by Natalie Ann
“Jennifer’s birthday is November first. Chloe’s mom. It completely slipped my mind. I mean I knew it was coming up, but with everything else going on lately, I’m lucky I can get us out of the house on time daily.”
Carly laughed lightly. “Chloe seems fairly well adjusted for such a huge life upheaval. My guess is that is why she has been quiet the past few days.”
“Thanks for calling me,” Landon said. “I’m kind of ashamed I didn’t think of it myself.”
“It’s fine. I hear a lot about you and Kristen,” Carly said suddenly.
“Chloe talks about us? About Kristen?” he asked, surprised. Sure, he and Kristen had been seeing each other for almost three months now. And Kristen spent the night most Saturday nights at his house. They hadn’t had a full night alone again since that first time, but at least being out in the open with Chloe made it easier.
“Not from Chloe. From Kristen’s mom, Mary.”
He snorted. “I didn’t know you knew Kristen’s mom.”
“I hadn’t realized you were dating Kristen when we met back in September or I would have formally introduced myself better.”
“It was new back then. Not really official, I guess. How do you know Kristen?”
“My husband, Sean, is the CFO for Harper’s. He’s very close with Mary. So of course we know Kristen.”
“Oh,” he said. “I hadn’t realized. But I knew Mary worked there. She’s...interesting.”
“She is,” Carly said, laughing. “She keeps all those boys on their toes and has for years.”
“She’s a nice lady. Very sweet. Funny,” he said, feeling the need to say something positive about Mary. It’s not like she hadn’t been nice to him or helpful just because he found her a riot and shocking to look at.
“She is all of those things and then some. But I can imagine that Kristen probably didn’t think so growing up with her.”
“I don’t believe she did.”
“I’ve been a teacher for years. I understand how hard it is for the kids to fit in, even at this young of an age. Some of them can be very rough and we try to squash it fast.”
He read between the lines. “I appreciate that. And please, if there is anything I need to know about Chloe, any problems at all, don’t hesitate to call me. Again, I’m new at this, but I want to do right by her.”
“And you are. I can see it. She’ll be fine. I’m glad we had this talk and if there is anything you need to talk to me about don’t hesitate to call or shoot me an email. I’m always here.”
“Thanks,” he said, hanging up, then running his hand through his hair.
He hadn’t spoken to Lynn in months. She wasn’t returning his calls or messages, but he hoped he could appeal to her heart. The only thing he could think to do was try to find a picture of Jennifer. A recent one that he could give Chloe today or tomorrow and he had no way of getting one other than Lynn.
He shot her off a text and crossed his fingers.
***
Later that night Chloe and he were sitting at the table eating dinner. He’d made tacos for her even though he hadn’t had anything in the house for it. But after realizing what might be the problem he ran all sorts of errands before he picked her up at Gabby’s.
“How was school today?” he asked her as she started to assemble her taco.
“Okay,” she said.
“Did anyone ask about your costume?”
“A few kids. I told them I was taking lessons and they asked where.”
“And?” he asked. “Did you tell them?” Sometimes getting her to talk was more painful than tripping and skinning your palms and knees as you land to try to protect your face.
“I did. I said my uncle owned a school. They wanted me to show them some moves, but Mrs. Callahan said no.”
“I believe that would be frowned on in the classroom. Even on the playground. We wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for fighting.”
“I wouldn’t hit anyone,” she said, then just looked down to start eating.
He took that as a sign that she was done talking and decided to let them have their meal in peace. He’d debated saying that her teacher called him and decided against it, realizing it might make matters worse.
When dinner was done and they were cleaned up, Chloe started to go to her room, but he called her back. “I’ve got something for you. Why don’t you sit down for a minute.”
She walked back over and sat at the table and he pulled the picture frame off the top of the fridge where he’d hidden in. “What is it? It’s not my birthday,” she said.
Which reminded him that it was coming up in a few weeks too. Shit again. “No, but it’s your mother’s birthday in a few days and I suspected that you remembered that and you might be upset. Maybe you want to talk about it.”
Her eyes started to fill with tears and he knew right away that was the problem. As much as the tears were killing him, he’d like to get her to open up somehow.
She looked the frame over and saw the few pictures he’d had printed. Lynn had come through and sent three pictures of Jennifer and Chloe together. One silly picture of them sticking their tongues out, one of them sleeping on the couch in each other’s arms and another of them smiling into the camera. There were three other pictures of Jennifer alone.
His sister looked a lot rougher than he remembered. She’d grown up, but she still was the little girl that didn’t smile often. Looking back, he realized he didn’t smile often in the house when he was a kid either. No one did.
“Where did you get these?” Chloe asked. “I remember these of us. I saw them.”
“I sent Lynn a message to see if she had any pictures. Told her I thought you’d like to have them. Then I went and had them printed and framed for you to hang in your room.”
“I miss her,” Chloe said, the sobs coming now.
“I know, honey. You can talk to me about her anytime you want.”
“It hurts too much,” she said and a hiccup escaped.
“It’s always going to hurt. If you don’t let a little out, then it builds and hurts more. Even if you just let out sweet memories like cheese in your mashed potatoes.”
Chloe wiped her arm under her nose and nodded her head. He got up and grabbed her a paper towel to blow her nose.
“I’ll try.”
He sat there while she cried a little bit more and ran her fingers around the pictures. He was at a loss of what to do, but knew sometimes the quiet was enough.
“How come I didn’t know about you?” she asked him.
Maybe she did want to talk. “Your mother and I have different fathers. She was a lot younger than me too. When I went away to college she was just ten and it’s not like we had a lot in common. When I came home years later she was older and we hadn’t seen much of each other. I guess you could say we just grew up at different times. Then she left home when she was eighteen and I didn’t see her again.”
“I don’t think my mom liked her mother very much.”
“Probably not,” Landon said. He wasn’t sure how much to say or get into.
“I think her mother didn’t like my mom because she was different.”
He took a deep breath. “We are all different in our own way. It’s what makes us unique. The world would be a boring place if we were all alike.”
“My mom used to say that too.”
Funny how he had that in common with Jennifer when they never had any in depth conversations in life. “It’s a good thing to remember. I’m sure she said a lot of things you’ll remember in life as the years go by.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to forget them. Or forget about her.”
“You won’t forget about her. And you won’t forget about those things either. How about if you write them down? Like in a journal. When you remember something, just make a note of it. It can be your own private way to let some of those things out so they don’t build.”
“I could do that,” she said.
“We could go ge
t some kind of a notebook or journaling book this weekend. You can pick it out yourself.”
Chloe got up from the table and walked over to him and gave him a hug. The first time she’d made any attempt to touch him at all and he knew that as awkward as it was, it was a big step for her. For them.
Hard Conversation
Kristen hadn’t heard from Landon all day, which was kind of odd. Normally he’d send her a text at some point, so she wondered if everything was okay.
By eight, she knew Chloe would be in bed watching TV so she decided to give him a call.
He answered on the first ring. “I was just going to call you. What a day I had.”
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“It is now, but I wasn’t so sure this morning when Chloe’s teacher called me.”
“Carly?” Kristen asked.
“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me that your mother worked with her husband?”
She laughed. “I hadn’t really thought much of it, to be honest. I mean I had at odd times, but then when I’d see you I’d forget. Did she mention my name?”
“She did at the end of the conversation. I guess your mother talks about us a lot.”
“I can only imagine,” she said. Her mother liked to overshare a lot of things in life, which was why Kristen didn’t always say all that much. Or at least nothing really important until it was time. “So why did she call? Everything all right with Chloe? She’s not sick, is she? I can’t wait to go trick or treating with her tomorrow.”
“Thank you again for taking her. I’ve got to work late and felt bad she’d miss it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of letting her miss it. You’ll be home by eight, right?”
“Around there. So if you could just feed her dinner and then get her ready for bed, that’d be great.”
“Not a problem. So what was the call about then?”
“I noticed Chloe had been quiet the past few days, but I wasn’t sure the reason. You know how hard it is to get her to talk to me at times.”
“You’re getting there.”
“With your help. I can’t thank you enough.”
“No thanks needed. Did Carly know the reason?”
“She didn’t. She just said Chloe had been down in school too and wanted to know if anything had changed at home. During the conversation we talked about Halloween and the parade and if Chloe was nervous. I don’t know, Carly made a comment about anniversaries or something and it hit me Jennifer’s birthday is November first.”
“Oh. And I’m sure Halloween was a good reminder of when it was for a young child.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you talk to her about it tonight?” she asked, knowing he would have at least tried.
“I did. I sent a text to Lynn to see if she had any pictures on her phone of Chloe and Jennifer. She hadn’t been replying to me at all, but I’d hoped to appeal to her by saying Chloe missed her mom and this would help her.”
“I hope she had some and sent them to you.”
Kristen still couldn’t believe that Lynn had pretty much wiped her hands of Chloe. She understood that Lynn and Jennifer had only dated about six months, but they’d lived together and you’d think she would have at least helped Landon out with questions now and again.
“She did. I went to a photography studio today to get them printed. I didn’t want to risk them coming out bad at some chain place. While I was there we found a frame and put them all in it. After dinner I gave it to her to see if she’d talk to me.”
“She cried, didn’t she?”
“Of course,” he said. “I can’t tell you how horrible I felt making her cry.”
“You didn’t make her cry, Landon. Not like you think. Did she talk to you?”
“A little. It was good. More than before. She wanted to know why she didn’t know about me.”
“That had to be a hard conversation.” She figured Landon wouldn’t be too negative about his childhood to his young niece.
“I kept it simple. Just said there was a big age difference and such. She’s a pretty smart kid and then said she didn’t think my mother liked her mother because she was different.”
“Wow. That’s a pretty deep statement from an eight-year-old.”
“It was. I had to tread lightly. I told her we were all different and the world would be boring otherwise. She said my sister used to say the same thing.”
“That had to be nice to hear. You don’t say much about Jennifer at all. I hate to ask because I know you weren’t close, but you’ve got to be grieving the loss too.”
There was silence on the other line. “Yeah. I guess I am. No, we weren’t close, but she was still my sister. My half sister. We lived in the same house for ten years, but I wasn’t around much. Maybe I should have been.”
“Don’t doubt things you can’t change. You did what you could to cope and so did she.”
“Yeah. Anyway, this weekend I told Chloe I would take her to pick out a notebook or journal or something. I think it’d be good for her to write down memories or thoughts of her mother. She was crying and said she was afraid she was going to forget her mother or things they did and she didn’t want to.”
Kristen felt her eyes fill up. “That was a great suggestion too. You know, you don’t need my help as much as you think you do. You’re doing a pretty special job on your own.”
“I was kind of proud of myself tonight.”
“You should be,” she said.
“Are you crying?” he asked. “Please don’t tell me you are. I can’t handle it from two women in one night.”
She laughed. “Not like you think. It’s just sweet and nice to see you two bonding.”
He cleared his throat. “She hugged me tonight. It’s the first time she’s made any move toward me.”
“Oh, Landon. That’s wonderful.”
“I guess so. I didn’t realize how rewarding this would be on top of being so hard.”
“Parenting isn’t easy. You should know that from the way you were raised.”
“I’ll do everything the opposite of my parents,” he said firmly.
“As will I,” she said back. Too many bad memories of her childhood had made her skittish about relationships and how she should act and behave, making her always doubt herself even if she never showed it to anyone.
“Your mom isn’t that bad. She’s still a great person,” he argued.
“She is. But you’ve met her. I grew up with her. My father couldn’t handle her and that is why they divorced. She says she’s lonely, but she doesn’t want to change the way she is. She thinks she’s funny, but she doesn’t realize how embarrassing it is.”
“Like I told Chloe, we are all different. If someone doesn’t like her for who she is, then it’s not right.”
Seemed like Landon was teaching her something tonight too. “But if we don’t like the way things are in our life, we should try to make some changes too.” She tried to adjust her life during any relationship she was in.
“You’re right. Like you always are. But maybe your mother isn’t as lonely as you think she is. Or maybe it’s not lonely for a man, but just people in general.”
“Could be. I used to spend more time with her, but I’ve been so much busier working at Hartman’s.”
“And then you spend time with Chloe and me.”
“I started to spend less time with my mother long before you came into the picture, Landon. Don’t take any guilt on your shoulders there.”
“Why did you?” he asked.
She didn’t want to say more than she already did. That she’d dated a few guys that she really liked and thought she could have a future with and they’d look at her mother and think she would turn into that. Or her mother got overly involved and pushy and it annoyed the men she was dating.
Her last really serious boyfriend was almost two years ago and he just decided he couldn’t commit. That he wasn’t ready. She’d invested a lot of time and effort into Steve. She’d ch
anged a lot of the things she did and liked so they could spend more time together. Her mother had told her not to do that, but she did. Always saying you had to compromise when you were in love.
She thought she was proving to her mother that she knew what she was doing.
Her mother ended up being right.
Steve didn’t care that they spent more time doing things he liked. Going to sporting events she could care less about. She’d never been into monster trucks or dirt races. But he worked on cars and he liked to race on the side himself. He’d never grown up, even at thirty, and she realized he probably wasn’t going to.
It didn’t matter he worked in sales and had a decent job. On the weekends he wanted to be with his buddies at the track and race around like teenagers.
When she made comments about his friends being immature, it only started a fight. She’d bit her tongue and hoped she could change him.
Nope, it didn’t work. Not only didn’t she change him, but she also let herself fall for him more, the more effort she put in.
It’d broken her heart when she realized it wasn’t going to work. That if she couldn’t accept his commitment to his friends and his hobbies then there was no hope for them.
It wasn’t until recently—since she met Landon—that she realized she didn’t know what love really was.
“It’s complicated,” she said.
“That word again,” he said, laughing. “We all have complications, I told you that before.”
“You were right.” But she’d be damned if she brought any of her issues or insecurities into his life. He had enough to deal with.
He yawned on the other end and apologized. “I should go. It’s been a long day and I’ve got to finish up some laundry that I just remembered I didn’t do yesterday.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow night,” she said.
“See you then.”
He hung up and she was mortified that she’d almost said she loved him. Talk about putting the cart before the horse. She had to keep those feelings to herself for now. The last thing Landon needed was any more pressure on his shoulders.
