“Anything you want to tell me?”
“My ride didn’t pick me up Tuesday or Thursday so I missed work. I couldn’t get my shift switched so I missed counseling.”
“What about the dirty drop?”
“Honest, Your Honor, I’m not using. My roommate and I aren’t getting along. Maybe she put it in my food.” Laughter sounds from the gallery. Lourdes appreciates their support. They know a lie when they hear it.
Lourdes gives the girl a long look. Should she put Brandy on the spot and make her look stupid? She decides against it. The point isn’t for her to humiliate people. Lourdes remembers one of her favorite law profs going over a practice exam with her. She never forgot his words. “I’m on your side.”
Missing counseling could be dealt with by community service, an essay, or a scolding. So could a dirty drug test, but only if the client accepts responsibility. Brandy blames everyone but herself.
“Defense counsel, do you wish to be heard?”
“Your Honor, Brandy showed up for her drug test which is a sign she thought she might be clean. She has a ride to work arranged for next week. If you put her in jail and she misses work, she might lose her job.”
“When is your next shift, Ms. Alexander?”
“Uh, mmm tomorrow.”
“May I be heard?” her PO interrupts. “If you recall at staffing I mentioned I couldn’t get in touch with anyone at her job. Someone just returned my call. She said Brandy was fired last week because of her absences.”
Lourdes weighs her options, but only for a few seconds. “It’s the order of the court you be placed in custody for 48 hours beginning now. When you get out, you are to attend all counseling sessions and drops. If you need help finding another job, ask your PO about the Jackson work program. They can help.”
The deputy walks over to Brandy, handcuffs her and searches her pockets.
Brandy starts to cry. “Please, Your Honor. I won’t miss any more counseling. I’ll be clean.” The courtroom is quiet as the deputy walks her out the back door leading to the lock-up.
FIFTEEN
On Tuesday, Lourdes presides over her second trial, a DUI. Scheduled to last two to three days. Lourdes had never liked representing DUI clients. “Why aren’t the police arresting criminals instead of harassing people who have a beer or two too many?” Never heard that from murder clients. She liked cases where the issue is people. Was the sex consensual? Was the murder premeditated? Was the defendant acting in self-defense? In DUI cases you fought against scientific evidence. Not her thing.
The defense lawyer doesn’t seem to have his heart in this one. Gives a stock closing.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the standard of proof in a criminal case is the highest, most strict in the law. The State has the burden of proof, the defendant has to prove nothing. He doesn’t have to testify, he doesn’t have to say a word, he can sit here mute without a lawyer. If you have even the tiniest doubt you have to find my client not guilty.”
The jury comes back with a guilty verdict in twenty minutes. Hardly enough time to elect a foreperson. Lourdes isn’t surprised. The defendant had a high blood alcohol content. The arrest was captured on a body camera and the suspect acted confused and combative. She sets sentencing in a month. The defendant is out of custody. The prosecutor asks for his bail to be revoked, but she refuses.
Lourdes is feeling more comfortable about her new job. Until Friday. Becca tells her one of the lawyers in a high-profile molestation case has affidavited Judge Warren. (Each side in a criminal case can affidavit—dump one judge for any or no reason as long as they do so within time limits.) The accused is a Latino teacher. Eight judges on the criminal bench; with Warren out, a one out of seven chance she’d get the case.
She considers recusing herself, but the judge she aspires to be wouldn’t do that. There are appropriate reasons a judge can dump a case. Bias or inside knowledge about one of the parties. Or if she had previously represented the defendant, the victim, or a witness. None of these reasons apply.
It’s okay to dump a case, but not a category of cases. Some judges hate DUI’s, and no one likes heinous murders or crimes involving children, but if you can’t hear the hard cases, you shouldn’t be a judge.
She thinks of her beloved Tio Andres. When she was thirteen, he’d been wrongly accused of molesting a child at the elementary school where he was the custodian and the only Hispanic employee. The family posted bail, but one of his release conditions was no contact with children under eighteen, including his numerous nieces and nephews. Prior to his arrest, Andres had spent most of his free time at his abuelo’s with the rest of the family. He committed suicide shortly before trial.
A year later the real culprit was discovered.
Her uncle’s case is the reason Lourdes became a PD. After her Tio’s arrest, she became obsessed with injustice. She imagined what it’d be like to be a lawyer. Defend innocent people like her Tio. She keeps quiet about her ambitions. All the lawyers she read about and saw on TV are Anglo males. As time passes a few shows feature female lawyers. She’s ecstatic, but imagines what her parents would say. Her mom would smile, put her arm around her, “Honey, being a lawyer is hard. You can’t have a career like that and have children. How about a legal secretary?” Her father would just laugh.
Junior year of high school every student is required to meet with a guidance counselor. Lourdes believes this might be her chance to get some encouragement. Sister Esther had been that person until Lourdes’ junior year, when she retired. The new person, Mrs. Lindstrom, is one of the few teachers who is not a nun.
“Lourdes, do you realize that after college, law school is three more years?”
Duh. Mrs. Lindstrom acts like she thought of this today.
“Of course I know that.”
“How can you pay for seven years of college? It’s not like your parents have extra money.”
What did Lindstrom know about her parents’ finances? Did Mrs. Lindstrom assume because she’s Mexican her parents are maids or gardeners? Aren’t guidance counselors supposed to help you reach your goals?
Mrs. Lindstrom realizes she’s made Lourdes angry.
“Don’t get me wrong, Lourdes. You’re smart, a good student. You need to be realistic. Most women get married before college graduation. Even if they graduate they leave the work force to have children. You should think about teaching or being a nurse. Or if you’re interested in law, perhaps a paralegal?”
Who is this woman? Would she give the same worthless advice to a white girl?
Lourdes never finds out. Her best friends are brown-skinned. It’s not that she doesn’t have Anglo friends, she does. But she doesn’t trust them enough to ask how Lindstrom treats them. No one likes her. The kids imitate her nasty, abrasive personality, make fun of how she brags about her attendance at Mass, but that doesn’t prove she’s racist. Maybe she’s burned out, hates all the students? Later Lourdes thinks she has to prove she’s a ‘devout’ Catholic to keep her job.
Lourdes vows to prove to Lindstrom she’s wrong about her. She will be a lawyer.
Lourdes doesn’t tell Carlos her ambitions. He teases her about her good grades and tells his buddies, “My girl, she’s a genius. She could be a rocket scientist if she wanted to.”
That’s what he says, but their future looks to her like a TV sitcom where dads bring in the bacon and moms cook it.
Junior year of college things finally change. Julia, her closest friend, plans on going to medical school. She’s white and the smartest person Lourdes has ever met. Both her parents are doctors. Her mom, Susan, is a neurologist and her dad, Harold, a neurosurgeon. Both insist Lourdes call them by their first names. Lourdes finds that strange but wonderful. She wonders if most Anglo families are like this. Her parents would find this behavior disrespectful.
Julia’s brother, Jerry, works for the CDC and is the r
eason Lourdes and Carlos had their only serious break-up. Jerry, who normally works out of Atlanta, is based in Tucson for six months to lead a health survey comparing the rates of breast cancer on the Tohono O’odham reservation to those of other tribes and ethnicities.
Jerry met Lourdes when she spent the weekend at Julia’s parents’ house. Both are attracted to each other. Julia, Jerry and Lourdes spend time together, but Jerry is reluctant to ask Lourdes out. He knows about Carlos. Julia, who thinks it’d be great if her best friend and brother get together, conspires to leave Lourdes and Jerry alone. They talk and laugh and soon are kissing, and touching, but Lourdes refuses to have sex with him. Later that night in bed she’s in turmoil. She’s attracted to Jerry and wants to see more of him. She and Carlos have been an item for years. She assumed they would marry. She can’t see Jerry again. She wants to see him tomorrow. She wants to talk to someone, but who? Can’t be Julia.
She planned to meet Carlos for lunch the following day. They know each other well.
“Something wrong, Lourdes? You seem upset.”
“No, just tired.”
Lourdes feels like a fraud. “Carlos, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I was sort of on a date last night.”
“Sort of on a date. What does that mean?”
“It means nothing planned, it just sort of happened.”
“What happened, with who?”
“Who isn’t the point.”
“What is? Did you let him kiss you?”
Lourdes begins to cry.
“Did he touch you?”
Lourdes says nothing.
“You had sex with him? I thought you cared for me? How could you do this? How long has this been going on?”
“Carlos, I didn’t sleep with him. I was with a couple friends and the two of us wound up together.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.”
For a few moments there is silence. Part of Lourdes wants to hug Carlos and reassure him nothing has changed. Part of her wants to find Jerry and continue where they left off.
“I can’t share you with anyone else. If what I can offer you isn’t enough, then I guess we better go our separate ways. I love you, Lourdes, but stay away from me.”
The next several weeks are hell for both. Lourdes changes her mind about what she wants, who she wants, several times a day. She misses talking to Carlos. If Jerry had pushed her for sex, she might have stopped seeing him or said yes, but once he understood she isn’t sure what she wants, he waits. Ultimately she realizes as much as she likes and lusts after Jerry, she’ll never marry him. Their backgrounds are too different. She and Carlos get back together and never part again.
Lourdes continues to spend weekends at Julia’s. One Saturday morning Lourdes wakes up early. Julia’s still asleep. Lourdes wanders into the kitchen to get something to eat. Susan is drinking coffee and reading the paper. They start to talk. Maybe because Lourdes is half asleep her guard’s down. When Susan asks, “Got any plans after graduation?”
Lourdes blurts out, “I want to be a lawyer.”
By then Julia has joined them. Both mom and daughter are ecstatic.
“You’ll be a great lawyer, Lourdes. You’re so passionate.”
Lourdes tells them about her uncle and her desire to be a public defender. When Lourdes is with Julia, it seems possible.
Lourdes takes the LSAT and looks into scholarships and loans. She gets her scores and they’re high enough to get admitted to the U of A. It’s time to tell Carlos. She’s put it off as long as possible. She worries about his reaction. He’s in college, but has no real direction. The crowd they hang with mouth women’s equality, but talk is cheap. Carlos’ family is traditional. She’s heard his dad argue, “Those Arabs have it right. I’d rather have my daughter wear a scarf and that black cover-up thing than the way the kids dress today.” She knows his parents won’t be impressed that she wants to be a lawyer.
She tries to figure out the right moment to tell him. She’d love to cook him dinner, but since she lives at home that won’t work. She doesn’t want either set of parents there. Her brother, Steve, inadvertently solves her problems. Northern Arizona University is hosting a weekend for high school seniors which Steve wants to attend. Parents are welcome and the three of them leave Lourdes alone.
The day finally arrives. Lourdes spends hours cooking dinner. She makes guacamole, sour cream enchiladas, birria, rice and beans, and flan. Sets the table with flowers and candles. Wears a long flowered skirt with a tank top and cardigan that she’s been saving for a special occasion.
Carlos is on time smelling of after-shave, wearing the turquoise striped shirt she bought him for his last birthday. They’ve rarely been alone like this. A few times on vacation they stayed at a hotel together, but Lourdes was never totally comfortable. She told her parents she’d been with girlfriends. She worried somehow that one of the priests or nuns would find them out, or worse, her parents.
The dinner is great. They both stuff themselves and laugh. Lourdes feels close to Carlos.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do after you graduate?”
“I’ll be lucky if I finish. This school stuff isn’t for me. The only reason I’m still in school is to be with you.” He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a box. “For you.”
Lourdes knows it’s a ring. They’ve planned on getting married since high school. She opens it and it’s an empty ring box.
“What?”
“I wanted you to pick out your own.” He gets on his knees. “Lourdes, te quiero, you know that. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. Me harias el honor de set mi esposo?”
“Of course.” He gets up and hugs her. They sit on the sofa and cuddle. Lourdes knows in a few minutes they’ll head for her bedroom.
“Carlos, there’s something I have to tell you.” She takes a deep breath. “Other than marrying you, what I want most is to be a lawyer. A public defender. To save people like my Tio.”
“What about a family? Aren’t we going to have kids?”
“Of course. I’ve always wanted children. Not yet though.”
“Law school’s three years isn’t it?”
“Yes. Why don’t we go pick out rings tomorrow?”
“Okay.” Carlos is quiet for several moments.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I was afraid you wouldn’t want me to be a lawyer.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
Lourdes looks at him. She starts to tear up. “I love you, Carlos. For as long as I can remember I hoped we’d marry and have a family.”
“Me too, but how can we have children if you’re a lawyer?”
“Times have changed, Carlos. Lots of women have children and careers.”
“Why is this so important?”
“You know about my Tio Andres? I want to help people like him that need lawyers who care about them. I can take time off after the baby’s born. It doesn’t have to be either or.”
He looks into her eyes. “I always knew I was in love with a smart woman. And with your income, I can buy a fancy car.”
Her parents are a harder sell. Her mom isn’t 100% in favor, but has become more liberal as she’s aged. No way would she describe her mother as a feminist, but she realizes her daughter’s life might include more than being a wife and mother. Her dad’s another story. He’s stubborn and a hothead.
“Law is for men, not young women. You’ve had enough schooling.”
“I’ll get a scholarship. You can’t stop me.”
“Yes, I can. You can’t live here if you defy me. A scholarship won’t cover everything.”
“What do you know about it?”
“I know enough, young lady.”
“I’ll live with Carlos.”
“Over
my dead body.”
After a couple months of constant wrangling, they strike a deal. If Lourdes promises not to live with Carlos before they’re married, he’ll stop his opposition to her career. Sadly, all the arguing causes a rift between Carlos and her dad. Her dad believes Carlos should have refused to live with her before marriage. Should have been on his side, not hers. Time has softened his feelings, but some resentment is still under the surface.
“Judge,” Becca says, but Lourdes doesn’t answer. Becca sees she is deep in thought and knocks softly. “Excuse me Your Honor, here’s the research you wanted.”
Lourdes realizes she’s been woolgathering. “Thanks, Becca.”
Becca’s a gem. Smart, with lots of common sense, and a people-person who quickly meets everyone that matters in the courthouse. Best of all, she never has to be told twice. Lourdes has chosen well.
At 3 p.m. on Friday, Lourdes tells Becca and Mary they can leave. She likes to reward people for doing well. She knows Mary can use the time to do errands. Being a wife and mother and working full time is tough. Becca’s single and dedicated, but Lourdes is sure there’s something she can find to do. Mary looks pleased, but is concerned, “Judge, what if you get an important call?”
“What are the chances late Friday afternoon? Don’t worry I’ll answer the phone if it rings. I know how. Go on now.”
The rest of the afternoon flies by. Lourdes finishes reading the papers that have been in her in-box since the day she started. The only call is Bev to arrange lunch.
“Good move on giving your staff a few hours off,” says Bev. “Since we have no control over their salary, this is a perfect way to show your appreciation. In case you’re not aware, there’s no rule against giving them a cash bonus if they do good work.”
SIXTEEN
The week’s over. Time to go home. Only a few weeks ago she dreaded facing Carlos. He continues to treat her well although he hasn’t agreed to buy the gun safe. She worries he’ll balk about the Saturday night dinner plans she’s made with Molly and her new guy. Carlos surprises her. “That’ll be nice. I haven’t seen Molly in ages.”
Behind the Robe Page 9
