Chapter 15
As soon as Jackson returned to the hotel Sunday morning, his father pounced on him.
“Well? What did you find out?”
Jackson set his duffel bag on the floor by the front counter. He’d stopped here before going to the apartment because he’d had an idea for rerouting the network while he was at the inn, and he wanted to try it out. He glanced around. Unlike the lobby at Stoll Inn, there was no woodstove, and everywhere he turned he saw an overabundance of sparkly, cheap-looking decorations. They were a stark contrast to the sparse but homey Christmas decorations at the inn.
He reached into the plastic bowl of peppermint candies on the counter, courtesy of Lois, not Ashley, and slowly unwrapped one, stalling for time. His experience at the inn had been unexpected—and not just because of the blizzard. The Stoll family had welcomed him, a stranger, into their home and made him feel like he was their friend. It was so beyond the way his father ran his hotel, where he never mingled with guests. He’d fought with himself about what to say regarding the weekend when he saw his father, and he still wasn’t sure what to do.
He knew what he couldn’t do—betray the Stolls. His father tapped his foot as Jackson popped the candy into his mouth. “Nothing. I didn’t learn a thing.”
Dad frowned, his groomed eyebrows furrowing. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t care what you believe. They run a tight ship over there. They even helped me dig my car out yesterday. Hey, why are you here on a Sunday? You’re usually off somewhere with your girlfriend.”
“Ashley’s spending the weekend with her parents.”
Jackson lifted a brow. “And you weren’t invited?”
His father scowled. “Get back on topic. You had to have found out something we could exploit.”
“Again with the we thing. There is no we.”
“Even if I pay off your loans? Every single dime?”
Jackson stilled.
“I thought that would get your attention.” His expression turned smug. “I’m sure you were snowed in, which means you had plenty of time to get to know the inn and the owners. Even if the inn doesn’t have any obvious issues, the people do. People always do.”
Speak for yourself. But his father was also dangling the enticing carrot of eliminating Jackson’s debt. If he had no debt, he could move out of his father’s apartment and get his own place. He’d move to another city, possibly another state. All he had to do was make up some dirt about the Stolls. They wouldn’t even know how it happened.
“Think about it,” his father said. “Insider information for your loans. A fair trade, I think.” He tapped his fingers against the counter before leaving the lobby.
“More like bribery.” Jackson slammed his fist against the counter.
A few minutes later, Lois emerged from the back. “Oh, thank goodness you’re back.” Jingle bell earrings dangled from her earlobes, making a tinkling sound when she moved. “Your father is being insufferable.”
“Isn’t he always?”
“He’s worse this time.” Lois straightened the bowl of candy Jackson had disturbed. “He’s at loose ends since Ashley left him.”
“Left? I thought she was spending the weekend with her parents.”
Lois’s brow lifted from behind her glasses. “That’s what she said. But anyone who chooses her parents over her, ahem, boyfriend, is either about to break up with him or already has.”
Jackson rolled his eyes, having little sympathy for his father’s romantic problems. He scowled and grabbed another piece of candy but didn’t unwrap it.
“You look just like him when you’re cranky.”
He didn’t appreciate the comparison. “I have a reason to be cranky.”
She patted his hand. “Tell old Lois about it.”
He paused. It would be nice to get this problem off his chest. But could he trust her? “I don’t know . . .”
“If it has to do with your father, my lips are sealed.” She sighed. “I don’t know how long I’m going to last here anyway. He gets harder and harder to deal with. I don’t have to subject myself to this.”
“You definitely don’t.” He leaned forward. “Lips sealed?”
She made a zipping motion over her mouth.
Jackson told her about his weekend with the Stolls, his father’s plan, and then his father’s offer to pay off his school loans. Lois listened intently, and when he was through, she clucked her tongue.
“I wish I could say I was surprised he would do that.” She shook her head. “You’re faced with a difficult dilemma, though.” She tilted her head and looked at him, her eyes soft. “But I’ve come to know you better since you moved here. You’re not your father’s son.”
He stilled. She was right. He wasn’t. Yet that didn’t change the reality of his situation. Even if his business was an instant success, it would take years if not a decade or more to get out of debt.
“Hey, if you’ve got some time, can you help me take down some of these decorations?” Lois sniffed. “They’re ridiculous. And my sister calls me the queen of tacky.”
“Sure thing.” Anything to get his mind off the Stolls and his father. But pulling down Christmas décor didn’t clear his mind like he’d hoped. All he had to do was tell his father something he could use to negatively affect the Stoll family’s business and he could start his life completely in the black. They will never know it was me.
* * *
Selah’s fingers trembled as she pinned her white kapp to her hair. She smoothed her light-green dress and put a navy-blue cardigan over it. Sunlight streamed through her bedroom window, and at breakfast Christian had reported that the temperature was indeed “temperate.”
She finished dressing for church and then put on her coat and bonnet, tucked her scarf around her neck, and went outside. The temperature had warmed overnight, and a lot of the snow had melted. Christian had hitched up the buggy, and Ruby was already in the front seat. Selah climbed into the backseat and put a thick blanket over her legs.
Ruby turned around and faced her. “Did you sleep last night?”
“A little.”
Her sister-in-law frowned. “I’m worried. You looked pale yesterday, and this morning at breakfast you didn’t eat much.”
“I wasn’t that hungry. Don’t worry, Ruby. I’m fine.”
Ruby peered at her as Christian climbed in. She nodded and then turned and faced the front.
When they arrived for church at Daniel and Barbara Raber’s home, Ruby and Selah headed for the barn where the service would be held. She immediately saw Delilah and Nina and chose to sit two benches behind them. They didn’t turn around, fortunately. She owed them an apology for disappearing the way she had, but she didn’t want to do that before church began.
As everyone filed in, she couldn’t stop herself from glancing at the other side of the room. She didn’t see Levi right away, but as she started to face the front, she saw him walk in, his father at his side. Just glimpsing him made her heart flutter. Eventually that would stop—once her heart caught up with her mind that knew she and Levi, despite the attraction, weren’t meant to be together. Last night she had prayed for guidance, but the only clear direction she’d received was that she had to apologize to the Stolls and have a talk with Levi about her job. All that could wait until after church.
She focused on the service, singing the hymns and taking in their words instead of just repeating them by rote. She paid attention to Timothy Glick’s sermon, and she concentrated on prayer. By the time the service was over, she felt refreshed if not confident. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. She was determined to live out that verse.
When the community members began to disperse, she hurried to Delilah and Nina. “I’m so sorry,” she said, twisting her fingers together. “I shouldn’t have run off like I did yesterday. I want to thank you for everything.”
Nina smiled while Delilah nodded. “You’re fine,” Delilah said. “We all knew you were re
ady to geh home.”
She was thankful they understood.
When Delilah had excused herself, Nina opened her mouth to say something, but then she clamped it shut when Ira passed by, giving him a short wave.
“I’ve got to run,” Nina said, keeping her gaze on Ira. “I need to ask Ira if he wants to geh ice fishing Saturday. The pond is definitely frozen over now. See you Monday?” Before Selah could respond, Nina followed Ira out of the barn.
When Selah looked around, the barn was empty except for a few men who were busy putting all the benches away. That gave her a few minutes to collect herself before she sought out Levi. She had to be completely calm when they talked. Aloof, something she knew how to be. She’d spent much of the past two years learning how to manage her emotions, but she hadn’t done a good job of it lately. That had to stop now.
All the men had left when she turned and nearly ran into Levi. Startled, she took a step back from him. Then she made the mistake of gazing at his church clothes—a black coat over a crisp white shirt, black vest and pants, and a black hat, which contrasted perfectly with his light-brown hair. She averted her gaze from his clothing and met his eyes, which didn’t help, either. She steeled herself, locking her attraction to him deep in the recesses of her heart. “I didn’t know you were still in here.”
He nodded, unsmiling, his expression emotionally distant. She’d never seen him like this. “Are you all right?” she asked as evenly as she could. So much for aloof on the inside.
Meeting her gaze, he said, “We’re due for another talk, ya?”
Stoic, remember? “Ya. Let’s talk.”
* * *
Levi was used to seeing the reserved expression on Selah’s face, but it was taking everything he had inside to act the same way. He wasn’t trying to mock her or to exact any kind of just desserts. He had told himself that when he saw her today, he would simply cut whatever string was keeping them attached. He had no idea if she sensed that. Probably not, considering yesterday she couldn’t wait to get away from him. But he wasn’t leaving until they had an understanding between them. Again. Hopefully this would be the last time they had to straighten out anything between them.
He looked at her, trying not to stare. She was so pretty he could hardly stand it. But this morning something different was in her eyes. Distance, yes, but also a confidence he hadn’t seen before. Yet he had to focus on the matter at hand. “Are you returning to work tomorrow?”
She nodded, her shoulders straightening. “Ya. If you still want me there. And I can promise that what happened during the blizzard won’t happen again.”
The certainty in her eyes made him believe her even though he’d expected her to say no, she wouldn’t be coming in. But even if she had another panic attack, that wouldn’t cause her to lose her job. He knew his family would agree. “Gut. You’re a great maid, and we don’t want to lose yer services.”
“Danki.”
So far so good. No lingering gazes, and his pulse behaved itself. He could do this. “We’ll be closed on Christmas and Second Christmas, of course.”
“Of course.”
“You don’t have to come to work on those days. And you can have time off if you want to visit yer familye in New York for the holiday.”
Something flickered in her eyes. “Danki.” Her voice was soft. “I appreciate that.”
His heartbeat tripped. Not now. “Then I don’t think we have anything more to discuss.”
“Nee, we don’t.”
“Business as usual?”
Again, the flicker of emotion in her eyes, but her expression quickly turned blank. “Business as usual.”
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Ya, tomorrow.”
He pretended to busy himself with brushing dust off the back of one of the stacked benches until he was sure she was gone. That wasn’t so hard. He—his family—needed her. He didn’t want to go through the process of hiring and training another maid. I don’t want to lose her . . .
“Maid services,” he said out loud to the empty barn, and then he ground his teeth.
“What?” Seth Yoder came up behind him.
“Nix,” Levi said, jamming his hands into his pockets. “Just mumbling to myself.”
“Ah.” Seth looked around the barn. “Martha forgot her purse, of all things . . . There it is.” He pointed to a plain brown leather purse on top of a short stack of hay bales in the corner. “She’s been forgetful lately.” After retrieving the purse, Seth looked at Levi. “You okay?”
“Sure. Why?”
“You’re standing alone in the barn talking to yerself.”
“I wasn’t alone. I was talking to Selah. About her job. She’s working at the inn now.”
He nodded. “Martha told me.” He put the purse over his forearm, grimaced, and then held it from the strap like a grocery bag. “Next time mei frau is getting her own purse. See you inside the haus.”
“I’ll walk with you.”
Levi spent the rest of the time there talking with friends who had stayed for the meal. He noticed Selah wasn’t around even though Christian and Ruby were. He was sure she walked home. He smiled a little and shook his head. Although Selah was unpredictable, especially lately, her walking home alone didn’t surprise him at all.
Chapter 16
January 28
Dear Anne,
I hope you don’t mind getting a letter from me instead of a phone call. I’m supposed to use the phone only in case of emergencies, but updating you on what’s happened since we spoke before Christmas isn’t an emergency, something I’m very thankful for.
I went back to New York for two weeks at Christmastime. Things were the same between my parents and me, although my mother seemed to be more interested in my life in Birch Creek than she’d been in the past. Christian and Ruby stopped by for two days before Christmas, but they didn’t stay long, because they were spending the rest of the holiday with Ruby’s family in Lancaster. Even Ruby, who’s full of energy and personality, was subdued when she was there. My parents have that effect on people.
When I returned to Birch Creek, I had my first therapy appointment here. It’s strange starting over with someone new, but I think she’ll be someone I can talk to. Her name is Tera, and I’ll see her once a week for now. Fortunately she takes evening appointments, so I don’t have to take off work.
Speaking of work, I didn’t go back to the inn until the second week of January. That wasn’t my choice, though. Business has been slow for the Stolls, and even though it’s almost the end of the month, they’ve only had three guests total. Levi and his father have been working on ways to publicize the inn. It also doesn’t help that this is still the slow season.
Before I went to New York, Levi and I had a talk, and since then we’ve had a good relationship—that is, working relationship. His father has been training him how to run the inn, and I’ve made sure I’m busy with my cleaning work. Delilah is also teaching me some of her family recipes so I can help with food preparation once the inn gets busy. But things aren’t the same as they were before, and I wish they were.
Selah stopped writing and erased the last sentence. She didn’t want to go into why everything felt different at the inn, and it wasn’t just because she and Levi had limited contact. With so little business, everyone was in a subdued mood. There was barely enough work for her, which was why Delilah started teaching her the recipes.
She missed the sense of closeness she’d felt with the Stolls before the blizzard. She wished the warmth and camaraderie would return. And even though she knew keeping her distance from Levi was for their own good, she missed him. A lot. But she couldn’t have it both ways—distance and closeness—and distance was the better choice. Her feelings would wane—eventually.
She looked at the sheet of writing paper and picked up her pencil. She had to finish this letter and put it in the mailbox before she went to work.
I haven’t had any anxiety attacks since the blizz
ard, thank God. I always carry my medicine in my purse, which gives me some assurance. I think overall I’m doing well.
I need to close now and head to work. If you’d like to write me back, that would be nice. I pray all is well with you.
Take care,
Selah
She put the letter in an envelope, addressed it and affixed a stamp, and headed downstairs. The house was empty because Ruby and Christian had already left for school, and she grabbed her coat and bonnet and put them on before slipping on her boots. She kept a pair of work shoes at the inn so she didn’t have to carry them back and forth.
When she stepped outside, the sun beamed in a cloudless sky. A winter thaw had melted the last snowfall, which had been only a few inches, nothing like the pileup they’d had before. While it was still nippy, the air wasn’t bone-chillingly cold. She put the letter in the mailbox and then briskly walked to work.
Her first chore of the day was to clean the stove in the lobby since it was warm enough outside that they didn’t need to have it running. The lobby empty, she assumed Levi and Loren were in the office, as they usually were, and that Delilah and Nina were in the house. Like every morning, she was tempted to knock on the office door and say hi and to stop by the house and greet Delilah and Nina. But since the blizzard, they had all seemed to hold to the invisible line between employee and employer, and she wasn’t going to cross it. I got what I wanted, Lord. But why does it bother me so much to have it?
She had just swept the ashes into a large dustpan when the new bell above the front door dinged. Selah turned and saw Richard Johnson, Cevilla’s friend, coming in. He was a regal gentleman, tall and lean with neat but not fancy clothes. Today he wore a brown leather hat, shaped different from an Amish hat, along with a chocolate-colored suede overcoat. He gripped his cane as he walked across the lobby.
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