by Tara Wimble
She throws up Laurel’s present between them before the hug can be finished. “Happy Birthday!” It’s not that she doesn’t love Santos. It’s just that getting frosting on her face isn’t high on her to do list.
Laurel scrunches her face up. “I’ll get you later.” She warns.
“You can have birthday kisses when you’re cleaned up Santos.” Janice laughs. “Also, I wouldn’t do that.”
Laurel’s hand stops trying to rip the paper off the box.
“But you’ll probably thank me later.” Janice suggests. “Amy too.”
Laurel’s face drops. “You did not.”
“Oh try me.” Janice beams.
Laurel thinks better of it and manages to grab Janice unexpectedly to press and frosting tipped kiss to her cheek. “Thanks for coming.”
She shoves Janice away just as they both realize the double entendre, leaving them to laugh in opposite directions. Though, Janice notes, Laurel goes straight to her girlfriend with a red face. Oh yeah, kudos and all that for her.
Janice watches the two of them for a second. Amy’s wearing a blue dress and keeping a distance from Laurel as she dabs the cake from her face. She can’t hear Amy laughing but she can see how happy she is.
Her knees buckle when Robin unexpectedly hip checks her and she must blush so much because Robin waves a hand in front of her eyes. “Have you been drinking?”
Janice clears her throat and steadies herself against the wall. “What? No.”
Robin pulls at the collar of her teal v-neck. She looks nice with the makeup Laurel’s probably talked her into wearing but there’s anxiety in her voice. “Where have you been?”
Robin knows where she’s been but considering she was meant to be back half a day ago, Janice isn’t sure what to say.
“Nowhere.” It’s clear Robin doesn’t believe her but Janice isn’t about to explain what her weekend has been like when she’s still trying to walk after it. “I was on the bus.”
“You missed like three hours of the party.”
“Did you cut the cake without me?” Janice asks sarcastically.
Robin dodges Janice’s hand attempting to swipe frosting from her forehead that she missed. “What do you think?”
“I think that I’m here now, Santos is enjoying my present - or she will be later when she opens it privately- and you should point me in the direction of the keg.”
“There isn’t a keg.”
As if, she made sure that some guys in her class who owed her a favor would bring one. Janice glances in the distance. “Yeah, tell that to the guys swaying over there by your girl.”
Robin spins much faster than Janice anticipated to see what she means. The boys are Laurel’s friends from sociology and harmless enough, considering Lexie is handling them at an arm’s length, but Janice sees the tops of Robin’s ears go red.
“She’s not mine.” Robin forces herself to turn around. “Hey something got slid under our doo-”
“Woah woah-” Janice interrupts Robin’s play at moving on. She snaps her fingers in front of her face like she would a child that needs to pay attention. Robin flinches and Janice sees the disappointment written on her face. “What are you even doing?”
“What?”
“You and Lexie?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? I’m calling you out on that one because neither of you have been the same since before Christmas and it’s starting to get on my nerves.” Janice can feel the buzz of the weekend start to slip from her and as much as she hates to notice it, she can’t let Robin avoid this.
“You really haven’t been around much to know that.”
That stings. “We share a room.” Janice sighs. “Look, whatever it is that happened, I’m sure you two will-”
There’s a dip in the music followed by a quick silence that Robin uses to say;
“I kissed her.”
The air gets sucked out of her and then forced back in too quickly. Janice splutters over a smile that deflates when Robin doesn’t look thrilled. “And you’re not setting me up for an epic chest bump over this because?”
“I told her I wasn’t ready.” Robin says. “And I left.”
“As in you went home for Christmas.” Janice states.
Silence.
“You left her then and there?”
Silence.
It all snaps into place for her and Janice jerks out an arm, punching Robin in the shoulder. “YOU RAN?”
“DUDE.” Robin yells in response. Lexie head jolts in their direction. Through gritted teeth Janice smiles like nothing is wrong.
“What was that for?” Robin rubs her shoulder.
“You ran away?”
“I wasn’t ready.”
“You kissed her!” Janice hisses trying to keep her voice down under the music. “That’s like a universal signal for change in a relationship!”
“It was a spur of the moment.” Robin’s eyes look down to the floor. Janice can almost see her running through it in her head again. When she has to tilt Robin’s chin up to look at her again, Janice can almost feel the regret pouring through her from skin contact alone.
“It was you punching her in the face with your lips instead of working out your feelings first.” Janice groans. “Why did no one tell me this?”
Robin rolls her shoulder. “Case in point.”
“Have you two-”
“No.”
“Have you even talked about it?” Janice says with a wince.
“Kind of?”
“Kind of how?”
Robin shrugs. “We went to dinner a few times after classes and just hung out. Like no pressure or anything. I wanted to hear how her break was and just, chill-”
“Why wouldn’t you know how her break was?”
“...” Robin says nothing. Just like she’d apparently said nothing to Lexie over the entire winter break. Janice throws a half hearted prayer on Robin’s behalf because apparently that’s the only thing Robin will listen to.
Janice’s face drops into a blankness. “Okay, you need to go over there and sweep her off her feet right now.”
“What?” Robin stiffens.
“I’m serious. You ignored her the whole holiday?”
“She understood!” Robin exclaims. “Jan, I needed space and time to think-”
“I get that but you had to cut off all communications with her after you kissed her, without warning, then ran off and then got onto a plane to the other side of the country for a month leaving her no idea what to think until you came back and went to dinner a few times?” Janice exhales. “Did you even tell her that you plan on kissing her again sometime?”
Robin crosses her arms over her chest.
“Gonna take that as a no.”
“Can we talk about this later? In the room?” Robin pleads. There are more bodies dancing and jumping around them now. Lexie has moved to the make-shift dance floor with Laurel and Amy. Janice and Robin stand out by standing still.
“Just, tell me what’s holding you back. No complexities or bible answers or fear of rejection because that girl built you a bike, you’re golden, just-” Janice takes Robin’s hand and turns her head to where Lexie is laughing at Amy and Laurel waltzing dramatically. “What is holding you back from her?”
Robin’s hand stops shaking in hers after about ten seconds. “Let go of my hand.”
Janice feels the defeat run through her, chipping the edge of her high from her weekend with Hope. She let’s go and leans against the wall watching Robin weave through the crowd towards the door. As she imagined she would.
Robin didn’t have an answer for her.
Janice closes her eyes and sighs, wondering where that keg actually is and whether or not Robin will speak to her when she gets back, drunk, tonight when a loud whistle pierces through the music.
When she opens her eyes, Robin is kissing Lexie in the middle of the dance floor.
***
LEXIE stopped breathing about five
minutes ago when she saw Robin walking towards her.
It’s something that’s happened all night since Laurel and her ambushed Robin in her room with hair straighteners and skinny jeans that did amazing things to her hips. Every time she glimpsed over at her, Robin would avert her eyes, uncomfortable at the attention a little bit of makeup was getting her. Lexie couldn’t help it though.
Except she’s been watching her from a distance all night while talking to some of Laurel’s friends and hanging out with Amy. Not appreciating her, up close, like five minutes ago.
Her tan still overpowers the little paleness she has from the cold weather.
Lexie remembers trying to say something. It might have been about seeing Janice or dancing or how much she’s wanted her all night because somehow they’ve snuck drink in here but no words come just Robin placing a nervous hand on her hip and surprising her as always.
She’s pretty sure she hears Laurel wolf whistle louder than any of the guys around them when Robin practically dips her into a kiss.
Lexie exhales through her nose before closing her eyes into everything because she wants nothing to break this moment. Her hand comes up to hold the back of Robin’s neck and she feels all the little hairs stand up there. She’s not thinking that this is happening. No. She’s memorizing how gently Robin is holding her against her, like a slip would send Lexie spiraling away from her, and feeling her own desire suddenly spike.
Her hand stays there, tickling underneath her hair, when she finally breaks their kiss. The soft noise their lips make when they part is louder than the music still beating around them.
Laurel whistles again with Amy grinning at the spectacle but Robin looks breathless as she steals her hand away, tugging them both out of the room without a glance behind them.
Running together, head first.
Robin takes them from the common area and pulls them into the nearest room. It must be Laurel’s. There’s a pile of unopened presents sitting on the chair and a dozen cards stuck to the wall over her bed. There’s so much pink that Lexie feels dizzy until she stops spinning with Robin’s hands on her wrists.
“I’m sorry.” Robin pants out. Her eyes are wide like she’s just catching up with her body. Lexie looks at her hard but there’s no flight in her eyes this time and the relief washes over her.
“Don’t be.” She says.
“Wow.” Robin sighs out. Her hands close on her wrists again. Checking she’s still there. In reach.
“Thanks?” Lexie’s smiles and then falters. This happened too fast for her to think and the last time she was left kissing the air. Not again. “Wait, wait, are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Robin breathes out.
“No, I mean,” Lexie places a hand on Robin’s collar, just to feel something pushing back against her. “You kissed me.”
“Yeah.” Robin grins quickly, almost proud, before it dims. “Yeah.”
“And that’s okay?” There’s only one exit and Lexie doesn’t have the heart to watch Robin leave again. “You’re not running away?”
“No.” Robin covers her hand. Her face leans in and their noses brush. “I’m- I shouldn’t have run.”
Robin taps their foreheads together. Contact, a second at a time, for comfort. Then she comes to explain in a way that only she could. “I’m carefree. Or I was, before I turned up here. I like everyone, they generally like me and we get along. I don’t think I really care about a lot of things. Just the good things.”
“Long boarding and tennis?” Lexie jokes but her heart races.
“Soccer and sleep.” Robin teases back. “God.”
Lexie waits. Trying not to show that she’s holding her breath.
“Faith is a lot to me. Faith in God. Faith in people.” Robin closes her eyes. “Faith guides me and it’s gotten me this far.”
She feels Robin’s thumbs run over her wrists. A grand weight settles on her words. “I thought it meant that I had to run and just see where it takes me and not care because everything was set out for me.”
“But I ran right past it all and it felt wrong sitting at home after- I’m here.” She pauses. “Because I’m meant to be here.”
It’s exactly what she wanted for Christmas. “I would have waited.” She replied honestly. How couldn’t she?
“You never should have needed to in the first place.” Robin says. They sway without knowing it and the backs of Lexie’s knees hit Laurel’s bed.
“So, faith led you here?” Lexie bites the tip of her tongue. “To Laurel’s bedroom?”
Robin doesn’t hesitate to kiss her with laughter bubbling in her stomach. A third kiss when Lexie wasn’t sure she’d recover from the first.
“I’m an act of God then?”
“You’re amazing but stop.”
Lexie brushes her thumb over Robin’s chin. “Kiss me.”
And she does. The only running she cares to notice is in her heart and in Robin’s hands through her hair. They brush through and gather behind her ears. Her fingers tap through them to her thumb, squeezing them, until Lexie giggles between kisses.
The music from Laurel’s party bleeds into the room but they just stand there smiling. Hands trailing hips and managing to keep this as sweet as possible. Beneath her skin she itches for the glow that many of her friends wear. She shimmers with every touch.
Robin is as red as she imagined when she suggests they get back to the party. Like she’s just realized they’ve been making out in Laurel’s room for ten minutes.
“Yeah, yeah, we should.” She laughs out and steps back holding her hands. “Come on. Janice’s gonna have a breakdown.”
“Wait, Janice’s here?” Lexie’s voice is drowned once again as she re-enters the party.
They don’t part. Robin’s hip bumps against hers every second step. Lexie can’t help beaming outwardly while Robin hides her smile against her chest. Yet neither of them can do anything to escape Janice rushing through the modest crowd with her arms in front of her. The music is too loud but it looks like she’s screaming at them in joy.
“You idiots!” Lexie manages to make out the only thing Janice seems to be able to repeat.
She pulls at their hands with a smile, winking when she spots their affectionate glances. “Finally!”
“What?” Lexie yells back. Janice yells again and it hits her that it’s been a good three days since she’s seen her. “Where the hell have you been?”
Robin refused to budge on that information but she has her suspicions.
Janice scratches the side of her face with a wry grin. “I’ll tell you later! We’ve got a birthday girl to attend to tonight!”
Lexie raises an eyebrow for more but Janice is already storming over to Laurel shouting something that sounds like ‘birthday kisses’.
Robin lets out a sudden sputtering laugh.
“What?” Lexie smiles. “What?”
Robin kisses her cheek. “She’s walking funny.”
***
SHE wakes up alone and her mind berates her with the image of Janice’s slightly sunburnt, naked back coming up in her memory. Hope reaches across the empty space of her bed. It’s been over a week and still she can’t think straight over it all. She feels dizzy.
Hope forces herself upwards and out of bed. Leaving the cold to grow colder in her absence. Showering doesn’t take the ice from her shoulder, leaving her raw and unsatisfied when the steam follows her from the bathroom.
Her phone keeps telling her about the messages left and unlistened to. Another appointment. Another court date. Another ‘just so you know’ that she can’t and won’t deal with. It’s no longer her problem.
Janice leaves a text full of smiley faces and a promise that she’s replied to the invitation that brightens her for the first time that morning. They haven’t had a chance to see each other since Hope drove them back from her beach house. The morning after was long and full of lazy looks and touches that made the afternoon rushed and electric as they both h
ad to make it back to L.A.
She misses her and the weightlessness being with her brings.
She leaves a voicemail because there’s no doubt Janice is asleep. Nothing more than ‘good morning’ just to ease her awake but it makes her feel better as she starts thinking about the rest of her day.
Work isn’t on the table but a trip into town is. The documents she’s signed for Christenne have to be dropped off and there’s one other message on her phone that she hasn’t been able to ignore. Hope pulls on jeans and an old Seahawks shirt, covering it with that obnoxious leather jacket that someone once insisted she buy, before grabbing her car keys.
When she steps out, the gravel crunching under her boots, everything feels dull again.
The streets start to wake up as she drives by. Sunlight and traffic lights glitter on the windscreen. There’s candy bar wrappers and a physics textbook still littering on the passenger seat that she doesn’t want to move yet. It’s not over as long as they sit there to remind her.
Vianne doesn’t live that far from the station. She prefers to walk into work or cycle because buying a car isn’t on her plan if she’s saving for a better apartment. The downside is that Hope has to park on the street, locking it within an inch of her life, before she walks through the gates of Vianne’s apartment.
It’s in a block of other one bedroom, one kitchen places that Hope worried about her living in until she saw how good a shot Vianne was with a gun. She shuffles up the stairs quietly, shifting her bag to her left shoulder. There’s a humming coming from Vianne’s end of the hallway that grows into soft singing as she reaches the door.
Her knock breaks the verse and she hears someone huff loudly in response.
The door swings open and Hope blinks because she expected someone else really.
“She’s making breakfast.” Sara tells her before she can even get a word in. “So you better be prepared to stay or come back later.”
Sara is a sight for sore eyes. “Didn’t expect you to be back so soon.” She comments. As far as she knew Vianne had only sent the invitation a few days ago. Sara was meant to be rushing to finish her senior project before hopping on a plane over.
Hope had scoffed a little after they’d been partners for a few weeks when Vianne had first told her about her girlfriend who was training to be an architect in Germany. It seemed a bit strange that Vianne would fall for someone like that. Until she’d met Sara and had all of her nerdy mental imagery proved wrong as soon as the woman held out her hand, leading up to a tatted arm, for her to shake.
