by Martina Cole
‘No, I can’t, where can we go?’
‘In the bedroom, I was just going in meself.’
Nick walked into the room and noticed it was tidy for once.
‘You got a cleaner now then?’
Frankie grinned.
‘Have I fuck. It’s been a slow day, that’s all. Now, what can I do you for?’
It was said with sly innuendo but Nick wasn’t listening, he was already cutting a few lines on the dressing table. He knew he should not be here, that he was taking a big chance once again, but he couldn’t help it. Frankie was like a drug to him and they both knew it.
Especially Frankie who saw this man as a meal ticket that, if treated properly, could feed them all for years.
‘Come on, get your kecks off, I’m in a hurry.’
’Ain’t you always?’
Nick didn’t laugh, he was too busy snorting.
Kerr was talking to Tyrell now and answering his questions about the notes Willy had made. Willy got them all a drink and Tyrell was once more amazed when both boys said they wanted hot chocolate. He had expected a row with them for his Bacardi.
Willy had made him a Bacardi and Coke, nice and strong, and Tyrell sipped it slowly. The alcohol was needed by this time. They had put Kiss on now, and the music was soothing in the background. Tyrell glanced at the TV screen and watched 50 Cent ‘Pimp’ strutting his stuff. Give him Bob Marley or Eddie Grant any day.
‘So Justin could easily be in this rat house then?’
Kerr nodded.
‘He could be, but like I say, man, no one’s seen him since . . .’
His voice trailed off.
Tyrell said gently, ‘Kerr, just tell me what you know. Don’t be afraid, OK? I will not blame you no matter what I hear, I promise on Sonny’s grave.’
Kerr looked at Willy, who nodded sagely.
‘Did Sonny go to the rat house with Justin?’
Kerr nodded again.
‘He started to go there a lot more often in the last weeks before he died.’
Tyrell dropped his head down on to his chest; this was so painful to listen to.
‘Have you ever been there?’
Kerr nodded, ashamed and embarrassed to admit the fact.
‘But they didn’t like me, see? They could see I hated it there so they stopped taking me. The big man said I was useless and laughed at me.’
It was said deadly seriously and Tyrell took a deep breath before saying, ‘ ’Course you didn’t like it, mate. No one would.’
Willy and Kerr looked at one another strangely and Tyrell, picking up the signals from them, said: ‘What’s going on?’
‘Tell him, Kerr.’
The big boy waved his arms as if warding off evil.
‘You have to tell him, Willy, you promised me.’
He took a deep breath before saying, ‘You sure you want the truth, Tyrell?’
He nodded, wondering what they were going to tell him next.
Willy wiped his nose with the back of his hand before saying loudly, ‘Sonny went to the rat house a lot because the man who took him there liked him and Sonny liked the man.’
Tyrell was looking quizzically at the boy as he took in what he was saying.
‘You what? What are you trying to tell me?’
Willy licked his lips nervously before he continued.
‘The man he was seeing . . . we don’t know his name, but Sonny was going out with him like . . . Kerr said they were together a lot. Sonny told him all about it. Said he was going to get a flat to live in and money to keep himself like.’
Tyrell was still staring at the two boys in astonishment.
‘What are you on about? Are you telling me my Sonny was with an old bloke through choice?’
Willy nodded.
‘Yeah, he met him when he was still new to it all. They like them new, the older men. And from what Kerr said they got on really well and Sonny was mental on him, said he was in love and that this man loved him and had promised to take care of him always.’
Tyrell heard the words but was convinced he was having aural hallucinations. This had to be wrong, there was no way his son was like that. They had to have got it all wrong. It was bad enough finding out his boy had flogged his arse, but to find out he actually liked it?
Was willing to accept money. To be kept.
He looked at Kerr. The boy didn’t have it in him to make up something like that, Tyrell’s sensible side was telling him that much. If this was true, though, he had never known the boy he called his son. Could never really have known him.
He just thought he did.
‘Tyrell?’
He looked up at Willy, and then his eyes were stinging with tears and for all the world it felt like he was going to die of grief all over again.
‘Kerr says he saw the man with Sonny a few times. He didn’t see him close up or nothing, but he knew they weren’t hiding it. At least, Sonny wasn’t.’
Willy watched all the changing expressions on Tyrell’s face and then without being asked started to build him a joint.
Tammy had had what was for her a good night. Now, though, she was home and the house felt completely empty. It was strange but all the time Angela had been there and a thorn in her side, she had never felt like she did now, coming home to this enormous place and being completely alone.
How had Angela stood it?
She had spent half her time here on her Jacksy, and it must have been horrible.
As Tammy walked into the kitchen the sheer size of it was enough to make her nervous. She walked over to the cellar door and pushed the bolt across. It was nearly 2.30, early for her but she had cabbed it home because no one who was anyone was out. Her mates had been excited about the day before and had made all the right noises. They all bored her rigid in the end.
She made her way upstairs after part-setting the alarm so it was on downstairs. She hoped Nick would not set it off as usual when he finally strolled home. In the bedroom she stripped off her clothes and left them on a chair, then she dumped all her jewellery on the dressing table including her wedding and eternity rings. Putting on a silk kimono-type dressing gown, she poured herself another iced vodka and put the TV on. She climbed into the big comfortable bed and opened the bedside cabinet to get out a bottle of Night Nurse. There was nothing like it to send you to sleep when you had coked yourself out. Tammy had trouble getting the lid off and her language was ripe as she wondered aloud how old people managed to get the stuff out of the bottle in the first place. She swigged the bitter green fluid straight from the bottle, hating the acrid taste as it coated her mouth like oil, then finally she lay back to watch TV.
As usual she lost herself in Will and Grace and The Golden Girls. She didn’t know what she would do without her Sky Plus. She taped all the soaps but it was these comedies she loved most. She was just drifting off when she felt Nick climb into bed beside her.
She turned to face him, feeling the familiar size of him in the bed. As she cuddled into him she froze, then sitting bolt upright screamed out, ‘Who you been with?’
Nick was lying there looking at her as if she was mad. She could see he was out of his head and that for some reason made her madder than ever.
‘I can smell you, Nick. You’ve been with one of your fucking whores!’
She was out of the bed now and he knew this could turn into an all-nighter if he wasn’t careful. But she was right, he could smell himself now. It was so strong, why had he not noticed it before?
Tammy was crying as she shouted at him.
‘Who is she? Do I know her? Is she one of me mates?’
‘Don’t be so paranoid, Tammy. I swear to God there is no other woman in my life, on my mother’s life.’
‘What’s wrong with me, Nick, why can’t you make love to me any more?’
She was always so dramatic. He wondered what film she had taken that phrase from. He jumped from the bed and went to the en-suite bathroom. Turning the shower on, he said nastil
y, ‘I have been in these clothes since this morning and what you think is the smell of another woman is actually from where I was lifting gear to store with Billy Clarke. It’s sweat, love, that’s all, and when I have had this shower I am going back to that bed to sleep, all right? One more word out of you, Tammy, and I am going to punch you one.’
‘You fucking lying wanker!’
She was in the bathroom now, wide awake despite the Night Nurse, running on pure adrenaline.
‘Where you been? I want to know once and for all, Nick.’
He stepped from the shower. He had soaped himself quickly and now, feeling cleaner and less guilty, walked back into the bedroom and poured them both a drink.
‘If I tell you where I was, you have to swear you won’t tell your mates, right?’
She nodded, but he could see the cynical expression on her face.
‘Come on then, let’s hear it. It must be bad if you need another drink to tell me about it.’
‘I done Mackie tonight, with a claw hammer.’
His words stopped her in her tracks as he knew they would.
‘You what?’
‘Remember when Stevie came round here a while back?’
She nodded, frightened now of what he was going to say.
’And you know Mackie’s married to Stevie’s sister?’
She nodded once more.
‘Well, Gary Proctor tried to nonce their boy - that’s what Stevie wanted to see me about. We sorted it, but instead of keeping schtum about his boy being raped, Mackie was telling all and sundry. So tonight I shut the fucker up once and for all because we done Gary, see? That was why he died.’
Nothing Tammy had thought to hear could have had more of an effect on her than her husband’s shocking story. And she knew it was true. Nick was telling her the truth for once.
‘Gary raped a boy?’
Her voice was shaking with shock and revulsion.
Nick nodded tiredly.
’As good as. Didn’t know who he was, see? The boy didn’t say about Stevie being his uncle because, bless him, he wanted to get a DJ’s job on his own merits, not because his uncle was a certified bank robber. So now you know why I smell like I do. It’s sweat and a bonfire. I done Mackie with a claw hammer and there was blood spattered all over me clobber so I burned it at the yard. I threw him through his bedroom window, Tammy. He’s probably crippled. At least, I hope he is anyway.’
Nick grinned then.
‘I don’t know what kind of birds you hang about with, Tammy, but if they smell like this then I pity them.’
There was no answering smile.
‘So you really did Proctor then?’
‘You know I did. But it was with just cause, as I have just explained to you. Now can we get into bed and go to fucking sleep because I am knackered?’
He looked so cold and unmoved standing there, it occurred to her then that he really was a dangerous man. That was his rep but until tonight he had also been her husband, her other half. He looked frightening now. She wondered if it was because for the first time in years they were in the house alone. Their fights had been subdued or even stopped by his mother’s intervention. Now she was gone it was just them and the thing Tammy had always wanted was not making her as happy as she had believed it would. In fact it made her nervous because it had finally sunk in that Nick didn’t love her at all. He didn’t love anyone.
He didn’t know how to.
She climbed into bed with him but didn’t try and cuddle him this time even though she knew he would let her. He liked a cuddle did Nick. Years before when they had had a sex life he had cuddled for England, and it had taken a while before she realised it was because he lost his erection quickly and would talk to her and make her laugh to take her mind off it.
Now, though, for the first time ever, she knew that if he came near her she would push him away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tyrell sat in his kitchen after a sleepless night. The boys had slept like logs, were still asleep. Every now and then he popped his head around the door to check on them. Kerr snuffled in his sleep and it reminded Tyrell of Sonny. He had snored quietly as well.
It was thoughts of Sonny that were keeping him awake. He glanced at his watch. Nearly six o’clock. He was going to slip out soon and do a bit more investigating on his own. The traffic was getting louder and more frequent now. The day was beginning for so many people, all going about their lives hopefully without the knowledge about their closest relations that he had. Every time he had tried to close his eyes he was tortured by images of his son with that man. What kind of monster bought himself a young boy? What kind of man dragged a young boy down into the gutter?
And maybe more to the point: what kind of young boy wanted it to happen?
Tyrell poured himself more coffee and sipped it lazily as he dragged on his cigarette. Normally he liked this time of the morning, liked the feeling of a new day starting. Today, though, he wished he could lie down and never get up again.
He tried to picture his other sons sleeping, tried to visualise their little heads on their pillows and their chests moving confidently in and out as they dreamed only of good things. Why was it some people seemed to be blessed while others seemed to be put on this earth only to be hurt or to hurt others?
His mother believed in God, he was a certainty to her, a woman who had never left her own home for years. Even her beloved grandson’s burial couldn’t move her from that house. She was a good person, meant well, needed her family around her. He never wanted her to know what he had found out about her Sonny Boy, he was sure it would be the end of her. She would understand it less than he did, and he was trying hard.
If it had been with a boy his own age, Tyrell could have taken that, it would not have bothered him. But knowing this big love affair came about through rent-boying just didn’t wash with him. There was more to it all than Kerr and poor Willy Lomax knew, he could feel it.
’Are you OK?’
It was Willy, standing in the doorway.
Tyrell nodded, wishing the boy out of his life even as he felt responsible for him.
‘Do you want some coffee?’
The boy shook his head. Instead he picked up Tyrell’s cigarettes and lit one. ‘I prefer tea in the mornings.’ He laughed as he said it. ‘Hark at me! Anyone would think I had a choice in the matter.’
‘Well, you have this morning anyway.’
Tyrell put the kettle on and dug around in the cupboard for tea bags, all the time wondering when the boy would go away again and leave him alone.
Willy sensed his feelings and said gently, ‘We’ll be gone by this afternoon.’
Tyrell closed his eyes tightly before turning to the boy and saying lightly, ‘You’re OK.’
Willy raised his eyebrows sceptically.
‘Honestly, Willy. Anyway, I want you to come to the rat house with me. Give me the lowdown on who goes in there.’
Willy shrugged and puffed on his Marlboro Light.
‘Whatever.’
Tyrell could see how hard it was for the boy to act as if he wasn’t bothered about what happened to him now, but he could also see the relief in his eyes at the thought of another night or two in the warmth.
‘Do you want some breakfast?’
Willy nodded happily.
‘Then make yourself something. I have to slip out for a while.’
Tyrell picked up his coffee and as he left the kitchen, said quietly, ’And clean up after you, right?’
‘ ’Course I will. Can I make something for Kerr?’
Tyrell raised his eyes to the ceiling. As if he would say no. Why did the boy check everything out like he did? He answered tersely.
‘Of course you can, don’t be daft. I’m hardly going to say no, am I?’
Willy shrugged once more, his ‘I am hard’ trademark shrug, and said stoutly, ‘You’d be surprised.’
Tyrell left the room then before he lost his temper.
But he
knew in his heart what was wrong with him. He didn’t like the fact this boy had lumped him in with all the other people who had used him in his life.
Nick was feeling good. He didn’t know why or how considering all he had drunk and snorted over the last few days, but he did. He was high, naturally high, and jumped from the bed eagerly before wandering downstairs to the kitchen in search of breakfast. Tammy was already up and that surprised him. In the kitchen she was reading the Daily Mail and sipping black coffee. He opened the fridge and saw that there was hardly anything in it except beer and fresh orange juice.
