When it came to Coy, Law had a million secrets. Some were his. Others were Coy’s. One they shared—nightmares. He didn’t know why Coy came to him that first time. Considering he’d never tried to endear himself to Coy, it made no sense for Coy to comfort him. Law thought about that night all the time.
A cold sweat coated Law’s skin. Rapid breaths filled the air. His lungs burned, and his heartbeat pounded in his ears. A light tapping finally caught his attention. Law rushed across the room and tore open the door. Coy stood on the other side, wearing nothing except workout shorts. He rubbed his arm and shifted from foot to foot. It couldn’t have been more obvious he didn’t expect a warm welcome.
“Are you okay?”
Law nodded, feeling a bit stupid. “I had a bad dream. Sorry if I woke you.” He couldn’t even remember now what the dream had been about, but the horrible feeling something terrible happened still lingered. Law scrubbed his hand over his face and glanced down the hall. Coy’s bedroom door stood open, but it was too far away for Coy to have heard him.
As if Coy read his mind, he shifted nervously again. “Sometimes I pace the hall. Nightmares,” he added with a humorless smile.
Law stepped back and waved Coy inside. “Maybe if we keep each other company, we’ll get tired again eventually.”
Coy eased into the room, looking unsure of Law’s plan. “I’m already so tired I can’t think, but I still can’t sleep.”
He was so... sweet. Law wished ugliness had never brushed Coy’s life. He might be jaded, but Law wasn’t heartless. Law wanted Coy to have such a beautiful life he forgot ugliness existed. Law headed for the bed. “How about this?” He straightened the covers and then turned them down. “You get some sleep and I’ll watch over you.”
Coy’s gaze moved from the bed to Law. “What about you?”
The black smudges beneath Coy’s eyes said he needed the rest more than Law. “I’m good. Maybe next time, you can watch over me.” He only added that last part to get Coy to agree. Law didn’t need anyone.
“How about this instead?” Coy crawled onto the bed, settling on the opposite side. He grabbed a few pillows and made a line down the mattress. “Now you can join me without fear I’ll molest you.”
A bark of laughter escaped Law without warning. “First off, I’m not worried you’ll molest me. Secondly, if you were set on taking advantage of me, I don’t think pillows would stop anything.” Even as he argued, Law climbed into bed with Coy. As ridiculous as the situation was, Law was oddly happy. Law played a lot of roles around Baker Ranch. None of them were intimate. In fact, it was important he stay detached from everyone. Law liked it that way. Coy made it impossible not to care.
As Coy settled into his spot, Law tucked him in. Even he didn’t know why he couldn’t stop fussing over Coy. Maybe it made him feel better about his weaknesses. Coy looked even younger, unguarded with nothing but the soft light of a tiny lamp in the corner.
“Is it okay if we leave that light on?”
Law curled onto his side, facing Coy. “I never turn it off,” he admitted. After years of never knowing if he’d find himself attacked in the middle of the night, Law couldn’t sleep in the dark. At some point, it became habit. They had a lot in common. Maybe all their common ground was bad, but Law knew they wouldn’t judge each other.
Coy’s eyes fell closed. His breathing deepened. Law didn’t look away. The constant flutter in his chest worried him a bit. Still, his eyes never budged.
“Law?”
Law’s breath caught at Coy’s sweet tone. His eyes didn’t open, and Law didn’t know if Coy was awake or searching for him in his sleep. The thought alone punched him in the chest.
“Yeah?” he whispered, hoping not to wake him.
“It’s okay if you go back to hating me in the morning. I understand.”
A lump rose in Law’s throat, choking him. It hurt his heart, knowing how easily Coy believed he wasn’t worthy of anything. Not even someone’s friendship. “I don’t hate you.” The words came too late. Coy’s features had softened into sleep.
The phone buzzed on Law’s chest, pulling him from his memories. His heart raced as he scrambled to open his messages.
Coy: I had a nightmare.
Law: Can I come to you?
Coy: I’m already in a cab.
Law: You know where to find me.
Right where he’d always be, waiting on Coy to need him. The twenty minutes it took for Coy to arrive felt more like hours. The moment the door quietly opened, Law rolled onto his side and lifted the covers, inviting Coy to join him. Coy dumped his phone and keys on the dresser, toed off his shoes, and tossed off his shirt before climbing under the covers. As one, they scooted closer until Law cradled Coy’s back against his chest. Without thought, he dropped his mouth to Coy’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to his skin. He froze as he realized what he’d done, but he didn’t move away. His fingers found Coy’s hair. He stroked, hoping to soothe away any lingering ugliness.
“I’m sorry.”
Coy’s apology caught Law off guard. “Why?”
He felt Coy shrug. “Because I can’t stop leaning on you. I know I’ll need to find a new way to cope. It’s just that none of that shit my counselor suggested works for me. Sometimes I can’t breathe at night. I don’t want Jonah to know how fucked up I am.”
Law’s lips skimmed Coy’s shoulder again. “You’re not fucked up.”
Coy snorted.
Law couldn’t stop kissing the man’s shoulder. “You’re not. I’m fucked up. You’re still trying.” Law had given up years ago, but his heart kept beating, keeping a dead body and soul alive. Coy’s soft skin made Law wish for things he’d never have. His lips moved to Coy’s neck. “Don’t stop showing up. Okay?”
Coy didn’t respond right away. When he did, his voice sounded strained. “One of these nights, you won’t be alone, and I’ll have to stop.”
Law held Coy tighter. “I’ll always be alone.”
“Why?”
The instant knot in Law’s gut proved how unprepared he’d been for the question. “Why do you have nightmares?”
“You don’t want to know that.”
Law did, but he also didn’t care to admit why no one would ever want him. “Get some sleep. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
He felt Coy nod. “I know.”
At the conviction in Coy’s tone, Law’s eyes fell closed. Eventually, Coy would find someone else. He’d find a real man who would keep him safe. That guy would make love to Coy and soothe away his fears, ensuring he felt cherished. Law would go back to being alone. He wasn’t sure it wouldn’t kill him when that day came.
Six
After stripping down to only his jeans, Law slipped back into bed with Coy. He’d managed to sneak away without disturbing Coy long enough to assign duties for the day and find Coy the essentials for when he woke up—a toothbrush and whatnot. Law had been more than a little worried Coy would wake up while he was gone and leave before Law made it back. He didn’t want to miss this. Watching Coy sleep was one of his favorite pastimes. Most people softened in their sleep, looking younger. Not Coy. His expression turned wicked—like being bad was his natural state. Law couldn’t get enough.
As he settled down into his spot, Coy rolled his way. Law didn’t hesitate to offer his chest as a pillow. Coy’s hand slid across Law’s stomach. Law closed his eyes and savored the sensation. Years ago, he’d come to terms with spending his life alone, but human touch was something everyone needed. He’d been starved of that contact for a long time. Before he got to fully enjoy the moment, Coy shot up.
After bolting upright, Coy blinked at his surroundings before focusing on Law. His confused expression didn’t clear.
“What time is it?”
“Ten.”
Coy blinked a few more times. “In the morning?”
An unexpected smile snapped to Law’s lips. “Yes.”
“Why aren’t you working?”
Law
sat up, snagged Coy’s waist, and rolled, leaving Coy no other choice but to lie back down. “I’m taking the day off.”
“Seriously?” Obviously recognizing how disbelieving he sounded, Coy tried backpedaling. “I mean, you never miss work. Do you even take days off? I’ve never seen it.”
“You’re seeing it now,” Law said with a chuckle.
Coy stroked the arm Law had wrapped around him. Law held tighter. “What made you decide to suddenly become a lay-about?”
“This,” Law answered honestly.
Coy glanced over his shoulder. “Why? You don’t even like me.”
Law couldn’t fight his eye roll. “You know that’s not true.” Even to his ears, Law sounded sad. There was no way Coy truly believed that.
He felt the fight drain from Coy. Coy relaxed into his hold.
“I can’t believe I slept so late.”
Just like last night, Law couldn’t stop his lips from finding Coy’s nape. “You needed the rest,” Law said against Coy’s skin. Chill bumps rose beneath his lips. God, he wished he couldn’t feel. He couldn’t stop. Law ran his knuckles down Coy’s arm. His teeth scraped Coy’s nape. It was out of his control. He heard Coy’s breath catch. The goosebumps seemed to double. Coy made him feel powerful. He didn’t want to lose this feeling. Law knew he couldn’t keep it. That didn’t stop him.
“You confuse me.”
Coy’s breathless tone was hot. “I know.” He rolled away. “I’m sorry.”
Coy reached behind him, blindly grabbing for Law. “I didn’t say I wanted you to stop.”
Even though he knew he should leave Coy in peace, Law molded against Coy’s back again like he was meant to fit there. His lips found Coy’s skin, incapable of being elsewhere. He palmed Coy’s hip. Every breath Law took came harder than the last until he sounded like he’d raced to get there. With no input from his brain, Law’s hand found its way inside Coy’s workout shorts. Coy’s back arched. Law’s mouth opened over the side of Coy’s neck. He sucked as his fingers closed around Coy’s erection. The hunger was real. Law had never wished or wanted so hard in his life. He had one option—to pleasure Coy. Law had nothing else. He told himself this would be enough. After today, he’d give up this dream and let Coy find happiness. He’d stop confusing Coy and giving him hope. He’d let go.
Coy moved against Law’s hand, unashamed and openly taking his pleasure. Moans vibrated from Coy’s chest and slammed into Law’s heart. Law shoved Coy’s shorts lower, giving himself more freedom to work before reclaiming Coy’s cock. He stroked. Coy reached over his head and held Law in place against his neck. Law didn’t let up. He sucked and bit even as he pumped, bringing Coy closer to the edge. A fine sheen of sweat rose on Coy’s skin. His muscles tensed. Law squeezed his eyes closed and committed every minute detail to memory. Coy’s breaths left him, sounding like a shot. Law fought for air as if the pleasure was his. Coy’s body jerked in his hold. A cry escaped him. Law held on, massaging Coy’s dick even after the last drop of cum fell. He kissed the shell of Coy’s ear, savoring the sound of Coy’s ragged breathing.
“Thank you.”
A sexy-sounding chuckle escaped Coy, caressing Law’s ears. “For what? I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should be thanking you.”
No. He shouldn’t. One day, sooner rather than later, Coy would hate him for this moment. A moment he’d stolen something that didn’t belong to him and never would. Coy would remember how Law gave him every reason to believe they’d be together, only to walk away.
“You give me more than you could ever know,” Law confessed. He rolled from the bed before Coy responded. Law headed for the bathroom, avoiding his reflection as he wet a washcloth with warm water and grabbed a towel. He didn’t need to look at himself to see the devastation. Law felt the wreckage. He kept his gaze locked on his hands and task as he cleaned Coy’s skin and straightened Coy’s clothes. This was the only time he’d get to show his love for Coy, and Law’s heart knew it. That ridiculous organ begged Law to hang on to Coy, not let him slip away.
“I found you an unopened toothbrush while you were asleep. You can take a shower if you want and I’ll take you home afterward.”
Coy touched his arm. Law’s gaze shot to Coy’s without his brain’s permission. The flush on Coy’s cheeks made the blue of his eyes seem even lighter. Law’s throat swelled. Coy looked trusting—like Law would never hurt him. Yet all Law ever did was hurt him. “Are you okay?”
Despite the pains in his chest, Law smiled. He brushed his knuckles down Coy’s jaw because he had to touch him. “Yes. I just don’t want you to take another cab.” No one knew how much that lie cost him. He’d pretended to be okay his whole life. This one time, it was harder than all the others combined.
With a nod, Coy sat up. “I’ll take a shower at Jonah’s.”
Law moved away, tossing the towel and washcloth in the laundry basket before retrieving Coy’s shirt from the floor. He fought the urge to bring it to his nose before handing it Coy’s way. Before Coy, Law hadn’t realized a person’s scent could be addicting. While Coy brushed his teeth, Law found a shirt and socks. Side by side, they readied to leave. It felt like the last time. In his heart, Law recognized he’d never get to hold Coy again. If Coy had another nightmare, he wouldn’t call. On the drive to Jonah’s, Law kept the radio turned off, savoring the final minutes of Coy. Without a single qualm, he held Coy’s hand. Law knew—later—Coy would resent everything about this day, so he didn’t deny himself. One more mistake wouldn’t change anything. After parking in front of Jonah’s, Law circled the truck and opened Coy’s door. It would be the last time he got to show his love in some small way. He didn’t want to miss out.
“Do you need a ride to work tonight?” Law asked over his shoulder as he headed for the porch.
“Jonah has been letting me use his car. I just didn’t want to take it last night without him knowing,” Coy said as he trailed behind him. When Law reached Jonah’s front door, he turned. He didn’t want to go. Coy stared at his feet, keeping his expression and feelings hidden.
“John’s lawyer, Brad, asked me to lunch tomorrow.” Coy looked nervous—like he didn’t know how Law would react. He chewed his bottom lip as if he expected Law would explode. It made Law sad to think about how Coy had been treated in the past—how he’d been trained to always expect the worst of everyone. He imagined Coy half expected to get hit over such a confession.
“You should go.” The words were fire lashing at Law’s throat.
Coy flinched as if he had been hit. He looked away. “Oh.” Coy swiped his palms on his shorts while looking in every direction except Law’s. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”
A voice in Law’s head screamed no. That wasn’t what he wanted. Thankfully, his mouth showed common sense. “I’ve met Brad. He seems like a nice guy.” Law swallowed. There was no sense in pretending they were real. “Besides, I can’t give you the life you deserve. You’re young. You should be with someone who can keep up with you.”
Coy snorted. His laughing gaze swung Law’s way. “You work more than anyone I’ve ever met. I can’t keep up with you. Don’t tell me this is about age,” Coy said, showing a surge of bravery. “You of all people should know I’m closer to eighty at heart. Life killed my youth a long time ago.”
A growl rose in Law’s throat. “I’m not talking about age. Although that is off-putting. I mean, I’m old enough to be your dad.”
To his surprise, a bright smile lit Coy’s face. “I don’t think you need to worry anyone will believe that.”
Despite the situation, a soft chuckle escaped Law. His fingers found Coy’s without thought. The moment they touched, Law brought Coy’s hand to his mouth. His eyes slipped closed as Law kissed Coy’s fingertips. He’d never felt anything like he did for Coy. That was why he had to be honest and set him free. Law’s eyes opened. His heart shattered as he saw his feelings returned in Coy’s stare. “You’re the greatest person I know. That’s why I want you to be
happy, even though I know it won’t be with me.” He sucked in a deep breath and let the truth fly. “I’m impotent.”
Coy’s eyebrows drew together in a frown. “Okay. What does that have to do with anything?”
A shot of longing so intense it nearly brought Law to his knees hit Law in the gut. He knew, because Coy was an amazing person, Coy truly believed Law’s impotence wouldn’t matter. It would. It always did eventually. Law kissed Coy’s fingers again and released him. “I love you.” Law had no qualms with admitting as much. “Go to lunch with Brad. Be happy. I want that for you.” No matter how much it killed him.
“Don’t do that to me.”
The deep betrayal in Coy’s voice confused Law. “Do what?”
Coy’s gorgeous eyes flashed with fire. “Don’t tell me you love me and turn me away in the same sentence. That’s cruel.”
Everything about this was unfair. There was an invisible weight crushing Law’s chest and throat. He held Coy’s stare and inched closer. Coy didn’t back down. He tilted his chin up, openly daring Law to make a move. Law’s fingers brushed Coy’s jaw. It happened with no thought. As long as Coy was within touching distance, Law would touch him. That was why he needed to stay away. He dipped his head and captured Coy’s lips. It was the sweetest clinging of lips. Law’s eyes stung. This life, it was hell. Law’s entire being burned with desire and no amount of gut-wrenching want would make his body work right. He’d learned over the years how to bring himself to climax, but he’d never be able to make love to Coy. Coy might think that wasn’t important, but—eventually—he’d miss having someone inside him. There would always be a part of him that would be restless and unfulfilled. Law couldn’t do that to Coy because he hadn’t lied. He loved Coy.
With his eyes squeezed shut, Law pulled away and pressed his forehead to Coy’s. He held Coy’s face between his hands while committing the moment to memory. For a little while, he’d gotten to pretend Coy could be his. Coy would never understand how huge of a gift he’d given Law by letting him dream. Coy would go to Brad. He would be happy, and Law would accept it. Law tore his hands away. His heart screamed so loud in denial, Law wondered if he’d go deaf. He jumped behind the wheel of his truck and drove away before he ruined Coy’s life. Someday, Coy would recognize he’d narrowly escaped a hellish life. Unfortunately, Law already knew he’d narrowly missed out on heaven.
Sugar Enemy: Sugar Daddies #10 Page 5
