There isn't always an answer. When I say it's not happening I don't actually know what "it" is.' She thought for a moment, realized she wasn't making much sense. 'Inspiration's the word I'm looking for, I suppose. I'm supposed to be doing five small post-card-sized oils for this Japanese—'
'I thought you only sculpted for commission.'
'I paint as well.' Mia whistled through gritted teeth. 'Or at least I'm supposed to be at the moment. The trouble is I have no idea where to start.'
'But surely you've spoken to your client; surely there's some sort of blueprint to work to. Do you know what type of work he wants?'
'Sort of,' Mia mumbled, then righted herself. This was her career, her work. Just because it couldn't be defined to a suit like Ethan didn't mean t here was anything to be embarrassed about. Sitting upright, she pulled off her sunglasses and stared him right in the eye.
'Look, Mr Koshomo has pretty much left it to me. He just wants the beauty of the Queensland coast and mountains captured, he wants different angles explored, different glimpses...'
'And have you decided what these "glimpses" will be?'
'Of course.' Mia nodded. 'In fact I've already done four of them. I've only one more to go...' And she waited, waited for Ethan to state the obvious, to say something stupid like, 'Well, paint it, then,' but thankfully he didn't. He just stared back at her till it was Mia who finally dropped her eye s, even managing a wobbly smile as Ethan finally spoke.
'So given the fact you're not actually painting, that instead you're lying here sleeping.' He grinned as she winced. 'Sorry, I mean developing your idea, that what you're actually suffering from is...' for the first time he struggled to find the words '...artist's block.'
'I suppose I am.' Mia answered tartly. 'And suffering is the word, believe me.' She gave him an apologetic shrug, realizing however pompous, however arrogant Ethan could be at times her anger was for once misdirected. This really wasn't Ethan's fault. 'Look, thanks for listening, thanks for trying to understand, but the simple fact is, Ethan, that there's nothing you can do to help me. I've just got to wait, hopefully patiently, till...'
‘It happens?' Ethan asked, and Mia actually smiled at the impossible thought of Ethan Carvelle attempting to understand something that couldn't be defined, or added, divided and subtracted till it fitted that mould.
Something that simply was.
‘Tell me when it does.'
'Believe me, you'll know.'
He was still staring, embarrassing her with his scrutiny, and, even though they were outside, suddenly she felt impossibly claustrophobic, desperate for space, for distance.
'I'm going for a walk.' She stood up, swinging her legs on the other side of the sun lounger, slipping on her sandals and heading purposefully back to the house.
'In this heat?' Ethan was right behind her, and her step quickened. She was desperate to shake him off, annoyed at herself for already revealing too much, for allowing Ethan to see a weak link, knowing he would exploit it in an instant, ram home yet again the appalling insecurity of an artist's living, force her to question again how she could possibly hope to raise a child.
'But it's nearly lunchtime— anyway, it's hardly the weather for an afternoon stroll.'
'Then I'll go somewhere cool.' Mia gave an irritated shrug. 'I'll take a picnic perhaps. There's a nice rainforest nearby...' She nodded then, pleased at her decision, glad of the temporary reprieve s he had given herself: a few hours away from Ethan, a few hours out of this situation.
'Sounds good.'
'What are you doing?' Appalled, she stared at him, watching with mou nting horror as he pulled open the fridge.
'Preparing lunch, although...' he eyed the contents of the refrigerator ‘there are not exactly the tools here for an impromptu picnic. I'll ring the deli, have them pack us a basket. We can collect it on the way.'
'We?'
'Of course.' He gave her that slightly incredulous look he used on occasion.
'You weren't thinking of wandering off on your own were you, in y our condition?'
'Pregnant women do walk, Ethan. I'm not completely helpless.'
'I never said you were.' He gave a slightly patronizing smile. 'But most heavily pregnant women don't go wandering around rainforests alone—not the local ones, anyway. They'd know there's no hope of picking up a phone signal; they'd know that, even though it looks beautiful and safe, in fact it's quite a climb to get there. And unless you fancy a trip in a helicopter courtesy of the local rescue squad I'd suggest you go and put on so me decent footwear.' Picking up the phone, he flashed a triumphant smile as Mia stood there open-mouthed. 'How does mango chicken sound?'
'Mango chicken?'
'For the salad?'
He didn't even await her response, just barked his orders into the phone as she marched off into the bedroom and got ready, returning a moment later, bristling with indignation as Ethan stood tapping his foot at the door. 'Come on, Mia, I thought you'd at least be dressed by now?'
A tiny smile of triumph edged on the corner of her mouth. 'But I am dressed.'
She watched him swallow, watched as he deliberately tried and failed not to look shocked, his mouth disappearing as he stared at her ripe stomach barely concealed by a flimsy lilac organza top, her slender legs fully revealed in the shortest of denim shorts.
'Of course, had you packed my navy elasticated trousers and my white smock topped with a neatly tied royal blue bow, I'd be more suitably dressed...'
'It wasn't on the list,' Ethan croaked, her sarcasm clearly wasted on him as not quite so assertive now, he followed her out t he door. 'I'm sure you didn't put it on the list.'
Instantly it soothed her.
A half-hour winding trip, stopping at the deli en route, even if it was in a luxury air-conditioned car, had done nothing to improve her temper, nothing to ease the knot of tension Ethan created by his mere presence, but a few metres into the bosky dampness of the tiny virgin rainforest and Mia felt the tension seep out of her. She breathed deeply on the damp air, the sweet scent o f fern, heard the distant constant gush of a waterfall and she felt herself re lax, perhaps for the first time since she had lain eyes on Ethan at the church.
The harsh Australian sun was a distant memory in this divine oasis, its unrelenting glare trapped in the tall green canopy the leaves created, the mulch damp beneath the feet, barely making a sound as they walked idly along the winding paths, stopping every now and then as a distant bird screeched. Even though it was a tiny forest, they might as well have been in the Amazon, endless hues of green, chirping insects, screeching birds filling their senses at every turn.
'I love it here.' Arching her head backwards, she stared upwards, ever upwards, to the hidden tips of the giant Kauri trees, climbing ever taller as they reached for the sun, enjoying her insignificance against this beautiful, majestic work of art.
'This one's over a thousand years old.' Ethan stepped over the knotted roots and stroked the solid trunk before turning round and smiling at her startled expression. 'I came here with school. We were doing a project on the ecosystem of a rainforest; I made a mini model of it and if I remember rightly got top marks, not that it impressed my pa rents— "What the hell has nature got to do with anything?'"
'They said that?'
'Words to that effect.' She sensed a sudden pensive shift, realized she h ad hit a nerve and moved quickly to change the subject, aching for the closeness they had briefly shared in that moment to be retrieved.
'You were a schoolboy?'
For the first time he smiled, really smiled, not mocking, no malice, no suspicion in those brooding eyes, just a genuine smile, a tiny shared joke, and the ecosystem of the rainforest must have registered a monumental blip because suddenly the temperature was soaring, Mia's cheeks flaming as Ethan walked back towards her.
'I just can't imagine you cluttering up the dining-room table with bits of fern and Plasticine, creating your project.'
'I didn't,
' Ethan clipped. ‘I made it in the art room at school.'
Mentally Mia kicked herself at her own insensitivity. 'I'm sorry.' Her hand brushed his arm as he started to walk on. 'That was thoughtless of me; I forgot you were at boarding-school.'
'Don't apologize.' He turned and gave a tight smile. 'And, please, don't waste your time feeling sorry for me.' He was walking faster now, the only indication he wasn't a s comfortable with the subject as he'd appeared, for the first time since they'd arrived at the rainforest, forgetting she was in fact heavily pregnant, and Mi a struggled to keep up with him.
'Believe me, Mia, I wasn't one of those children clinging onto their mothers' dresses at the beginning of term and crying that I didn't want to go back. 'Sorry, remind me if I go too fast.' He paused for a moment as she got her breath back, resuming the conversation where he had left it. 'In fact, it was the other way around—
‘I couldn't wait to go back, couldn't wait for the first day of term; I was on e of the few kids who actually dreaded the holidays.'
He said it in a completely matter-of-fact voice, with that flippant edge that Mia knew so well, but the lonely image it created in her mind brought a sting of tears to her eyes, which she rapidly blinked back, knowing her sympathy was neither wanted nor needed. ‘I loved doing that project...' His voice was suddenly wistful, the words spoken in such low tones Mia almost missed them. ‘I had the last laugh, though!'
'How?'
'It's all about nature now, up here in Queensland anyway. You can't cough without considering the effect it will have on the environment, let alone build a resort. That little project came in very useful, as it turned out.'
'I never pictured you as environmentally friendly.'
She gave a small, slightly nervous laugh. 'You're not even particularly friendly.'
'Oh, I can be.' He turned to face her then, and, whether it was there or not, he pushed a tendril of hair off her face, smiling into her eyes. 'Given the right circumstances.' Suddenly he seemed aware of the intimacy he had initiated, dropping his hand and looking around, leaving Mia dizzy and confused, his mere touch, the sudden glimpse of closeness tipping her back into dangerous waters, stirring memories definitely better forgotten. 'We came for the day. I remember crossing a bridge...' His eyes narrowed, scanning the forest, searching for a landmark. 'I think it was that way...'
'It is.' She walked on purposefully. 'How long is it since you've been here?'
'Twenty years.'
It was Mia stopping in her tracks now as Ethan marched on. 'You've never been back.'
'Never.' He gave a tight shrug. 'Which is pretty poor, given that I own it. Careful, now,' he barked as she stumbled.
'You own it?' She shook her head in bewilderment. 'How can you possibly own a rainforest?'
'I'll show you the deeds,' he responded easily. 'So, it would seem you've been trespassing all these years, Mia. This land is mine right down to where it meets the white beaches of the Coral Sea— at least that's what the brochure the estate agent sent me said. I bought it f or a song a few years back with an idea to build a resort...'
'Surely not,' Mia wailed. 'You'd ruin it.'
'Probably,' Ethan admitted. 'Although done properly...' He paused for a moment, and so did Mia, taking in the beauty, the haven that Mother Nature had created. 'Of course you wouldn't have the resort here—'
'I'd hope not,' Mia interrupted. 'Ethan it's a preposterous idea. How can you even contemplate ripping into this land?'
'I'm not,' he answered irritably. 'You don't have to be a lentil-eating hippy to appreciate beauty, you know.'
'You know exactly what I mean. Just because I don't go around waving the peace sign and refusing to wear deodorant, it doesn't mean that I'm a complete philistine when it comes to the environment. It would just be nice to share it with—'
'Rubbish,' Mia broke in. 'You just see it as an easy way to make one h ell of a lot of money—no doubt you'd build a few rickety tree-houses, throw in some cane furniture and charge a fortune for the privilege!'
'And I thought I was the cynical one.' He gave a nonchalant shrug. 'Think what you like, Mia, but the fact of the matter is, I make a fortune any way. I don't need to build another hotel, not in this location anyway. I just had a vision, I guess...' He gave a dry smile. ‘I guess I had a flash of the elusive "it" you were going on about.'
'Really?' She blinked up at him, surprised yet curiously pleased all the same at this glimpse of another side to him. 'So what did you envisage?'
He paused and for a moment she didn't think he was going to answer, braced herself for some acid reply, but instead he gazed around. His voice, when finally it came, was slow and pensive, every last word measured, as if he'd really given it some thought.
'The resort would be near the beach, one level only, backing onto the rainforest. But when I say resort, I mean more of a retreat, a place to come and get away, really get aw ay from everything. No boat trips out to the reef, no helicopter pads nearby— there's enough of them. This would just be a place to get away, a place to wander...'
'It sounds wonderful.' Mia sighed, dropping her protest in an instant, seeing his vision with her own eyes. 'So why don't you do it?'
He gave a low laugh. 'Because no matter how I do the sums I can't justify it.'
'Money?' She grinned and Ethan nodded.
'And time. It would really have to be a labour of love to do it right. Maybe one day.' Again she felt as if he were talking to himself more than her.
'Maybe I should just bite the bullet; now Richard's...' His voice trailed off but Mia stepped in, following his thought process, determined that he see it through, at least for a moment.
'Now Richard's gone, there's no need to stay in the family business. You don't have to look out for him any more, Ethan.'
'And I was looking out for him, Mia. I know it was only money I was able to provide...'
'Like it or not, everyone needs it,' she said softly and he gave a slow nod.
'You let Richard follow his own path. Ethan. Now maybe it is time to chase your own dreams.'
They were stepping onto the small suspension bridge, Ethan carrying the heavy basket the deli had prepared and still managing to hold her elbow as she picked her way across the slats, holding onto the rope. Though she'd done it a hundred, maybe a thousand times to date, she realized there and then that Ethan had been right to come, that this really was no place for a pregnant woman to come alone. She felt a thud of disappointment in her that Ethan’s coming with her had nothing to do with a burning desire to be with her, but a primal need to protect his own, and, whichever way she looked at it, the child within her was part of Ethan, the child within her had Carvelle blood running through its veins and he would do anything to protect it.
'How about this spot?' He took her distracted nod as a yes, spread a rug and gratefully she lowered herself, taking a moment or two to get her breath back.
'Here.' He passed her a bottle of sparkling water and Mia took a long, cool drink, grateful to be waited on, watching as Ethan pulled off lids, spooning delicacies onto a plate before handing it to her. 'You should paint this.' His hand gestured to the magnificent scenery. 'Mr Koshomo would surely be impressed.'
'I already have.' Mia sighed. ‘I came here a few months ago. In fact this was the first one in the collection I did. Actually I sat over there.' She motioned to a small clearing. 'Early evening, as the sun gets low it hits the top of the trees. There's an almost golden tinge to the forest that's really quite beautiful...'
He was listening, sort of, but far more magical an image was springing to his mind, the picture of her with a tiny easel, sitting alone with nature. In his mind he could almost see the intense concentration in those azure eyes, that delicious pink tongue bobbing out on her lips as she worked diligently on, and suddenly he was hit in the groin with longing, hollowed out with a lust so tangible he couldn't believe she couldn't sense it, couldn't feel it, couldn't be aware of the sudden shift in his moo
d.
'I'm boring you,' Mia said apologetically as he rolled onto his stomach, staring somewhere beyond her shoulder with an expression she couldn't read in his eyes.
'So there's only one more painting to go.'
'Just the one.' Her hand was idly fiddling with the ground, scooping the soft mulch into tiny peaks, unearthing the ferny scent as Ethan patiently waited for her to continue. 'It's an underwater one, the reef. I can almost see it in my mind's eye. I know I should just get on and do it, I know that once I start it will probably come...' She shook her head, but her impatience was clearly at herself. 'Sorry to go on about it.'
'Talk to me,' he offered again. 'It might help.'
'It won't.' Mia sunk back on the soft forest floor, stared up at the canopied sky, and it was a purposeful move. She was not wanting to look at hi m, not wanting Ethan to see the real panic that was surely in her eyes, hear the tremble in her voice as she articulated the fears that had been sniping at her heel s for weeks now, the gnawing terror that kept her awake at night.
His pregnant mistress Page 10
