'And loving it.' He smiled. 'Heavens, Mia, I've worked eighty-hour weeks for as long as I can remember. I deserve this time away from the office. Anyway, when I arranged to work from home I was always planning that it would be for longer. None of us really knew Richard was going to die so soon, to go so quickly at the end...' His voice trailed off, Richard's memory hanging in the air between them, and the certainty that had gripped her last night intensified now.
Mia knew without doubt that she had to tell him the truth, break the vow she had taken with Richard, but for all the right reasons; honesty was needed now if they were truly to move on. She would demand it from Ethan, and he had every right to demand it from her.
'There's something I need to tell you, Ethan,' she said softly. Honesty a mere breath away, she swallowed hard, utterly unprepared in her speech, the truth something she hadn't even contemplate d telling. 'Something you really need to know.'
"About the baby, about Richard and I’.
His hand jerked away from her stomach, the shutters coming down on his eyes, and mentally she slammed her fingers in between, desperate to have her say, but Ethan got there first.
'Please, Mia.' Sitting up, he raked a hand through his unruly hair, shook his head as if clearing away an image. 'I can't go there. I know this is Richard's baby, I understand all that, accept it even, but I'm just not ready to...'
She glanced at the bedside clock, already nudging its way past eight, and she knew now wasn't the time, that what she had to say would affect them both, that it needed to be delivered with more subtlety than this busy morning allowed.
"This evening, then. Can we talk this evening?' When he didn't respond she pushed harder. 'Ethan there's something you need to know, something I need to share with you; now isn't the time for secrets.'
He gave a tiny nod, and she saw a flash in his eyes that looked almost like fear.
'We'll talk this evening,' she affirmed, slipping out of the bed and heading for the shower, t he needles of water refreshing her. She was invigorated by the honesty that was just a mere few hours away, that finally after all this time there would be no lies between them, the thought of honesty more cleansing than the water that slid over her.
'I'd have liked to have been there today for you.' As she stepped out of the shower Ethan was standing waiting. ‘I don't want you doing this alone.'
'I'm not alone.' Softly she kissed him, revelling a moment in his embrace.
'Not any more.'
It was probably for the best Ethan did have an appointment and couldn't accompany her. A niggling pain in her back that Garth had immediately picked up on had stretched her half-hour appointment to well past midday— strapped to monitors, being prodded and poked all to no apparent avail, and Garth's rather non committal response would have sent Ethan's calculating mind into a spin.
'Everything looks fine,' Garth concluded finally, staring at her rather extensive test results. 'I told you it was just a backache; surely it's way too soon to be labour?'
'Not really.' He gave a knowing smile. 'You're only five weeks away from your due date, Mia, and some babies like to make a grand entrance, but, like I said, everything looks fine on paper. Still, I'd be happier if you don't go wandering too far, okay? And now might be a good time to see about filling in all these forms? I've got a collection kit for the cord blood ready for when the baby comes, so apart from the forms all we have to do for now is take a blood sample today.'
Again, she thanked her lucky stars Ethan wasn't here now. Sitting in a doctor's surgery, however luxurious, certainly wasn't the place for him to find out her secret, and one glance at the paperwork Garth was pushing towards her would surely have revealed all to Ethan, or at the very least s et his mind whirring into dangerous motion.
'You've done this before. Not the blood test, I mean, but the cord blood donation?' Mia checked for the hundredth time, and Garth nodded confidently.
'I have, though not as often as I'd like, I admit; unfortunately it doesn't enter most women's heads to donate the cord blood, which is a shame when it's such a simple procedure with such amazing potential. The main thing is to ensure it's stored correctly until it gets to one of the major centres.'
He gave a sympathetic smile. 'I know this isn't what you had planned, I know from the little you've told me t hat you were hoping this procedure would save Richard's life, but if it all goes okay, Mia, this gift you're donating will save someone else's life, maybe a child...'
'Please, Garth.' His words, however well meant, weren't helping. Garth's words seemed to be leading to the very conclusion she and Richard had been so opposed to. And maybe because Mia knew tonight she was going to tell Ethan, she was able to finally open up a touch to her doctor. 'This was never just a procedure to Richard and me. This baby wasn't just a spare part, Garth; it wasn't just about providing a suitable donor for Richard. By the time we'd actually agreed and got the ball rolling I think we both knew it was going to be too late for Richard anyway, but it didn't matter.'
Her hand clutched her stomach. 'I wanted this baby, Garth, and, even if it didn't save Richard, I'm proud that we did it, that Richard left a precious legacy. Even though he understood that for only a few precious days, he was so pleased, so proud...'
'And so should you be,' Garth said gently. 'Ethan too.' Seeing her agonized expression, he let out a sigh. 'You haven't told him any of this, have you?'
Mia shook her head.
'He loves you, Mia, he needs to know.' Startled eyes looked up and Garth gave a knowing nod. 'I'm not blind, Mia. You two were made for each other. Ethan can act as brittle and detached as he likes, but he loves you just as much as any doting father-to-be.'
Her hands massaged her temples, the tension of the lies that bound her finally catching up. ‘Richard and I made a vow that we'd never reveal the reason I got pregnant, never reveal that the baby was conceived through artificial insemination. We didn't want the baby to even think it was borne from anything less than love.'
'Ethan needs to know, Mia.' Garth's voice was unequivocal. 'Some vows were made to be broken and this is one of them. This is good news, Mia,' Garth reiterated, and Mia nodded. 'Surely it can only make things easier for both of you? You have to tell him.'
‘I will.' She nodded firmly. "This evening. I'm going to tell him this evening.'
'Well, put some champagne in the fridge.' Garth smiled and as Mia opened her mouth he broke in. 'One glass." He nodded. 'You deserve a celebration.'
CHAPTER TEN
Richard would understand. Mia knew that now.
Garth's words had only served to clarify what she already knew.
Ethan needed to know.
A shiver of expectation ran through her as she let herself into the flat and laid her bulging bags on the table. Once tonight was over, finally they could move on...
Together.
No more lies, no more half-truths, just safe in the knowledge of their love for each other and the excitement of a future surely better shared.
Placing a bottle of champagne in the fridge, she decided she'd allow herself that one glass to night, toast the delicious, precious future with Ethan. But there wasn't time to dwell, to indulge herself in daydreams. She wanted this to be perfect down to the very last detail, even the meal. Moreton Bay Bugs just as they'd shared their first meal together, and flowers, flowers everywhere.
Of course Ethan didn't possess a vase.
Or a candlestick!
But she made do with some paint jars of her own, melted wax into what she hoped weren't priceless saucers, her hands trembling with anticipation as she prepared the meal, laid the table , and finally the day that had dragged on for ever caught up with her. The clock marched forward, forcing her in and out of the shower with a yelp, hands so shaky she could barely put on her mascara, or do up the zip on her ice-white dress; she almost burnt herself trying to light the candles.
Ready.
Staring at her reflection, she swallowed back nerves as she h
eard the low purr of his sports car, fiddled with a stray blonde curl as she heard his impatient step on the staircase.
Ready to tell him what he deserved to know.
She stepped forward as she heard his key turn in the lock, one hand dusted to her stomach, t he other to her throat, butterflies dancing in her body, anticipation in every cell, drenched in lust as the door pushed open. His beauty never failed to over whelm her, his dark suit even on this humid night still impossibly uncrumpled, the only acknowledgement to the impossible heat a loosened tie around his thick throat. In the subdued lighting she couldn't read his expression, moving forward from the shadows, a nervous smile dancing on her lips, willing him to pull her into his arms. But she felt the barriers between them before he even said a word, felt the bristling animosity emanating from him as she stepped blindly forward.
'Ethan?' The question in her voice needed an answer, she needed to hear him speak, for this horrible silence to end, for the man who had held her this morning to come back to her, but he stayed well away, walking into the lounge room, scathing eyes taking in the feminine, romantic scene as he tossed off his jacket, poured himself a shot of brandy and drank from the glass without even deigning her a glance.
'Ethan!' Her voice was more urgent now as she stepped towards him, determined to face this head-on, to find out what had caused his change in demeanor, to bridge the distance that again seemed to separate them. 'What's wrong?'
'You tell me, Mia.' His words were like pistol shots, the suspicious moody eyes horribly familiar as they stared back at her, the guarded man back where her lover had so recently stood. She opened her mouth to beg an explanation, to find out what on earth had happened to merit this change, but Ethan was too quick for her, filling the tiny, loaded silence with a question of h is own. 'What was it you wanted to talk about tonight? You said you had something important to tell me.'
'I do.' She trembled, her mind darting in confusion, the speech she had prepared, the words she had chosen, useless now against the cold granite of his features.
'I did,' she corrected, her teeth chattering involuntarily, confusion ripping through her. He slamming the glass down onto the table so violently the contents spilled over, his anger simmering unexploded, and Mia knew she couldn't tell him like this. It was never supposed to be like this!
'It's difficult,' she started nervously. 'It's not something...'
'Not something you can just come out with?' Ethan broke in and she gave a hesitant nod. 'Then let me help you, Mia.' He was walking towards her, such utter malice in his eyes for a second she felt the cold fingers of fear clutching her heart.
'Ethan, please, you're scaring me!'
'Save the drama, Mia,' Ethan barked. 'You know I'd never hurt you.' He paused for the longest time, his breathing deep and ragged as her heart pounded in her ribcage up through her throat. She watched his face contort in fury before he finally spat out words with such contempt she reeled backwards.
'Do you know where I've been? Do you know why I'm so late?' He didn't wait for her answer. 'Because I've spent the day sitting in a solicitor's office, listening as to the reasons why Richard's house sale was taking so long, listening as to how Richard's ex-lover is disputing the will. That he feels the fact he lived there with Richard for five years and contributed to the mortgage and upkeep should mean that he merits a share of the proceedings.'
Narrow eyes gauged her reaction, that full mouth paling as she swallowed nervously; absolutely still, she stood, the only movement her earrings, quivering against her taut neck. 'You don't seem surprised.'
'I'm not.' Her voice was so hoarse, her throat so dry Mia had to clear it before she continue d. 'I guess Michael has every right to feel he deserves—'
'So you know him?'
'Of course I know him. He was Richard's lover...' Anguished eyes met his.
'Ethan, I'm sorry you had to find out this way, sorry that I didn't have the courage to tell you about Richard before. He wanted you to know, wanted so much to tell you, but he just couldn't.'
'Why?' Black eyes glinted in the semi-darkness, his mouth like a taut crossbow. 'Did he think that I wouldn't understand?'
'You might have,' Mia begged. 'You probably would have,' she conceded, 'but, Ethan, you r parents wouldn't have understood, never in a million years, and Richard didn't want to put you in an awkward situation. He told me how he tried to tell them once, how your father...' Her hands shot up to her face, the jigsaw tumbling down and falling into ugly place. "That must have been when he said he slept with me. He said it was easier to lie, to tell them what they wanted to hear—that must have been what he meant.'
'He never slept with you, did he?'
'I already told you that, Ethan. Richard was making it up and now you know why...' Mia responded, but her voice trailed off as Ethan stepped closer, his face white in the candlelight, dark hollows under his eyes, every muscle clenched in suppressed rage, and she'd have rather he shouted, rather he unleashed his fury, because the hollow rage behind his whisper was far more unapproachable.
'He never slept with you,' Ethan said again, very slowly, very deliberately, taking in every flicker of her reaction, his eyes raking down to the swell of her stomach, screwing his eyes closed for a second as if the truth were more than he could bear. 'What were you going to tell me tonight, Mia? That you weren't a hundred per cent sure? That maybe it wasn't Richard's child after all, cover all bases just in case...'
'In case of what?'
'In case I found out later. In case I asked for a DNA work up or the baby got sick and I found out, found out that this wasn't nor ever could have been Richard's child. Slip it in now that t here's a chance someone else could be the father to maybe safeguard you for later? Is that how your twisted mind works, Mia? Is that how you decided to trap me? By making love to me, by reeling me in until I'm so deep in love that I'll agree to anything, love any man's child as if it were my own, as if it had my own blood running through its veins...'
'You bastard...' White lips chattered around there and say you'd never hurt me. Well, you're a liar, Ethan Carvelle, because again and again you hurt me, over and over you inflict pain and I don't deserve it...'
'You're the liar, Mia.' Walking over, he held her arms. 'He was gay, for God's sake, Mia, and you let me believe he was your lover, tried to pass this child off as his! You're the one inflicting pain..."
'No.' She attempted to wriggle away, but his grip was tight and it was Mia blind with fury now. Mia kicking up her foot to his shin, like a furious animal, to escape his grasp, and finally h e gave in, loosened his grip and she stood there, tears streaming down her face as she stared back at this impossible stranger.
'You make it so hard to love you, Ethan. You make it so hard to be honest, to be open. You're so damn sure we're all waiting to get you, so damn sure the world is your enemy, when the truth is it's as good and as kind as you want it to be. I loved Richard. I wanted his baby, but I never slept with him, not even once, but this is his baby, Ethan—'
'Oh, please,' he roared. 'You're not making any sense.'
'I'm making perfect sense, Ethan. If you got off your high horse long enough to think things through rationally, you'd realize that you've answered your own question: this baby does have Carvelle blood running through its veins; it was Richard's only hope of survival! Work it out, Ethan; you're the one with the supposed brains! Your brother had cancer, for God's sake. All the family tests for a match came back as unsuitable, as you pointed out before. It's the twenty-first century; you don't have to sleep with someone to bear their child...' Blinded by tears, she turned away, ran into the bedroom and fumbled for the lock, ignoring his pounding on the door, her whole body racked with tears as he demanded to be let in.
'Mia, let me talk...'
'I'm through talking, Ethan, through defending myself to you.'
'I didn't know!' His voice was a desperate roar. 'When I heard Richard was gay, what the h ell was I supposed to think?'
'You s
hould have come to me.' Anguished gasps racked her body, a crippling pain ripping through where her soul used to be, forcing her to double up against the door as Ethan pounded away. 'You should have been able to talk to me first without jumping to your own appalling conclusions.'
'Mia, please!'
'No!' Her voice was definite. 'I'm not going to let you do this, Ethan. I can't live like this a moment longer, can't live my life waiting for the next onslaught, the next barrage of accusations. I just want you to go away.'
'Let me in, Mia.' The door was buckling under the weight of his shoulders, his voice a loud roar as he demanded she open it. 'Let me in.'
'I can't, Ethan. I can't let you in.' The agony in her voice reached him; she could almost feel him slump against the door. ‘I can't keep letting you into my life just to have you hurt me again.'
'It won't be like that, now I know...'
'Now I've passed some imaginary test?' Mia responded. 'Now that I've provided you with a satisfactory answer? It's supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, Ethan, not the other way around. I was going to tell you about the baby tonight, because I thought it was something you deserved to know. Instead you jumped right in, assumed the worst from me all over again, dragged the truth out of me, took away my chance to explain the way I wanted to...'
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