“Thanks, Don,” Tess said weakly.
He harrumphed, but gave her hand a quick squeeze. “I’ll make sure none of those pesky interns make their way in here to bother you. Take as long as you need,” he said, leveling Tess’s friends with one last and-I-mean-it stare before slipping past the door.
“Okay, out with it. What’s going on? Did Saoirse say no?” Charlie asked, sitting down next to Tess on the couch.
Connor’s dark auburn brows flew halfway up his forehead. “Who’s Saoirse? And where’s Declan? Didn’t he have an appointment with Gupta today?”
Tess released a shaky sigh. She’d told Charlie and Parker about Saoirse last week out of necessity, but… “I guess I should start at the beginning.”
She told the story in as much detail as was needed, wanting to give Declan a little bit of emotional privacy even though these were her best friends, her family. They all sat beside her, listening as Charlie held her hand and she got everything out—the depths of how bad things had been with Alec, her troubled relationship with her mother, the hurt Declan had experienced as he’d lost his mother, then grown more and more sick. And woven in between all of it was the love story Tess never thought she’d have, let alone have and need and lose, and by the time she got to the argument that had brought her down here to the ED in a stupor, she didn’t even bother to hold back her tears.
“So, that’s it. He told me to go, and I left. I went out the back so I wouldn’t see Saoirse, but…I hope I didn’t haul that woman across the Atlantic and trash my marriage for nothing. What if he refuses to see her? He needs that kidney.”
“Let’s take this a step at a time,” Harlow said, ever practical. “She hasn’t called either you or Charlie to ask why she’s languishing away in the waiting room, right?”
Tess shook her head. “She knew I wasn’t telling Declan she was coming until the appointment.”
“Which means, she also knows he might need a few minutes to get his head around her being there,” Jonah said. “They have a lot of family history that hurts. It can be tough to face that, even when you know you have to.”
“Trust Jonah, he knows,” Natalie added.
Parker leaned in from his spot next to Charlie. “Plus, Declan might be really mad right now, and he might feel blindsided, but he also knows the score. He does need that kidney. And Saoirse wouldn’t have come all this way just to tell him no. She’s got to, at least, be considering it.”
“Give him time,” Charlie agreed. “He’ll talk to her.”
“And he’ll forgive you,” Connor said, reaching for Tess’s other hand and holding on tight. “He’s always been shit with expressing his emotions. We men kind of suck at that sometimes”—he slid a look at Harlow, who eked out a tiny smile, and Tess flashed back to earlier that year, when she’d had to talk sense into Connor’s thick head so he didn’t lose her—“But I’ve known Declan for a long time, and I’ve never seen him anywhere near as happy as when he’s with you and Jackson. He loves you—both. He’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, I will happily go thump him upside the head on your behalf.”
“Me, too,” Jonah and Parker chimed in together, but Charlie speared them both with a look.
“If Declan doesn’t see the error of his ways and realize what a fierce—”
“And smart!” Natalie added.
“And steadfast,” said Harlow.
“And amazing woman he’s found in you, Tess, then all of us will be more than happy to thump him upside the head. Me first,” Charlie said, putting her arm around Tess.
Tess drew a shaky breath, her heart squeezing painfully beneath her scrubs. “I appreciate the sentiment, you guys. But Declan’s not really wrong. He made it wildly clear that he didn’t want me to find Saoirse, and I did it anyway. I had good reasons,” she said, because she really had. “But I still hurt him. If he doesn’t forgive me…”
“He will,” Connor said, reaching into the front pocket of his scrubs to unearth a Snickers bar, tossing it to Tess with a smile. “And until he gets his head out of his ass, we’re right here with you. No matter how long it takes.”
Declan sat in the exam room, certain he’d go mad from all the emotions making a punching bag out of his chest.
Tess had lied to him. Deliberately gone looking for Saoirse even when she knew how much pain his sister had put him through, then told her he was sick on, top of it all.
And now his sister was here. After thirteen years and dozens of unanswered messages that Declan had poured his heart and soul and hope into, Saoirse was here. In the waiting room.
And she wanted to talk to him.
Declan wavered between wanting to rage and run through the door, although whether he wanted an explanation or just to put eyes on his sister, who despite it all, he’d missed so fucking much, he couldn’t be sure. Finally, after some amount of time that felt like it could’ve been forever or five minutes, a soft knock sounded off on the door.
“Declan, it’s me. I mean, it’s Saoirse.” Christ, her voice hadn’t changed at all, and the cadence of it sent an ache behind his breastbone. “The doctor here said you knew I was waitin’, and I thought…well, I thought I’d come to you.”
A dark, hurt part of him wanted to tell her to go away. But then, another part of him, from somewhere underneath, whispered that even though she’d shut him out before, this time, Saoirse hadn’t turned away. She hadn’t ignored Tess, or hung up on her, or told her to feck off. No, this time, she’d come.
He stood and opened the door before his brain knew his body would move. An older version of the girl he’d known stood in the doorframe, her green eyes round with shock. Her hair was shorter, barely brushing her shoulders now, but still just as dark as his own. She blinked up at him, clearly trying to reconcile the current version of him with the scrawny kid in her memory, finally settling on, “Oh, but your eyes are just the same as they ever were.”
“A lot of me is different,” Declan countered. The words came out covered in rust, as if his voice hadn’t been used in a month, and the gruffness seemed to bring Saoirse back to herself.
“Me, as well.” She paused, looking over his shoulder and into the exam room. “You’re alone, then?”
God, but he could only deal with one ripping heartbreak at a time. “I am.”
Saoirse nodded. “I’d like ta talk with you, if that’s alright.”
Declan spun a look around the exam room, which he was sure Dr. Gupta would want back. Plus, he’d gotten enough shite news in rooms just like this one to last a lifetime. “There’s a courtyard downstairs.”
Saoirse let him lead the way. It was a short enough trip—one flight of stairs, three hallways, and a set of big double doors leading to the courtyard at the center of the hospital complex. Thankfully, it was late enough in the afternoon that the sun had slanted most of the way past the courtyard, and Declan chose a bench that was off the main walking path and on the opposite side from the coffee cart, in order to maximize their privacy.
For the longest minute of his life, Saoirse was quiet. Then, she said, “I don’t know much about you other than the facts Tess gave me over the phone, but she didn’t want ta say much about anything other than you bein’ sick. She’s got a lot of fire, that one.”
“You’ve no idea,” Declan muttered.
But Saoirse just smiled, although, it was mostly ironic. “I’m bettin’ you’re angry with me. I’m angry, too, but not for the same reasons as you. I owe you an explanation. And an apology,” she added. “But I s’pose they go together.”
Declan’s heart rattled with shock. Finally, he managed, “Out with it, then. I’d like ta know what happened.”
“I don’t know how much you knew about what was goin’ on with me when Mam said she wanted ta move here to the States,” Saoirse began. “Or if you remember any of it.”
“I remember you havin’ that job at the hotel. The Finley, wasn’t it?” Declan had written to her there far more than once, the last time being when thei
r mam had died. That was the letter that had been returned.
She nodded. “It was the Finley. I said I didn’t want ta leave because of my job there, but that wasn’t exactly the whole of it. Don’t get me wrong,” she added quickly. “I love my job. Bein’ a pastry chef is what I’ve always wanted, and I’ll never do anything else. But at the time, I was seein’ someone.”
Declan thought back to how fiercely she’d insisted she wouldn’t leave Ireland, and ah, that made sense. A job and someone she’d cared about? Still… “You could’ve said.”
“Oh, Mam knew,” Saoirse said, a smile touching her lips. “It was Jack Byrne. The head chef at the hotel restaurant,” she elaborated. “I’d been seein’ him for about four months, but God, I was in love with the man. He was smart and kind and…well, he was my boss, not ta mention nine years older than me. Mam didn’t approve. She thought we were all wrong for each other, and she let me know it every time I brought up his name.”
Memories of the two of them arguing in angry whispers and from behind closed doors flickered to the forefront of his mind. “Is that what you two kept fightin’ about?”
“We tried ta keep it from you. Unsuccessfully, I see.” Saoirse tilted her head toward the breeze moving across the courtyard, rustling through the trees. “But yes. She thought I was makin’ a huge mistake. My older boss, of course he was using me, ruining my name in a career field where reputation is everything. That sort of rot.”
“Mam was just lookin’ out for you,” Declan argued, and to his surprise, Saoirse nodded.
“She was. I loved him, though, in that way of not seein’ reason. When Mam told us she wanted ta go to LA, and permanently, no less, I felt as if she was doin’ it ta hurt me. And to have decided it all on her own without askin’ us? I felt blindsided.”
Declan’s pulse tripped, followed by a shot of fresh pain as he thought of Tess. I would do anything to save your life. “I know a bit what that’s like.”
“Then you know it makes you do stupid things,” Saoirse said. “Impulsive things you can’t always take back. Mam thought I was bein’ foolish. Impetuous. And I s’pose I was. Lord knows I was immature.”
Whether it was surprise at hearing her admit this, or something else, Declan couldn’t be sure, but something made him say, “You had a job and a man you loved in Ireland. That’s not so foolish, really.”
“I did love Jack.” Her voice softened with the truth of it. “I’d have done anything ta be with him. And I’m guessin’ you might know what that’s like.”
Declan didn’t touch that. “I understand why you wanted ta stay a bit better. But…”
So many years he’d had to figure out exactly how he’d ask her this, and, of course, he couldn’t find the damned words.
Saoirse had always known him, though, and it seemed time made that no different. “You want ta know why I cut you both out so completely?”
He nodded, unable to do anything but.
“I was angry. I was young. Neither of those is a good excuse, but they are the truth of it. I was so angry that Mam would take liberties with my life and what she knew I wanted. Of course, I know now that there was more to it—she had a job she loved, too, and a family to look after. But at the time, I felt like she was makin’ me choose, all or nothin’. And so I did.”
“I wrote you letters,” Declan said, his emotion rising and knotting over the words. “In the beginning. When Mam died. I tried ta find you, Saoirse. I was eighteen years old and alone when she died, and I needed you.”
Her eyes filled with tears that breached her lids seconds later. “I know about the letters from the first year, and I thought about answering you a thousand times. I should have, and my pride got in the way. But then the letters stopped, and I thought you must’ve moved on. You must’ve been happy. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. By then, I’d finished culinary school with top honors, and I got to choose where I wanted to go. I traveled a lot—Barcelona, Copenhagen, New York. I spent a year in Tokyo.” She dropped her chin to the front of her red and white blouse. “That’s where I was when Mam died, but I didn’t know until eight months after.”
Declan’s world stopped on its axis. “What? I wrote to you. I tried ta find you.”
“I’ve no doubt you did. But by then I was married, with Ireland long behind me. I hadn’t lived there for years, or gone by Saoirse Flanagan in nearly as many. And with how many times I moved, I’m not surprised you had trouble findin’ me.”
All the possibilities Declan had never considered flew through his brain, so fast that he was nearly dizzy. “So, you weren’t ignoring me? You weren’t still angry?”
“What? God, no. No.” She turned toward him. “I would never have ignored news like that. I only found out that Mam had passed because I tried ta find her.”
“You did?” Shock flooded him for the hundredth time. “Why?”
Saoirse’s smile was bittersweet. “I was pregnant. Jack and I married about a year after you and Mam left. We’ve got three kids now—a girl and two boys who are twins.”
“That’s why you wanted ta find Mam?” Declan asked, stunned. “Ta tell her you were pregnant?”
She nodded. “That, and to apologize. Four years had passed. I’d grown up, and I was far overdue to put the past where it belonged. Only, I was too late,” she whispered. “I saw Mam’s obituary, then after lookin’ for you, I discovered you’d enlisted. You’re not easy ta track down, either, you know. But the truth of it is, that I didn’t try as hard as I could’ve ta find you. I thought”—her voice broke over the words, sending a hard pang through Declan’s chest—“I thought you hated me. I wouldn’t have blamed you one bit. I deserved it. But I didn’t want to cause you any more pain. I was wrong ta say what I did when you and Mam left, and I was wrong not ta answer the letters I did get from you.” She wiped the tears from her face with the back of one hand. “I am so sorry. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I truly didn’t know, but that doesn’t make it better. I can’t ever undo that hurt for you.”
For a minute, Declan had to just sit and absorb it all—Christ, so many things had happened that he’d never even considered. But this was right. This, this was what his mam would’ve wanted for them. To be a family. To carry on her legacy. It was what Declan had wanted all along.
So he said, “No. You can’t. But it’s time for me ta start puttin’ that hurt behind me for good. It’ll take time, I know, but I’d like for us to do that. Together.”
“I’d like that, too, but first, we need ta get you well, which means you’ll need ta be takin’ one of my kidneys.”
His chin snapped up. “You don’t have ta do that.” Yes, he needed the kidney, but he didn’t want their first act in over a decade to be one of pity.
“Oh, don’t be daft.” Saoirse rolled her eyes, and there was the girl he’d known, shining through in the woman she’d become. “I’ve a perfectly good spare. Plus, I’ve done the research and talked to my doctor at home. He assures me it’s not a difficult process. I want us to be a family for a good long time, Declan. Please let me do this for you.”
He exhaled, and for the first time in longer than he could remember, his chest filled with hope that he wasn’t scared of. “We’ll talk to Dr. Gupta. I’m sure she’s going ta be thrilled to meet you.”
“Speakin’ of which”—Saoirse lifted her brows expectantly—“I’d like ta meet your wife. After all, she’s the reason I’m sittin’ here with you.”
Oh. Oh, shit. The things he’d said to Tess… “Right. I may have bolloxed that up a bit.”
He gave a brief but effective replay of the way he and Tess had met and married, then how Tess had found out he had a sister, and lastly what he’d said to her when she’d told him Saoirse was here.
“So, let’s see if I’ve got this right,” Saoirse said. “This is a woman who married you when she barely knew you, just to get you into a medical trial because she thought it would save your life.”
&nbs
p; Declan’s heart clenched. “It is.”
“And you really thought she wouldn’t try ta find me after that? Lord Jaysus.” She paused to shake her head. “Do you love her the way she loves you?”
He didn’t hesitate. “I do.”
“We’ll have ta work on your thick skull, then. But let’s do it after.”
“After what?” Declan asked.
Saoirse smiled and said, “After you go get your woman back. This story has a happy ending, brother of mine. Now, let’s go make that happen.”
32
After one hour, two donuts (courtesy of Connor), and countless attempts to make her laugh by every one of her friends, Tess had to face the truth.
Declan really wasn’t going to forgive her.
“You know what? I think I want to get out of here,” Tess said past the bone-deep ache in her chest. Yeah, she felt like her life had been blown open, and no, she wasn’t going to get over that any time soon. But she couldn’t just sit here in the ED lounge forever, and anyway, proper heartbreak deserved things like holey sweatpants and an abundance of tequila.
Of course, none of those things would comfort her the way Declan always did, and God, the next hundred years of her life were going to suck.
“Okay,” Charlie said, exchanging a glance with Connor, who nodded at her before frowning at the pocket in his scrubs and unearthing his cell phone.
“Let me just make sure this isn’t the clinic,” he said. “But then we can go get Jackson from childcare and I can drive you home.”
“Do you want me and Parker to keep Jackson tonight?” Charlie asked, squeezing her shoulder. “We don’t mind, honestly. If you think it’ll be too much—”
“No. Thank you, but no.” Tess shook her head. At least there was one thing she knew. “I’ll feel better with him near me.”
“Okay,” Parker said. “But let us know if you change your mind.”
Beyond Just Us (Remington Medical Book 4): A Single Parent Marriage of Convenience Romance Page 28
