“Aww Fallen Dick, did they leave you out of the shit upgrade? Never mind. You can just eat a box of crayons if you want to see a rainbow. I’ll sing for ya.” Pooey cleared his throat and then began to growl out a tune that did not sound heavenly at all.
“I’m gonna have to kill him,” Lucian muttered before launching himself at Pooey.
Kieron grabbed the angry angel, holding him back. “That’s enough! Stop it. Both of you need to chill the fuck out. We’re here to find Dora, and we’re not going to do that if we get caught, so stop fucking bickering!”
Pooey held his hands up. “I was only trying to be helpful.” He flashed an innocent look.
Kieron narrowed his eyes at him.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop for Dora.” The demon lowered his voice. “Sorry, Lameo-Lucy,” he muttered under his breath.
Lucian clenched his jaw. Then he stopped struggling to kill the little demon. “So you should be.”
Pooey scowled at him.
“And I’m sorry that you have a shitty name,” Lucian added.
Kieron rolled his eyes. It wasn’t the best apology in the world, but it would have to do. “Okay, good. So we need to get out of here. Which way do we go?” He pointed to the junction ahead, two tunnels leading off in different directions.
Lucian strode into the left one. “This one will take us to the City of Angels.” He sighed, which is going to royally suck,” he muttered as they headed down the tunnel.
Kieron hurried after him, hoping that Dora would be safely waiting for him in the City of Angels.
Please let her be okay.
“You need to know some stuff before we go up there,” Lucian said as they stared up at the shiny golden ladder that led up out of the sewers. “First, never tell anyone that you are a demon. Being a demon is bad here. You also don’t want to be a sinner, a human, a mammal or different in any way. In fact, the only thing you are allowed to be is an angel. If you’re anything else, you’ll get blasted to death by angel fire.”
He peered at Pooey. “In your case, don’t speak. You’ll only survive if they think you are an angel’s pet, so you can be my shitty, little dog.”
Pooey narrowed his eyes and peered at Kieron. “I’m not loving this plan.”
“Second.” Lucian continued. “You need to act like angelic beings. That means no swearing, no fighting, no killing unless ordered to do so, and no doubt. You need blind faith in the lord, Heaven and being good. If someone tells you to kill a puppy for the lord, you do it.”
“I’m not killing a puppy.” Kieron shook his head.
“Just distract them by talking about the gigantic rainbow that came out of your ass that morning instead,” Pooey advised with a nod.
Lucian covered his eyes with his hands and shook his head. “Oh fuck, we’re all gonna die.”
“Stop being so doubtful, Angel-fail.” Pooey jumped onto the first rung of the ladder and began climbing up it. He glanced back over his shoulder. “They’re fucking angels. How scary can they be?”
Three
Get Your Wings
A cold shiver of fear shot down Dora’s spine as she listened to Sergeant Fluffers whistling a jaunty tune. She couldn’t see him due to the black hood over her head, but she was certain that whatever he had planned for her would not be good.
Gritting her teeth, she tested the shackles, trying to break out of them. But the cold metal was solidly clamped around her wrists, binding her hands behind her back.
She considered making a blind run for it, but gave up on that idea when a meaty fist pushed down on her shoulders, forcing her to kneel.
Trying to see through the hood was impossible. The dark material was thick and coarse. She was completely engulfed in darkness.
Giving up any attempts to fight the panic bubbling up inside her, she openly struggled with the restraints, trying to break free. The combination of being blinded and bound was too much. She summoned all of her strength, trying to break out of the cuffs, but the metal held. She didn’t summon her demon strength. Even she wasn’t that crazy. She knew that the second she revealed the demon inside her, she’d be the new target for angels to shoot missiles at.
With a sigh, she lowered her head. The handcuffs were too strong.
There has to be a way out of this fucking nightmare!
The whistling abruptly stopped, causing a vice to tighten around her heart. She hitched her breath. Her breathing sounded so loud in the ominous silence. Her pulse raced, and a cold sweat popped up on her skin.
What are they going to do to me?
For the most part, her worst punishment in Camp Angel so far had been cleaning the latrines with a broken fairy wand. Scraping crusty rainbows off the floor with a sparkling pink stick had been a pretty bizarre experience, but bizarre seemed to be the norm here.
Narrowing her eyes, she refused to give into her fears.
What’s the worst they can do? It’s not as if they can kill me.
She wasn’t sure, but she suspected that once you were in Heaven, you couldn’t die again.
The silence began to grate on her nerves.
“What are you planning to do with me?” she asked, her breath warming up the hood.
There was no response.
She turned her head, listening for hints of other people near her.
“Hello, is anyone there?”
The area remained silent.
Frowning, she waited a beat.
Have they fucking left me here?
Once she was certain that she was alone, she rolled onto her back and looped her arms down her legs and past her feet, so her arms were cuffed in front of her rather than behind her back. Then she struggled to stand up.
Once standing, she slowly turned around, trying to hear a hint of a sound. There was a faint whistling of air around her, but nothing else.
“What the fuck is this bullshit?” She reached up and ripped the hood off her head, nearly losing her balance when she peered around.
She widened her eyes as she stared in horror at the amount of nothing beneath her. Surrounded by only blue skies and a few clouds, she swallowed a bubble of panic when she realized that the camp was just a green dot below her. It seemed miles away. Although in reality, it was probably just a few hundred meters.
She breathed a sigh when she managed to regain her balance. Then she stared down at the tiny cloud beneath her feet.
A fucking cloud, they left me stranded on a fucking cloud!
The cloud was only two feet wide in diameter, a tiny platform that was stopping her from falling to her death. It was so small that she was surprised she hadn’t rolled off it when she was freeing her arms from behind her back.
Even though she didn’t think she could die here, she wasn’t certain. Glancing down at the land below, she fought a bout of dizziness, sinking to her knees to ensure she didn’t lose her balance and fall off.
“Assholes!” she shouted, but there was no one here to hear her.
She peered around at the expanse of blue skies. A light breeze blew strands of her dark hair around her face. She brushed them back with her cuffed hands.
I’m screwed.
Rubbing her brow for a moment, she tried to think of how to get back to land without killing herself. The cuffs clinked against the chain, reminding her they were there.
The first thing I need to do is get these things off.
She frowned at the golden shackles. They looked shiny and new. The metal was thick and solid. After studying them for a moment, she realized that they didn’t have a lock on them. They looked as if they’d been welded on.
They must have done it with angel fire. Fuck! How do you get unbreakable handcuffs off?
She frowned, trying to decide what to do. Since she’d been here, she’d fought against going into demon form for many reasons, but mostly because she knew it would set off the evil sensors around the camp.
She sighed.
It’s the only thing that’s going to break angel magic th
ough…
She scanned the skies. There was no one else here to see it, and it seemed to be her only chance.
She summoned her anger, the darkness inside her, trying to bring out the demon within. When the skin on her hands turned red, she narrowed her eyes and tried to break the bonds. The golden handcuffs shimmered as they stretched. With a roar, she broke out of them, the pieces of gold cracking and exploding off before they fell toward the ground far below her.
Lowering her head, she inhaled, expecting her heart to stop or something. When she’d been a half demon on Earth, the demonic part of her had been sucking the life out of her. But here, it seemed to thrive.
She smiled. She felt strong. She felt powerful.
Standing up, she stretched out her wings, glancing back to examine them. They were veiny and red, like the wings of a bat.
I wonder if I can fly?
She peered down at the ground again, this time feeling no fear. If she could fly, she could get past the fence and finally escape Camp Angel. Her eyes widened with realization.
I’m free! I can go home.
She tried to flap her wings, finding it was easy. She just needed to think about it, and her muscles did it for her.
Okay wings, glide me the fuck out of here.
Swallowing back any fears, she leapt off the small cloud and attempted to fly. She yelped when she dropped like a stone out of the sky.
Fuuuuuuuck!
Quickly spreading out her wings and trying to flap them, she felt a bubble of panic growing in the back of her throat. But then she breathed a sigh as they caught the wind, slowing her fall. She glided toward the fence around Camp Angel as she got into the rhythm of flying. It took her a few seconds to master the art of gliding, using her body and the tips of her wings to direct herself past the fence.
It’s working. I’m going to make it.
She aimed for outside of the perimeter, her pulse racing as she slowly descended over the camp.
The wind around her picked up, shooting out blasts of cold air.
Frowning, she glanced up to see the cloud she’d been standing on expand and darken to ominous gray. Little shocks of white lightening were sparking off it.
Oh, come on. What the fuck is that?
The sky rumbled above her and streaks of silver lightning shot out of the cloud, illuminating the sky around her.
She dodged the streaks of light, trying to avoid being fried in mid-air. Her heart pounded as she swooped left and right, trying to avoid being hit. Determined not to end up back in Camp Angel, she pointed down, trying to speed up her journey to the ground.
I just need to get outside of the camp. Come on. Come on.
She stared at the desert, flapping her wings to get there faster.
A loud crack filled the air followed by the roar of a storm. She glanced up to see a streak of lightning heading straight for her. With no time to move out of the way, it hit her squarely in the back with a force that knocked her out of the sky.
Her teeth chattered as she fell to the ground. All she could see was a blinding white light. Her body shuddered as the silver light blasted through her, painfully ripping away at her insides.
Her breath whooshed out as she landed on the hard ground with such a force that her legs collapsed beneath her.
After taking a moment to overcome the shock of impact, she winced as she pushed herself up, her wings aching on her back, and her eyes still blinded by silver light.
She shook her head, and the silver light moved to the side.
Did I make it?
She brushed her dented halo out of her eyes, relieved to find that she wasn’t blind. It was just the glowing halo around her head had slipped over her eyes.
She groaned when she noticed that she was on the wrong side of the fence and realized that she’d landed inside Camp Angel.
Fear pooled in her belly when she saw the Sergeant and the General heading straight toward her in a shiny jeep.
They’ll see my demon wings!
Panicking, she looked over her shoulder. Her eyes widened. Her demon wings weren’t red any more. They appeared to have sprouted white feathers.
Oh, what the fuck is this?
She flashed her wings, and they spanned out to reveal pure white angel wings.
Jumping to her feet, she stared at the jeep heading toward her.
No, no, no. I can’t be an angel.
Narrowing her eyes, she flapped her wings, taking off from the ground and rising up.
Catch me now you fucker—
She didn’t finish the thought as a patrol of angels landed on her back, driving her down to the ground and holding her there.
She raised her head as the jeep pulled up, and the general stepped out, his golden boots splashing in the mud as he strode toward her.
He glanced back at Sergeant Fluffers. “You were right about this one. She is determined.”
Dora scowled. So what if she was an angel now. At least she could fly her ass out of this place.
The general smiled at her. “Congratulations on graduating and earning your angel wings. Now you’re ready to have your mind wiped.”
“What?” She struggled to get free of the angel guards. “No, I don’t want to. I’m fine, I’m—”
“Full of shit, my dear.” The general interrupted. “You’ve tried to escape this camp several times, and you’re just not assimilating to the program.” He patted her on the shoulder. “But you are an angel recruit, and we don’t give up on our warriors, so you’ll be getting some special care during the next phase of your training.”
“What, no. I’m good. I’ll be good.” She nodded, panicking about what they were going to do to her next. She needed to keep her memories. She needed to get home.
“Take her to the compound.” The general nodded to the guards, who flew up into the air with her still in their grasp.
“No, come on. This is bullshit, man. I passed your fucking angel test already,” she cried, but the general was already on his way back to the jeep as she was carried away.
Four
The City of Angels
Kieron gaped at his first view of the City of Angels. Gleaming chrome and golden skyscrapers towered so high above him that they seemed to touch the clouds. Angels were bustling through the busy marketplace, some stopping to watch the street performers and others rushing into stores and buildings.
“Lemme look.” Pooey pushed between his legs to peer out of the dark alley they were hiding in.
Kieron heard Pooey yelp, and he peered down to see Lucian yank him back into the alley by the scruff of his neck.
He turned around to frown at Lucian. “What are you doing?”
Lucian yelped when Pooey bit his hand, dropping him onto the ground in the process. After rubbing the bite with a scowl, he looked up. “I’m saving dumb-shit bear from getting himself flayed. Although, I do sometimes wonder why I bother.”
“God, you fuc—” Lucian slapped his hand over Pooey’s mouth before he could finish.
“This is not a fucking tourist trip. You do not take the Lord’s name in vain here. Don’t even say it unless you want to trigger the alarms.” He eyed Pooey. “Also, you best not speak. You’ll pass for a harmless bear if you keep your fucking mouth shut.”
Pooey stared up at Kieron with big sad eyes before he bit Lucian’s hand to make him release him. “This is bullshit, man. Why am I getting singled out here?”
Kieron felt a moment of sadness for the little bear. Lucian was being meaner to him, and a part of him wondered if it was because Lucian was his father, which inspired hopeful emotions that he didn’t really want to feel. Luckily, the feeling didn’t last for long. It evaporated when Lucian spoke.
“You’re getting singled out because I am an angel, and he fucking looks like one.” Lucian nodded at Kieron before glaring back at Pooey. “You, on the other hand, look like something that crawled out of fluffy hell,” Lucian said to the little bear, who in response bared his sharp teeth at him an
d growled.
“Why are you so paranoid about this place?” Kieron asked. “They look really friendly.” He pointed to the angels who were smiling at each other near the fountain. One of them jumped up and hurried to help an older angel across the street.
Lucian shook his head. “Appearances can be deceiving. The evil that lurks here is far worse than anything you’ve seen in Hell.”
“They all look so sparkly and fluffy. Are you sure you’re not just pissed that they kicked you out on your ass?” Pooey muttered as he stared out of the alley.
Lucian did a double take. To be fair, the little demon must have teleported to the entrance of the alley because Kieron had no idea how he’d ninja’d his way out of Lucian’s grasp and somehow got to the alleyway entrance so quickly.
“Can we put a fucking leash on him?” Lucian muttered.
“Good luck with trying that bullshit.” Pooey glanced over his shoulder.
“My ass wasn’t kicked out by the way. I left this place as fast as I fucking could.” Lucian glared at Pooey.
“Why?” Kieron asked. He was curious about what had caused Lucian to leave. Sure, he’d heard about Heaven when he lived in Hell. The words ‘sanctimonious assholes’ were often used in the same sentence as the word ‘Heaven’. But from here, the angels looked nice and friendly.
Lucian shook his head. “They’re all controlled by assholes. You can’t live here. You can only serve.”
“But isn’t helping others a good thing?” Kieron asked.
“How did you survive in Hell? Seriously, did you bake cookies for the devil or something?” Lucian stared at him in awe.
Kieron scowled. “I was a really scary demon. There’s nothing wrong with being nice once in a while.”
“Oh, I bet you were, and being nice is just a means to an end. Even with the best intentions, being nice never ends up nice. You’re either doing it because you want something for yourself, or you regret doing it because the recipient is an ungrateful bastard.” Lucian’s brow knotted into a dark frown. “Don’t be so fucking naïve. This place is all about serving yourself.”
Kieron folded his arms and scowled at the fail-angel. “So what about that guy?” He pointed to an angel in the center of the square, who was healing a puppy that had chipped its tooth. “What’s he getting out of doing something nice?”
Divine Dora Page 2
