by Tina Beckett
“No, they just showed a video clip of you walking to your car and saying that your quick thinking had helped save lives at two different hospitals.”
“Kahretsin.” A dagger speared through his skull. “Not all of them.”
An hour. They’d asked for an hour alone with their daughter before making any decisions.
Without being asked, she slid past him and came fully into his office. “What is it?”
He shook his head, throat suddenly too tight to speak.
Carly stared at him for a moment, before shutting the door and taking his hands. “Tell me.”
The pain in his chest spread to his jaw, which clenched and unclenched, the muscles in it protesting under the heavy strain. Hell, he was going to break down. Right here in front of her.
Then she let go of his hands and, without saying a word, wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his chest.
They stood there like that for what seemed like an eternity, while he fought to get his emotions under control.
“Adem, it’ll be okay.”
It wouldn’t be. And he wasn’t sure it ever would be again. This child was a reminder of what could have happened to Basir during that surgery to remove his tumor all those years ago. Except this wasn’t going to end in a child becoming a healthy adult and going on to have a family. Her life stopped right here. Right now.
“I don’t think it will. Not this time.”
He tipped her face, and even though she had no idea what he was dealing with, those sea-green eyes were moist with unshed tears.
Before he realized what was happening he was kissing her, trying to bury the hideous unfairness of life in the softness of her lips, in the empathy of the arms that still held him.
She kissed him back, hands going to the back of his head and holding him there as if helping him weather the storm that was raging inside of him.
Her feet moved backward, tugging him with her, until she was up against his desk, where the kiss deepened to impossible levels. He wanted her. Right here. Right now. Needed to think about anything else other than what was happening outside his office door.
Lifting her onto the wooden surface, he ignored the sound of his pencil cup falling over, the writing instruments scattering, some of them tumbling off the edge onto the floor.
All he wanted was to feel something. Something that wasn’t tragedy. Something that equaled...life.
The life that he felt in her arms. In her touch.
Her hands left his head and went to his belt, undoing it with quick fingers that left him no time to think about anything other than pushing her skirt up around her hips.
And then he was free, and her legs wrapped around the backs of his thighs, dragging him against her, her fingers gripping his already tight flesh.
Just as his tongue speared into her mouth, capturing her moan, she’d somehow connected flesh to flesh with nothing between them.
“Wait.” He didn’t want to think about anything but her silky skin, the way it felt to be with her, but some tiny rational part of his brain had him digging for his wallet and the tiny packet hidden in there. Especially after that meeting with Basir a week ago.
Then he was sheathed and ready, just as she shifted her body forward. That was all it took. He was inside. Wrapping an arm around her butt, he hauled her against him and buried himself fully.
Ecstasy. That was the only word he could use to describe it. To describe her.
His lips left hers, mouth going to her ear as his breathing roughened. “You’re going to send me over, Carly.”
Those were the only words he could get out, because her hands pulled him closer, held him tighter. He thrust, the power of the motion scooting her a couple of inches backward. He hauled her against him again, circling his hips to increase the contact between them even as he fought to maintain his own control.
A control that was rapidly slipping.
“Adem...oh! I don’t think I can stop...”
A minute later, her body’s frantic movements told him all he needed to know. He pulled back, then drove in again, his motions becoming faster, harder, until that emotional release he’d been seeking shot from him, bringing guttural words that made no sense in any language.
And then he was done. Spent. The helplessness and sorrow that had been bottled up inside of him were all washed away. By Carly. It was almost as if she’d sensed his heartbreak and met it in the only way she could.
Gratitude flooded through him, and a strange longing, something he’d never felt before. Just as he started to lean back to smile at her, that little jiggle in the back of his skull turned into an earth-shattering quake. One that could be held back no longer.
He’d done something he’d said he wasn’t going to do again. Had sex with her.
“Lanet Olsun!”
He pulled away in a hurry, only to see confusion on her face, which turned to an uneasy frown.
Then her legs snapped together, and she stood, taking a missed step to the side. He caught her just before she fell. He closed his eyes and curved his palms over her shoulders, head tilting sideways so he could look her full in the eyes.
“I didn’t mean to... Carly, I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widened. “Don’t apologize. I’m as much to blame as anyone.” She licked her lips. “It just...happened.”
Here. In his office. Where anyone could have walked in, including the parents of that child.
But he certainly wouldn’t have done what he did if he’d been thinking straight. But he hadn’t been. And Carly’s empathy a few minutes ago had obliterated his senses and sent him places he had no business being.
No excuse. Absolutely no excuse. Despite Carly’s words, it wasn’t her fault. It was his.
And those parents were still sitting by their daughter’s bedside.
Sex had changed nothing, after all. Certainly not that. And not the emotions that went along with it. It had merely submerged them for a few quick minutes. Now it was back, and a few other worries bobbed alongside it.
“Hell, it’s been a very hard day.”
Her mouth tightened ominously. “And I just added to it?”
No. She’d tried to comfort him, and he’d turned it into something else. He’d been the one to kiss her. He’d been the one to lift her onto that desk. He’d been the one who hadn’t thought past his own damn needs.
“No, you didn’t. But we shouldn’t have done this.”
“I’m well aware of that.” The beginnings of anger appeared in her eyes. “There’s no need to keep pounding away at that point.”
You’d better zip it, Adem. You’re just making things worse.
And if he hadn’t got to that condom in time and really screwed things up? Damn, she could have got pregnant.
If she had, would she have told him? Or would she have had an abortion?
The distaste of finding himself with two kids and a loveless union like his parents suddenly fled.
He wouldn’t have wanted Carly to have an abortion?
He had no idea. But even condoms sometimes failed.
“Are you on birth control?”
“Um...no. If I remember correctly, you took care of that.”
“I did. I just had one screwed-up family growing up. One I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone, so I want to make sure that you...that we don’t—”
“Don’t get pregnant? Don’t worry, there’s absolutely no chance of that.” She gave a harsh laugh that cut right through him. “My period is due tomorrow, anyway, so even if we hadn’t used something... Well, believe me when I say, I won’t get pregnant. I tried once before, but the dice never came up in my favor.”
She’d tried to get pregnant?
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither did I. But it turned out to be for the best.”
&
nbsp; He touched her hand. “Whatever the reason, I’m sorry.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “You have enough on your plate from the sounds of it, without worrying about my problems.”
They weren’t just her problems, though, they were his. And today his actions, while not exactly reckless, weren’t something he was entirely proud of. He’d had impulsive sex, something out of the ordinary for him.
“You’ll let me know.”
“I’ll tell you if something unexpected happens. But I’m sure everything will be fine.”
* * *
Everything wasn’t fine. One day passed, then two. No period. On the third day she woke up with a slight sensation of queasiness that made her frown. There was no way that could be morning sickness. Not with her track record. A year of trying had yielded nothing. Besides, it had only been three days since they’d had sex in Adem’s office. Morning sickness took a couple of weeks to develop. At least.
A thought hit her, and she did some quick calculations in her head. Oh, God. What if three days wasn’t what she should be worried about? What if three weeks was?
It wasn’t three weeks. It had only been two and a half since they’d slept together in his apartment. But they’d used protection all those times.
All those times. There’d been a lot of them.
Think, Carly! There was no possibility that something could have gone wrong? A condom that didn’t come off fast enough? Something residual in between times? Something defective?
But how? She and Kyle had tried and tried and nothing had happened. Nothing.
So how was there even the slightest chance that—
Her phone buzzed, making her jump. She glanced at the readout.
Oh, Lord. It was Adem. Probably wondering why she hadn’t called to reassure him.
I’m kind of busy right now—trying to reassure myself.
She ignored it, hoping he wouldn’t leave her a voice mail. She didn’t have an answer for him.
But she could. If she went down and bought a pregnancy test.
Doing so was going to make it pretty plain that she actually was worried about it, when she’d reassured Adem there was nothing to worry about.
And if she was?
How ironic would that be after all this time? She should be thrilled beyond measure. She might still be. She just couldn’t wrap her head around it right now.
Her heart stuttered. There was just one catch. Adem did not want a baby. At all. He’d been extremely quick about asking if she was using additional contraception. And about wanting to know if her period started.
Why? So he could pay for an abortion?
No. That might be right for other people, but it wasn’t for her. If she was pregnant, she wanted the baby. Especially after the tears and heartache of trying for so long. But she would make it clear that she expected no help—wanted no help—from him or anyone.
Her mom had done just fine after her dad had died. It hadn’t been easy for either of them, but her teenage years of growing up with a mother who worked very long hours had fostered a sense of independence that she might not otherwise have.
She could do this. She had a career that she loved, and having a child would only enhance her knowledge of what her patients experienced during pregnancy and labor. And she had her mom.
Yes, her mother would be thrilled, marriage or no marriage.
Dammit.
She didn’t need to be jumping ahead to cribs and diapers.
Just go and get the test, Carly, and then worry about Adem and all the other stuff later.
An hour later, she had her answer, and despite her earlier thoughts, it wasn’t the one she was expecting. It also confirmed when it had happened. Her hormone levels wouldn’t be high enough after only three days to register on a home test. But they would after three weeks.
The queasiness grew, helped along by what was quickly becoming panic. Thank God she was off work today. She laid the stick on her bathroom counter and stared at it.
Pregnant.
She was expecting a baby. A baby!
As a midwife, she’d assisted in hundreds of birth. Home births, birthing center births, hospital births, even water births like Basir and Adeline were hoping to have. She’d faced all kinds of situations. But one thing she hadn’t had to deal with was a pregnancy of her own.
Looking back, she could honestly say she was glad she hadn’t gotten pregnant with Kyle. It might have pushed them into marriage, which probably wouldn’t have ended well. No, if she had to do this, she’d much rather do it on her own.
She took her phone and stared at the missed call, which, as she’d suspected, had been from Adem. Her thumb hovered over the name. She’d told him she would let him know if something unexpected happened. Well, this definitely was that. She needed to tell him. It wasn’t fair to keep him in the dark. Nor was it possible. She had a feeling her slight nausea wasn’t completely caused by nerves, since she’d woken up with it. And Adem was her boss. He saw her at the clinic most days. Kind of hard to hide a growing bump, even under a lab coat.
Call him. Just get it over with.
Except when her thumb mashed a button, it wasn’t Adem’s phone she was linking to. She was calling the only person she wanted to talk to right now. Her mom.
Three rings later, Madelaine’s soothing voice came on the line and her nerves immediately calmed. Her low tones reminded Carly of the cello her mom played so well. She always knew how to talk her off whatever ledge she was on. She would know what to say.
“Hi, Mom. Is there any chance I can meet you for lunch?”
“Of course, honey. Is something wrong?”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She wasn’t sure yet if something was “wrong” or if it was just the timing and the partner that was off. All she knew was that she needed some advice from someone that she trusted with her life. She could have called one of her friends from the hospital. Chloe and Esther would both be happy to let her cry all over them. But she didn’t want to mar Esther’s newfound happiness by sharing her own troubles. And Chloe had been really busy at the hospital lately.
Suddenly she didn’t want to wait until they sat in a restaurant to share the news. “I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, Carolyn, are you sure?” There was a slight pause. “Are you happy about it?”
Her mom only used her full name when she knew Carly was upset about something.
“Yes, I’m sure. And I don’t know what I feel just yet. I just found out this morning.”
“How far along are you?”
“Only a couple of weeks.” There was no way she was going into any more detail than that.
“Why don’t you come over to the house. I’ll throw together a quiche while you tell me all about it.”
“I need to take a quick shower, but then I’ll be over.” She closed her eyes, and then when she opened them again, a smile formed. “Oh, and, Mom...”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And it’s going to be okay.”
Her mind clogged with memories. Wasn’t that what she’d told Adem that day in his office? Right before she’d welcomed him into herself?
Yes. And as much as she wanted to blame it on that episode, it was pretty obvious her pregnancy had occurred by then. So her words had been a lie. Everything wasn’t okay.
Only she hadn’t known it at the time.
Well, she needed to shower and drive to her mom’s house, which was over by the university where she worked. Hopefully by the time she left there, she would know exactly what she wanted to do. And then she could finally go and confront Adem and tell him the news.
* * *
Five hours later, she’d left her mom’s house thinking her nerves had finally been put to rest. Her mom was absolutely thrilled. But as soon
as Carly got in her car and started driving she found she couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to go home. She felt prickly and unsettled, and she knew it had something to do with that missed call from this morning. She owed the man the truth.
And if she couldn’t screw up the courage to give it to him?
To hell with that. She’d given him her word, and whether she was scared or not, she owed it to him to go in and relieve his mind.
Except she wasn’t sure laying something like this on him would constitute relief. At least her nausea was gone. And even though pregnancy tests had given false positives before, she knew in her heart of hearts that this wasn’t one of those times.
She would be absolutely devastated if it was actually. After all the railing and tears and pain, she was finally going to get her wish. She was having a baby.
Please don’t take this away from me. Please!
She wasn’t sure who that question was directed at. Some deity? Or maybe even Adem, who, depending on his reaction, could turn what should be the happiest day of her life into something traumatic.
Well, she was about to traumatize him, wasn’t she?
She sighed. It wasn’t fair to leave him sitting there wondering. Especially since she’d told him her period was due the day after they were together.
And if he wanted her off Adeline’s case for fear it would make things even more complicated?
Complicated for who? Him? Her? He’d said his family relationships were a mess, so there was that. Well, she’d be proactive and offer to step down.
She pulled into a public parking area not far from the university. Taking a deep breath, she went through her missed calls and found Adem’s from earlier today. This time she actually dialed his number.
It went to voice mail, and the little bubble of courage popped like a water balloon. Great. She hung up. There was no way she was going to relay this kind of news via voice mail or text. She’d just have to try later. She tossed her phone back into her purse, only to hear it immediately start ringing. She gulped. It was him. It had to be.
She scrabbled in her purse to find the errant phone, pulling it out just as a third ring sounded. She quickly hit the button to answer and put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”
