Finding Dr. Right (Contemporary Medical Romance)

by Lisa B. Kamps

He took a deep breath and leaned over the information desk, hoping to intimidate her with his size, wishing he had showered and changed into better clothes instead of throwing on frayed jeans and a T-shirt. Not that he would have taken the time, and not that the intimidation was working in either case. “Listen, just call up for Dr. Porter. He knows who I am.”

  “Sir, I’m sorry but —”

  Nathan slammed the flat of his hand against the desk. “Will you just call, for crying out loud?”

  “Is there something I can help with here?” The subdued voice came from behind Nathan, startling him. He turned to face a man in his late twenties, wearing blue scrubs and a lab coat. The man looked first at the woman behind the desk then at Nathan and there was a flash of recognition in the dark eyes.

  “I’m trying to see my fiancée’s son and she’s saying I’m not allowed to go up, that only immediate family is allowed.”

  “Hmm.” The man walked around the desk and glanced at the screen. “Matthew Wilson? Catherine’s son? He’s here?”

  “Yes.”

  The younger man studied Nathan a little more, his brows drawing closely together. “You’re Nathan Conners, aren’t you? I thought I recognized you.” The man grabbed a file from the desktop then looked back at Nathan. “You probably don’t remember me. Steve Murray. I was working a few months ago when Matty broke his arm.”

  “Um, yeah, okay.” Nathan couldn’t recall one way or the other and didn’t really care. “Listen, about Matty…”

  “I’ll walk you up.” Steve scribbled a notation on some papers, closed the file and tossed it back on the desk, then motioned for Nathan to follow him. “So, Catherine’s your fiancée, hmm?”

  “Uh, I…” Nathan jammed his hands into his pants pockets and shrugged. “Um, I wasn’t sure how else to —”

  “Don’t worry about it. I won’t let on.”

  Nathan followed him to a set of elevators, thankful for the man’s silence during the ride to the fifth floor. His breath hitched and the knot in his stomach grew when the doors finally opened onto a small, informal waiting room decorated in bright colors. Two corridors stretched out on either side, closed off from the waiting room by oversize wooden doors. Notices were posted on both doors, reminding visitors that a security pass was needed for entrance.

  He stepped off the elevator then hesitated, not sure where to go or what to do. Steve tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the waiting area. “Why don’t you wait over there, and I’ll go back and see what I can do.” Nathan nodded then chose an overstuffed seat, shifting uncomfortably while he waited.

  Brian walked out minutes later, a frown marring his face. Nathan rose, folded his hands in front of him, then quickly unfolded them and jammed them in his pockets. He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush when Brian approached him.

  “How’s Matty?”

  “He should be fine.”

  “Should? What’s wrong with him?”

  Brian shifted his weight from one foot to the other and studied Nathan through his glasses, the frown creasing his smooth face. “Matty has very bad pneumonia. His immune system is still weakened, so it could get worse.”

  “But I mean, it’s just pneumonia, right? That doesn’t kill anyone.” Nathan’s voice cracked. The fear he had tried so hard to push away rushed forward and swamped him, uncovering emotions and feelings he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge, had tried to ignore. He raked a hand through his hair, not surprised to see how badly it was shaking.

  “He should be fine. We’ll know more later. Nathan, are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”

  “Huh? Uh, no, I’m fine. What about Catherine? How is she?”

  “Catherine is putting on a brave face, as usual. Did you want to go back and see them?”

  “Can I? They told me downstairs that only family…”

  “Sure, come on.” Brian led the way, opening the door by swiping a card into a special reader. Nathan followed, his attention on the floor until the door closed behind him. There was a change in the atmosphere and he looked up suddenly, his footsteps faltering before he stopped.

  The corridor was painted in bright colors broken by cheerful paper decorated with different cartoon characters. The scheme was at direct odds with the hulking medical equipment that lined the hallway, and with the somber faces of visitors and staff. Nathan peered into one of the rooms and immediately wished he hadn’t. A small child was on the bed, tubes and machines hooked up to different body parts. Mechanical bleeps drifted into the hallway, sounding like a clock ticking away life’s minutes.

  Brian tugged on Nathan’s arm, pulling him farther down the hallway. “Matty’s room is down here.”

  They passed a few more doors, finally stopping at one that was partially closed. Nathan realized Brian was trying to gauge how he would react. Nathan took a deep breath and nodded, hoping he could handle whatever was behind the door.

  He wasn’t prepared and he reached out for the doorjamb to steady himself, staring at the small, still figure in the bed. He almost thought Brian had led him into the wrong room, had to look twice until the blurry image in front of him wavered then focused, turning into a shadow of the boy Nathan knew.

  Nathan released his hold on the doorjamb and took a hesitant step into the room. Catherine stood next to the hospital bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. She was so absorbed in staring at Matty that she didn’t seem to notice anything else. He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling like an intruder and wondering if he should just leave.

  “He looks so small and helpless. And I’m not even allowed to hold him.” The strangled whisper came from Catherine, hoarse and full of a mother’s desperation. Nathan hesitated again then stepped closer, narrowing the distance between them.

  “Is there anything…” Nathan’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath, not finishing the sentence.

  Catherine sensed his hesitation, looked first at Matty then at Nathan and shrugged, a tired gesture that relayed her weariness and worry. “He’s on medication. And the oxygen. If it gets too bad, he might need a ventilator. But right now, no. There’s nothing to do but wait. Just wait.”

  She turned back to the bed and stood there, looking lonely and afraid. A woman so used to doing for herself and for everyone else, a woman used to not having anyone there for her. All of Nathan’s uncertainty, all of his hesitation and doubts disappeared in less time than a heartbeat.

  He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her from behind, gently pulling her into his embrace. Catherine stiffened at first then leaned against him, allowing him to hold her. She turned and buried her face in his chest, her small shoulders shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut and held her tightly, brushed his lips against her hair. He said nothing, knowing there was nothing he could do except hold her. And he had never felt so helpless, so inadequate, before in his life.

  “Oh, God, Nathan, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.” He whispered the words in her ear, over and over as he gently rocked her. He led her to the upholstered armchair positioned near Matty’s bed, lowered himself into it then pulled Catherine onto his lap. She was as limp as a rag doll when she settled against him and tucked her head against his shoulder. All he could do was hold her and rub his hand across her back in small circles.

  Again Nathan wanted to say something, to do something, but he didn’t know what. Frustration warred with his own fear and in the end he did the only thing he could do. He held Catherine.

  And prayed.

  For the woman in his arms, and for the little boy lying helplessly in front of him — the boy who had become a son to him.

  Catherine winced at the sharp pain in her neck, fighting to stay in the safety of the darkness, knowing there was something waiting for her in the light, something she didn’t want to face. The darkness slowly gave way to grayness and she shifted again, not yet ready to confront whatever waited for her.

  “Matty!” Reality catapulted her in
to consciousness and she bolted upright, tearing herself from the shackles of sleep. Eyes wide, she frantically searched around her, fear forcing her heart to race. Matty’s flu, the pneumonia, the hospital…

  Her panicked gaze rested on the hospital bed in front of her, on the small figure tucked securely in the center. Matty’s chest rose and fell with each breath. Each clear breath. She studied the rise and fall, counting, listening.

  “He seems to be breathing a lot better,” a quiet voice whispered. Catherine’s head snapped to the right. Nathan leaned against the wall at the foot of the bed, his arms loosely crossed in front of him. His wrinkled T-shirt was only partially tucked into his faded jeans; his hair was tousled, as if he hadn’t had the time or inclination to do more than run a hand through it. Stubble covered his chin and jaw.

  Catherine remembered falling asleep in his lap, lulled by murmured words of comfort she couldn’t recall. She didn’t realize he had planned to stay with them all night, was only slightly surprised that he did. She cleared her throat and pushed herself up from the chair, fighting the stiffness that wanted to immobilize her.

  “He seems to be. Has the doctor been here yet?”

  Nathan shook his head and slowly straightened from the wall, his gaze remaining on Matty. “Just a nurse. Brian was here, then went to get some coffee. The nurse said the doctor would be in soon.” Nathan finally turned to face her, and Catherine was surprised to see the red rimming his eyes. “I thought you might need a little more sleep.”

  “Thank you. I can’t believe I slept, though.” Catherine looked back at Matty, at the steady rise and fall of his chest, and some of the fear left her. She took a deep breath and turned back to Nathan. “You don’t look like you slept much.”

  Nathan shrugged, a gesture that seemed forced somehow, too casual. “I’ll manage.”

  “But what about —” She was interrupted when the door opened behind her. Brian muttered a weary greeting as he walked into the room and placed a tray filled with large, steaming cups on a utility table against the wall. He passed the cups in silence; Catherine wrapped her hands around the warmth but made no move to sip from it, her attention riveted instead on the carefully schooled expression that masked Brian’s face.

  “Dr. Gardner is on his way in with some test results.”

  The fear that had eased only moments before flooded back. Catherine’s hands shook and she forced herself to keep hold of the cup instead of letting it fall. The normal morning sounds of a hospital floor faded, replaced by a loud buzzing in her ears.

  Don’t overreact. Take it easy. He’s fine. He’ll be fine. Catherine repeated the words over and over until they became an echo, until she could hear them whispered in her ear. Then she realized they were being whispered in her ear.

  Nathan was behind her, his hand a reassuring warmth on her shoulder. Catherine swayed and nearly leaned into him, seeking his reassurance, but stopped herself. She couldn’t fall to pieces, not now, not when she needed to be strong. His hand dropped from her shoulder when Dr. Gardner entered the room.

  An elderly man with a slight build and tufts of white hair, he was the best around. That knowledge did little to ease her anxiety as he closed the distance between them, his footsteps soft against the tiled floor. She studied his lined face, searching for a clue about what he had to say and finding none.

  The noise in the room ceased as Dr. Gardner quietly studied their faces. His gaze finally rested on Catherine’s, searching. She clamped her mouth shut and squared her shoulders, preparing to hear the worst. A hand folded around hers and she grasped it tightly, feeling strength flow into her from the touch.

  Dr. Gardner raised one bushy brow in her direction as a smile split his lined face. “Now, Catherine, really. Do I look like the specter of death to you?” Her breath hitched and she nearly choked at his words. “Matty is fine. His lungs are clearing, and he should be ready to go home tomorrow.”

  “Oh, thank God,” she murmured in a rush. Catherine swayed and would have fallen if not for Nathan behind her, supporting her. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. “Oh, thank God.”

  “I expect he may have had something to do with it,” Dr. Gardner said with a slight chuckle. He stepped closer and squeezed her shoulder before returning to Matty’s chart. “We’ll keep an eye on him for the next few hours, run a few more tests, but likely he’ll be home tomorrow, nearly good as new.”

  “Will there be complications? The cancer…”

  “Catherine, his cancer is gone and his immune system is stronger than ever. But to ease your mind, yes, we ran other tests. Except for the pneumonia, he’s a strong, healthy boy. He’s fine.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulder again then stepped away, assessing her. His glance drifted to Nathan before he spoke again. “In the meantime, you need to rest. Go home and get some sleep. Come back later. Doctor’s orders.”

  Catherine mumbled something as the doctor left. Quiet settled over the room, so different from the tense silence that had hovered over them earlier. Brian let out a deep breath and offered a wavering smile.

  “I knew it would be good news.” His hoarse voice betrayed him and Catherine gave him a look saying she didn’t believe him, then stepped away from Nathan to hug Brian.

  “Thank you, Brian, but I know better.” Brian patted her back awkwardly before she turned to face Nathan. There were so many things she needed to say. She swallowed and offered him a nervous smile, taking a step toward him. The blank expression on his face stopped her; the look of fear in his eyes confused her.

  “Nathan?”

  “Hmm?” He shook his head as if pulling himself from a daze and stared at her with unfocused watery eyes. She watched several unnamed emotions flash through the amber depths before a forced grin appeared on his face. “I’m glad everything’s okay.” The pained grin quickly disappeared and he made a show of looking at his watch. “I, um, I need to get going. Tell Matty I’ll catch up with him later.”

  Catherine stared after him as he walked out the door, not understanding his sudden departure. She may have called his name, but she wasn’t sure. The only thing she knew for certain was that he was gone. She took a step forward then stopped, feeling a sense of déjà vu as she stared at the closed door. This had happened once before, not so long ago, when she had asked him to leave, when she had denied what was between them.

  It had been a mistake then, she knew that now. A mistake on her part, born out of pride and fear. Pride, because she didn’t want to admit she needed someone. Fear, because she didn’t want to take the chance of being hurt or rejected.

  Catherine turned and stared at Matty, sleeping peacefully, breathing easily. Her son, who had been hurt in so many ways but never let it stop him. Her son, who knew the consequences of taking chances but wasn’t afraid to take them anyway.

  A smile crossed her face as she stepped closer to the bed and smoothed back the hair on his forehead. Tears welled in her eyes as a small smile fluttered on his lips in his sleep, and she leaned forward to place a tender kiss on his cheek.

  Catherine faced Brian, who was looking at her in bewilderment. “Will you stay with Matty in case he wakes up?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to take a chance.”

  Nathan yanked open the center storage console and dug through it, searching for his sunglasses. Papers, CDs and assorted junk spilled out, but no sunglasses. He balled a fist and slammed it on the steering wheel.

  “Dammit!” He hit the steering wheel again then slumped back in the seat, drained. This had nothing to do with not being able to find his sunglasses and he knew it. He took a deep breath, hoping to calm his racing heart. It didn’t work.

  He was scared, beyond scared. Seeing Matty upstairs, helpless, the fear that had gripped him before the doctor had said everything was fine. A shudder went through him. At least Matty was going to be okay.

  No parent should ever have to go through
that kind of fear and pain. Especially alone. But Catherine wasn’t alone. She had Brian to lean on, to support her if she needed it.

  A tightness gripped him beneath the breastbone and he rubbed at it painfully, trying to ease it, chalking it up to heartburn from that awful coffee. The excuse rang false to his own mind, but the truth sounded so shallow.

  He had wanted Catherine to lean on him, to take the support he had offered. He had wanted to share his own fear with her, tell her he understood and was there for her. There had been a minute when they were supporting each other and drawing from each other’s strength.

  That moment disappeared when she went to Brian. He hadn’t heard what she said to him, was still too shaken with relief from the good news to pay attention to much else besides keeping his own emotions in check.

  Nathan knew they were friends, that they had been together through so much; there was nothing wrong with friends comforting friends. But the reality that she would never need him, that there was no place in her life for him, disappointed him.

  He rubbed at his chest again. Disappointed, hell. Admit it, he thought. You were hurt, still are. And now he was sounding like a jealous fool, for crying out loud. The only thing that mattered was Matty, and the fact that he was fine.

  Nathan blinked his eyes against the gritty film that covered them. When that didn’t work, he rubbed them with his thumbs, pushing in until white dots flashed across his closed lids. He must be more tired than he thought, if his eyes were watering and itching so much.

  So what the hell was he doing, still sitting in the emergency room parking lot? He shook his head and jammed the keys in the ignition, hit the gas pedal too hard. He ran his hands across his face and through his hair then put the truck in Reverse. He needed to go home, get back to reality, to figure out what the hell he was going to do after the season ended.

  A shadow to his left caught his attention a split second before he heard a loud rap on the driver’s window. The noise startled him more than it should have, enough that if the truck had been a stick shift, it would have stalled. Instead, the truck eased back an inch before he slammed it into Park with a curse. He turned and saw Catherine staring at him through the window, a look of worry on her face. His heart raced even faster as he hit the button and lowered the window.