‘Come back to us. Forget about being the next Richard Branson – just be the old Harry. We love that guy.’
Harry pulled back and put his hand up to my cheek. ‘I don’t think Richard Branson has anything to worry about.’ He grinned. ‘Now, what are we going to do about you?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve got to find something.’
‘Well, why don’t we go to that little Italian restaurant tomorrow night and brainstorm? We’ll think of something. Now don’t freak out, but I need to get my phone so I can cancel my golf tomorrow. We’ll go and watch the triplets play their rugby match and spend the day together. How does that sound?’
I kissed his cheek. ‘Perfect.’
37
Sophie
I was lying back, hooked up to drips and monitors, feeling utterly wretched, when they came in. Julie came and took my right hand. Louise went to the other side and held the left.
‘Oh, Sophie.’ Julie began to cry.
I closed my eyes as a tear rolled down my face.
‘You’re going to be fine,’ Louise said, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead.
‘We were so worried.’ Julie sniffed. ‘We love you so much, Sophie.’
‘I spoke to the surgeon. You’re going to make a full recovery and that’s all that matters. We’ll help out with Jess, and Quentin will run the office. You just need to rest and get better,’ Louise said.
The thought of Jess made me want to howl. How could I have been so stupid?
Julie kissed my hand. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could tell us. We wouldn’t have judged you. You’re so beautiful, Sophie – you don’t need any of this. You’re perfect. God, if I had your body, I’d spend all day long in a bikini.’
I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling. My head ached. ‘I’m such a fool.’
‘No, you’re not,’ Julie assured me.
Louise didn’t say anything. I knew she agreed with me. I knew she thought I was a huge fool. I’d almost died trying to have bigger boobs. I looked at her.
She shrugged. ‘Honestly? Not your best idea, but I understand why you did it. I know you’d been feeling bad about things lately. I guess I didn’t realize how badly.’
‘I wish I’d noticed how low you were. I’m so sorry, Sophie.’ Julie dabbed her eyes with a tissue. ‘I’m the fool in this family. I’ve been so distracted trying to have sex with someone I don’t even like that I didn’t see my sister needed help.’
I shook my head from side to side. ‘You’re the best sisters ever. I knew you’d stop me because it was a bad idea. I just wanted to look better so I’d meet someone.’ Tears flowed down my cheeks. I had barely stopped crying since I regained consciousness.
Julie sobbed beside me and wiped my tears with a handkerchief, but her own tears were falling all over my face so it was futile.
‘Sophie,’ Louise said, ‘listen to me. You’ve had a really difficult time and I know Pippa’s been a bitter pill to swallow. And the Andrew fiasco didn’t help. But you’re so much more than your looks. You’re smart and strong and successful.’
Julie joined in: ‘And a great mum, a brilliant sister and drop-dead gorgeous. Sophie, if you could only see what everyone else sees. I feel like a big fat frump beside you. You don’t need to change anything. You’ll meet someone who adores you just as you are. Any man would be lucky to have you on his arm.’
I blinked back tears. ‘It’s just so hard out there and I’m so lonely.’
‘But you’ve got work, Jess and us,’ Louise said.
‘I’m not like you, Louise. I wish I was, but I’m not. It’s not enough. I hate being on my own. I know it’s weak and pathetic, but I do.’ I was getting really upset now. I tried to slow my breathing. I needed to stay calm.
‘It’s not weak. We’re all different. I promise you that from today I will make it my mission to find you a nice, successful man. I’m going to trawl every law firm in the city for you,’ Louise promised.
‘And I’ll find all the divorced dads in the school and introduce you to them. You can come to the boys’ rugby on Saturday mornings – all the dads are there,’ Julie added.
I smiled weakly. ‘Thanks.’
‘You could always shag Gerry just to get up Victoria’s nose!’ Julie grinned.
‘Brilliant idea,’ Louise said.
I laughed. It hurt. ‘If I didn’t find him so repulsive, I’d think about it.’
‘It would be worth it to see that snotty cow’s face,’ Louise said. ‘Now what do you want to do about Jess?’
My face crumpled. ‘Please don’t let her find out. Can one of you look after her until I get out? The surgeon said I should be home in three days.’
Louise laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Jess can stay with me. Gavin’s looking after Clara for the moment so Jess can come and hang out with them. Gavin will pick her up from school and all that.’
‘I don’t want her to know her mother is a shallow, pathetic fool. I’ve tried so hard to set a good example for her. This will ruin everything. She’ll see how stupid and superficial I really am.’
‘Stop it!’ Louise snapped. ‘You’re not superficial. When Jack lost everything, you went out, got a job and supported your family. You’re a strong woman. Don’t forget that.’
‘You really are amazing, Sophie. Everything you’ve achieved in the last four years is incredible. I’m so proud of you,’ Julie gushed.
‘We’ll just tell Jess that you felt sick in work, went to hospital and had a big cyst removed.’ Louise, as always, had a solution.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered. I could feel the exhaustion pressing down on my head, but I had to stay awake a little longer to get everything sorted.
‘Just concentrate on getting better. I’m going to talk to your surgeon. I’d like some more information on your post-op treatment.’
‘I’ll call Mum and tell her about the cyst,’ Julie said.
‘Only us sisters and Quentin will know the truth. Your secret is safe with us. Now get some rest.’ Louise bent and kissed my cheek.
That evening, when I woke up from a painkiller-induced sleep, Jack was sitting beside my bed holding a bunch of white hydrangeas.
I smiled at him. ‘My favourite.’
‘I had to go to three different florists to find them.’
‘Is Jess with you?’
‘No. Louise said she’d bring her in to see you later. How are you feeling?’
‘As rotten as I look,’ I said.
‘Louise said it was a huge cyst. It sounds painful.’
I looked at my ex-husband. I wanted to tell him the truth. I knew he’d understand. He knew me – he ‘got’ me. I took a deep breath. ‘It wasn’t a cyst. I was supposed to be having a boob job but it went horribly wrong. It turns out I’m allergic to penicillin so I went into shock and my heart almost shut down. But I’m fine now. They’ve done lots of tests and everything seems OK. I’m getting out of here in two days, thank God. I just want to go home and be with Jess.’
Jack stared at me, open-mouthed. ‘Jesus, Sophie, I had no idea. That’s terrible.’
‘Terribly stupid.’ I fiddled with the petals on the flowers. ‘I don’t want Jess to find out. You can never breathe a word of this to Pippa. Swear?’
Jack made a cross sign over his heart. ‘I promise. You know you can trust me. But why did you do it? Your boobs are fine. You look really good for your age.’
‘Jack, you know how it is. You didn’t end up with a forty-two-year-old woman, you ended up with a twenty-five-year-old. It’s hard out there. I want to meet a nice guy who doesn’t take his teeth out at night. All the men my age want young hotties like Pippa.’
Jack took my hand. ‘Sophie, men will fall in love with you because you’re an amazing woman. You’re gorgeous, and you’re kind, thoughtful, considerate, smart and resilient – and good fun too. I was very proud to be your husband.’
I looked at the flowers and tried not to cry. ‘Than
ks. The feeling was mutual.’
‘On top of all that, you’re also great in the sack.’ Jack grinned and I slapped his hand playfully.
‘Seriously, though, you should have more confidence in yourself. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You’re really great, Sophie.’
‘Stop it. You’re going to make me cry.’
‘I mean it.’ He picked up my hand and kissed it. ‘You’re the best.’
Well, why hadn’t I met anyone? If I was such a great catch, why was I still alone? ‘Let’s talk about something else. How’s Robert?’
Jack sank back in the chair. ‘Exhausting.’
He looked tired. The shadows under his eyes were almost as bad as mine. ‘Is he up all night?’
‘Pretty much. Pippa’s finding it hard going so I’m trying to help but it’s affecting my work. I made a mistake yesterday, an expensive one. I can’t do that. I’m still relatively new to the company and I need to impress the boss. It’s a great job, but I have to be really sharp. There are younger, brighter, more ambitious kids snapping at my heels.’
‘Be careful, Jack. You have to tell Pippa you need your sleep.’
‘I tried to, but she just freaked out and said I was implying she was less important than me.’
Stupid, selfish cow, I thought. ‘Isn’t she on maternity leave?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, tell her to get someone in to help in the daytime so she can go for a nap.’
‘She has someone.’
What? Well, she was just being a prima donna. Jack was working, he needed sleep. It wasn’t a question of who was more important. It was a question of who was working and who was at home with the baby.
‘You’ll have to be firm, Jack,’ I urged him. ‘You can’t lose that job.’
He rubbed his eyes. ‘I know. But I’m trying to help her because of what happened with you. I never knew you had post-natal depression and I still feel terrible about it. I’m trying to be there more for Pippa so she doesn’t get it.’
Bloody Pippa. I’d been left alone every night with Jess, while Jack snored peacefully in the other room, but Pippa got to sleep while Jack fed the baby. That was crazy. If Jack lost his job, I’d be back to supporting Jess alone and I really didn’t want that. It was nice to have extra money and not be worrying about bills. It was wonderful to have spare cash at the end of each month.
‘Jack, Pippa will be fine. You need to get some sleep or you’ll end up with no job and I don’t see Pippa sticking around if you’re homeless.’
He gave me a crooked smile. ‘Are you implying she’s shallow?’
I shrugged. ‘She’s young. She’s a Celtic Tiger cub. They expect more from life. Just be careful, Jack. Focus on work.’
‘You’re right, as always. We had good times, didn’t we, Sophie?’
‘The best,’ I said.
‘We really lived it up.’
‘It was great. We were lucky to have all those carefree years with no money worries and non-stop parties.’
‘I miss it sometimes,’ he said.
‘You’re starting to make good money again and you’ve got a beautiful young girlfriend to party with. You’ll probably get to do it all over again while I’m at home alone with saggy boobs.’
He laughed. ‘Right now, I’m so knackered that the idea of going out past nine o’clock terrifies me. I’m too old to have a baby.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re just suffering from lack of sleep. You’ll be fine.’
He looked at me intently. ‘And so will you, Sophie. I know you will.’
‘Thanks. How’s Jess getting on with Pippa?’
‘I spoke to Pippa and told her she needed to be careful around Jess, so she’s making an effort. I’m trying to bridge the gap. I took Jess to the cinema last night and fell asleep. Is that bad parenting?’
I laughed. ‘No, it was a nice thing to do.’
The door opened and Gavin’s head popped in. ‘Hey, sis, do you want me to come back later?’
Jack stood up. ‘No, come in. I have to go now anyway. Good to see you, Gavin.’ They shook hands.
‘You too. Man, you look like shit. Have you, like, not slept since the nineties?’
Jack laughed. Then, before he kissed me goodbye, he whispered in my ear, ‘Sophie Devlin, you’re stunning. Believe me, you’re a real catch.’
Gavin sat down and began to eat the chocolates Mum had brought me earlier. It had been awful lying to her about my ‘cyst’, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. I was too ashamed.
‘So, are you OK?’ Gavin asked.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Did they get the cyst thing out?’
I nodded. I hated lying to Gavin, too, but I had to. The fewer people who knew, the safer my secret was.
I decided to change the subject. ‘How are things with you? I hear you have a new job looking after Clara.’
Gavin’s face lit up. ‘She’s such a brilliant kid. I just totally get where Clara’s coming from. I understand the way her mind works.’
‘Louise said you’ve been amazing.’
‘Well, I owe her. She’s set me up with loads of jobs, given me money to start companies that failed and always gives me cash when I need it. And don’t tell her, but when Christelle told me she had to go, I handed in my notice immediately so I could take care of Clara and help her out. But she can never know that,’ he warned me.
I made a solemn cross over my heart. Good old Gavin, coming through in the end.
‘But you know what? I’ve really enjoyed the research and finding out about Asperger’s. Shania spotted it first because of her little bro, and when I started looking into it, I knew that was what Clara had. So I started finding out all I could because I knew Louise would be into charts and graphs, bullet points and statistics and all that stuff, so that’s what I did. I made this, like, reference folder for her, which she uses all the time.’
It was nice to see Gavin so enthusiastic. And Louise said he was amazing with Clara, incredibly patient and encouraging, brilliant at drawing her out and making her laugh. Maybe he was finally growing up.
‘Good for you. Clara’s lucky to have you.’
‘I’m kind of hoping that, by the time Christelle comes back, Louise will want to keep me as Clara’s minder. Christelle doesn’t need the job – she told me that Harry pays her rent and gives her an allowance.’
‘Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll definitely get to keep the job.’
Gavin popped another chocolate into his mouth. ‘Well, I’ve gotta go and mind her now so Louise can come and visit. I’ll see you, sis.’
‘Thanks for coming and eating all my food.’
‘You never eat sweets. Your body is a temple, right?’
‘Not any more,’ I said, and stuffed one into my mouth.
‘Good. You need to eat something. You’re way too thin. Men like chicks with meat on their bones.’
With those wise words, Gavin left me and my box of half-eaten Cadbury’s.
Jess came in later with Louise, who tactfully left us alone, muttering something about getting coffee.
As soon as the door closed, Jess threw herself on top of me and started bawling.
‘Hey, it’s OK, sweetheart.’
‘I was so – sc-sc-scared, Mum. Louise collected me from school and her face was all white and freaked out and she said you were in hospital and I knew it was serious. She kept telling me it was fine and you were OK, but I really wanted to see you. She wouldn’t let me. She said you needed sleep.’
‘Oh, honey, I’m sorry.’
‘After I spoke to you on the phone I felt a bit better, but you sounded really tired and kind of sad, and I wanted to see you. But Louise said I had to wait until now because you had to have tests all day yesterday. She’s so bossy.’
‘I’m sorry you were worried. I rang you so you’d know I was OK and you wouldn’t worry.’
‘But talking isn’t the same as seeing. This morning I heard Louise tal
king to Julie on the phone and she was saying that they need to mind you because you’re really sad.’ Jess’s lip began to wobble. ‘Are you sad, Mum? Is it because of Pippa and the baby?’
I hugged Jess and kissed her head. ‘Jess, I’m not sad, just silly.’
She tightened her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. ‘No, you’re not. You’re brilliant.’
‘Listen to me, Jess. I’m not sad, because I have you. I’m so proud of you. I love being your mum and you honestly make me so happy.’
‘But you have been sad, Mum. I’ve heard you crying in your bedroom.’
I really should have been more careful. After Andrew dumped me, I’d gone on a bit of a pity-party rampage. Poor Jess was far too young to be worrying about me. I needed to be honest but reassuring. ‘I felt a bit sorry for myself when I broke up with that man I was dating. But he wasn’t very nice, so I’m glad it’s over. If I’m being honest, I did find it hard when Dad met Pippa and when Robert was born. I suppose I was afraid of losing you to them. I thought you’d want to be with them all the time. And it’s OK, I understand if you do. Please don’t feel bad about it. It’s normal that you’d want to be with your little brother. I want you to spend time with him and get to know him. He’s lucky to have a wonderful older sister like you.’
Jess looked up at me, her face stained with tears. ‘But, Mum, I never want to leave you. I never want to live with Dad and Pippa. Anyway, Pippa’s been really narky. She’s really grumpy to Dad too. And Robert’s cute, but he cries a lot.’
‘Well, that’s normal. All babies do.’
‘Did I?’
I stroked her cheek. ‘Actually, no. You were the sweetest baby in the world.’
‘I love you, Mum. Don’t ever leave me.’ Jess hugged me again.
‘I won’t, pet. I’ll always be here for you. We’re a team.’
And we were. If I ever met a man, he’d have to accept that Jess was my priority. I’d never let a man be mean to her or make her feel left out. I’d never let a man take over my life. He’d have to fit into it. I was a mother and that was my main job. If I did meet someone amazing, great. If not, well, I’d have to embrace all the other facets of my life – my daughter, my work and my family. I’d find a hobby, too, so that on the weekends when Jess was with Jack, I wouldn’t feel so lost. Maybe I’d take up tennis again, join a running club or play golf. Yes, I’d take up golf. A game took ages so it would fill my day and there were lots of men in golf clubs. Who knew? Maybe I’d meet a nice, handsome, not-ancient golfer who’d be delighted to take on a nine-year-old and a woman with small, droopy breasts.
The Secrets Sisters Keep: A heartwarming, funny and emotional novel (The Devlin Sisters Book 2) Page 33
