by Ivy Barrett
“Why do you care? You broke up with him.”
“You didn’t answer my question before. Are you attracted to Chase?”
Vanessa’s irrational possessiveness made Katie dig in her heels. Her lunch break was almost over. She should just walk away, but she lingered on principle. She might have ulterior motives for her involvement in the situation. That didn’t keep Vanessa’s attitude from chaffing. “I’m attracted to Chase. I’m also attracted to Josiah. The difference is, I don’t see why any of us needs to choose one over the other. I’m capable of loving more than one person and so are they. What I won’t tolerate is lies and deceit.” She meant every word, but the irony was heartbreaking. Her entire relationship with Josiah and Chase revolved around lies and deceit.
“Oh my God.” Vanessa pressed her hand to her throat, looking genuinely horrified. “You’re one of those swingers.”
Katie chuckled. Was it possible Vanessa was even more prudish than Katie had been before her exploration began? “I’m not into labels. I think people should be allowed to love whomever they choose, in whatever combination they desire, as long as they are all open and honest with each other and everyone involved is a consenting adult.”
“What about STDs?”
Katie rolled her eyes at the tired excuse. Sex, in any form, required responsibility, but too many people used the health risks as a scare tactic, hoping to convert others to their moral code. “Ever heard of a condom?” When Vanessa didn’t reply, Katie pushed even harder. “Would you be worried about sexually transmitted infections if Chase’s lover were female?”
“I already admitted that the gay thing bothers me more than the cheating. All right. Just drop it.” Vanessa finally took a sip of her ice tea, but her gaze was filled with questions not recrimination. “Why did you tell me Chase still loves me if you want him for yourself?”
“The most pointless lie of all is the one we tell ourselves. Chase might be attracted to me, but he’s in love with you. It’s obvious every time he looks at you.”
Leaning halfway across the table, Vanessa sneered. “That didn’t keep him from unzipping his pants and shoving his dick into your mouth, now did it?”
Katie tensed, tired of Vanessa’s superiority. “You dumped him, Vanessa. You can’t tell a man you’re finished with him and still expect him not to touch anyone else. Life doesn’t work that way.” When Vanessa only nursed her tea and sulked, Katie asked, “If he’s such a horrible person and you don’t want him anymore, why are you here?”
“I never said I didn’t want him.” She set down the tea and sighed. “I just can’t live like you do.”
The barb should have stung, but it didn’t. If she honestly believed that everyone was entitled to their own boundaries, then she had to allow Vanessa hers. “Did Chase ever so much as hint that he wanted you to be open to other lovers?”
“No, he just wants the freedom to fuck Josiah.” Her voice barely penetrated the den surrounding them.
“Why are you so threatened by Chase’s need for Josiah? They’ve known each other for years and have been intimate off and on since college. Technically, Josiah is being forced to share Chase with you.”
“If they’re so happy together, why did Chase go out with me?” Her brows arched, accenting the challenge in her question.
So the world would see that he’d landed the perfect wife. Vanessa was the ideal most women aspired to become and a trophy most men would covet. Katie kept the conclusion to herself. Instead, she softened the terms without abandoning the meaning. “Chase is still struggling with the complexities of his nature. He wants a traditional family, a wife and biological children, but he loves Josiah.”
“He can’t have both,” Vanessa snapped. “Life doesn’t work that way.” She seemed really happy to throw Katie’s words back in her face.
What a bitch! “I disagree. It’s been that way for a very long time, but that doesn’t make it right. You want Chase to be faithful to you. I understand that. Do you realize he never touched another person the entire time you were together? He loved you enough to shut it all down.”
Vanessa’s brows drew together as she digested the claim. “He told you that?”
“No, Josiah did and he has no reason to lie about it.” Katie hadn’t set out to feed Vanessa’s ego. Lord knew, it didn’t need the help. Unfortunately, everything she said seemed to shine a light on Vanessa’s power over Chase.
“He wasn’t satisfied. He might have been faithful, but he was pining away for Josiah.”
“Why can’t he love you both?” Vanessa just shook her head and looked away, which made Katie even more determined to make her point. “They aren’t subtle about their affection. You had to have realized they were lovers before you started dating Chase.”
“We agreed that he would no longer indulge those impulses.”
Like she’d “agreed” to all of Dillon’s expectations. Chase wanted the illusion, had tried to deny his true nature and conform to society’s concept of love. “He can’t just turn it off. It’s hardwired into his physiology.”
Unfazed by facts, Vanessa huffed, “Loving me should have been enough to make him happy.”
Yeah, there was no arrogance in that statement. Katie took a deep breath. Part of her really wanted to unload on Vanessa, to point out all of the needless pain caused by her stubbornness. But beneath the cold absolutes, Katie could see Vanessa’s pain. She honestly didn’t understand why she was unable to make Chase happy. With her looks and wealth, she should have been enough for any man.
“You decided not to ‘indulge those impulses’ when you broke up with Chase. How’s that working out for you?”
“It’s not that easy to shut off real emotion.”
Anger eroded her momentary compassion. Katie had heard it all before. Homosexuality was a “choice”, a “lifestyle”. She nearly asked when Vanessa had decided to be heterosexual, but that was a fight for another day. Pushing away her tray, Katie folded her arms. “You don’t think what Chase feels for Josiah is real?”
“It might be real but it’s not...natural.”
Katie had heard enough. If Vanessa actually believed this nonsense, arguing with her was a waste of time. She pushed back her chair and started to stand, but Vanessa caught her wrist again. “Let. Go.” If they’d been in a bar, Katie would have decked her. She’d been more than patient. Enough was enough.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave.”
Vanessa’s mask slipped and for a moment Katie saw the insecure, utterly dejected woman Vanessa had become. Katie sank back onto her chair with a frustrated sigh.
“I don’t know how to deal with this,” Vanessa went on. “I’ve never fallen for anyone as hard as I fell for Chase. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. He honestly seemed perfect.”
“Chase isn’t perfect. None of us are. He loves you and his love for Josiah doesn’t have to compromise what he feels for you.” She spread her hands and shrugged. “Or you can find somebody who is a lot less complicated. There are plenty of men out there who only want one lover.” Or say they do. Katie knew examples of successful monogamy existed; just none of them seemed to be in her generation. Chase’s parents lived happily ever after. And the only force strong enough to end one of her mother’s relationships had been death.
“None of them are Chase. I want him.”
Vanessa was starting to sound whiney again, so Katie didn’t let the comment slide. “And Chase needs Josiah. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
Vanessa’s shoulders slumped and she stared into her tea. She looked so devastated Katie actually felt sorry for her. “I can insist on his fidelity and he’ll resent me for being so selfish, or I can turn a blind eye to the fact that he has another lover? What kind of a choice is that?”
“An honest and realistic one.” She waited until Vanessa looked at her again before she said, “My fiancé cheated on me twice. The first time made me furious and almost ended the relationship. I told him I
wasn’t encouraging him to cheat, but I would rather know in advance if he were tempted by someone again.”
Suddenly still and thoughtful, Vanessa seemed to contemplate the outcomes of such a situation. “Did he tell you the second time around?”
“No. He sneaked around and lied to my face, broke his promise and betrayed me. That hurt far worse than the actual cheating. I wanted him to be open and honest with me. I probably would have accepted his choice if he’d included me in the decision. His flirtations never lasted long and I understood why they happened.”
“Because he didn’t really love you?”
She’d thought, even hoped, that Vanessa’s shallowness was an act. Apparently not. “His weakness was no reflection on me. He was an insecure affirmation junkie. His vanity required occasional infusions of adoration from some meaningless bit of fluff. He toyed with them for a few weeks and then lost interest. The bimbos meant nothing to him, so why should they mean anything to me?”
“But that’s not what’s going on with Chase. He cares deeply for Josiah.”
“True. He also cares deeply for you.”
Vanessa shook her head and glanced off into the distance. “I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.” Then she seemed lost in thought as if she was wrestling with the possibilities. “All I know is I’m miserable without him.”
“Talk to him. I’m not guaranteeing you can find a common ground, but you definitely won’t if you don’t start looking for one.”
“If this ‘common ground’ includes cheating, I’m not interested.” She pushed to her feet and smoothed down her skirt. “I’m worth more than half of his heart. Let me know who wins the bet.”
Katie watched her walk across the cafeteria, head held high, heels tapping out her determination. Heads turned and conversations hushed in the wake of her progress. Katie had never seen anything like it. Vanessa commanded attention. It was easy to understand why Chase was so captivated by her. Vanessa was the proverbial classy bitch. The conclusion made Katie smile. Emphasis on bitch.
The rest of the day was as manic as the morning, so Katie was on her way home before she thought of Vanessa again. The parallels between Vanessa and Dillon were inescapable. They both wanted love, but only on their own terms. They each had very specific ideas of what love looked like and when the person they were involved with hadn’t lived up to that ideal, they insisted on changes. While being unwilling to change themselves.
And that unwillingness was the heart of the problem. Katie believed in compromise, knew any long-term relationship was impossible without a lot of give and take. Dillon hadn’t only expected her to morph into his perfect wife, he’d also been utterly uninterested in smoothing the aspects of his personality that she found abrasive. His infidelity was the perfect example. He’d expected her to turn a blind eye to his affairs, yet he insisted she remain faithful. In the end, the hypocrisy and deceit had figured prominently in her decision to kick him out. If she couldn’t be honest and open with her life partner, or partners, she’d simply live alone.
Vanessa seemed to be cut from the same cloth as Dillon. She expected the rest of the world to adopt her moral standards with no exceptions and no compromise. And the sad thing was, Chase had tried. He’d shut himself off from the other people in his life and focused entirely on Vanessa. Even then Vanessa had been insecure and jealous, seeing betrayals where there had been none.
The only bright spot in the dismal meeting had been Vanessa’s cruel warning that Katie was the target of their game. When she was ready to confront them about their behavior, she now had an explanation for how she’d learned about the bet. After all, she couldn’t tell them Fyn had been responsible for their punishment.
Katie was so distracted that she pulled into Josiah’s driveway rather than her own. They had a three-car garage, so she had no way of knowing if Chase was home or not unless she knocked on the front door. It was so strange, in this age of technology, but she didn’t have a phone number for either of them. A detail she should probably correct if she intended to continue with her “lessons”.
No doubt she looked a mess, but this wasn’t about flirting or sexual exploration. She’d go home and shower before her appointment with Josiah. Right now she wanted to talk with Chase.
Emboldened by determination, shoved her purse under the seat and locked the car so she wouldn’t have to keep track of anything but her keys. She walked to the front door and rang the bell, quickly smoothing back her hair as she waited for a response.
Josiah pulled the door open, clearly confused by her visit.
“Is Chase here?” she asked before Josiah could remind her that their appointment wasn’t until eight.
Displeasure narrowed his gaze, but he stepped aside and let the door swing inward. He turned his head and hollered, “Chase! You have a visitor.”
She heard a door open, and then Chase ambled down the railed hallway visible from the foyer. “Hey.” He finger-combed his hair back from his face and descended to the main level.
“Are we still on for tonight?” Josiah asked before Chase reached them.
“Yes.” She pushed to the balls of her feet and kissed his cheek. “Relax. This has nothing to do with us.”
His brow smoothed, but curiosity replaced his concern. Unfortunately, Chase had reached them by then, so Josiah reluctantly returned to his office.
“What’s up?” Chase’s typical cheer immediately soothed her. The royal blue of his T-shirt perfectly matched his eyes and his golden hair fell into natural waves with nothing more than the attention of his fingers. “Do you want a beer or a glass of wine?”
“I’m good. I just thought you should know about my lunch visitor.”
Understanding unfurled within his gaze and he sighed. “She didn’t.”
“Oh yes, she did.”
He motioned her toward the breakfast bar and pulled out one of the padded stools for her. “We’re talking about Vanessa, aren’t we?”
“We are. She showed up at work to ‘warn’ me about you and Josiah.”
He took the stool next to hers, but turned so they faced each other. His body language was hard to define, part annoyance, part regret with just a hint of amusement. “Did you tell her she was wasting her time, that you not only knew my dirty little secret, you’d seen me and Josiah in action?”
She fiddled with her keys, wishing she could be as nonchalant as he appeared to be. “That probably would have ended the conversation sooner, but I was trying to be polite.”
“Vanessa’s a force of nature. Subtleties are lost on her.” He slipped off the stool and rounded the bar, crossing to the refrigerator. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat or drink? You look tired.”
“I’m not staying. I just thought you should know what happened.”
“Other than her warning you about something you already know, did she say anything important?”
“Not really. It was just obvious she’s not over you, not even close.”
He grabbed a bottle of beer and opened it before heading back to the breakfast bar. Instead of returning to his stool, however, he slid it out of the way and stood in front of her. “That strokes my ego, sweetness, and every man loves to be stroked. But it doesn’t really change anything.” He set down his beer and spread her legs, then casually moved between them. “She’ll never accept who I am, and I’m through trying to live up to her expectations. I denied a crucial part of myself for almost a year to make that woman happy and she still chose to walk away.”
Katie sighed. How could she argue with that? She understood exactly what it felt like to try and shape herself into what someone else wanted. “She’s not worth fighting for?”
“Not unless her attitude drastically changes and I don’t think that’s going to happen.” He placed his hands on her hips and slipped his fingers up under her top, just barely brushing bare skin. “Besides, I’ve found someone who isn’t determined to change me. Do you understand what a relief it is to know you not only
accept everything I am, but you’re excited by my other lover?”
I’m worth more than half of his heart. Vanessa’s claim echoed through Katie’s mind. She understood Vanessa’s position, but what about Chase? Wasn’t he worthy of unconditional love, of having whatever it took to make him feel whole? There was no easy answer, no clear-cut right and wrong. If Vanessa compromised her principles to be with Chase, she would likely resent him in the long run. Yet Chase denying his true nature wasn’t a viable option either. He’d managed to suppress his need for Josiah for a time, but Vanessa had obviously sensed the resulting discontent. They honestly loved each other, but sometimes love wasn’t enough to sustain a permanent relationship. There had to be trust, mutual respect, and open, honest communication.
“I know you still care for her, so I thought you deserved to know what happened. Whatever you do, or don’t do, with the information is entirely up to you.” She scooted off the stool and tried to ease past him.
His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her against his chest. “Where do you think you’re going?” He took her keys from her hand and tossed them onto the counter out of reach.
“I need to change and clean up before... Did Josiah tell you I was coming over tonight?”
“Oh, I know all about your naughty little lessons with Josiah.” He pressed her against his lower body with one arm and tilted her face up with his other hand. “But why did you ask him to mentor you? I’m just as qualified for the job.”
Because you’re still in love with Vanessa. She stumbled over the admission. Was it fair to shut him out if he honestly wanted to get over Vanessa? Vanessa ended the relationship and it was pretty damn apparent she had no interest in compromising her position. So where did that leave Chase?
She looked into his sky-blue eyes, searching for any hint of insincerity. He’d been focused on tormenting Vanessa when they went to the club. Nothing distracted him now. He looked earnest and open and hopeful.
Except for the goddamn bet!
Disappointment deflated her hope faster than it had formed. Chase was just as guilty as Josiah. It took two to play their twisted game. She drew indignation around her like armor and reinforced her emotional barricades. “I’m holding him to some pretty cruel restrictions. Are you willing to play by the same rules?”
