Her stomach grumbled again as she passed a bread stall. Reaching sideways through her cloak, she snatched up a loaf and hid it under her cloak. Breathing a sigh as she passed by without incident, she slyly dropped the loaf into her bag.
Peering back over her shoulder, she realized that the stall owner hadn’t noticed a thing. She’d gotten away with it.
Emboldened by her first success as a shoplifter, she stole an apple off a cart as she passed it, then a bottle of milk off another stall.
As she strolled down the main street, heading for what looked like the village square ahead of her, she considered stealing more.
She shook her head. She needed a place to stay, and this looked like a good place. No one was paying attention to her. But if she was caught stealing, she suspected that the natives wouldn’t be so friendly.
Yeah, but you need money for a room.
She tried to think of a good way to get money as she reached the large crowd of people gathered in the village square. As she contemplated stealing the purses from the belts of people she passed, she wound her way through the crowds. Everyone was staring at the stage, and no one was paying attention to her.
I’ll only take money from people who look as if they have too much.
She glanced at the stage and then froze.
Bound to a post was a burned corpse of what looked like an angel. Beside the smoking remains were two members of the Angel Guard, judging by their uniforms.
“This is what we do to heretics! We will not suffer for their sins!” One of the members of the Angel Guard shouted out to the crowds.
“Yeah!” A few of the villagers agreed.
Awesome, Psychoville.
Dora began to back away, out of the crowd.
“Bring the other one!” The angel on stage commanded.
Dora watched in horror as a young girl with wings was dragged onto the stage. She couldn’t have been older than fifteen.
“Please don’t!” she cried. “I didn’t mean it!”
The red-haired member of the Angel Guard displayed no emotional response to her pleading cries. There was no empathy in him.
Dora sighed as she watched the girl being tied to the post.
The girl begged and cried about how she hadn’t meant to use her wings while the crowds around them were calling out for the death of the heretic. Apparently, heretic meant an angel using her wings.
Fuck it.
Dora tried to summon her power—demon, angel, whatever. She’d have been happy with a shotgun right now. Her hand glowed silver, and a silver glove appeared on it, one with a tiny crossbow.
Oh, come on! I get the toothpick blaster again!
She peered at the magical weapon on her hand. Unlike the demon version, this one appeared to shoot tiny silver arrows rather than toothpicks.
Shaking her head, she lifted her arm and aimed the crossbow at the Angel Guards on the stage.
This is going to be fucking ridiculous.
She took two shots, one at each angel. Then she lowered her arm.
The little arrows whooshed through the air, over the heads of people in the crowd.
Shaking her head, Dora waited for the most pathetic rescue attempt in existence to begin.
The arrows hit both the targets, one in the neck, and the other in the shoulder. The red-haired angel slapped his neck as if trying to kill a bug. Then he froze. His eyes widened for a moment. Then he exploded and splattered all over the audience in a shower of blood and guts.
Dora’s mouth dropped open in horror when the remaining member of the Angel Guard also exploded into flying mulch.
Oh fuck, what did I do?
The crowds ran around her in panic, fleeing the scene and screaming about dark magic.
The girl on the stage, who now looked a bit like Carrie due to being washed in blood, peered at Dora with wide eyes.
“Help me!” She whimpered, tugging against the ropes that bound her to the wooden post.
Hurrying over, Dora quickly untied her before turning to head for the forest. Getting the fuck out of here seemed like the best overall plan.
She glanced back when she heard footsteps following her. The angel girl was hurrying after her.
“What are you doing?” she asked the girl.
“I’m coming with you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Dora shook her head.
“You’re my hero.” The girl looked at her with hopeful blue eyes.
Dora frowned. “There are no heroes, not anymore.” She turned and hurried into the forest.
“Yes there are. There’s you.” The girl rushed up to walk beside her. “I’m Lillian.”
“I’m a demon,” Dora muttered, trying to get Lillian to leave.
“Awesome. Are we going to Hell?” Lillian smiled.
Shit.
“Probably somewhere worse,” Dora muttered.
Ten
Lettuce
After leaving Gale behind, Kieron had found a sense of peace. It had been a relief to set out again on the search for Dora, especially since Pooey had found shouting the word ‘muff’ was his favorite past-time at Gale’s place, and it had caused the hacker angels to go into a constant state of penance.
Kieron inhaled the scent of pine as he walked through the thick forest behind Lucian, who was grumbling about them all being caught if they went this way.
It had taken some time to convince Lucian to take them any further. After searching through the file on Dora, Kieron had discovered that she had been sent to a place called Camp Angel. When he mentioned the place to Lucian, the angel’s face had visibly blanched.
If Dora is there, I’m going. I don’t care how dangerous it is.
“So what is Camp Angel?” Pooey’s voice shattered the tranquility of the woodland.
Kieron watched Lucian’s shoulders bunch up from the back, his muscles tensing beneath his leather tunic. Although he couldn’t see the angel’s face, the tension came off him in waves.
“You won’t understand how this is bad, but that place is Hell. It’s a reprogramming center for angels. They either beat the sin out of you, or they wipe your mind, leaving a subservient vegetable behind.”
“Why’s it dangerous then if it’s full of vegetables?” Pooey asked. “Like, if an angry lettuce attacked me, I wouldn’t be scared. It’s just a lettuce.”
Lucian spun around with a look of disbelief in his eyes. “Are you fucking serious? Have you ever seen a two-hundred pound, blank-eyed angel coming at you with a sword?”
“Er, yeah.” Pooey nodded.
Kieron frowned down at the little demon. “When?”
Pooey stared ahead. “Kinda now.” He pointed to the trees ahead.
Kieron spun around to stare at the line of trees. His eyes widened when he saw a giant angel wearing golden armor charging through the woodland and heading straight for them. As Lucian had predicted, he had empty eyes with no life in them, which caused a shiver to shoot down Kieron’s spine when those dead eyes locked onto him.
“Oh shit.” Lucian drew his sword out of the scabbard at his belt while turning to face the monstrosity that was pounding through the forest toward them.
The ground shook as the angel neared them, his giant bulk causing a tremor through the earth each time his giant feet pounded against it, leaving a trail of small craters in his wake.
Kieron’s pulse raced. He didn’t have a weapon, so he flashed his wings, preparing to grab Pooey and fly away. He swallowed at the sight of the giant angel. It looked as if it could easily crush him in its mighty fists.
“No worries. I got this.” Pooey brushed past him and walked ahead of Lucian, holding out his tiny fur paw at the angel, indicating it should stop.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Kieron gaped at the little demon. “Get back here.”
Pooey glanced over his shoulder at Kieron. He looked so tiny compared to the behemoth that was stampeding toward him. “It’s fine. I’ve had experience with mindless beasts
.”
Kieron gaped as Pooey turned back to face the giant. “Hey, large ass, hold on there. I have a question.”
Lucian flashed a look of disbelief at Kieron.
Kieron winced back. He had a horrible feeling he was going to end up having to scrape Pooey off the floor after this. He tensed his muscles, bracing himself for the inevitable impact of being hit by a giant angel.
“I command thee to halt, giant fuckwit!” Pooey cried when the angel didn’t stop.
The angel came to an abrupt halt a few inches away from the little demon, and it stared down at him.
“Okay, cool. You follow the old commands.” Pooey paused for a moment to clear his throat. “Doest thou have a name?”
The giant angel inclined his head sideways, his dark glare changing to a look of confusion.
“Okay, let’s not upset that single brain cell of yours. From hence forth, you shall be called Lettuce. Do you understand?” Pooey asked.
The giant angel slowly nodded at him.
“Great. So, er…” Pooey peered back over his shoulder at Lucian and Kieron. “Do you guys have any requests?”
Lucian stared at the little demon with his mouth hanging open. His sword fell from his hand. He appeared incapable of speech for a moment, which was a miracle all by itself.
“What do you mean requests?” Kieron asked unable to take his eyes off the giant angel, who was standing silently beside Pooey like some kind of monstrous sentinel.
“Well, he’s a model eight brainwash.” Pooey patted the angel on the knee. “He’s not too bright, but he’ll do anything we want. I guess some dick decided to use dark magic here, but they didn’t read the manual.”
Pooey peered up at the giant. “Raise me in thy arms.”
The angel reached down and picked Pooey up, holding him on his giant palm.
“Great stuff, let’s have a look here.” Pooey peered into the angel’s eyes before glancing back over his shoulder. “Yeah, he hasn’t been registered, so we can keep him if we want.”
“Keep him?” Lucian choked out the words, finally finding his voice. “He’s a steroid-fueled monster!”
Lettuce expelled a low growl.
Pooey raised his hands up to the sky before he muttered a few words under his breath. After an audible popping sound, a puff of purple smoke materialized in the air above him.
Lettuce blinked. Then he peered down at Pooey.
“You can speak now,” Pooey said.
“Yes, master,” the giant angel said.
“What the hell did you just do?” Lucian asked.
Pooey turned around and sat down on the giant’s hands. “Well, essentially I just turned him into our warrior. He’s kinda awesome, huh?”
“Er, how do you know how to control brainwashed creatures?” Kieron asked unsurely. The fact that Pooey was enjoying this was more concerning than the giant creature whose hands he was sitting in.
“I was once enslaved to this voodoo master in Hell. It was a long time ago, but this is his spellcasting. I recognized it immediately. I guess the fail angels pirated it, but the dumbasses forgot to read the instructions. Once you make a braindead being, you have to register them. Until then, they’re anyone’s mindless beast.”
“Can we give him his own mind back?” Kieron asked.
Pooey pondered the question for a moment. “That’s a bit tricky. I’d have to find the original design and see what they did with his mind first.”
Lucian narrowed his eyes. “So what are you planning to do with him, keep him as a pet?”
“Well, I can’t just leave him here, alone in the forest like this.” Pooey patted his new pet on the arm.
“Yes, you fucking ca—” Lucian paused as a scream echoed through the forest.
Kieron turned to face the sound. It was a female scream. His heart thundered in his chest at the sound. He recognized that voice. It was Dora’s voice. He was certain of it.
Without hesitation, he set off running toward the sound. Hope and fear bloomed in his chest at the same time. She was here. She sounded as if she was in pain.
“No, Lillian!” Dora cried as she helplessly watched the young angel run out from beneath the cover of trees, straight into the path of holy fire that was blasting down from the sky above. She studied the four members of the Angel Guard, who flew overhead and relentlessly attacked them.
The only safe place was under the cover of the trees, but it was as if Lillian had a stupid gene. She saw danger, panicked and then decided to run toward it.
Dora winced because she knew that she was going to have to leave the cover of the trees, which was the only thing protecting her from having her ass burned off by angel fire. She shook her head and then expelled a sigh.
You can’t leave Lillian to die even if she is a fucking moron.
“Fuck it.” Dora tensed her muscles and then launched herself out into the open, chasing after the young angel. She feigned left as a blast of white angel fire smashed through the trees beside her, igniting them in an instant.
As the trees around her blazed into a wall of fire, sweat beaded her brow. She hurried through the fiery copse, trying to avoid being burned as she chased after the young angel who was running straight into the path of the Angel Guard.
She glanced up at the Guard, who were circling above. Then she quickly jumped aside as another bout of blasts scorched the earth around her.
“Lillian, stop!” Dora shouted over the din of explosions and the loud beat of wings as she dodged one ball of fire after another. “It’s not safe. Get back here, you idiot!”
Lillian glanced back at Dora over her shoulder with smudges of soot on her face. Glowing embers floated around her as the forest was ablaze and the ground shook with each new explosion. Her eyes were wide with fear as she shook her head and tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving clean streaks in the soot.
The sight of such helplessness caused a vice to clamp around Dora’s heart. She gritted her teeth and lowered her head before charging through the flames to get to her new friend. Lillian might be a dumbass, but she was a good soul. Dora was determined to save her.
As she neared the angel, Dora held out her hand. “Come back to where it’s safe.”
Lillian shimmered as the flames surrounded her. She tentatively reached out for Dora’s offered hand.
Then a blast of air blew Lillian’s blonde hair over her shoulders as a guard swooped down and plucked her out of Dora’s reach before he soared up into the sky with the young angel trapped in his arms.
“No!” Dora cried as she watched him fly away with her friend, watching in horror as the young angel struggled, helplessly captured in his embrace.
When Dora heard the beat of wings behind her, she dropped to the ground on instinct, narrowly missing being captured herself by a second member of the Guard as he swooped overhead.
After rolling over, she scanned the sky. She could see Lillian hanging from the other angel’s grip as he flew away with her. She tried to follow, but she had to duck down again as another member of the Guard took a second pass at trying to grab her.
When a fireball exploded into the ground beside her, she rolled sideways. Everything was happening too fast and all at once, and she realized she was trapped. There were two angels swooping down, trying to get her and the third was raining down angel fire, surrounding her in a blazing circle. There was nowhere to run, and Lillian was becoming a speck on the horizon as the fourth angel flew away with her.
Dora swiped sweat and soot out of her eyes. This wasn’t the first time she’d been surrounded by violent assholes, and it wouldn’t be the last. Snarling, she crouched down, preparing to attack. If she was going down, she was going down fighting.
She summoned every power inside her, demon, witch or angel, she didn’t care what came out as long as it was strong enough to defeat these bastards.
She felt her wings growing and glanced back to see what kind she had. They were white and fluffy. She peered down at her hand, but the t
iny crossbow had not appeared.
Oh, come on. If ever I needed a stupid toothpick to fight with, it would be now.
She shook her hand, trying to make her weapon appear. She realized nothing was going to happen after a few seconds of staring at the unmarred skin on her hand.
That’s just great. I got selective powers. They only appear when they feel like it.
A whoosh of wings caused her to abruptly glance up. A mean-faced member of the Angel Guard was swooping down at her. She braced herself for impact, curling her wings around herself. With no weapon, she had nothing to fight back with.
When she heard a loud ‘oof’, she parted her wings just in time to see another angel ram into the guard who had been coming after her. The sight of peppered wings caused her heart to jump into her throat.
Kieron!
“Up and away, my monster-angel bitch!”
Dora turned her head to see a giant angel launch into the sky. She squinted to see what was riding on his back, and then widened her eyes when she realized it was Pooey riding a giant angel. “Oh, what the fuck?”
“Yes, those are the words my son has been waiting to hear from your lips. That’s why he dragged my ass back to this shithole, to hear you say those three little words to him—what the fuck.”
Dora hitched her breath and spun around to find Lucian landing on the grass behind her. “What?” She frowned at him. Since when did Lucian have a son?
“Shall we?” He indicated they should leave.
Shaking her head, she pointed to the horizon. “They took Lillian.”
“They’ll take us all if we stay here. They’ve probably already called for backup.” Lucian shook his head. “Come on. We need to get out of here. You can’t help your friend if you’ve been fried by holy fire.”
Dora nodded. He was right. She couldn’t help Lillian if she was vaporized. She launched up into the sky and then turned to see Lucian do the same. She waited for him to fly by before she followed him.
Eleven
Stolen Kisses
Dora searched the blazing forest for Kieron, and her heart skipped a beat when she finally located him soaring in the sky above her. She flew up to him, beating her wings as hard as she could.
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