by Dilly Court
She wanted to tear herself away from him but her small fingers closed around his like those of a drowning woman clutching a spar. ‘I’m doing this for Teddy. He’ll be brought up to be a decent, law-abiding man, which is something that wouldn’t happen if I let you take him away from me.’
‘I don’t want to take him away from you, my darling.’ Rogue dropped his voice to a caressing murmur. ‘But he hasn’t a drop of Italian blood in his tiny veins. He’s an Englishman and he belongs with his family. That’s you, me and Ned. We should be together forever, my dearest girl. Don’t destroy all our lives by your misplaced loyalty. Come away with me now. I’ll get my lawyer to fix everything.’
She closed her eyes, swaying on her feet. Every breath was painful. She wanted nothing more than to give in and allow herself to be swept away by a will stronger than her own. She knew that what he said made sense, and that her mother would have wanted the man she had loved to raise her child, but that did not alter the fact that both the brothers were involved in a life of crime. Would Ma really have wanted her baby boy to be raised amongst criminals and in all likelihood travel that path himself? Phoebe knew the answer to that, even as she knew that she could not dishonour her family. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look through the trees to the party being held in honour of her wedding. She twisted the gold ring on her finger. ‘I can’t,’ she said simply.
He tightened his grip so that it was impossible for her to break free. ‘Can’t, or won’t?’
‘I promised in church,’ she said slowly, each word more painful than the last. ‘In front of my family and their friends, I promised to love and honour Gino. He’s a good man and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.’
Rogue let her go with a loud epithet that made her glance round anxiously to see if anyone had heard, but the music and singing had apparently drowned out all other sounds. She met his angry gaze, holding herself together with an effort. She must not give in, even if it tore her heart from her breast. ‘Nothing has changed. It would start a war between your people and mine. We couldn’t build a life together in those circumstances. We couldn’t bring our children into a world of vendetta and violence.’
He regarded her steadily. ‘And that’s your last word, is it? I’ll not force you to come with me, Phoebe. I want you for my wife, but obviously you don’t love me enough to risk causing upset to others.’
‘That’s not true and it’s not fair.’
‘None of this is fair. D’you think I wanted to fall in love with a woman who insists on putting the needs of everyone else before her own? I’m concerned with you and me, and the boy, of course, although he’s Ned’s problem, not mine.’
‘Teddy isn’t a problem. He’s a little boy who needs love and a proper family to care for him. He’ll get that here, but what would happen to him in London? Any moment you might fall foul of the law, even if you do have the police force in your pocket now. What would we do if you and Ned ended up dangling on the end of a noose? I don’t want that sort of life and it’s not for Teddy either.’
Rogue’s expression was unreadable. ‘So you don’t love me.’
‘I do.’ The words tumbled from her lips and she immediately wished them unsaid as she saw a glimmer of hope flicker in his eyes. ‘But I hate the way you live, and I won’t break Gino’s heart or bring disgrace on my family. Go away, please. Leave me alone.’ Without waiting for his response, she picked up her skirts and fled blindly in the direction of the revellers, but she came to a sudden halt as she barged into someone who was standing on the edge of the circle of dancers.
‘Phoebe. What’s the matter?’
‘Julio. Thank God it’s you.’ She leaned against her uncle, gasping for breath.
‘What happened? Who’s upset you like this?’
She looked up into his solid, dependable face and she knew that she had done the right thing. Julio was the quiet one in the family, but there was no one upon whom she would rather depend for quiet commonsense and good judgement. ‘I’m all right,’ she said softly.
He glanced over his shoulder and his dark brows drew together in a frown. ‘Is that who I think it is?’
‘Yes, but he’s leaving. I’ve sent him away.’ Her voice broke on a sob. ‘I made him go.’
‘Why did he follow you here?’
She could scarcely answer him. Her teeth were chattering, and even though the night was warm she was shivering violently. ‘Please don’t make a fuss, Julio. It was nothing.’
He slipped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. ‘I don’t call it nothing. Nenzo told me that Paxman had kept you prisoner in Kent. If he’s dishonoured you in any way you must tell me now and we’ll settle this once and for all. We’ll go after him and make sure that he doesn’t bother you again.’
‘It wasn’t like that. He saved me from Caspar.’
‘Phoebe, I’m not stupid. A man doesn’t do all these things for a woman unless he wants her for himself. Is there something you’re not telling me? I can keep a secret as well as any man, and I hate to see you upset like this.’
‘It’s all over between us,’ Phoebe said, choking back a sob. ‘I’m married to Gino.’
‘And you have a child to bring up,’ Julio said softly. ‘Teddy is a fine boy and soon he will have brothers and sisters to keep him company.’
Phoebe had never been so close to blurting out the truth, but she managed to suppress the impulse to tell him everything. ‘I’ll make Gino a good wife,’ she murmured. ‘I swear it on my mother’s grave, Julio.’
She was rewarded with a hug.
‘You did the right thing, cara. He’s gone now, and you’ll never see him again.’
‘I’ll never see him again,’ Phoebe repeated dully.
‘Dry your eyes,’ Julio said urgently. ‘Gino’s coming. Don’t let him see that you’ve been crying. This is best kept between you and me, cara.’
Phoebe turned her head to watch her new husband as he threaded his way through the swirling couples. His face was pale in the moonlight but his look of consternation dissolved into a rapturous smile when he spotted her. He held out his arms. ‘I thought I’d lost you, cara mia. Where have you been hiding?’
Suddenly panic seized her and she could not keep up the charade. She glanced over her shoulder in the hope of catching a glimpse of the man she truly loved. She broke away from Julio. This was her last chance. If she ran like the wind she could catch up with Rogue. But Gino was too quick for her and he enveloped her in a fond embrace. ‘I’m so happy, Phoebe. I can’t believe that you’re mine at last.’
Somehow she faced her new husband with a smile. He must never know how sorely she had been tempted to leave him on their wedding day and escape back to England with Rogue Paxman. Gazing up into the canopy of leaves above her, illuminated by paper lanterns swaying in the gentle breeze, she made a silent pledge to honour her wedding vows and put the past behind her. She had married a man who was superior to Rogue in every way, and she was determined to make him a good and loving wife. She owed him so much and she knew that he would cherish her for the rest of his life. Nothing in the world would make her do anything that would hurt him.
She laid her hand in his and allowed him to lead her once more into the dance. The party went on late into the night and they toasted each other with wine, but no matter how good her intentions Phoebe was there in body only. Her heart and soul had flown away to join Rogue on his perilous journey through life. What remained of her was just a husk, a pleasant, well-mannered and affectionate woman who in the early hours of the morning lay on the marriage bed wide-eyed and unable to sleep after her husband had made love to her for the first time. She had responded as best she could to his passionate lovemaking but it had left her as untouched as a virgin. She might be a wife in name and in fact, but fond as she was of Gino she knew that he would never reach the innermost place in her heart. It was a sad truth, but one she must keep to herself.
In the darkness, listening to the so
ft sound of Gino’s rhythmic breathing, she gazed out of the small window at the stars. Despite her promise to herself that she would put him out of her mind, she allowed herself a few moments to think of Rogue. She had meant it to be a last goodbye, but she could not forget the way his kisses had set her body aflame with desire. The longing to hear his voice, and to see the tender curve of his lips when he smiled just for her, cut into her heart like a physical pain. She lay beside her husband, rigid with despair but determined to survive, and with the dawn she put all her memories away in a secret compartment of her mind. They might be taken out when she was alone and remembered like the words and melody of a much-loved song, but then they would be tucked away again until they faded into an old woman’s dream.
Gino awakened early, opening his eyes and turning to her with a loving smile. She wrapped her arms around him and he took her more slowly than he had previously. This time there was no pain other than the ache in her heart. She kissed him tenderly but it was more from pity than from passion. He deserved better, she thought, as he rolled away sighing with satisfaction. He would never know that she had cheated him of the love that he thought he had earned. She would stand by him through thick and thin and she would bear his children. Teddy would be raised as their own son, but one day, when he was old enough to understand, she might tell him the truth about his parentage, although that was a long way off. She had to live with the here and now. She must raise herself from the marriage bed and face the world like a happy young bride. Gino was already out of bed, pulling on his trousers, and he leaned over to kiss her on the lips. ‘My wife,’ he murmured, smiling into her eyes. ‘My beautiful wife. I can hardly believe that you’re mine forever, my darling.’
She pulled the sheet up to cover her nakedness and she knew she was blushing, but she was saved from answering by Teddy stirring in the wooden cot that Uncle Marco had brought over from the mainland. ‘I must see to the baby,’ she said quickly as Gino’s eyes darkened with desire.
He straightened up, turning away to fasten his breeches. ‘Of course.’ He glanced over his shoulder, his lips twisting into a wry smile. ‘Maybe we will have one of our own by next summer.’
The thought appalled her and she was shocked by her reaction to his perfectly natural wish for a child. She slid out of bed, wrapping the cotton sheet around her. ‘Not too soon, Gino.’ She tempered her words by kissing him on the cheek. ‘We need time together, and we should have a house of our own before we start a family.’ She glanced round at the tiny room beneath the rafters, which was only just large enough to house the bed, a single chest of drawers and Teddy’s cot.
Gino took her in his arms, ignoring Teddy’s cries. He held her close, running his hand down her back and tracing the curve of her buttocks with obvious pleasure. ‘You’re right, as ever, my love. But I’ll have to start earning good money before we can afford to rent even the smallest cottage.’ He released her as Teddy’s cries evolved into a full-blown howl. ‘He has the Paxman blood in him, that’s for certain. Me, I am much more easy-going. Our babies will be little angels.’ He sat down on the bed to pull on his boots, and Phoebe went to lift Teddy from his cot. He stopped crying immediately and nestled against her shoulder, sucking his thumb.
‘I can smell coffee,’ Gino said, rising to his feet. ‘I’ll bring you some, cara.’ He paused in the doorway, smiling at her. ‘Madonna and child. What a beautiful sight.’
As he left the room Phoebe buried her face in Teddy’s soft brown curls with a groan of pain. Madonna had been Rogue’s name for her, and hearing it on Gino’s lips was yet another painful reminder of love lost and beyond recall. Teddy tugged at her hair and she raised her face, smiling at him through her tears. ‘You must be hungry, poor little boy.’ She sat him on the bed while she dressed quickly before Gino could return and see her naked. Last night she had been thankful for the darkness when he had helped her disrobe. She had felt his hot breath on her neck and the way his fingers trembled as they unlaced her stays. Her cheeks flamed at the memory and she struggled with feelings of guilt. Although Gino was her husband in the sight of the church and in law, she felt that she had somehow betrayed the true husband of her heart. Rogue would be well on his way to England by now, and she was in Marco Argento’s tiny house on a small island set in a vast lake. She was in another world and here she must stay for the rest of her life. When Gino returned to the room bringing her a cup of coffee, she walked into his arms and wept on his shoulder.
‘My darling, what’s the matter? Have I hurt you in any way?’ Gino set the cup down carefully on the chest of drawers. ‘Why are you crying?’
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. ‘It must be happiness, Gino dear. Or perhaps I’m a bit tired after everything.’
He lifted her in his arms and laid her on the bed. ‘How thoughtless of me, cara. Of course you must be worn out after all the excitement yesterday, and then I kept you awake half the night.’ He paused, chuckling to himself. ‘Anyway, you must rest. Aunt Cosima will take care of the boy this morning. You get some sleep.’ He picked Teddy up and carried him from the room.
Downstairs, Phoebe could hear Aunt Cosima’s loud protests. ‘Isn’t it bad enough that you wait hand and foot on the girl, Gino? Now you want me to look after the baby. Is she too much of a lady to look after her own child? I’m not a servant, you know. Send for that other Englishwoman if you need a nursemaid for your son.’
Phoebe curled up in a ball and gave way to the flood of tears that she had been holding back since she had sent Rogue away. At last, spent with grief, she slept. When she awakened the sun was high in the sky and she could smell the savoury aroma of garlic, herbs and tomatoes wafting up the wooden staircase. She rose from the bed, dressed in her simple cotton print gown and brushed her hair, securing it in a knot at the back of her head before descending to the one room which served as living room, kitchen and sleeping quarters for Marco and Cosima.
‘Well, my lady. This is a fine time to get up. I’ve done all my chores and taken care of your son. I hope you don’t think this is going to happen every day.’ Cosima stood arms akimbo, glaring at Phoebe with overt animosity. She had treated her quite differently when her husband and Gino were present, but now she was showing her true feelings and it was not pleasant.
‘I’m sorry,’ Phoebe murmured, bending down to snatch Teddy from the floor and stop him from putting a large black beetle in his mouth. ‘It won’t happen again.’
‘Quite right it won’t,’ Cosima said angrily. ‘You will get up before Gino and make sure he has some food inside him before he goes out on the water. You will take over the cleaning as I am reaching the age when I should take things easy and you are young. And you will look after your child.’ She stared pointedly at Phoebe’s chest. ‘Gino should have married a good, study peasant girl who could have suckled her own babies. You look too puny to bear him the children he wants. That’s what comes of marrying a foreigner.’ She thrust a broom into Phoebe’s spare hand. ‘Go outside and sweep the street. Take the boy with you and make sure he doesn’t stray into the water. Or else take him to his grandmother. Lalia may be a cripple but she can watch the child.’ She went to sit by the fire and began stirring the pot containing the delicious-smelling fish stew.
Phoebe was only too glad to go outside into the warm September sunshine. She found Lalia sitting on a wooden bench set against the whitewashed wall of the adjoining house, where she rented a tiny room on the ground floor. ‘I heard it all,’ Lalia said, shaking her head. ‘That Cosima has always been a bitch. She used to make my life a misery when I was younger, but now I am too old to care what she says.’ She held out her arms. ‘Let me hold my grandson. I may not be very good on my feet, but I can keep an eye on him for you.’
Phoebe set Teddy on her lap. ‘He’s very strong now, Lalia. He wants to get down and crawl.’ She glanced at the water’s edge which was just yards away. ‘I hope we won’t be here too long. It’s a dangerous place to bring up a child.’
Lalia nod
ded in agreement. ‘But it will be some time before Gino can afford to pay the rent they demand these days. That aside, he was raised here and he didn’t come to grief in the lake.’
‘I’m probably making too much of it.’ Despite her brave words, Phoebe felt a shiver run down her spine. ‘Anyway, I’ll watch Teddy like a hawk.’
‘I don’t see much work being done.’ Cosima appeared in the doorway, holding an earthenware bowl in her hand. She stepped out of the house and set it down beside Lalia. ‘There’s your food. I’ll add the cost of feeding you onto your son’s rent. I’m not a charity.’
‘Thank you, Cosima,’ Lalia said meekly. ‘I’m very grateful to you.’
‘Well, if your husband had made provisions for his widow you wouldn’t be in this sorry state.’ Cosima eyed her coldly. ‘My Marco has seen to it that if anything happens to him I will be taken care of, and my daughters know their duty. It’s a pity your son hasn’t saved more from the money he makes in London. By now he should be able to support his old mother and a wife.’ Cosima was about to re-enter the house, but she hesitated, turning her attention once again to Phoebe. ‘You can eat later, when you’ve finished your chores. Best get on with it, my girl.’ She went inside and slammed the door.
Lalia pulled a face. ‘Let’s hope Gino gets a good catch today. He’s gone out with Marco, who’s showing him the best fishing grounds.’
Phoebe gazed over the calm and silky water. In the distance she could see small fishing boats and she wondered which one was Marco’s. Despite the fact that she had spent winters here as a young child, things had been different then and Ma had always encouraged her to think of London as her real home. She had known that when spring came they would return to Saffron Hill, and for all its squalor, disease and poverty, the East End was where she had been raised. She was a Londoner through and through, and despite the majestic grandeur of the snow-capped mountains and the picturesque beauty of the lake, Phoebe had always been afraid of the water. Even now, beneath the glassy surface, so still and serene on a fine autumn day, she could feel danger lurking.
