by Lewis, R. J.
“Mommy silly,” he said as he built his blocks and purposely knocked them down. I nearly tripped over them three times.
“Kay, why don’t you take your blocks into the playroom so Mommy can cook, yeah?” I asked him for the hundredth time. He was like Heath, determined to ignore or simply shake his head. Once Kayden had made his mind up about something, there was no changing it… unless I bribed him with chocolate. But I couldn’t do that when dinner was a few minutes away.
Kayden did the ignoring thing and resumed playing with his blocks. Thankfully, the front door slammed open, signalling Heath’s return from work.
“Smells good,” he remarked just as he walked in. He immediately bent down and picked Kayden up, tickling him mercilessly. Kayden screamed and giggled as he was placed on Heath’s shoulders. Already his arms flew up and he was trying hard to grab at the fan on the ceiling.
“Kayden, don’t you dare!” I scolded him before Heath cornered me against the corner and gave me a kiss. “Not now,” I told him, moving away. “I’ve got this stupid meal to do.”
He stared at the stove top and for the first time in a long time, his lips lifted and he smiled. I nearly died witnessing it.
“You need help, babe?” he asked. “Because those steaks look like they’re two seconds away from being charcoal.”
I quickly removed the frying pan and then shut off the elements. I was sweaty and red in the face and my hair stunk of spices and meat. Ugh! This is why I hated cooking. I needed a serious makeover by the time I finished.
“I’ll get Kayden’s high chair and help you set up,” Heath told me.
He settled Kayden down and returned, pulling out the plates I hadn’t already thought to do. He moved around the kitchen smoother than me, dishing it all up when it was supposed to be my job.
“I hope I haven’t messed it up,” I mumbled with uncertainty.
He turned to me and kissed me again. “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.”
After setting the table, we sat down and ate. Kayden refused his vegetables as usual, and Heath did that whole choo-choo train game with the spoon. Kayden, being Kayden, whacked his hand away.
“He’s too old and hip for the choo-choo train thing, Heath,” I told him after a bite of super dry steak and barely cooked potato. “Those baby days are over.”
Looking at me, he retorted, “Keep that mouth going and you’ll be over my knee, and we’ll be playing a different choo-choo game.”
The way he said it so seriously made me laugh until my sides hurt. I could tell already our night was going to be very pleasant. Heath was in a good mood. He was actually doing as he promised and trying to be fun.
Maybe, in addition, he was finally getting over Ryker being out of jail and in the same town as us. I’d bitten my tongue that often, holding myself back from asking if he ever thought of seeing him and smoothing things over. It was clear to me that Ryker had no intentions to ever take an interest in Kayden, which left little to fret over for Heath. He was never going to have to share the father role.
I needed to accept that with our kind of history, some ties needed to remain broken. Ryker needed to stay away where he could never impact us again. That’s just what moving forward meant.
As we neared the end of our food, a knock sounded on the front door. Heath stood up and answered. I waited patiently to hear who it was, although I already had a feeling it was Marko.
When seconds passed and I hadn’t heard a thing, I had a feeling something was wrong. I stood and picked up Kayden from his high chair. Cautiously, I eased my way out of the kitchen and to the living area, stopping just out of sight to peer in.
I was right. It was Marko, but he had a look on his face that chilled me. He was whispering in a harsh tone to Heath, gesturing out the door like there was something coming.
“This was not a part of the plan,” I heard him say. “Heath… Fuck, this isn’t good. It’s too soon.”
Heath didn’t respond for a few moments. As if he was thinking about us, he looked over his shoulder, and I froze when he caught me eavesdropping. His face remained solemn, but his eyes softened just a tad.
“How sure are you?” he then asked.
“Pretty damn,” Marko answered.
“Alright. Well, I need you to stay here then. Just in case. Then I need you to run your fucking ass off getting shit ready.”
Marko nodded, and for the first time the cocky bastard wasn’t acting so cocky.
I wondered what the hell was going on. I was anxious and on edge. But like usual, I was out of the loop. Frowning, I moved back into the kitchen and set Kayden down. He raced out of there having already seen Marko, yelling in his broken language, “Mako! Mako!”
Silently, I cleaned up the mess as they sat down on the couch and turned on the television. The noise drowned out their quiet chatter. I kept peeking in, trying to determine how serious they were by the looks on their faces. They had a damn good poker face, though, and it further irritated me. Something bad was going to happen, and for once I just wanted to live a life without this bullshit to worry over! Why couldn’t it be normal?
As I started the dishes, I let in a few deep breaths, trying to control that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. But it worsened the more time passed, and I ended up abandoning the cleaning to take Kayden to bed.
I avoided looking at the guys as I disappeared with him to the bedroom. I didn’t need to look at them to further ruin my mood.
*
I stroked Kayden’s hair, watching him fall asleep with his Spiderman doll in his arms. He had so much of Lawson in him, but Ryker’s side was really showing. Heath had opened up once about it, telling me that he viewed Kayden like a tiny little Ryker, but the difference was he was saving him from going down Ryker’s footsteps.
I nearly chuckled at that thought. Saving a Lawson. The absurdity! Both the Lawson brothers needed saving! And Kayden didn’t need saving at all. He was a brand new boy in the family, and I knew he was destined to make it right. He was going to grow up and do me proud. I just knew it, deep in my gut. I’d teach him to be gentleman. Heath would teach him to defend himself. And he would learn and get out of this fucked up town and become somebody.
“Yeah, you will,” I whispered to his sleeping frame. “You’re going to become somebody.”
Interrupting my positive reverie was a loud smash out front. I jumped at the sudden noise and leaped out of bed. I followed the sounds to the front door. Heath and Marko were already out front on the porch, staring ahead as another smash erupted. Gripping on the doorframe, I watched a series of men coming out of two black cars, and one of them held up his beer bottle and threw it against the house.
SMASH!
“You think we were just going to go?” he shouted at Heath and Marko. “You think just because you had some pussies walling us at your gym, that we’d fuck off forever?”
Both Heath and Marko exchanged looks, and some kind of communication passed through because Marko looked back at the men and said, “The fuck you doing showing up at a private residence? That’s pretty low, man.”
The seedy looking man in black clothing smiled at them. “You think it was my plan? You think I’m the one that decided it? No, we take orders from our boss, and he’s right here.”
The men turned their heads back and the door of the second car door opened. Stepping out was Ryker, dressed in a black long sleeved top and dark pants. He looked lethal, nothing at all like the vulnerable man in the motel room. Something had happened from then until now, like the light had escaped and there was only darkness in him. His face was passive but chilling, and his cold eyes darted straight at Heath and Marko.
Heath straightened his back at the sight of his brother moving past the men and stopping in the middle of the yard. This was the first time since he’d gotten out that they’d laid eyes on each other.
“Been hearing a lot of shit, Heath,” he said, glaring between Heath and Marko. “And I’ve been paying close attentio
n to it too. I know what you fuckers did. I’ve checked the dates. Knew what you were up to every single time you skipped a day of work or missed out on fighting on the side.”
“What is it that you think we did?” Marko snarled in return.
“Don’t fuckin’ act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Ryker retorted, stepping even closer, and it was then I saw the gun held tightly in his hand.
“We did nothing.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. Now, this doesn’t have to be violent. We don’t need to take care of it out in the open here –”
“What’re you doing?” I let out in alarm, moving out onto the porch. “After everything you said to me, why are you acting like this, Ryker?”
“What I said to you had nothing to do with him,” he coldly replied pointing at Heath.
His eyes were on Heath, that look of revenge so abundantly clear on his face. But no… he wouldn’t, would he? He said he wasn’t going to chase after me – he didn’t want me! So why look at Heath like he wanted to kill him?
“This the slut he fucked you over for?” laughed a man from behind Ryker.
My heart started pounding harder in my chest, and when Heath turned to look at me, I felt even more anxious than before. He looked frightening, and it was no mystery people skirted around him these days. That look left you immobilized in one spot.
“Get in the house, Allie,” he demanded in a low, no bullshit tone.
“You don’t want her to see you dead, huh?” Ryker cut in, nodding his head like he was a mad person. “You don’t want her to know you’ve been the prick cleaning out our cash houses, causing nothing but trouble with our men and our town?”
My breath escaped me as I glanced from Ryker to Heath. I didn’t know what to think at this point. I couldn’t even say I was surprised either.
Heath looked back at his brother. “Shut the fuck up, Ryker. Really, you fuck-heads come around my home, makin’ bullshit accusations –”
“It ain’t fucking bullshit!” Ryker hollered, angrily. “Be a fucking man and acknowledge what you’ve done!”
“I didn’t do shit,” he replied steadily. “And you don’t have any fucking proof of the contrary. You’re just a crazy, angry little man that lost his girl to his better older brother, pinning shit on me just to bring me down. Now you’re trying to give a shit about your pathetic, drugged up little gang, with their pussy ass attitudes, roaming the streets and fucking shit up, but I bet you were crying like a little sissy bitch about ‘em leaving you to rot in prison all on your own. You can’t tell me that isn’t true.”
I couldn’t believe what Heath was saying! I wanted to physically shut his mouth up, goading his clearly enraged younger brother who was holding a goddamn gun in his hand! I couldn’t stop my shaking. Even Marko was shocked at what he’d said, looking uncomfortably at all the men as they started to grab at their own guns.
“Please, stop,” I begged. “Please, no more –”
“You don’t fucking know shit,” Ryker shrieked, raising his gun and pointing it at Heath.
Oh, God. Oh, God no.
“You fucked up with the wrong people! But you’re right, asshole, I am crazy! Crazy is the only thing that kept me going while you stole my woman, lied to my face, and started stealing from our houses!”
“You gonna shoot me?” Heath snapped, raising his arms out wide and stepping closer to the edge of the porch. “You gonna shoot your older fucking brother, you piece of shit? Well, don’t just stand there, motherfucker! Fuckin’ shoot me then! Go one! Pussy –”
Three shots fired, but Ryker had faced the gun to the sky, letting off the bullets while he screamed at Heath. I jumped back, hand to my chest. I was going to faint. I was about to keel over and land straight on my head!
“You’re fucking dead, Heath,” he went on before turning to his men. “Grab him!”
When the men started to move, Heath turned to Marko. “Get Allie to her Mother’s now.”
My eyes widened. “Heath –”
“Don’t start, Allie,” he interrupted sharply, glancing back at me. “Do as you’re told. You need to get out of this house in case someone comes around again.”
Before I could argue, Marko was already grabbing me by the arm and steering me into the house. I tried pushing him away, looking over his shoulder as the men began to surround Heath, their guns pointed at his face.
“You have to help him,” I begged Marko. “You have to help him, Marko! Please, don’t let them take him! They’ll kill him! Are you listening to me?! They’ll kill him!”
But Marko kept restraining me, forcing me to watch as they led Heath away from the house and to the cars. I cried and kicked, feeling completely and utterly helpless.
“Calm down, Allie,” he told me.
Calm down?
How the fuck was I supposed to calm down?
“You just let them take him!” I shouted. “You let him go and you didn’t say a word! You didn’t care!”
“Of course I cared,” he retorted angrily. “But what the fuck was I supposed to do? Heath told me to take you to your mother’s house and that’s what I’m going to do! You want to hate me? Fine, fucking hate me then. I’m used to it.”
I didn’t reply. I just glared at him as he grabbed Heath’s car key from the coffee table.
I fucking hated Marko for doing this.
I fucking hated Heath for goading his brother.
And I fucking loathed Ryker for wanting to put a bullet in the only man left I ever loved.
Seventeen
Allie
“What’s going on?” Mom asked.
I watched Marko climb into his car and pull out of the driveway.
“Allie, answer me,” she stressed.
How could I answer her when I had no freaking clue what was going on either? If Ryker’s accusations were true, then the last couple years made a lot of sense. I couldn’t hate Heath for it even if it was true. Surely there was an explanation. He wasn’t a greedy man. He wouldn’t wake up one day and decide to do something incredibly dumb as rob a gang.
Ah, fuck, he really did rob them, didn’t he?
“Allie, for the love of God, would just tell me?!”
I turned to her startled face, and for once I saw genuine concern there. Who would have thought it?
“I don’t know,” I eventually answered her.
She glowered at me. “You don’t know?”
I couldn’t stand here another minute. Not when I didn’t know what was going on out there. On our drive over, I saw Matt’s car parked in the driveway of his Uncle’s house. Matt, the most helpful person aside from Heath I had ever come to known, would surely help me at a time like this, right? Plus he had connections! I could find out where they were and I could help Heath somehow.
“Kayden’s asleep?” I asked her.
She eyed me carefully. “Yes. He’s in your bed.”
“Good. Keep an eye on him. Lay down next to him if he wakes up and cries.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
I grabbed my jacket and threw it on. “Because I have to find out what’s going on… Heath needs me right now. I just know it.”
She crossed her arms stubbornly. “I won’t allow you to go. That bulldozer man that just left said not to keep you out of my sight!”
“Mom, I don’t have time to discuss this with you!”
“You want to wind up dead?”
I paused and shut my eyes. God, she just had to say something dramatic, right?
“You’ll be as stupid as your father going out there fighting crime. That’s suicide, Allie! And I won’t have another person do that to me!”
I exhaled and opened my eyes slowly. I blinked back tears and muttered, “Dad never killed himself, Mom. The same people that have Heath… they killed him. He owed them money, and they killed him when he couldn’t pay it back and staged the whole thing.”
When she didn’t respond, I turned to look at her. Her ey
es were rimmed red. She shook her head in denial, stammering out, “That-that’s not possible. That’s not true.”
My chest ached and I swallowed back my own emotions. “It is, Mom. When he lost his job, how do you think he floated us by? He was using their money, and he was meant to pay them back when he found one… but you know he never did. The job market dried up, and they brought him down when the time was up.”
She shook and when I took a step toward her, she held out her hand to stop me. The one time I wanted her to receive my affection, and she was still shutting me out. I bit back telling her how horrible it felt to be cast aside like this time and time again! She was hurt? Well, so was I! She didn’t want to believe it? I didn’t, either! But it was the truth, and there was no denying it.
“I’m going,” I told her firmly.
She was too involved in her thoughts to acknowledge me. I took off out of the house, racing to Matt and hoping he hadn’t left in the short time I’d been at Mom’s. I saw his car still in the driveway behind his Uncle’s beat up looking Ford and hurried to the front door. I knocked over and over again, even when minutes passed without response.
“Matt!” I called out. “Matt, please!”
When I heard the door unlock, I stopped. It swung open and Matt’s confused face greeted me.
“Allie? What the hell is going on?”
“I need your help! Please!” I told him hastily. “Please, Ryker took Heath and I don’t know where he is or what they’re going to do to him! They’ve taken him!”
“Calm down, hon. Slow down. Come here.”
I stepped into his arms and he led me into the house, kicking the door shut behind him. He sat me down in a small living room, telling me to breathe over and over again.
“It’s going to be fine, just relax and then tell me what’s happened.”
I clenched my hands into fists and tried calming myself down. I blocked out images of Heath being hurt and focused instead on Matt’s calming voice. He could help me! Marko abandoned me, but Matt was here now and that was all that mattered in that moment.
“Okay, okay,” I muttered after I’d finally calmed down enough to speak.
