Remorse filled him just as much as a sense of betrayal where Carla was concerned. But there was also a shocking disappointment in the answer he’d actually gotten from Leigh.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Beth asked on the other end of the phone from her home up in Cambria. This morning an urgent board meeting had come up for the day after tomorrow, so she’d been taking care of out-of-state travel arrangements for him. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from pouring this out to her, though.
“Yes,” he said. “I’m getting everything I set out to get from her.” So why did it all feel so empty?
The thought wounded him, a self-inflicted injury, because neither of them was supposed to care. Or maybe it was just Carla’s ghostly voice beating him up from the inside out. Didn’t you tell me that I would be the only one, forever...?
She’d never said those words to him in real life. It was merely his guilt talking. So why did it always sound so real?
Unfortunately, guilt was what ruled him because, for the first time, he’d been beyond attracted to a woman who wasn’t his wife. He’d never been so confused, hating himself for the wrenching sense of disloyalty that pressed down on him.
He’d played his games, all right, trying to fulfill the needs of his body while keeping his emotions out of it. He’d been so sure he’d held a winning hand the whole time that it stunned him to be trumped by his own feelings.
Beth had been restraining herself from offering any opinions, but he knew what she wanted to say.
“You told me so,” he whispered. “Go ahead, give it to me.”
“No.” Her voice was thick. “I’m not going to add to what we both know will come next with you.”
The dark mood.
“I can tell you’re already worse than usual,” she said. “Why don’t you say what you’re honestly feeling, Adam? Tell me that you’re falling for her.”
“I haven’t. I won’t.” He could turn all his emotions off again, just as he’d done when “cowboy Adam” had heard Leigh’s casual comment about what Callum meant to her.
“Adam,” Beth said. “Goddamn it, when’re you going to finally get over this?”
“Are you talking about mourning Carla?”
“Yes. Because it can’t go on forever.”
But he’d promised Carla forever.
By her bedside, holding her frail hand, a weak smile on her face as he tried not to hold too hard. She obviously knew she was about to go, that she was seeing him for the last time, and she’d been attempting not to cry.
Still, there was a tear that didn’t know any better, and it slid down her cheek, tearing him apart.
“Adam...”
As her voice faded off, he thought of never hearing her say his name again, and he pressed her hand to his cheek. His own wet cheek. He wanted her to know that he would always be hers, wanted her to leave him feeling loved.
“I promise you, Carla, you’ll be the only one I’ll love. Stay with me a little longer, though, okay? Don’t make me think about things like that until...”
But she’d already left him, and as the serrated memory knifed him now, even though she’d never made him promise such a thing, he knew that he could never go through the pain of loss again with anyone. So, really, Leigh had done him a favor by letting “Adam” know what Callum really was to her. Leigh was a sweet, compassionate woman, but that was where it ended.
And that was a good thing.
So why was he sitting here in the darkest mood he’d ever experienced since Carla had died? “Adam?” Beth’s voice. “Did you hear me? The mourning can’t continue.”
He gripped the steering wheel. It wasn’t as if Leigh was insisting that he put a stop to his mourning. She was content with the status quo.
A part of his heart seemed to crack off and fall. He should be happy with what he had. Why couldn’t he be?
The more he thought about it, the more he knew that what he’d done as Callum was the right way to go. No hurt, no pain, no emotions.
He would be the ultimate host, if that was what Leigh wanted.
“So what’re you going to do?” Beth asked.
“Do?” He swallowed. “I’m going to continue this date. That’s what she wants, and so do I.”
“I just don’t know what to say to you.” It sounded as if Beth had a lump in her throat, too. “Go ahead. Do what you want. Continue wallowing in your grief and self-destructing. Go on lying to yourself, Adam, and maybe you’ll miraculously feel better in the morning.”
“Maybe I will.”
As they finished their conversation, he told himself that he didn’t need to feel anyway. Feelings were weakness. Feelings killed.
He dialed another number, and when Leigh answered, he had to remind himself that he was Callum the game player and no one else.
11
CALLUM HAD TOLD Leigh to meet him in one hour in the same room they’d been in yesterday. And he’d made one more request.
“When you go in there, choose any outfit you want from the armoire, then wait for me with the blindfold on. I’ll call you.”
Again with the blindfold. He was really determined to keep this secrecy thing going. It wasn’t that she was discouraged by that, it was just...
Duh, Leigh, he all but told you why he does what he does. You don’t have a shot in hell of getting into his heart, because it still belongs to his wife. Just take what he’s offering for what it is—the best sex you’ve ever had.
But was devotion to his wife also the reason he hadn’t stayed with Leigh last night after the sex? Because cuddling and real intimacy were things he’d saved for one woman and one alone?
As Leigh went to the appointed room, she couldn’t get over how sad that was...and yet so romantic. She’d never had a man feel that strongly about her, and the fact that Callum had once loved someone that much touched Leigh in a way that nothing in their games ever could.
She opened the door, then closed it behind her, glancing at the other door in the wall. She’d sworn Callum had been waiting behind it yesterday when she’d first arrived, before she’d put on the blindfold. When she looked around now, she could tell he’d already been in here, because there was music playing from an iPod dock on the mahogany nightstand.
No Johnny Cash this time; instead, a country-noir song was whispering to her with a moody lady singing over a sexy guitar and light percussion with some fiddle lingering in the background. The scent of leather haunted the air, as if Callum had left that behind, too.
The cream blindfold she’d used yesterday afternoon waited on the bed just like last time, but she went to the armoire first. When she opened it, she found the silky clothing and suits she’d discovered last time, but she hadn’t gotten to the far side of the wardrobe.
At the sight of the glamorous black-and-white gown hanging there, she pulled in a breath. She took the dress out, and the chiffon skirt tumbled to the carpet. On the bodice, dark beaded swirls decorated the snowy material, but it was the back of the gown that captured her: two black straps crisscrossing, ending up in a big chiffon bow.
Movie stars from the ’40s had worn this kind of dress, and it blew her away that Callum thought this suited her. Then again, he’d always showered her with compliments, even if they’d only been a way to seduce her.
But the whole time, he had you in second place, she thought again.
After grabbing a pair of strappy pumps from the bottom of the armoire, she went to the bed and pushed aside the mosquito netting, laying the gown on the mattress and doffing her shirt, jeans and undergarments, then slipping into the chiffon. When she had the shoes on, too, she undid her hair from the low ponytail she’d been wearing and went to the full-length mirror.
She looked like another woman entirely, but still the same Leigh Vaughn who’d final
ly become what she’d always dreamed of, even though her transformation was just as temporary as this thing with Callum was.
Pensively, she smoothed down her hair so that it fell over her shoulder in a sultry wave. The only thing wrong with this image was her expression. The sadness in her eyes. It was a reflection that showed the real her—a woman who’d gotten in too deep, her heart already aching at the thought that the game wouldn’t mean as much to Callum as it did to her.
But why did sex all of a sudden have to mean love? Or at least the possibility of it? Wasn’t she overjoyed at what Callum made her feel sexually? Wasn’t she still addicted?
You’re sad because this is happening with someone you’ve started to fall for, she thought.
The disposable phone she’d brought with her rang, and when she answered it, a zing electrified her through and through as she heard Callum’s voice.
“Are you ready for me?”
Her heart crumbled. “Give me a minute. Then I’m all yours.”
She wanted to cringe at the way she’d phrased that. She might be all his, but he still belonged to someone else.
“Let me know when you’re ready,” he said.
“I will.”
Putting the phone on the bed, she sat between the parted mosquito netting, then picked up the blindfold and tied it at the back of her head. Total darkness; she was getting all too used to it.
She picked up the phone. “Ready now.” Her pulse nearly blocked her throat. She would’ve been ready for so much more had he just said the word. But it was what it was, and she was going to have a great time. She would do just about anything for him, because he hadn’t steered her wrong yet.
She heard a sound from across the bedroom, the door to the adjoining room opening, and her breath jammed in her lungs as she shut off and put down the phone.
Footsteps, anticipation, her heart jumping with each thud. And it was jumping so hard, crashing into her ribs, that it felt bruised.
Why had all her feelings come to the surface now, making things so clear to her at the wrong time? Was it because he was here in person? Here but not truly here?
She felt him standing in front of her, and her mind went fuzzy, her body a field of static. And when she felt him touching her hand, lifting it and helping her stand, shivers ran through her with such harsh speed that she could barely function.
But it was the kiss on the back of her hand that made her gasp.
The shape of his lips buzzed on her skin as he kept holding her. “You’ve surpassed every one of my fantasies,” he said in that deep, smooth voice.
“I do my best,” she said, trying to joke. “Fantasies‘R’Me.”
Although he chuckled, the quip still fell flat between them, but when his hands rubbed up and down her arms, then traveled to her nearly bare back, she didn’t care about judging her sense of humor. She only floated in sensation, erotic and steamy.
“Do you trust me?” he asked again.
With the sex? Yes. But not with anything else.
“You know I do.”
“That’s the girl I know. You’re a good player, Leigh,” he said, and she could hear that he had a smile on his mouth. But the smile sounded tighter than usual. “You’re all about the adventure, and you’ve always understood what makes me happy while making you happy.”
Where was he going with this? It didn’t sound as if he had another “guess where the feather’s going to touch you” game in mind.
“That’s right,” she finally answered. “I’m all about the fun.”
She thought she felt his hands stiffen on her back before he took them away.
“As you like it,” he said.
Was there a note of something in his voice that she hadn’t heard during any other personal encounter? It was as if he’d wanted her to say something else, but what?
“In one minute,” he said, “I want you to take off that blindfold. Don’t ask what you’re going to see, because I’m not going to tell you.”
He was having her take the mask all the way off? Now she was really intrigued. “All right.”
In spite of her doubts about him, she thought that this could be it—the moment. The big reveal. Excitement took her over, and she got ready to doff the blindfold after the sixty seconds he’d requested.
When she heard the adjoining door shut, the excitement eased off. “Callum?” she asked.
No answer, but he’d done stuff like this before, so she counted down from sixty...to fifty...
She rushed to get to zero, and when she did, her hands trembled as they went for the blindfold, her fingers like wet noodles as she tried to work off the material.
When she was finally able to toss it away, she eagerly looked toward the door, finding nothing.
Until she felt someone standing near the window.
She turned her gaze there, her mind scrambling at who she saw in his usual plaid shirt and a pair of jeans, hooking his thumbs into his belt loops like the cowboy he was.
* * *
ADAM DIDN’T KNOW what to do when Leigh took off that blindfold and just stared at him.
While she’d been counting down the minute, Adam had pretended he was leaving the room, then sneaked softly over to the window. Not knowing what to do next, he’d merely fisted his hands by his sides. It was only at the last few seconds, when she was struggling to take off the blindfold, that he’d decided to appear more casual. That was because she didn’t care about anything other than sex, either, and all they were here for was to push the physical limits with each other, just as they’d always done. Right?
Adrenaline shredded his veins as she just kept staring at him. But when she glanced at the door where Callum had supposedly disappeared, he knew that she wasn’t just taken off guard. There was a glow in her gaze that told him she was considering what Callum had suggested, that she was so caught up in these fantasies that she couldn’t put the brakes on.
But there was confusion in her gaze, too.
Being careful to use his “Adam” drawl, he spoke before she could. “You’re wondering why I’m here.”
“I think I have an idea.”
He had a story all worked up—a fiction that would keep the fun going while never letting her know exactly who he was. Neither of them would have any reason to contact each other after the date anyway. They would both just move on as he’d always intended, so no harm, no foul by tossing out a few more white lies.
“Callum’s in the other room,” he said. “Listening, watching.”
“How’s he watching us?”
“He’s got more money than he knows what to do with, so there’re ways. Believe me.”
She gazed around the room, probably searching for camouflaged cameras. But she liked cameras—that had been established yesterday. She’d had a sexual awakening he’d initiated within her, and she was probably dreaming of bodies entangled, adventures and fantasies unwound.
“A threesome,” she said softly. “Not a traditional one, but you’re in here, I’m in here and Callum’s watching. That makes three of us.”
“You could call it that.”
As Adam attempted to read her, he realized that he hadn’t just wanted to see what her reaction would be to finding “Adam” in the room. He was testing her until she wouldn’t be able to take any more. Actually, he even wanted her to be the one who dismissed Callum instead of him dismissing her.
But he had started this, and he couldn’t be stung if she wanted to go through with it.
“How did you get recruited for this?” she asked. “Is it the first time or is it part of the job description?”
Ouch. But in answer, he let down his shields for once—and once only—allowing all the desire he had for her to shine through his gaze.
Her lips parted as if she got his
message loud and clear.
Was it possible that she was holding back an attraction to Adam?
“You don’t know much about me,” he said. “But I’ve never been able to say no to a beautiful woman, and when Callum suggested I come up here, I sure as hell didn’t say no.”
When she didn’t respond, a tiny spark flitted through him. The thought of being with her, face-to-face, thrilled him. She would never know that he and Callum were the same person; it would be the ultimate game.
But it wasn’t sitting right with him, and he hated himself more than ever now for not leaving well enough alone, for leaving himself open to getting flayed by all the emotions swooping down on him.
Pushing back his hair from his face, he sent a lowered look to her, and she absently rubbed her hands up and down her arms, as if this scenario gave her goose bumps. He yearned to do the same thing to her, remembering the feel of her skin just a few minutes ago when “Callum” had been in here.
“All Callum wants,” Adam said, “is to watch your face when you’re at your happiest.”
“Creative guy, isn’t he?” She looked at the door again, then back at Adam. “If he was the one in here with me, he wouldn’t be able to see all of my face because I’d have a blindfold over my eyes. But with you, he’s free to sit back in the other room and enjoy while your hands take the place of his. It’s almost like a film, only he’s the one who gets to watch it.”
What she didn’t know was that this would be the last time between them. Adam had to make sure of it because, even now, it felt as if his heart was breaking.
But he’d asked her to do this. Callum had.
She laughed a bit. “So Callum likes to watch.”
That’s not all I can do, Adam thought.
She looked at the door again, then turned toward him, taking a step forward.
Adam’s body took over, physical sensations eclipsing everything in his mind, but his heart was still in limbo, hovering, waiting for her next step.
* * *
A THREESOME, LEIGH THOUGHT. She’d never in her wildest dreams believed she would even be considering it.
Mystery Date Page 15
