by Natalie Ann
“Just like I told you. You shouldn’t be someone you aren’t for anyone. Not if you love them or they love you. And I hope to hell you’re being yourself with me and not trying to be someone you think I want.” She shook her head now. She really hadn’t changed at all now that she thought of it, which might be why she was so fearful of losing him. She was herself more than with any other man she’d been with. He wiped a few of her tears away. “I want you to file a restraining order on him now.”
“No,” she said, moving out of his arms. “It’s over with. It has to be. He shouted at me that I’m on my own and he’d never take me back. Not that I asked, but the point is, I think he’s gone.”
“The restraining order will assure it more,” Landon said, staring into her eyes.
“Or set him off again. I just want to move on. I think it’s over with. Can’t we just let it go?”
She was already embarrassed enough over the whole situation, then the tears, the words that were said about her. She was just ready to put it all behind her.
“I don’t want to give into this, but for now I will. If you promise me—I mean promise me—you will call me the minute you see him, hear from him, anything.”
“I promise.” But again she wondered if she would. She’d omitted the part about Steve knowing Landon had a child in the house because she feared that might be the tipping point for him. That he would want to break things off with her.
There was nothing to fear for Chloe, she knew that. It was just Steve getting under her skin like Landon said.
It was working.
Different With You
A few weeks later, Kristen took Chloe to the mall for a girls’ day.
It was early March and it was warming up. The snow was gone even though they knew another storm could hit, but thankfully it wouldn’t last long.
And with warmer weather came new clothes for Chloe as she was outgrowing everything in sight.
Though Landon was getting better at taking Chloe shopping, he was still more than willing to hand this task over to her. Since she loved shopping so much and spending some girl time with Chloe, she gladly took that chore off of Landon’s shoulders.
“Can I buy some shorts?” Chloe asked.
“I don’t think we will look for shorts just yet. It’s not warm enough now and you’re growing so much they might not fit you in a few months.”
“What do I need then?” Chloe asked.
“You need new sneakers. You need a lighter jacket so you aren’t roasting in your winter coat in a few weeks. Some of your jeans are a bit shorter than they were when we bought them back in September.”
“Do you think Uncle Landon is mad I need new stuff? My mother never bought clothes this much. Sometimes I just wore stuff short or got clothes from friends.”
She stopped and turned to look at Chloe. “You know the answer to that. Stop asking it. Landon doesn’t care that you need new clothes. We all do. It’s part of life. This happens to be a fun part of life too.”
“I do like shopping,” Chloe said, giggling.
“It’s a girl thing. Well, it can be a guy thing too, but I don’t know too many men that enjoy it as much as I do.”
“I like spending the time with you too. I mean I like spending time with Uncle Landon, but it’s different with you.”
“Of course it is. We can talk about things that Landon doesn’t enjoy. Like whether we like this shade of blue shirt with this skirt, or that shade of blue over there.”
“That shade,” Chloe said, pointing. “I don’t have any skirts.”
“Do you want to buy one? You can go try one on and see how it feels.”
“I don’t have any shoes to go with a skirt though.”
“We can fix that,” Kristen said. Landon had given her cash and asked if it would be enough and it was more than enough. She could make it stretch more if she had to. She’d been doing that for years in her life. Bargain shopper extraordinaire, she was.
It wasn’t just a large wardrobe she had, but one full of brand names that she got at discount stores and prices.
She’d always wanted to have nice stuff, but that didn’t mean she had to pay full price for it.
When the two of them were taking a break and eating their lunch, Kristen felt the hair stand on the back of her neck. She glanced up and turned around, but didn’t see anyone but other shoppers and lunch goers. Just a normal Saturday at the mall.
“Are you about done eating?” she asked Chloe as she slurped up the rest of her soda. That kid sure did love her soda and now Kristen knew why Landon never had any in the house.
It was still crazy to Kristen that the little things meant so much to Chloe. A splurge of sorts. Things that she’d taken for granted in life.
Sure, she never thought she had a lot. Or not as much as others, but soda was just a drink to her. Nothing much more than water if she’d thought of it.
“I’m done. Can we stop in the candy store and get Uncle Landon something?”
Kristen picked her tray of food up and carried it to the big red bin, dumped it, then set it on top. “Just for Uncle Landon?” she asked.
“Sometimes he shares, but not always. He likes fudge—did you know that? Last time we were here he bought us both some.”
“I didn’t know that, but we can get you both some fudge.”
And for as much as Chloe didn’t have in her life, she still always thought of others first. Maybe if Kristen had been like that more as a kid, she wouldn’t have wanted so much as an adult.
They were walking into a shoe store, with Chloe looking at black and brown flats, and Kristen picking up and turning over cute boots that would look good with the skinny jeans Chloe just picked out, when a shiver passed up her spine.
She stopped and looked around the store. Nothing again. It was like that feeling when she was a kid and got a chill and someone would say “A ghost ran over a grave.” She’d always get creeped out over things like that.
“What are you looking at?” Chloe asked her.
“Nothing,” she said. “Just checking out all the shoes. What do you think of these with jeans? Do you want to try them on?”
Chloe reached for the boots and held them, then ran her finger over the little heel. Nothing major but to a nine-year-old they might think it made them look more grown up. “I really like them. But I don’t need boots.”
“Says no woman ever,” Kristen said, laughing and pushing all the funky body tingles from her mind.
The giggle was enough for Kristen to wave over an employee and ask for them in Chloe’s size to try on.
Loaded down with bags of clothes, shoes, and some fudge, Kristen and Chloe were ready to leave the mall—Kristen even thrilled she had change in her pocket for Landon—when she turned the corner and bumped into someone.
“Sorry,” she said, looking up and coming face to face with Steve. She opened her mouth and closed it, thinking maybe it was a coincidence, but all those warnings and signs that Landon had told them about in the self-defense course she’d taken before were on full alert.
“Kristen,” he said. “Fancy meeting you here.”
She looked down at Chloe. “Is it? Or are you following me?” she asked.
He narrowed his eyes, his upper lip twitched, and he shifted his body in a fight mode. She’d seen it before when he’d get his buttons pushed at the track. When they would get fighting and he was trying to hold back from saying what was really on his mind.
“I wouldn’t think of it after the warning. Who do we have here? Taking your niece shopping?”
She’d always talked about her stepsiblings’ kids to Steve before. It annoyed him since he said it was pressure to have a family he wasn’t ready for. She was wondering if it was just a guess about the ‘ready made family’ comment with Landon since he completely dismissed Chloe now. Yeah, he had no clue who Chloe was, she was sure.
“Yet you’re standing here in front of me right now in a mall with thousands of people in it?”<
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“Don’t start shit again. Don’t get on my bad side. I heard the warnings and I’ve kept my distance.”
“But you’re standing in front of me and goading me,” she said again. “I’ve seen it enough from you to recognize the signs.”
“Think whatever you want. You’ve always thought you knew it all. Always had to be right.”
She wasn’t going to answer him on that. She just stepped to the side bringing Chloe with her to walk away when Steve grabbed her arm and stopped her. “Let go of me, Steve, before I yell and people start coming.”
“Bitch,” he said. “I won’t forget this.”
She marched past him with Chloe, her legs wobbly like freshly formed Jell-O, her heart racing like she was waiting for the starting gun to fire before a relay race, and her face filled with enough heat to fry an egg on.
“Who was that?” Chloe asked.
“No one. And don’t say anything to your uncle about it, okay?”
“Why?” Chloe asked. “He was mean and he swore at you. That’s not nice.”
“No, it’s not, but it’s not a big deal either. It’s someone I knew before and he’s not a nice person. I just don’t want to worry your uncle over an old friend of mine. It’s not a big deal,” she said again, hoping she convinced Chloe of that. Maybe she wasn’t thinking straight telling Chloe that, but wouldn’t change her mind either.
“Then why are you friends with him?”
They were walking fast through the parking lot to her car now, almost at a sprint. “I’m not. I was at one point, but it was behavior like that that made it hard.”
Chloe climbed in the car next to her and she started the engine and pulled out fast. “Your hands are shaking.”
Kristen looked down and noticed her white-knuckle grip wasn’t doing that great of a job of hiding the fact she was rattled. “It’s fine. He just surprised me. We’ll keep it between us, right? Don’t let him ruin our girl day.”
Chloe held her stare while Kristen waited at the stop sign and said, “Okay.”
Protect Everyone
Since it was Saturday and the normal night Kristen stayed at Landon’s, she pushed the whole confrontation with Steve from her mind.
She’d felt bad telling Chloe not to say anything to Landon. It was just a gut reaction, but the problem was, she really didn’t want him to know.
Selfish, yes, it was. Exactly what she’d been accused of before.
She just wanted it behind her. She didn’t want Landon to get upset either.
On top of it—what if Steve did just happened to be at the mall and she ran into him by accident? She couldn’t prove otherwise.
All she could prove was he wasn’t man enough to walk away from her and had to push her buttons.
Buttons he’d always pushed when they were dating, now that she thought of it. Why hadn’t she thought of all of this before?
“Chloe seemed like she had a great time today,” Landon said when he came back into the living room.
Dinner was put away. Chloe was watching TV in bed and this was their alone time before they went to his room and lost themselves in each other’s arms. Exactly what she’d planned on doing tonight.
She needed to feel his strength around her.
His heat against her. In her.
She just needed to push this all away and hoped it was done once and for all.
Once Chloe was in bed, the two of them settled on the couch, Landon’s arm around her shoulder. She liked this time they had together. The two of them.
Nice and homey.
Comfort and warmth.
Strength and caring.
When she started to yawn a little after ten, the movie they were watching just background noise to her now, Landon stood up and threaded his fingers through hers.
He shut off the TV, then pulled her to the stairs and up to his room. “Get ready for bed and I’ll just secure the house for the night.”
There wasn’t anything romantic in that statement, yet she felt like she was floating in a cloud of sensual emotions. Was it just the day she had with Steve? Or something more?
Her teeth were brushed and she was crawling into bed when Landon came up the stairs, to the end of the hall where she heard the door creak to Chloe’s room, then the bathroom door shut.
She had her head on his pillow when he came in, then pushed the blankets back and patted his spot while she watched him undress.
She’d never get tired of looking at his body. His dark hair that was short on the sides and slightly longer on top.
His sculpted body that had years’ worth of hard work that he proudly displayed for her.
Large hands that never showed any violence or aggression...unless she asked for a little rougher playful sex.
He stripped down when he’d seen she was naked and waiting for him, then slid in and pulled her tight, held her close, and stroked her back. Kissed the top of her head.
She shifted onto her back, him following and covering her. Kisses from her forehead to her cheeks, her eyelids and finally her lips. Tenderness again that she’d never seen a lot of in her life.
Not like this.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said. “If I don’t tell you enough, I should.”
“I know it,” she said. “I mean I know you feel that way about me. Or that you think that way.”
“I do. I probably don’t say the words enough on how I feel. How I feel about you. That I love you. That I appreciate you. That I can’t thank you enough for your help with Chloe. Your help with me.”
She sighed. Here were the words she’d always wanted to hear in her life. What happened earlier was being evaporated from her brain. She didn’t want to remember all the things she didn’t have.
The things she thought she’d never have.
The things she’d wanted for so long.
She had them now. They were right here in her arms and telling her what she’d meant to him.
“You don’t need to say the words. Just show me what you’re feeling.”
Part of her needed that escape right now. Needed to know she was in a world she’d been dying to belong to.
Landon moved off of her and got a condom, readied himself and glided his body back over hers.
His hands came up and held hers above her head, but this time with their fingers entwined loosely.
When his mouth found hers, she opened up and accepted, then spread her legs and took him in below. Their bodies coming together in a song that only the two of them ever seemed to know the words to.
Meeting and retreating, pressing and pulling, tugging on her heartstrings as if he were the puppet master and was controlling her every move. Her every thought. Her every feeling.
And when her body felt like it couldn’t climb any higher, her back arched, and her cries of release were muffled between his lips while he fell right down the mountain with her. While he held and held her tight.
She never felt him get up out of bed, nothing. Not until she woke the next morning with the sun shining through the window and Chloe’s voice mixed in with Landon’s downstairs.
She got out of bed and stretched her body, feeling loose and limber, then grabbed a change of clothing and went to the bathroom to shower. By the time she got to the kitchen, eggs and toast were on the table with Chloe diving right in.
“We heard you moving around up there,” Landon said, “so we figured we could start cooking.”
“You didn’t have to wait for me,” she said.
“Sure we did,” Chloe said. “It’s about all of us as a family. That is what Uncle Landon always tells me.”
Yeah. She had it all right in front of her.
Felt Betrayed
“Uncle Landon.”
Landon turned to see Chloe standing in the living room shuffling her feet like a kid that had to do the pee-pee walk and there was no bathroom in sight.
Surprisingly dread wasn’t filling his gut like it normally did. “What?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to do.”
He frowned. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me more.”
She walked in, her head down, her hands wringing in front of her. “I was told not to say anything though.”
“Come on in here and sit down.” He was wracking his brain on how to handle this. “Sometimes in life a friend will tell you not to say something, but you have to weigh all the reasons why they are telling you that.”
“What if I don’t really know them? Know the reasons.”
“Then listen to your gut and try to figure it out. Maybe your friend is embarrassed over something you saw or witnessed or know about and they don’t want anyone else to know. That is harmless.”
“What else?” she asked.
“Sometimes they just need time to figure things out on their own until they want to tell everyone themselves.”
“Okay. What if they looked upset?”
“That’s something different then,” he said. “If you think your friend is in trouble, or may hurt themselves or someone else, you should tell someone. If not me, then another adult.”
“I don’t want them mad at me though because they asked me not to say something and then I did.”
This was where things got tricky. Guess parenting was going to hit him at all times, but this he could answer from his years in law enforcement.
“Listen, kiddo. Sometimes you have to make a decision to go against your friend’s wishes if you think you are protecting them, or helping them. Even protecting or helping others. Sometimes kids make decisions and mistakes and wish they didn’t, and a friend could have stopped them. Even if they are mad at you, if you saved them from harm, isn’t it worth it?”
“I guess so. But what about adults? What if an adult asked you not to say something?”
His radar just went through the roof. “Chloe, has anyone done or said anything to you to make you feel uncomfortable? Touched you without your permission?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I’d kick them and run if they did. I know how to fight back.”
His lips twitched. “That’s my girl. And if anyone ever, I mean ever, does that to you. Touches you, says something you don’t like or you told them no, you do exactly what you said. You kick and you scream and you run and you make a scene and you get away. And you always can come tell me. I want you to. I need to know you’ll do that. Can you promise me that?”
