by Tara Wimble
But Janice hasn’t stooped to the level where she ignores Robin on top of it and she glances over her shoulder before finally asking out of politeness. “How was dinner?”
Robin kicks off her shoes and bounces onto her bed, to Janice’s right, so that she’s in the corner of her eye no matter how hard she focuses on the screen. “Good. Could have used some company.”
The politeness is dropped. “I’m sure you managed.”
Robin stares at Janice the way she stares at the steps up to her public speaking class. With the knowledge of the great effort it’s going to take to conquer the climb. “I think she’d like a chance to talk to you.”
She keeps Lexie’s name out of the conversation as much as she can because it just incenses her more. Janice is pissed. But it’s not a rage, it’s a slow burning frustration directed towards Robin because she won’t drop this yet. “Don’t you think she’s said enough?”
“Probably not the right things.” Robin voices. She made progress with Lexie, she can do that with Janice.
“You think?”
“But Jan, come on. Are you gonna keep slamming the door in her face every time she comes around?” Keep it calm and direct. Don’t make excuses.
“Maybe. It’s not like I haven’t broken the door before.” Janice reminds her and goes back to tapping away at her keys like Robin will suddenly change the subject.
“You know, she’s my girlfriend.” Guilt tripping, however, is not off the table.
“And you’re my best friend.” Janice retorts, spinning her chair around. It’s the biggest reaction she’s gotten from her so far. “So forgive me for assuming that you’re not going to pick sides in this.”
“I’m not.”
“Really? Seems clear enough from where I’m sat.”
“Then you’re obviously not looking clear enough.” Robin declares, sitting back on her bed. While headfirst and confrontational worked with Lexie, winding Janice up with her casual argumentative nature usually works out better. “Might want to check who I’m with now.”
Janice scoffs and looks away. “I’m sorry, if you’re looking for someone to make out with and agree with then you definitely should walk out now.”
“Not your type?” Robin baits her.
“Can you just-”
“Because from here it doesn’t look like you have a lot of options open.” Undercut to the chest isn’t off the table either and Robin prepared herself for Janice’s reaction before she even walked through the door.
Janice slams her laptop shut. “Are you actually trying to piss me off now?”
“Is it working?”
“Fuck you Robin. Fuck you and Lexie and just stop.” Janice says. “Can you just respect that this is the way I’m dealing with this-”
“Not when it’s effecting me.”
“It’s not effecting you.” Janice points. “This hasn’t even begun to touch you.”
Robin gathers strength and hopes that what she’s doing, and the way she’s doing this, is the right thing for everyone involved. “Fine. Maybe not, but it’s effecting two of the three people closest to me and that’s starting to tick me off.”
“Funny since we got into this mess because someone wouldn’t keep out of my business.”
“She was doing what she thought was best.” Lexie’s words were sincere despite the fact Robin had to force them from her.
“You would say that.”
“I’m telling you what she seriously believes.” Robin stresses. “She did this because she felt like someone had to stand up for you, and let Hope know-”
“Know what?” Janice twists. “Because what Lexie said had nothing to do with me. I’d talked to Laurel, I’d talked to Sara, and I’d heard from Hope and told her, through Laurel, that I needed space and I needed time and that when we next met, it’d be on my terms.”
“You still have that-”
“No I don’t!” Janice flares up. “Because Hope knows that Lexie is one of my best friends and that I care about what she does and what she says. Her words hold weight.”
Robin keeps her mouth shut and takes light from the fact Janice still referred to Lexie as her best friend. “It doesn’t matter if Lexie said those things five seconds after I’d called her, or five hours, they hold weight to me.”
Janice’s eyes well up and she forces herself to look away while Janice hides how upset she’s gotten. It almost makes her regret doing this and then Janice gets to the reason behind the slamming doors and the silence.
“I’m angry at Hope, not as much as I was, but even then I wouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t confront her and call her out like Lexie did. That was rage, and that was Lexie shaming her as well.”
Robin wonders if Janice had ever thought that Lexie’s problem with Hope stemmed more from their relationship, like Lexie had implied, or thought better of her friend. “And you don’t think she deserves it?”
One final push to reveal the core of Janice’s character. That her upset is because she cares so much about doing things her way, on her terms and truthfully. The agency that Hope took from her when she led her into the benefit without giving her all the facts weighs as heavily in her mind as Lexie stealing her agency to choose when to talk to Hope about the betrayal and speaking false on her behalf.
“After everything I’ve told you about her, about what she’s been through? She’s had enough of that from everyone else around her. I was determined not to be like everyone else.” Robin knows deep down that Janice could easily agree with everything but she’s strived to be better than that. “Lexie ruined that.”
“I’m sorry.” Robin makes a point to look her in the eye, passing her sincerity though her face as well as her words.
“Yeah.”
Janice turns back to her laptop and Robin understands that she’s probably not going to get anything else from Janice tonight. She quietly gathers her headphones and her pillow and with a whispered ‘see you later’ which receives no reply, she slips out of the door and down the hall.
Robin doesn’t say a word when she walks into Laurel’s room but her expression is enough to have Laurel discard her homework and open her arms to her friend. The cookies are ready on the bedside table but Robin has a hard time reaching them from where she landed on Laurel’s chest.
“Being a double agent is hard.” Robin sighs.
Laurel hugs her tighter and welcomes her to the most neutral room she can stay in during this ongoing war.
Robin’s muffled ‘thanks’ is pressed into her shoulder and Laurel kisses the top of her head affectionately. “They’ll work it out soon.”
“Soon doesn’t seem like soon enough.”
“Well, they’ll keep going until one of them says something or screws something else up and then they’ll fight about it and then they’ll work it out.”
“That sounds perfect.”
Laurel nudges her hand away from the cookies. “Look. Love is definitely harder than war. They’re only fighting it this hard because they’re friends and the trust between them was broken.”
“Then why are they fighting me?”
“Because they both love you the most.”
“Why aren’t they fighting you?” Robin questions.
“Because every time they try they look into my brown eyes and realize that I don’t need anything rocking my boat.” Laurel answers.
“Apart from Amy.”
“Jerk.” Laurel jibes. “Besides, sooner or later they’ll have to talk.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, either the door to your room is going to fall off or the deadline for signing the lease on that apartment Janice wants is to move into is gonna come up.”
The apartment that Janice asked Lexie to live with them in. “Shit.”
Laurel sighs in agreement. “It’s gonna get ugly before it blows over.”
“You said baked goods.” Robin mumbles sensing defeat.
Laurel laughs. “That I did. Come on Tob
y.”
She’s not cut out for this kind of productivity.
***
THE storm rages between her friends and Robin figures that the door to their room will definitely break before Janice and Lexie start talking again, when a week later Laurel is the one to corner her before she makes it back to her room.
“They had a run in.” She opens.
“What?” Robin is exhausted. All she wants to do is sleep.
“Lexie apparently sat next to her during a lecture and said something.”
“It wouldn’t have happened to be an apology would it?” Robin winces.
Laurel’s expression is pinched. “It may have eventually, after Lexie removed the ‘I could have warned you this would have happened’ tone, but Janice didn’t let it get that far.”
“What did she do?”
“Left.” Laurel nods to her room. “Stomped back and slammed the door. Haven’t heard anything for like an hour.”
Robin’s eyes roll back in her head and she sighs. “Do you want to go see a movie?”
“I’ll call Amy.”
It keeps happening over the next few days despite Robin pleading with Lexie to let her be. Janice grows more and more aggravated with the barrage of Lexie’s attempted apologies that she skips some of the classes they take together.
There’s no sign that Janice will call Hope soon either and Robin spends a lot more money on movie tickets just to be able to sleep in peace during the afternoons.
Despite Laurel’s faith, it doesn’t seem like anything is getting any better.
***
And then it gets worse.
***
She hides in the room whenever Lexie comes for Robin. She needs space from her too now. Janice feels like she’s losing friends all over the place so when she bumps into a girl who reminds her of Lexie, who asks where Lexie is, she doesn’t think twice about pointing her in the direction of Lexie’s dorm in the Hope that she’ll have to let Robin come back to her room.
“Thanks,” The girl says. “I just wish she’d answer her phone. Sisters, right?”
Janice pauses and a part of her tells her that she shouldn’t have directed her to Lexie’s room but Jeri Jameson is already back in her car and driving it in the right direction.
She feels around for her phone and hovers over Lexie’s name. She should tell her. She should.
Lexie’s picture in her contact info smiles back at her and she shakes over the empty message. How did they get here so fast? One minute they were laughing in the back of class and cycling on weekends to faraway places. The next-
Janice can’t get the look on Lexie’s face out of her head. Not when she was shouting at Hope, but the moment Janice knew that she was going to screw everything up. When she came in and sat with her listening to her tell her exactly what had happened. The expression told her of things to come and Janice was blind to it.
She’s not blind to it anymore.
In a second of anger Janice deletes the text. People shouldn’t meddle in other people’s personal issues. The last few days have taught her that much.
***
“LEXIE?”
The sinking feeling that she felt wasn’t the worry over whether or not Robin was okay with this. Especially so soon after coming to her the first time. The time she spent praying and figuring out her feelings wasn’t something she was privy too until after Janice had barged in on them.
Apparently that was a theme.
Lexie isn’t sure how far they’re going to go today. They’d laid around on the grass avoiding the conversations they didn’t want to have and tweaking with Robin’s bike and Lexie had just felt happy. Happy and relaxed and she’d turned over on the ground and caught Robin in a kiss.
Then they stumbled through the hall to Lexie’s room to here.
Robin’s thumb is circling the clasp of her jean, her mouth marking her neck in a way that tells her everything is going to be okay, when collapse through her dorm to notice the horrified look on Lexie’s sister’s face.
Lexie’s hand slips and Robin lets out a strangled moan not meant for anyone to hear and if she could visibly see her world shatter in two, this would be the moment.
When she was six her sister pulled her away from her daily attempt to rid her bike of training wheels and surrounded her with glitter, glue and pictures of brides she’d ripped from her mom’s catalogues. Lexie sat through an afternoon of scrapbooking, and an even longer evening of trying to wash off the glitter, for her sister and her Disney like obsession with weddings.
Jeri had consistent boyfriends through high school and college. Lexie had one for a month which dissolved into a friendship before she left for college. And since then there’s been no one but Robin.
Standing in her bedroom with her hand almost slipping into the front of Robin’s pants, she’s never been more aware of the way her sister sees the world. How she saw her. What the look of shock and betrayal on her face says about the way this second has changed their relationship.
Robin moves in her stillness and buttons the top of her jeans, pulling her shirt down and moving an inch away from Lexie like that will make Jeri’s face change. Like it will make a difference.
The moment before Jeri opens her mouth, Lexie feels sick. Not just because of this, or because of what will come after this, but because she realizes what Janice was going to tell her before she went and opened her big mouth.
“Jeri-”
Fuck.
“Your roommate let me in-”
Rhetta hadn’t been around as much lately. She’d apparently made friends with senior called Alaine or something and spent most of their time together putting together and filming a webshow on the internet.
Fuck.
Jeri.
“I forgot which room but your friend Janice-”
White noise follows after Janice’s name comes out of Jeri’s mouth and it takes everything in her not to scream out.
“-she told me where to find you.” Jeri’s voice diminishes and cracks and it hurts Lexie like an open wound.
“Jeri-”
“I’m gonna go. God. Lexie.”
“Jeri, no please, hang on-” Lexie flails. “This is Robin-”
Robin is a deer in the headlights when she mumbles ‘hi’ but Jeri isn’t even looking at her anymore.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Jeri.” Lexie stumbles out of the way when Jeri forces herself out the door.
She’s in shock. A shell, a hollow shell, walked where her sister walked and she can feel that she should be angry because where is this coming from? But there’s nothing but hurt.
Robin lets go of her hand, stopping only to cup her cheek, and urges her. “Go after her.”
Her sister didn’t expect any of this and though she’s not a prejudiced person, this is her sister that’s just rocked her world view. And that’s always going to cut deeper.
Lexie turns the door open and sprints out of it. The echo of Janice’s name is dropped on her bedroom floor and Robin is the one who crouches down to pick up the pieces of blame.
*
She walks across town aimlessly just to avoid her room because the thought of anymore work is driving her crazy. She avoided the park because of the memories it brought and even switched off her phone to stop anyone calling her. Which is why Janice stalls in the middle of the street when she hears someone calling her name.
She’s seen Vianne out of her uniform before but not this casual. So when she waves back to the taller woman, she doesn’t really know who it is until Vianne steps to her and is smiling down on her before she can make her excuses and leave.
“You look exhausted.” Vianne comments. “Come on. Let’s talk for a few minutes.”
There’s no getting out of it. Vianne steers them into the coffee house next to Press’ Place, where Janice imagines she’d have ended up if Vianne hadn’t stopped her, eating her weight in cookies.
Vianne leads and Janice feels a little bit younge
r than she is with the way she’s asked what she wants while Vianne acts as the mediator between Janice and the barista. Vianne pays, she chooses the seat and she looks altogether more put together, even out of the uniform, than Janice’s felt in weeks.
She waits until she finishes her sugar and stirring routine in her coffee before she opens the conversation. “How’ve you been?”
It’s strange because they’ve met all of four times and spoken only once. And then the night ended on a bitter note. “Do you want me to be honest or?”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
Janice touches the edge of the glass of juice Vianne bought her like it’s going to break in her hands. “I’m miserable. And it’s getting harder to pretend I’m not.”
She skirts around the question she wants to ask until she sees Vianne waiting for her to ask it.
“How is she?”
“She’s-” Vianne looks at her. Just her face and she must see something in it. “Waiting.”
“Waiting.” Janice repeats.
“For you.” Vianne clarifies.
“Why?”
“Because she can’t move here or there without talking to you.” Vianne says. Janice hangs onto her words as she takes a drink for herself. “And she respects the terms you set out through Laurel.”
Janice takes the glass in her hand fully now and she can’t hold back the weak smile that she feels from Vianne’s words.
“Do you miss her?”
That stings in the corners of her eyes. Janice bites back the urge to cry because she’s past this stage, and nods with pursed lips.
“If it’s any consolation, what Lexie said-” Janice chokes out. “-I didn’t know she was going to fly off like that.”
Vianne is engaged, leaning on the table as she speaks and her presence surrounds Janice in a safety she hasn’t felt in a while. It reminds her a little of Sara’s talk with her in King’s and she wonders if Vianne ever knew what her girlfriend had said to her.
“You shouldn’t worry about that. Hope’s a big girl.”
A woman, Janice thinks, and she remembers.
“It just goes to show that your friends are a credit to you.” Vianne replies. “That they would defend you so ferociously.”
