by Shan, Darren
“I hope that’s true,” Vernon sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “I know Bill thinks highly of you.”
“Who is it?” I asked, nodding at the naked female.
“You don’t know?” I shook my head. “We found a credit card, sunglasses, a sock. Your name on the card. The rest of it’s probably yours too.”
“A thorough frame,” I noted, smiling tightly. Was it Priscilla? Had the bastard who murdered Nic made an end of another of my girlfriends?
“You want to ID the body?” Vernon asked. “You don’t have to. If you want to consult a lawyer…”
“The suspense would be the end of me.”
I walked slowly to the corpse, feeling time contract, barely aware of the police clearing a path, drawing back from me as if I had the plague. She was lying facedown. The killer had been even more brutal this time. It looked as if they wouldn’t be able to make an accurate count of the puncture wounds.
I stopped at the foot of the bed, noting something shining in the pools of blood. My right hand darted forward before anyone could stop me. My fingers brushed aside jagged, fleshy folds and closed around a hard, cool ball. Lifting it to the light, I examined a familiar black, gold-streaked marble.
“Recognize it?” Ast asked quietly.
“It’s from my apartment. I don’t know how it got here.”
“You’d better put it back.”
Replacing the marble—which had unnerved me more than the body—I rounded the bed, reaching a position where I could view the face. It was half-smothered by a pillow. I had to kneel down for a decent look.
I was expecting Priscilla, but as I knelt I realized the hair was wrong and the legs were too long. I smiled with relief. This woman was taller, broader, a beautiful head of long… blond…
My stomach dropped. I no longer had to see the face. I knew by the hair, strong yet soft to the touch. Hair I’d combed a thousand times with my fingers.
I tried not to think her name. I focused on the hair, driving all else from my thoughts, for fear the truth would madden me. Fanned out on the pillow the way I remembered so well, only now flecked with the red fingerprints of death.
I obsessed on her hair as they read me my rights and led me down the stairs. Her hair as I was bundled into a car and driven to the station. Her gleaming, blood-smeared hair as they processed my details, then locked me away.
When I was finally alone and the hair couldn’t keep the name at bay any longer, I whispered it to myself, feeling my heart wither and my world burn.
“Ellen…”
part five
“the blood of dreams”
20
I solation suited me. It was good to be cut off from the world. I could have hidden in the cell forever, undisturbed, thinking about nothing.
A cop entered and shattered the silence. “You want something to eat or drink?” I shook my head. “What about your phone call?” A careless shrug. He hesitated. “I know you and Bill Casey are friends. We’re trying to contact him. If you need anything…”
“Thank you,” I said softly, since my response was obviously the only thing that would shift him.
He smiled. “No problem. We all know this is so much shit in a sack. Killers don’t leave their fucking socks behind!”
Then he was gone and I was alone again. But the interruption had jolted me. My thoughts churned. I was dragged back to the world of memories against my will.
When I first met Ellen she was a friend of my then-girlfriend. Ellen didn’t like me—she’d heard I’d been cheating. Came to my apartment and grilled me. I listened calmly, watching the bob of her hair, then asked if she’d like to make the beast with two backs. She slapped my face, stormed off, rang her friend and I was single again.
A park, some years later. Relaxing by a pond, wondering what to do with my life. A weeping woman sat down close by. I studied her out of the corner of my eye. I thought I recognized her and asked if we knew each other.
She lashed out blindly and I remembered her. She apologized moments later, then proceeded to tell me about the man she’d loved for two years, who’d just walked out. Her father had died a couple of months before and she was still aching from that as well. She was lonely and frightened and didn’t know where she was going to end up.
I said I was lonely too, not sure where I was heading. Told her life was hard, there were no smooth rides, we had to do the best we could and hope we didn’t get screwed over too often.
We spoke for ages. I told her loads of stuff about myself, even the last time I cried, many years earlier. By the end of our chat she was smiling and we both knew something special might blossom between us, given time. Then she looked at me clearly and frowned. “You’re that bastard Al Jeery!”
The door opened and shut. A large man sat opposite me and said nothing for a while. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse. “I don’t know what to say.”
I saw a pair of fists clench on the table.
“All these years comforting the bereaved and I can’t think of a single fucking thing to say to you.”
I concentrated on the fists, tracing the angry, red knuckle lines, noting the quiver in the fingers.
“I thought it was a sick joke when they called. Refused to believe it until I saw the body.”
“A piece of work, wasn’t it?” I looked up into Bill’s sad eyes. I hadn’t cried yet. Couldn’t.
“Who did it, Al? Do you know?”
“What would you do if I did?”
“I’d find the bastard and…” He gripped the edge of the table, tears falling, shoulders hunched painfully.
“I don’t know who did it,” I said, “but if I did, I wouldn’t tell. She was my wife. I’ll deal with it.”
Bill nodded, wiped his eyes, then produced a bottle of whisky, set it in the middle of the table and cleared his throat. I stared at the bottle, then Bill.
“Take it,” he said somberly.
“No.” The word was barely a sigh on my lips.
“Don’t fight it, Al. This isn’t the time.”
“You know what that does to me.”
He nodded slowly. “I weaned you off it, remember? I said I’d kill you if I saw you touch it again.” He leaned forward and gripped my hands. “But things change. All I care about now is getting you through the next few days, and if you have to be steaming drunk to do that, so be it.”
“And after?”
“Fuck after!” Bill roared. “We’ll deal with that when it comes. Drink.”
He let go and sat back, looking ashamed. I knew this offer was tearing him apart. He must think I was close to the edge of madness if he was willing to resort to such desperate measures. Maybe I was.
I reached out to caress the bottle. Unscrewed the top, bent over and inhaled. He was right—I did need it. More than anything else. A couple of swallows and all would be right. I’d cry for Ellen and drink myself to sleep. Hide until all the pain and guilt went away. So tempting. So easy.
I sat back.
“No. The pain’s bad but it keeps me going. I’ll find her killer but only if I stay sober. There’ll be time for drinking later.”
“Al, you mustn’t—”
“No!” I stopped him. “There’s nothing without her. It’s not just that she was killed—she was killed because of me. I’m the reason she’s dead.”
“You can’t be sure of that.”
I stared at him coldly until he dropped his gaze.
He pocketed the bottle. “I can’t tell you what to do. But if you change your mind, don’t be afraid. No man should have to face something like this alone. I pulled you back from the brink before. I can do it again if I have to.”
We sat listening to the silence. I kept thinking about the bottle in his jacket. I wanted him to take it out and offer it again.
“What about the evidence against me?” I asked, trying to focus.
“It’s bullshit. All the same, I called Ford Tasso and he’ll send along a lawyer to bail you out with the minimum of
fuss.”
“Anybody contact Kett yet?”
“No. He’ll hear about it sooner or later. If I have my way, it’ll be later.”
Kett could have cleared me instantly but if I called him as a witness, I’d have to explain what I was doing down there. It might complicate matters.
“When did it happen?” I asked.
“Early hours of this morning.”
“Was she killed in the hotel?”
“I assume so.” He glanced at me. “Any reason to think otherwise?”
I didn’t reply. I could find that out later.
“Anybody see anything?”
“No.”
“Who was the room checked out to?”
“Nobody. It hadn’t been used since…” He coughed.
We talked some more, then he had to go. I was alone again, just me, the silence, the whisky fumes and the memories. There was no escaping the memories.
Ford Tasso stormed into the station within an hour, Emeric Hinds and a posse of lawyers in tow. Shell-shocked as I was, I couldn’t help being impressed. Hinds was The Cardinal’s sharpest legal mind, usually reserved for the elite. If this had been serious, I would have thanked the gods. But he wasn’t really needed. As Bill had said, the evidence against me was risible, more an insult than anything.
I asked Hinds if he could get the marble. It had set me thinking and I wanted it back, so I could gaze into its dark heart and think some more. He said he could get it for me later, not right away. I had to settle for that.
Tasso said The Cardinal sent his regards and would receive me any time I chose to drop by. He’d also said that I could proceed with the Nic Hornyak investigation or drop it as I wished. As if I could quit now.
I moved in with Bill until the funeral. He was going to take time off work but I told him not to—I preferred being alone. I sat in his big old house, staring out the huge front window. It wasn’t as quiet as the cell but it was quiet enough. I thought about Ellen and Nic, and what I’d do with the killer when I caught up. I also thought about the marble, its black sheen and golden streaks, the smears of Ellen’s blood.
The days blurred into one another. I didn’t take much notice. Didn’t stop to think about Nick, Kett, the blind priests. Didn’t call my father or hear from him. All that could wait. This was a period of mourning. A time for Ellen.
The liquor cabinet in the living room mesmerized me. It was full of familiar friends. They sang to me and made seductive promises. If I hit the bottle I’d forget about Ellen and escape to the blessed sanctuary of drunken oblivion.
Finally, when it seemed I must burst or give in to temptation, I took to the streets on my bike—Bill had brought it over—and spent hours cycling, losing myself in a maze of alleys, stilling the memories, the demons, the needs.
I was for some reason drawn to the Manco Capac statue. I passed it several times without stopping, but finally drew up at the building site and staggered in. I wasn’t sure what had brought me here but it seemed like the right place to be. The site was teeming with workers but none paid attention to me. The giant statue was in much the same shape as before. If they’d made progress, it wasn’t visible.
The shadow of a crane passed overhead. I followed the arm of the machine as it rotated from one side to the other. A dim part of my mind wondered again how they got these monsters up, but I wasn’t in the mood for riddles and the question rapidly slipped from my thoughts.
When my gaze returned to the ground, a tall man in white robes was standing opposite me. His eyes were round and blank. He was smiling. By the mole on the left side of his chin I recognized him. I wasn’t surprised. Part of me had been anticipating something like this from the moment I decided to stop.
I started across to confront him. I didn’t know what I’d say—I was playing this by ear. As I closed on the blind man he extended his arms, said something in a language I couldn’t understand, turned and darted behind a shed. I sped after him, only to find the area deserted. I spotted a flash of white near the base of the statue. Not pausing to wonder how he’d crossed so much ground so quickly, I raced after him.
No sign of the blind man when I reached the statue. I circled it twice before noticing a ladder up the calf of one huge leg. I climbed, taking the rungs two at a time. Emerged onto a platform dotted with the protruding ends of thick steel girders. In the center a trapdoor had been flung open. I caught a glimpse of the blind man’s head as he disappeared.
When I reached the opening I discovered a narrow ladder inside. For the briefest moment I hesitated—the Troop in me screaming, “Not a good idea!”—then let caution go to hell and started down.
After twelve feet I’d almost caught up with my prey, when all of a sudden he let go of the ladder and vanished into darkness. I scuttled down a few more rungs, only to learn he hadn’t let go on a whim. The ladder ended here. I peered down, not sure if I dared proceed, when the trapdoor overhead slammed shut.
My heart leaped wildly. I reprimanded myself—I was too old to be afraid of the dark—and focused on my options. I could ascend the ladder and try the door or I could follow the blind man. Since I saw no reward in retreating, I explored with my feet and hands, realized the shaft was narrow enough to wedge myself in and proceeded to do so. Back jammed against one wall, knees and hands braced against the other, I shuffled down.
It was stuffy, the air was poor, the darkness was oppressive, but I went on. When I appeared to be getting nowhere, I extracted a coin and dropped it. It rolled and clanged for an age before trickling to a stop. Taking a deep breath, I did what had to be done if I was to stand any reasonable chance of catching up—pulled in my legs, lay back and slid.
At first it was almost a straight drop and I thought I was falling to my death. Then the tunnel angled and I gradually slowed, until I came to a stop in what seemed from the echoing sounds to be an enormous cavern. I put my hands out but couldn’t see them. Got to my feet and took a few steps, testing each new section of ground with my toes before settling my weight on it.
The sound of swishing robes pierced the silence. I froze, alert, relying on my ears. Drew my pistol but held it by my side until I had something to aim at.
“Welcome, Albert Jeery, Flesh of Dreams.”
The voice could have originated anywhere in the room—echoes came from all directions.
“Where are you?” I snapped, only to have my own words bounce back at me. Are you? Are you? “Show yourself,” I shouted. Self. Self. Self.
“You seek answers, Flesh of Dreams. You seek truth. Death stalks your every move and you wish to know why.” The speaker paused between sentences.
“What’s with the Flesh of Dreams shit?” I retorted, but my query was ignored.
“Only through us may you access the truth. We know all that occurs in this city. Accept us and we shall share our knowledge. Deny us and you shall be denied.”
“Get to the point,” I growled, at which a match flared in the distance and a torch was lit. I trained my gun on the torch but there was nobody in sight.
I edged toward the light. When I reached it I discovered the torch was set in a wall and couldn’t be moved. Underneath it hung a pouch. I glanced around the cavern—rough-hewn walls, gothic shadows, no sign of life.
“We are of Dreams,” came the voice, filling the cavern, appearing to come from everywhere at once. “You are Flesh of Dreams, but currently more of Flesh than Dreams. To move beyond these walls, you must move beyond Flesh. There is dust in the pouch. Inhale it. Place the mouth of the pouch to one nostril and squeeze sharply. Repeat the procedure on the other side.” With the pauses, the instructions seemed to take forever.
“The hell I will,” I laughed.
“You must.”
“What’s in it?”
“Seeds of Dreams.”
“What if I refuse to play along?”
There was no answer, which was answer enough.
If I’d been in full command of myself I’d have scouted around for tunnels
, or tried making my way back up to the surface the way I had come, long and painful as the climb might be. But I hadn’t been in control since I found Ellen’s body in the Skylight. It was easiest to surrender completely, to hell with reservations.
The first inhalation nearly blew me away. I don’t know what was in the pouch, but it was as strong as any shit you’d find on the streets. Rockets went off and the light from the torch intensified a thousand times. Of their own accord, my hands raised the pouch again, located my left nostril and I inhaled more dust. The walls of the cavern dissolved. I lost all sense of body and time, and became part of a sphere of light that was brighter than all the torches of the world put together. I swam in that light, deliriously, and all else was forgotten.
Minutes—hours—later, the effects of the dust diminished, and though the light persisted, it wasn’t absolute. I flickered in and out of reality, one moment aware, the next immersed in the dreamy vision. In my more lucid moments I realized I was being led down a staircase, dark as a mine, that seemed to burrow to the very bowels of the Earth. When we hit bottom there was a long walk through a maze. Some time later I found myself in a dimly lit room. The walls were draped in curtains the color of blood and skeletons dangled from the ceiling, low enough to touch in places.
“Pretty,” I murmured.
“They are the remains of the lower servants of Dreams.” Looking around I saw two men, both in white robes, both blind. I started to ask where we were and who they were, but before I could I was swept away by another wave of light.
The next I knew, we were in an antechamber and they were removing my clothes. There was nothing sexual in their actions and I didn’t resist as they stripped me naked and daubed my body with painted symbols.
“Your eyes,” I said dreamily to one of them. “There are clouds. And yours”—to the other—“mountains. I’ve seen them before. And rivers. Rivers of blood.” It was only later that I remembered where I’d seen them, in the rain-induced vision the first time I came to the Manco Capac site.
The blind men smiled. “That is good,” one commended me. I beamed proudly, then slipped down another corridor of light inside my head.
