!" And with that, she scuffles off towards the lighthouse, only this time I don't follow.
"Jess!" I hiss.
But she's gone. I look out at the blackness between me and the lights, and I know Jess is in there somewhere. It's too late for me to follow, though, and I have no idea what I should do. I look over my shoulder and see that the lights behind haven't come any closer. I look ahead and to my shock, I see the lights by the lighthouse are moving towards the direction in which Jess ran. And then there's another light, but this time it seems to be coming from one of the windows of the lighthouse, and it lasts for only a fraction of a second before it goes dead and the other lights disappear as well. I turn and look back , and the lights behind me are gone too.
I look at the lighthouse. "Jess," I say quietly, hoping the word will make her come back.
***
I'm woken by a scream. Or am I? Maybe it was part of a dream...
It's morning, and for a moment I'm not sure where I am, but then I realise I'm behind a bush near the beach, a few hundred metres from the old lighthouse. How did I fall asleep? I get to my feet and look around, but there's no sign of Jess anywhere, but somehow things don't seem so scary in the early morning light so I step out onto the beach and stumble over to the lighthouse.
"Jess!" I call out, though I know there's a good chance she just went home without me. That'd be typical Jess; in fact, it's the most likely explanation by far. She's probably at home in bed right now, having assumed I'd abandoned her. No. Wait. Would she really think I'd do that? She knows me too well. Surely she'd come looking for me?
"Jess!" I shout again as I reach the lighthouse. I walk all the way around, and I look down by the shore, but there's no sign of her. Eventually I notice the door to the lighthouse is
ajar. I walk over. Wouldn't they keep the door locked, even if the place is abandoned? I pull it open and step inside.
"Jess!" I shout as I see her flat on her back on the floor, in the middle of the large round room. I rush over, and thank God she opens her eyes and looks up at me. "Are you okay?" I ask.
She stares at me for a moment. "I'm cold," she says.
"Me too," I say. "I slept on the beach. Did you sleep here?"
She sits up and looks around. "I suppose so".
"What happened?" I ask. "Did you see the lights?"
Jess seems uncertain and confused. "What lights?" she asks.
I look into her eyes. They look dull. In fact, the whole of her looks dull, as if she's in a shadow that's fallen only over her. "Do you remember last night?" I ask. "We came to look at the lights?"
She nods. "That's right," she says. She looks around at the large, empty, high-ceilinged room. "It's so crowded in here," she says.
I follow her gaze. We're alone. "What do you mean?" I ask.
She smiles. "Not here, silly," she says, and it's the first time she's sounded like the real Jess so far this morning. She sits up suddenly. "Who are they?" She's looking around wildly.
"Who's who?" I ask.
She looks at me. "Are there people outside?" she asks.
"I don't think so," I say. "I hope not!"
Jess closes her eyes. "You don't hear that?"
I listen, but there's nothing at all to hear.
"Never mind," says Jess, getting to her feet. "We... should... be..." She blinks a lot, as if something's wrong. "We should be getting home". She turns to me and smiles. "That's right, isn't it? We should be getting home".
11
"So what's his name?" Shelley asks. We're sitting in a cafe in the old (i.e. cheap) part of town.
"What do you mean?" I ask, stirring my Coke with a straw.
"Shut up," she says. "I know there's someone. What's his name?"
I give her my best poker face, but it's clearly not good enough. "Adam," I say.
