“True, but with me leaving tomorrow, I really think we need to talk,” I say, hoping I’m not screwing this up. There are unanswered questions that I need to resolve so I’m not worrying about Lea when I’m on the road and we also need to figure out when we’ll see one another again.
“Um, okay,” she says nervously, rolling the stem of her wine glass in her fingers, the deep red liquid swirling around inside the glass. I reach for her, placing my hand over hers.
“It’s nothing bad,” I promise her, leaning over as I pull her hand to my lips. “But I am curious, how did things go with your parents? I mean, you’re here, so I know that they didn’t talk you out of coming, but beyond that you haven’t said much, other than that your mom is really upset and your dad is being cool. I want you to feel like you can share every little detail with me instead of bottling it up inside.”
“I know,” she sighs. I see the sadness swirling in her emerald irises when she looks up at me. “It’s strange, really. And I didn’t want to ruin the little bit of time we have together with my issues.”
How many times can I tell her that we have to talk to one another about our issues? That I want her to share with me because she doesn’t have to deal with things on her own anymore? At this point, I’m at a loss as to what I can do to get her to trust me completely.
“Lea, I know you think it’s a burden for me to deal with your shit right now, but I promise you, the only shitty thing is you not talking to me. I want to be there for you. So, tell me, how bad was it?” I lean in, narrowing my eyes, silently daring her to try to deflect again. She gives me a weak smile before speaking.
“Well, I thought it would help to talk to my mom before trying to break it to Dad that I wasn’t going to be there for Thanksgiving this year. I couldn’t have been more wrong,” she admits, sadly. “My mom was so mad at me. I’m not going to get into what she said again because you already know how that conversation went. But my Dad has actually been awesome. That’s what’s strange.”
“How so?” She’s right, awesome isn’t an adjective I expected her to use when talking about her father and the fact that she ditched them for me on a holiday week.
“He was upset at first, because he didn’t know the full story. When I ignored his calls that night, he showed up at the apartment, demanding answers. I explained what was going on, and he said that he could see how much I love you simply by the look in my eyes. We wound up going out to dinner, and before he left, he wrote me a check to cover my trip down here.
“Then, he insisted on driving me to the airport Monday. We’ve spent quite a bit of time talking about why my mother is the way she is. Basically, she got pregnant with me while they were still in college and it was hard for her to juggle being a new wife, a mother, and a student all at the same time. She figures that if she keeps me under her thumb, I can’t make the same mistakes.”
Even though she wasn’t planned, I can’t imagine anyone thinking of Lea as a mistake. She’s one of the kindest, most loving people I’ve ever known, and even if I don’t get along with her parents, I will be forever grateful that they made the decisions they did and struggled to give her a good life.
“Baby, that’s awesome,” I say, not knowing how else to respond. “I mean, not the bit about your mom, but the fact that your dad didn’t disown you for flying down here.”
“Yeah, it is,” she responds, smiling, but it’s not the type of smile that lights up her entire face. “I just wish my mom wasn’t so set against us being together.”
“She’ll get over it,” I comfort her, hoping it’s the truth. The waiter arrives with the first course, some sort of fancy pasta salad that smells divine. Lea pushes the food around her plate, the way she does whenever she’s upset. I shouldn’t have pushed her to talk about this during dinner. Now she’s going to be so deep inside her head that we’re not going to be able to enjoy the night. “Hey, let’s not think about that anymore tonight, okay?”
She looks up at me, nodding. I take a bite of my pasta, quietly moaning at how delicious it is. Okay, so I might have exaggerated a bit, but I got the intended result when Lea finally laughs at how dramatic I’m being over a plate of noodles.
“Okay, so I’m almost scared to bring it up, but I’m sure you’ve looked at my schedule for the next month,” I say as we wait for the second course to arrive. “Have you thought about when you’d like to visit? I know you have finals coming up, but there’s a show in Rochester the second week of December that you could come to. It’s right about the time you’ll be getting out for the semester. Maybe have Amanda and Robby tag along and they can drive so you can study on the ride. If you’re done with finals by then, maybe you could even ride along for the last bit of the tour.”
“Yeah, I might see if they want to do that, but I probably won’t ride on the bus. It’s your first tour and I don’t want people thinking that I’m weak and can’t be away from you,” she says, noncommittally. “But I was thinking about coming down here for the last show. Maybe we can have an early Christmas with everyone here and then fly back home. You know, if my mom’s not being the way she is right now.”
I like the sound of that. We’ve spent the past four Christmases together, but always as part of our circle of friends back home. Every year, someone hosts a gathering the night of Christmas, a way to blow off steam after being forced to spend the day with family. This year, it’s going to be extra special because it’s our first Christmas as a couple. I already know what I’m buying her and can’t wait to see the look on her face when she opens it. And if I’m being honest, I really like the fact that she wants to come down here to spend time with me because I meant it when I told Aaron that, other than Lea still living back home, Nashville is home to me.
“Cool. I’ll get you the email address for the tour manager and tell her that you’ll be sending her a message. All you have to do is tell her which shows you’re going to and how many tickets you need and she’ll set you up.” If I had my way, she would be at every show, waiting in the wings for me to come off stage, but that’ll have to wait. And while I’d like to have her on the bus with me, she may have a point about this being my first tour. What she fails to realize is that I’m the one who’s weak when it comes to her. It’ll suck knowing that she’s on winter break and not with me. Until she graduates, we’ll have to find a way to steal time together during the academic year and maybe she can hit the road with me during the summer. Now that she’s opened up to me a little bit, I know that she’s still with me on this crazy race to make my dreams come true and I want to do the same for her.
Chapter 16
Lea
A tiny fist pounds on the bedroom door far too early on Thanksgiving morning. After dinner, Colby and I sat down by the river until it got too cold to be outside any longer. Then, we came back to Aaron’s and had as much fun as possible, so much so that I’m pretty sure there are permanent bite marks in Colby’s shoulder this morning from me trying to be quiet.
“Lea, you awake?” Taylor calls out. I groan, remembering that I promised I would sit with her to watch the parade this morning. When I said it, I really didn’t think she’d show up at Colby’s bedroom door this morning. As much as I love the little girl, Colby and I need to talk about him getting a place of his own. That way, we can maintain some control over how much time we spend here and avoid these awkward moments.
I sneak out of the bed, not wanting to wake Colby before he’s ready to get up. Nerves got the better of him last night and we sat in bed until the sun was starting to come up, talking about his fears. He’s always been so confident, but it’s finally hitting him that this is it. Tonight, he’s getting on that tour bus as a relative nobody and tomorrow night, he’ll be thrust into a brighter spotlight. People will learn his name, hear his lyrics and every performance will determine if his dreams will come true or not. At this point, he only has a contract through December nineteenth. If Missy and her people are happy with him, there’s a chance he’ll go back o
n the road with her after the first of the year. I’m hopeful that the quiet reassurances I whispered last night make him as confident as I am that this won’t be a dead-end tour, that whether it’s with Missy or another act, it’s the first of many tours for him.
“Hey, peanut,” I whisper, poking my head out of the door. She tries to push her way in and I have to block the door with my foot, not wanting the little girl to be traumatized by the sight of Colby’s beautifully bare ass peeking out from the sheets. “Let me get dressed and I’ll be down in a few minutes, okay?”
“Okay,” she says, beaming up at me. I remember what it was like as a child, wanting a grown-up to sit down and watch the parade with me. I begged my mom every year, but she was always too busy trying to make sure that everything was Martha Stewart perfect by noon, when my grandparents and some of our extended family arrived at the house. If I could go back in time, I would tell her that the time we could have spent together meant more to me than a delicious meal on an impeccably decorated table. The only reason Rebecca isn’t watching with the kids this year is because she’s putting together dinner for the entire crew. Everyone told her that she didn’t have to, but she insisted.
“Where’re you going?” Colby asks, sitting up to wipe the sleep from his eyes.
“Sorry, babe. I’ve got a date with a beautiful little girl,” I laugh, bending over to give him a good morning kiss. It doesn’t go unnoticed that his eyes are fixed on the gap between the fabric of my shirt and my body, giving him a good look at my chest.
Colby swings his legs over the edge of the bed, reaching for a pair of lounge pants. “Sounds like a damn good start to the day. Can you grab me a cup of coffee and I’ll be right down?”
“Um, you do realize we’re watching the Macy’s parade, right?”
“Yep. And from the sounds of it, if I get up, I can have a pretty woman on either side of me.” It melts my heart to know that he’s foregoing sleep to spend the morning with Taylor. “Don’t look at me that way. Those little brats weaseled their way into my heart since I got here. I’ll deny it if you tell anyone, but I’m going to miss them almost as much as I’ll miss you.”
The rest of the morning is spent lazing around on the couch, Taylor and I both curled up against Colby’s sides. We oohed and ahhed over the balloons flying high over the streets, critiquing the obvious lip-synched performances by pop stars, and gave Colby a hard time, teasing him that he’s not a real celebrity until he’s invited to stand on one of the floats.
As much as I don’t want to rush things, it’s easy for me to look at the way Colby is with Taylor and imagine him as a father, spending his time off watching parades that he normally rolls his eyes over, simply to put a smile on his daughter’s face.
By noon, there’s a steady stream of people walking through the front door. All of the women gravitate to the kitchen, helping Rebecca put the finishing touches on dinner while the guys congregate in the game room downstairs, debating the day’s football game over beer and pool. This low-key meal is the polar opposite of what I’m used to back home, but I like it. In a way, it’s like having our casual evening party with friends as the main event of the day. Of course, it helps that, with the exception of Aaron and Rebecca, just about everyone is from someplace other than here and the tour has made it impossible for any of them to be with their own families.
“Hey, you need to pack a bag when you get a chance,” April tells me as she finishes cutting veggies to take down to the guys to munch on. I laugh, figuring they’d much rather have bags of chips and other fattening snacks during the game.
“I do?” I ask, confused.
“Yep! As soon as the guys are gone, we’re having a slumber party tonight at Opryland and then we’ll go shopping first thing in the morning. Even Rebecca’s getting in on it.” I look over to Rebecca and she nods enthusiastically.
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll do that now since there’s nothing left to do down here.” Packing a bag is more like unpacking my bag. Everything I brought to Nashville is still in the suitcase, easily moved from place to place throughout the week.
**
Around six o’clock, everyone starts loading up into their cars so we can caravan down to where they guys have to meet the bus. I lean against Colby in the middle seat of Rebecca’s minivan, not wanting to ruin our last moments together by crying. Even though we’ve spent far too much of our relationship saying goodbye to one another, this time feels so much different. It’s the second time he’s left me behind, but this time, he’s going somewhere. He’s not chasing a what-if that could lead him back home to me, he’s moving forward with his dream, and I’m terrified he’ll decide there’s no time for me.
“Hey, stop it,” Colby scolds, tilting my chin up so he’s looking into my eyes. “Whatever bullshit’s dragging you down right now, stop.”
The problem with falling in love with someone who has been there through all of the highs and lows in your life is that they see right through the veil you put up to hide what you’re feeling. “I’m sorry, babe. It just sort of hit me that you’re finally doing it.” I sniffle; closing my eyes tight to stave off the sadness I feel building in my body.
“I am,” he agrees, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “And I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t convinced me move down here. So, thank you for kicking me in the ass. I love you, Lea. If shit gets too busy and we don’t have time to talk to each other every single night, you need to remember that. I’m going to do my best to call or text you, but Pete’s got my schedule pretty packed and I can’t promise I won’t miss a night here and there. But I’ll see you in a couple of weeks in Rochester, so that’s not so bad.”
“I know, Colby. And I love you too. It’s just that I wish I could be there with you,” I say sadly. “Sometimes, I wonder how much longer we can go on this way.”
It’s the first time I’ve verbalized this particular concern to him. I thought having a long distance relationship would get easier with time, but every day that I wake up and he’s not next to me, it gets a bit harder. And in some ways, the time we do get to spend together only makes it that much more painful because it’s a reminder of what I want to have in my life every single day that I can’t because of my own decisions.
“As long as it takes,” he responds confidently. I curl up on the seat, leaning deeper into his side. “It took us four years to even admit that we love each other. Even though we couldn’t say the words for so long, the feelings never went away. This shit where we live in separate states is only temporary. We’ve got this, baby,” he whispers. I nod, afraid to speak because I can feel how close the breakdown is to the surface.
When we get to the bus lot, the guys carry everything to the side of the bus and the women follow close behind. After a tearful round of goodbyes that last until Cameron barks at everyone to load up or get left behind, April and Kara appear next to me, the three of us huddled together as we watch the guys disappear into the bus.
One of the road crew wives comes over to us, introducing herself as Amelie. “It’ll get easier, girls,” she promises us. “Eventually, you’ll realize that you now lead two lives. The one you have while they’re home and the one you live when they’re gone. It’s the only way to survive. Trust me; it’s the same for them. The best thing you can do is focus on your own business and not think about what they’re doing out there.”
“Thanks, Amelie,” April says, an edge to her voice. Apparently, I’m not the only one put-off by the unsolicited advice. The words make sense, but there’s something about the way Amelie said them that is unsettling.
“Okay girls, that’s enough moping,” Rebecca declares. “Someone promised me a girls’ night and I’m not going to sit here watching you three fall apart.” Amelie rolls her eyes, realizing Rebecca has dismissed her.
“I can’t tell you what to do, but Aaron knows her husband and from what he just told me, y’all want to steer clear of her,” Rebecca advises us as she pulls us toward the minivan. “April, Kara, f
ollow us back to my place and we’ll leave your cars there. No point in paying to park three cars at the hotel.”
**
“No more for me,” I say, shaking my head as Kara tries to encourage me to keep drinking in our room. When she won’t relent and I wind up telling them about the party this past summer. Strangely, I’m no longer upset about being accidentally drugged, which is ludicrous to even say, but that night is what led to me to this one. It’s because of what happened that night that Colby and I admitted our feelings for one another and that’s something I wouldn’t change for anything.
“You know what you should do, Lea?” Rebecca asks, four or five drinks in. She’s not drunk, but definitely loose enough that she’s comfortable speaking her mind. “You need to move down here.”
“Thank you, oh wise one, for telling me to do what I want to do more than anything, but can’t,” I grumble. Maybe letting them continue drinking while I sober up was a bad idea after all.
“I’m serious, Lea. What’s really keeping you from moving? You said you hate school and not sure if you want to major in accounting anymore, so why bother staying there?” If Rebecca, the most straight-laced, responsible woman in the room is saying this, how miserable must I seem to everyone around me?
“Um, because my parents would kill me if I dropped out of school.” Damn, saying those words makes me feel like a child. April is the closest to my age and she’s almost thirty.
“So don’t drop out. Take a break, move down here, figure out what you truly want to do with your life while you establish residency and then re-enroll down here.” Now April’s getting in on the action, but unlike Rebecca, she’s making sense.
“Yeah, and then you don’t have to sleep in their spare bedroom anymore,” Kara interjects, pointing at Rebecca. The ladies all giggle and I wonder if we weren’t as quiet as I thought last night and Rebecca shared something with them.
Dare to Dream (Truth or Dare #2) Page 13
