And so he settled into the rocking chair to make sure that nothing did.
12
Six hours, twenty-nine patients, and over two hundred labs, tests, films, and consults after she’d run into Remington Memorial’s ED, Tess handed her last chart over to Marcus.
“Mr. Diaz is ready to be discharged,” she said, reviewing the orders for wound care one last time before sending Marcus to do the honors of springing the man. He’d been one of the lucky ones; not that having a window blow out and cover you in shards of glass and other debris was lucky, per se, but they’d seen far worse tonight. In comparison, a couple dozen sutures and some just-in-case concussion protocol was a walk in the park.
But she’d treated everyone who had come her way tonight, from the bleeding to the broken, and now her bed was calling.
“Please tell me we’re done,” came a familiar female voice, and Tess turned to see Natalie Kendrick making her way to the nurses’ station, scrubs in place. Aside from being Remington Mem’s best pediatric surgeon and a fellow attending, she was also one of Tess’s closest friends, and she had damn good hands in mass casualty situations. Even though no kids had been injured in the explosion, she’d been there to help triage and assist with some of the more gravely wounded patients before they went up to surgery.
Tess smiled at her friend. “Yep. We’re done. Go home and get some sleep.”
Natalie ran a hand over her super-short pixie cut and smiled back. “Well, I would, but I’m waiting on Jonah, so…”
“Oy.” Natalie’s live-in boyfriend was their attending trauma surgeon. Of course, they’d probably ridden in together. “Bet he’s got his hands full.”
“Two amputations and four massive crush injuries,” Natalie agreed. “He and Parker and Charlie have been in the OR since the first patient rolled in. Doubt the end is in sight any time soon.”
“I can drop you off at home, if you want. That way you don’t have to wait,” Tess said, but Natalie waved a hand and smiled sweetly enough to show how she’d earned her reputation as the kindest woman on the planet.
“Ah, that’s okay. I can crash in an on-call room. I’m sure you want to get home to your husband.”
Tess groaned. Of course, she’d told Nat and Jonah the on-paper-only truth about her marriage to Declan, although they were keeping up the ruse for everyone outside Tess’s closest circle of friends. But this was different. “Charlie told you.”
“What, that your Hottie McCover Model husband is actually living with you for real and is, right now in this very moment, babysitting your adorable son? Are you nuts? Of course she told me,” Natalie said past her grin. “Girl, get some!”
“I am not getting anything,” Tess said emphatically. “And both of you suck. Seriously.”
Which just made Natalie’s grin grow three sizes bigger. “Like you were going to be able to keep that under wraps! You literally have no game face.”
Tamping down the burst of irony-filled laughter that wanted to fly out of her, Tess said, “Okay, alert the CDC, because you seem to have contracted the world’s deadliest case of pot/kettle syndrome, Kendrick.”
Jesus, now Natalie was practically cackling. Kindest woman on the planet, Tess’s ass. “Fair enough,” Nat said. “My game face is for shit. But I’m not the one shacking up with Hottie McCover Model."
“A, it’s not like that between me and Declan, and B, I’m really not kidding about that pot/kettle thing. Have you fucking met your boyfriend?” Even objectively, Tess couldn’t deny that Jonah was gorgeous. Even if he was pretty much the opposite of her type.
“Okay, but why isn’t it like that between you and Declan?” Natalie asked, brushing off Tess’s teasing. “I get that the marriage thing is, um, non-traditional. But you’re attracted to him, right?”
Nat might as well have asked if she breathed oxygen. “Well, yeah,” Tess admitted. She’d said as much a billion times during their book club a.k.a. wine club meetings.
“And you’ve already established that he’s a good guy, albeit a little dark and broody,” Nat led, but Tess had to zap the idea quick, before Natalie could fully let it form.
“Yeah, but no. That’s not going to happen.”
“Because…?”
So, so many directions Tess could go to answer this one. She settled for the one Natalie was least likely to argue, making sure no one was within earshot of the nurses’ station before saying, “Because none of this is real. The marriage, the living together, it’s all just an arrangement. And the babysitting is a one-off. Well, unless something else explodes, I guess. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, there’s nothing going on between me and Declan that doesn’t involve him needing a kidney transplant, and me wanting to help keep him healthy until he can get one. I don’t do married. Not like that.”
Natalie’s expression softened, and damn it, Tess would rather take the cackling. At least that, she had armor against.
“After all the crap Alec put you through, it wouldn’t be so bad if you were happy.”
“I am happy,” Tess promised, but Natalie shook her head.
“That’s not what I meant.”
Oh, it was time to end this, once and for all. “I know what you meant,” Tess said, gently enough to be non-confrontational but firmly enough that Natalie would know she was serious. “But my life doesn’t work like yours, or Charlie’s, or Harlow’s. I have Jackson and I have you guys and I have a job that I love. That’s all I need, Nat. Really.”
Okay, so she might also need colder showers for the duration of Declan’s stay in her guest bedroom, but hey, she hadn’t experienced a man-made orgasm in years. It’s not like the sexual frustration was new. Also, not something she needed to admit to Natalie, who was probably having, like, ten orgasms a day, all of them other-worldly.
Natalie sighed, not looking convinced but also not arguing. “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”
“I’m very sure.”
The two hugged goodbye less than a minute later, and Tess headed for her SUV while Nat went off in search of a quiet on-call room to crash in until Jonah was done with his surgery. Declan hadn’t called or texted once, and even though there was a tiny part of Tess’s brain that remembered every horrific peds accident she’d ever seen in the ED in Technicolor detail, the rest of her knew that silence was almost always golden. She wouldn’t have left Jackson in Declan’s care if she didn’t trust him. He’d promised to call if anything went wrong, and he hadn’t called. Logic dictated that they’d probably both been out cold for hours.
Nodding at the thought, she made her way home. The deserted streets and flashing stoplights allowed her to complete the trip in near-record time, and she tiptoed her way over the threshold, locking up behind herself and slipping out of her shoes. The living room light was on, but other than a pile of board books beside the Pack ’n Play, everything looked the same as she’d left it. Tess padded down the hall, past Declan’s closed door, then on to Jackson’s room, just for a quick peek.
And she nearly jumped out of her skin.
Declan sat in the rocking chair, wide awake, his eyes fixed on hers. He lifted a finger to his lips as he rose noiselessly from the chair, and a thousand thoughts flew through Tess’s brain. Jackson was fast asleep in the center of his crib, though, so she didn’t verbalize any of them (good Lord, she wasn’t stupid—it was a cardinal rule of parenthood to never wake a sleeping baby), and she stepped back into the hallway with Declan right behind her.
“What’s the matter? Did he wake up or something?” Jackson was usually a good sleeper, but he had been having a hard time teething lately. Damn it, she should’ve said something to Declan about it. “I—”
“No. Nothing like that. He’s been asleep since about twenty-hundred,” Declan said as quietly as possible without whispering. “I just promised you I’d watch over him, so that’s what I was doing.”
Tess’s jaw fell halfway to the floorboards. “Wait. You sat in here and watched him? Like, literally watched him,
this whole time?” For Chrissake, it was two AM.
“I wanted to be sure he was okay.”
She laughed, although not unkindly. “You could have used the baby monitor. And you definitely could’ve gone to bed after he crashed.”
“I know. I just, ah, thought this was better.” Declan rubbed the back of his neck with one palm, and Tess did not notice the way his biceps flexed, the dark lines of his tattoos playing off pops of color, swirls and shapes forming intricate designs…
Oh, God. She totally fucking noticed.
“So!” Tess said, a shade louder than she should have. Clearing her throat, she added more quietly, “Um, thank you for watching Jackson tonight. There were a lot of people hurt in that explosion, and we needed all the doctors we could get, so, really. Thank you.”
“No problem,” Declan said. “I’m glad I could help.”
A flicker of…God, something moved through his eyes, dark and vulnerable in the low, soft light of the hallway. It moved through Tess’s chest just as quickly, the force of it making her reckless enough to say, “Ice cream.”
“Sorry?”
Unable to recant now that it was out, she said, “I have trouble, sometimes, sleeping after a really crazy shift. Too much adrenaline. Keeps my eyes wide open even when I know I should be exhausted.”
Declan nodded in a single lift of his chin, and she plowed on. “On those nights, I, uh, eat ice cream. I know it seems crazy, but I swear it works. So, I was wondering, since you’re up, if you wanted to, you know. Have some, too. With me.”
His brows shot up to his nearly shaved hairline, and God, what had she been thinking? “You know what, that was a dumb question. You’ve had the longest day ever, and you’re probably—”
“Yes.”
Tess’s pulse beat a steady rhythm against her throat. “Yes, you’ve had the longest day ever, or yes, you want some ice cream?”
“Yes, I’ve had a long day, and yes.” He stepped toward her, one corner of his mouth kicking up. “Ice cream would be grand.”
If Ben and Jerry had been in front of her in that moment, Tess would’ve kissed those fuckers directly on the lips.
They made the short trip to the kitchen in silence, Tess regaining her composure on the way. She pulled two bowls from the cupboard beside the fridge, then two spoons from the utensil drawer before bending down to tug the freezer drawer open. “Okay. We’ve got Strawberry Cheesecake, Half-Baked, or—my personal favorite—Chocolate Therapy. What’ll it be?”
“Ah, I’m normally a vanilla ice cream kind of guy, so I guess you’ll have to surprise me,” Declan said. “But only a bit, unless you want to explain my numbers to Gupta.”
Tess nodded. His blood sugar levels had been normal when he’d checked them with the new system just before dinner, but there was no reason to piss at fate. “You really like vanilla?”
“That surprises you,” he said. He watched as she popped the lid off the Half-Baked, his gaze sharp and his body in that same full-alert stance that Tess had noticed at the hospital earlier, and she fleetingly wondered if he was always so guarded.
“A little,” she said, dishing up exactly one scoop of ice cream per the serving size on the carton and passing the bowl over.
Declan’s hand brushed hers, just slightly, as he took it. “What can I say? I like what I like.”
Oh. Kaaaaay. Tess focused on the Chocolate Therapy, but mostly so she wouldn’t focus on the heat sparking between her thighs. “Me, too, I guess.”
“So, not to be nosy, but Jackson’s da isn’t in the picture at all, eh?”
Under other circumstances, Tess might be tempted to kill-switch the topic. But she had kind of asked Declan to babysit on the fly because she didn’t have the dual-parent option. The truth was what it was.
“Nope. He still lives here in Remington, but I have full custody, so it’s just me. And my friends,” she added, because they didn’t play a small part in Jackson’s life. Or in keeping Tess sane.
“Your ex lives in Remington but he still never sees Jackson?” Declan asked, and Tess gave up a wry smile as she turned toward the breakfast bar and took over a bar stool.
“Now I’ve surprised you.”
“A bit,” he admitted, sliding onto the stool beside her.
“It’s by choice. Both his and mine. Alec is an attorney at one of Remington’s most prestigious law firms. He just made partner, so I doubt he’ll leave town any time soon.” She spooned up a huge bite of ice cream, letting the sweet, chocolaty goodness make up for the fact that she was talking about Alec. “But I haven’t seen him since the day our divorce proceedings were finalized, and I doubt I will again. That’s not a slam”—Tess shrugged, long since used to Alec’s asshattery—“it’s just the truth. Alec has other priorities.”
“I take it that’s why you divorced him, then.”
“The list of reasons why I divorced him is as long as that hallway,” Tess scoffed, jutting her chin across the open-concept living space. “But that’s a long story.”
Declan took a bite of ice cream. “I’ve got time.”
“You seriously want to listen to the reasons why I divorced my ex?” Was he nuts?
“It’s a story with a happy ending, isn’t it?” Declan asked, and okay, she had to give him that. Anyway, none of this was hush-hush; hell, it didn’t even bother her anymore now that it was done.
“Fair enough. Alec and I separated not long after Jackson was born, but in truth, we drifted apart long before that. The beginning was good, I guess.” She paused for a bite of ice cream, noticing how Declan’s black brows had risen.
“Not exactly a ringing endorsement.”
Tess huffed out a bittersweet laugh. “No, it was good. Just hard to remember things being that way.”
God, how many nights had she questioned it? How had they gotten from where they’d started to where they’d ended? Had she not been supportive enough? Understanding enough? Accepting enough?
She stuffed down the questions, too familiar in her head. “Anyway, after the first couple of years, things began to shift. We were both focused on work, but with Alec, it was obsessive. He started to change his entire lifestyle to fit the mold. Like, the places we’d loved to hang out were suddenly so beneath him, or he’d make these snide comments if I wore sweatpants or swore too much or ate a Pop-Tart on occasion. Small stuff, really. At first, I thought maybe he was right. I mean, we were thirty-two, not twenty-two. Maybe it was time to grow up a little.”
“But,” Declan said, no question in sight, and Tess gave up a wry smile from behind her spoon.
“But I frigging love Pop-Tarts. And I’d have been okay with Alec not loving them, but that wasn’t good enough for him.”
Understanding lit Declan’s dark green stare. “He wanted you to not love them, either, then.”
“That, and about a thousand other things. But I kept hoping it would work itself out, and that the differences building between us were just bumps in the road. We both had stressful jobs. I thought maybe if we focused on being a family…well, it’s stupid in hindsight.”
Tess’s ears burned at the memory of how Alec had even said so, at the very end. This baby was a fucking mistake, he’d snapped after he’d had to take a few days off due to her emergency C-section. She’d called a divorce lawyer the next morning.
Jackson had been three days old.
Shaking her head, she continued, “I knew I always wanted at least one kid. I’d hoped having a baby might bring us together. Bridge the gap that had somehow gotten between us. But when I got pregnant, Alec started hinting that maybe I should take extended leave for a couple of years rather than putting the baby in childcare.”
Declan stiffened over his bar stool, his ice cream largely untouched. “You can work a full-time job and still be a perfectly good mother.”
Funny, she’d said the same thing to Alec, along with pointing out that she’d had far better benefits and—oh yeah—had made more money than he did. Not to mention that s
he’d busted her ass just as hard as he had for a career that she loved.
A career that saved lives. A career she was good at.
A career she needed as much as it needed her.
“Halving our income would’ve put a pretty big financial strain on us, especially with a new baby,” Tess said. “The childcare center at the hospital is one of the best in the city. But Alec kept pressing for me to quit my job and stay at home full-time. Finally, I told him it wasn’t going to happen. I pointed out that he could take paternity leave after my eight weeks of maternity leave, to extend things a bit if he wanted to spend time with Jackson, too, but that I fully intended to go back to work.”
“I take it that didn’t go over so well,” Declan said.
Tess’s chest squeezed, the memory slipping back between her ribs as if the conversation had happened yesterday. “He laughed at me.”
“Sorry?”
Lord, she needed to backpedal, or forcibly induce a chocolate-flavored brain freeze, or do anything other than keep talking. For fuck’s sake, she’d never even told Charlie this part.
But Declan was right there in front of her, so close and warm and beautiful, and the words just rushed out.
“Alec laughed. He said his job was far too important for him to take leave for ‘something like this’”—she slung air quotes around the phrase with her tone, which tasted as bitter as it sounded—“and that I should stop being so selfish and start being a better mother.”
Declan moved so quickly and so quietly that Tess didn’t register it until he’d abandoned his bar stool to fill the space beside her.
13
Somewhere in the back passageways of his brain, Declan knew he was supposed to be keeping his distance from Tess. He knew that distance was important. Vital, even. But in that moment, he didn’t give a rat’s arse.
Beyond Just Us (Remington Medical Book 4): A Single Parent Marriage of Convenience Romance Page 10
