I spent the morning doing a dress rehearsal for a big charity fashion show that was taking place on Friday. I helped the stylist dress the models from our agency so that the clothes looked fantastic. We were using our six top girls, who were all stunning. Sometimes I wondered if working with beautiful young women was part of my problem: being constantly surrounded by perfection wasn’t good for anyone’s ego.
I left work early to pick Jess up from school and bring her to the hospital. She was standing at the gate, hopping from one foot to the other impatiently. When she saw me, she rushed over and jumped into the car.
‘Quick, Mum. Don’t drive like a granny, drive fast.’
‘I don’t drive like a granny, thank you.’
Jess was holding a huge card in her hand. It was covered with hearts, sparkles and a very good drawing of a baby boy.
‘Did you do that in school?’ I asked.
‘Yes. I asked Mrs O’Brien if I could do a special card during break time for my new baby brother and she helped me.’
‘It’s lovely, Jess. You’re talented.’
‘I’m just OK,’ she said. Clearly she’d inherited my crummy ego. I wished she’d got some of Jack’s. She needed to be more confident. I wanted Jess to believe in herself, to feel she could do anything, be anyone, get any job and not be afraid to be on her own. I wanted her to be different from me.
‘You’re not just OK, you’re really good at art.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘God, Mum, you’re always going on about how great I am at everything. It’s embarrassing. I’m just average, OK?’
I patted her knee. ‘Get used to it, love. I’ll be telling you how wonderful you are for the rest of my life.’
She ignored me and leant over to change the radio station.
We got to the hospital about twenty minutes later and Jess leapt out of the car. I said I’d find a parking space and meet her in the lobby in half an hour. She was gone before I could finish my sentence. I watched her sprinting towards Reception, so eager to be with her new family.
I went to park the car, and while I sat and waited, my phone beeped. It was a long, convoluted text message from Julie, saying she was spending the night with me on Friday but that she wasn’t actually going to see me on Friday and not to say anything to Louise or Harry, that she’d explain later and it wasn’t anything bad: she just needed a little night out and she’d owe me one.
I frowned. She sounded drunk. I’d call her later to see what on earth the message meant. It had struck me recently that Julie was drinking too much wine. Every time I was with her, she was pouring big glasses and downing them. I’d been so distracted with my own life and also keeping an eye on Louise and Clara that I hadn’t had time for Julie. I’d phone her when Jess was in bed and we could have a proper chat.
I threw my phone onto the passenger seat and bent down to pull a file from my briefcase. It was full of photos of models and celebrities. I narrowed the pile down to two photos. They were the shape and size of breasts I wanted – Victoria Beckham and Kelly Rowland. In my view, they were the nicest and least fake-looking.
I heard a tap on the window. I slammed the file shut as photos slid all over the car floor and looked up to see Jack grinning in at me.
I got out of the car. We kissed awkwardly on the cheek.
‘Why don’t you come up?’ he suggested.
I smiled at him. ‘I very much doubt Pippa wants to see your ex-wife just after giving birth.’
He grinned. ‘I meant come up and see the baby. Pippa’s having a manicure so Robert’s in the nursery. I left Jess holding him – he’s asleep in her arms. It’s very sweet.’
I hesitated. Jack took my hand. ‘Come on, he’s a little cracker. Let me show him off. You know what my family’s like – they won’t be interested in him.’ The buoyancy in Jack’s voice had disappeared. His family had always considered him the black sheep. They were the most appalling intellectual snobs and they always put him down. ‘Don’t let them dampen your happiness,’ I said.
‘The only response I got from the messages I left was a two-word text from Mum, “Good news”. I haven’t heard anything from Dad or Roger.’
‘Jack, they’ll never change. You have to stop looking for their approval. It just brings you down. They live in their world of medicine. You’ll never be good enough. Forget about them and enjoy this moment.’
Jack turned and hugged me. ‘Thanks. You’re the only one who knows how bad they are. Pippa doesn’t seem to notice that they belittle her and me.’
Seriously? How dense was she? Jack’s family were awful. ‘I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time trying to get them to like me and be nicer to you.’
Jack held the lift door for me. ‘I’m glad you tried.’
‘Enough about them. Let’s focus on your son,’ I said, as brightly as I could.
His face lit up. ‘He’s perfect. I can’t believe I have a son. I never thought I’d have any more kids.’
‘Well, it helps when you trade in your wife for a younger model.’
‘Sophie, I tried to make it work.’
I was a bitch. I felt bad. ‘Sorry, I know you did. We both did. Look, I’m really happy for you.’
‘Thanks. I hope you can find someone wonderful too. It’s a pity things didn’t work out with that guy you were seeing.’
I winced. I didn’t want Jack’s sympathy. It made me feel stupid and ridiculous and a total loser. ‘It’s no big deal. We weren’t together that long. Plenty more fish in the sea,’ I said, feigning cheeriness.
Thankfully, before Jack could say anything kind or patronizing, the lift doors opened and I followed him into the nursery. There was Jess, holding her tiny newborn brother, looking so proud.
‘You’re really great with him, Jess,’ Jack said. ‘Can I show him to Mum?’ He lifted the baby from Jess’s arms and held him up to me. He looked red and scrunchy, like all babies. I had adored Jess from the minute she was born, but I had never had any interest in other people’s children.
I could feel Jess watching me, so I held out my hands enthusiastically and tucked Robert into the crook of my arm, where he promptly fell back to sleep. ‘He’s a handsome little fellow,’ I said, to a beaming Jack and Jess. We huddled together, looking at the newborn.
‘What the hell is going on?’
We turned to see Pippa standing behind us, her hands on her hips. Hair perfect, makeup on, nails done and a black silk kimono-style dressing-gown hiding her post-baby bump, which looked very small to me. Stupid cow. Couldn’t she have the decency to look awful after giving birth?
‘I was just – Jack just … He’s beautiful,’ I said, thrusting the baby into Jack’s arms.
‘Why is she holding Robert?’ Pippa glared at Jack.
‘I just thought it would be nice for her to meet him.’
Pippa didn’t look as if she thought it was a nice idea at all.
Jess rushed over and hugged her. ‘Oh, Pippa, you’re amazing, he’s gorgeous. I love him.’
Pippa pushed her away. ‘You’re hurting me, Jess. I’m sore.’
‘Sorry.’ Jess stepped back.
I picked up my bag. ‘I brought Jess to see the baby and I popped in. Sorry if it seems –’
‘Inappropriate,’ she snarled. Turning to Jack, she hissed, ‘He’s one day old. I really don’t need to come down and find your ex holding my new baby.’
Jack shrugged. ‘I’m sorry. I was excited and wanted to show him off. Maybe it was a bit too soon.’
‘You think?’ Pippa barked.
I wanted to get out of there. ‘I’ll leave you to it. I’ll see you later, Jess.’
‘Hold on!’ Pippa stopped me in my tracks. ‘You’re not leaving Jess here.’
I looked at Jack. ‘Well, she’s keen to spend time with the baby. Jack said he’d like her to.’
Pippa exhaled deeply and held up her hand. ‘Jack is not in charge here. Jack has not just given birth. I need time to recover. I can’t deal with another chi
ld right now.’
‘But I’ve only been here ten minutes,’ Jess said, blinking back tears. ‘I won’t bother you. I’ll just sit here with Dad and Robert while you rest.’
At the same moment, Jack and I moved to stand by Jess. Pippa narrowed her eyes. ‘I need to be alone with Jack and my baby. OK? Don’t make a drama out of it. I just need space.’
I caught Jack’s eye. He bent down and said to Jess, ‘Why don’t you come back tomorrow, when things are calmer?’
‘Call first,’ Pippa said pointedly.
I glared at her. ‘Oh, don’t you worry, I will. I won’t let Jess walk in on this again.’
I took Jess’s hand and, as we headed for the nursery door, we heard Pippa shriek. I turned around to see Robert vomiting all over his mother’s kimono. I tried not to laugh as, covered with milky sick, Pippa shoved Robert into Jack’s arms and stormed out of the nursery, cursing as she went.
Jack handed the baby back to me and rushed after her. Why was I the one left holding the baby? A nurse helped me change Robert into clean clothes and I placed him in his cot. I told Jess to say goodbye to her brother and we left.
Jess was very quiet on the drive home. I knew she was hurt by Pippa’s reaction to her.
‘Pippa’s just tired and emotional. She’ll be back to her old self soon. Don’t worry.’
‘I’m not worried, Mum. She thinks I rock,’ Jess said unconvincingly.
I had a feeling the love-in was over. Pippa liked having Jess around when it suited her. Jess was a plaything, someone she could dress up and take shopping, someone who worshipped her and constantly told her how wonderful she was. And getting on with Jess made her look good in Jack’s eyes. But now that Pippa had a baby, who puked and pooed and would be awake half the night, it seemed Jess would not be so welcome any more.
28
Julie
I stood outside the building, trembling from head to toe. It probably hadn’t been such a good idea to arrive so early. I’d killed time by downing three coffees and was completely over-caffeinated.
I glanced down at my grey dress and jacket. I had spent more money on them than I had ever spent on clothes before. The lady in the boutique said the outfit was smart and stylish. That was exactly what I wanted to convey. Well, that and capable.
When I walked into the interview, I wanted them to think I was a competent and able person. I really needed this job. I had to do something with my life. Dan kept texting me about meeting up, but I couldn’t decide what to do. I needed a job to keep my mind occupied and stop me flirting with ex-boyfriends. A busy Julie would be a lot safer than a bored one. Since the boys were born I had barely had time to shower. But now I had too much time on my hands, far too much.
I smoothed down my dress, took a deep breath and walked into the reception area of the office building.
‘Hello, I’m Julie Hayes. I’m here for an interview.’
‘Hi.’ The receptionist smiled. ‘You’re here for my job.’ She pointed to her bump. ‘I’m off on maternity leave.’
‘Congratulations,’ I said. ‘Is it a nice place to work?’
‘Lovely,’ she answered. ‘Very busy, but I like that. It makes the days fly by.’
Before I could ask her any more, the phone rang and she answered it, then typed furiously into a computer. Another phone rang. I retreated to the waiting area and began to sweat.
Why was there a computer there? Was it just for email and maybe a company directory? I could manage that. But did she have to do anything else? I wanted to ask her if she ever had to use Excel. I’d been too intimidated to join a course so I’d bought a book on Excel and PowerPoint and tried to teach myself, but I kept getting confused.
It had been really frightening. It was the final realization that, after ten years’ lack of use, my brain was officially dead. I wanted to ask Harry for help, he was a whiz on computers, but I didn’t want him to know about the interview. He wouldn’t understand. He wanted me to have a nice, relaxing life. He told me I deserved it after almost ten years with the triplets.
But lounging around wasn’t for me. I knew that now. I was a doer. I needed to be occupied, physically and mentally. I picked up the newspaper and flicked to the business section in case they were watching me. I wanted them to think I read it every day. I might only be going as maternity cover for the receptionist, but I was determined to impress them.
My name was called by a younger man, about thirty-five or so, who introduced himself as Kevin, assistant to the head of Human Resources. Kevin led me into a conference room where a woman of my own age was waiting for us.
She proffered a hand. ‘Hello, Julie. I’m Rose Dean, head of HR.’
I shook her hand and sat down. My heart was pounding. I saw that they both had a copy of my CV in front of them on the table.
‘I see from your CV that you’ve had a career break while you had children,’ Rose said.
‘That’s right,’ I croaked. I cleared my throat. ‘I only intended to give up work for a short while, but the triplets required more time and energy than I’d anticipated.’
Kevin smiled. ‘Triplet boys, I can only imagine.’
I nodded. ‘Yes, it’s been busy.’
‘Why are you keen to get back into the workplace now?’ Rose asked.
My palms were sweaty. ‘The boys are all in school and I want to get back to work and use my brain again.’
Damn. I shouldn’t have said that. It had sounded as if my brain had been switched off. ‘I meant that I want to use my brain in a different way, as in fine-tune it. It’s not like I switched off when I was at home or anything. I read the paper every day and do the crossword and Sukodo,’ I lied.
I’d tried Sukodo once and my brain had almost exploded with the strain. I’d had no idea what the hell was going on. As for the crossword, I was lucky if I got two clues right.
‘Do you mean Sudoku?’ Kevin asked.
‘Sorry, yes, absolutely,’ I said, as my face burnt with shame. I wanted to die.
I saw a glance pass between Kevin and Rose. ‘It says here that you are proficient on computers,’ Rose continued.
Why had I said proficient? I could barely use email. But I nodded in what I thought was a convincing way.
‘Are you a Mac or PC lady?’ Kevin asked.
What? I began to panic. Did he mean politically correct? He must do. After all, it was a law firm. If PC was politically correct, what the hell was MAC? It must be management assessment competence or something. I’d have to wing it.
‘I’m both,’ I fudged.
‘We’re very PC-based here,’ Rose explained.
I nodded furiously. ‘Absolutely, I understand. I’m definitely very PC, too. I’d never let you down on that score. I’m very careful about what I say. I’m very discreet and I’m not racist in any way. I never give out about the Nigerian taxi drivers. I think they’re actually very nice. I’m all for equality.’
Rose seemed perplexed. Kevin, on the other hand, had some kind of a coughing fit into his water glass. Rose had to thump him on the back. His face was all red.
‘Do you know much about Kennedy, Lawson and Townsend?’ Rose asked.
I had prepared this bit. ‘Oh, yes. You’re the seventh biggest law firm in Dublin. You do a lot of corporate work and your motto is carpe diem, which is from my favourite movie, Dead Poets Society. How good was Robin Williams in that?’
Kevin smiled, which I thought was a good sign.
But poker-faced Rose said, ‘Actually, the original source for carpe diem is the lyric poet Horace. The term was first found in Odes, Book I.’
How could I be so stupid? Of course it wasn’t an original phrase used by Robin Williams. Of course it was some olde-worlde term made up by some ancient guy from back in the day. Sweaty patches began to form under my arms. I prayed they couldn’t see them through the jacket.
Rose continued to plough through my very short CV. ‘Our receptionists do some typing for us, just straightforward documents an
d letters. How many words can you type a minute?’
‘How many words do I type a minute?’ I repeated, trying to buy time.
‘Yes.’
‘I – I don’t actually know. I’ve never counted.’
‘Would you mind doing a quick test for me here?’ she asked.
‘Now?’ Sweat was dripping down my back.
‘Sure. You can use this laptop.’ Rose pushed it towards me and handed me a sheet of paper with a paragraph of text on it.
I bit my lip to stop myself crying. I knew this was going to be a disaster, but what could I do? I could get up and run out of there or suffer in silence.
I typed as fast as I could for a minute. The words were a blur because my eyes were full of tears.
When my time was up, Rose turned the laptop back towards her and printed out the page. Kevin leant over to study it while I died inside.
Kevin had another coughing fit, except this time I could see he was laughing. In fact, he couldn’t control himself. Rose suggested he leave the room and come back when he was feeling better. She looked cross. Kevin excused himself. He backed out of the room unable to speak. I wanted the ground to split apart and swallow me.
Rose looked up. ‘I’m afraid you only managed twenty-two words, and there are twenty mistakes.’
I was mortified. My dress was stuck to me. I was hot, sweaty and humiliated. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I stood up and picked up my bag. ‘Thank you for seeing me. We both know this has been a disaster. I’m an absolute joke. I’ll see myself out. Don’t bother sending me a rejection letter. I know I’m the last person on earth you’d hire. Sorry for wasting your time.’
Before Rose could say anything, I ran out of the building and just made it through the main door onto the street before I burst into tears. I stumbled down the road and saw a bar on the corner. I ran towards it, threw the door open, rushed up to the counter and ordered a large glass of wine.
‘Are you all right, love?’ the barman asked.
I nodded, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. ‘Fine. I just need a drink.’
The Secrets Sisters Keep: A heartwarming, funny and emotional novel (The Devlin Sisters Book 2) Page 26
