by J. L. Beck
Very slowly, I circled around the house making sure no one was outside. If I were going to force myself to not think about her, about us, then I would have to keep busy.
Once I checked the perimeter and made sure everything was okay, I quietly slipped in through the front door. I could hear her sobs as she sniffled and shifted in the bed… My heart broke with every tear that fell onto her cheeks. I had to make this right.
Pulling my t-shirt and pants off, I made a makeshift bed on the couch and lay down. I needed something, anything, to escape the pain. Even if it was a short lived escape.
I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry… I said over and over again until eventually, my body fell into a fitful sleep. Sometimes saying sorry wasn’t enough.
*
“DEVON.” I could hear my name being called, but my body was telling my mind to shut up and go back to sleep.
“DEVON MITCHELL.” The tone held anger, anger I knew. Shit. Opening my eyes, I blinked. What time was it? Why was the sun shining in my eyes? My neck had a kink from hell in it, and it was then I recalled the night before.
“I swear to God, I will pee this fucking bed if you don’t uncuff me…” Before I could compose myself enough not to laugh, a chuckle slipped out.
“Coming, princess…” I groaned, throwing the covers back as I got up from the couch. The stiffness in my back was proof I did not sleep good at all. Yup, couch sleeping sucked.
Pulling on my pants, I climbed up the ladder coming face to face with a very pissed off Teagan.
“I have to pee. I’ve been calling your name for like an hour.” She mocked, her eyes lingering on my chest and down… down… down… I almost blushed. Hot fucking damn. The way she ogled me had my balls burning in need of release. If she didn’t stop looking at me like that... well, let’s just say she would find my cock nine inches deep.
“You want me to uncuff you or do you want to keep staring at me?” I joked, hoping she had gotten some closure from our conversation last night. Though it was unlikely. She had to know she wasn’t the only one hurting, and with her heartache, came my own. The chances of her being over it were slim to zero, but it didn’t hurt to hope.
A flash of anger showed in her eyes as I reached into my pocket retrieving the key that would unlock the cuff holding her to the headboard. If a joke didn’t lighten the mood, I was sure me being here wouldn’t help either.
“Now, when I undo this cuff, you’re not going to run.” I stared down at her, daring her to disobey me. “You’re not going to hit me or lash out at me either. Do you understand?” I continued on. She looked at me as if she didn’t care, nor would she be listening to a fucking word I said, which in turn, only encouraged my cock to grow harder.
“Leave me alone.” She snarled at me causing her nose to scrunch up and wrinkles to form on her face. She was like a small dog—all bark and no bite.
“No can do, sweetheart,” I said unlocking the cuff, releasing her. She scampered across the mattress to the corner as if I were going to hurt her. Was she still afraid of me? Had I not proven myself to her? Or maybe it was something else, something that caused her breath to quicken and her stomach to fill with butterflies.
“Teg, you can go down there and go to the bathroom. I’ll make you some breakfast and then we can talk,” I said calmly my voice growing softer with every word. I wanted nothing more than to show her just how sorry I was, but she was an emotional mess. She needed support, not sex. Words needed to be said between us before I could strip her bare.
“We have nothing to talk about, DEVON! I thought I made that clear last night?” Again, her voice was full of venom. If she were a snake, surely I would be dead by now.
“Your clear and my clear are two very different things. See, when you said you made it clear, you actually made it rather dark. I can’t seem to see your point of view. Therefore, we will... be... talking.” I made it clear in my own words that she couldn’t run from this.
She had a deep-rooted fear in her eyes, and I knew some way, somehow, the fear I saw there had nothing to do with me but everything to do with her own insecurities. She was afraid of falling, of being hurt again. Afraid of me.
She didn’t say anything. Her deep sea blue colored eyes were downcast to the floor. The absence of hers on my own was like a punch to the gut as she sat there unable to form a response. Instead of speaking, she slowly got off the bed and stepped slowly past me, shutting me out once again.
Seconds—although it could’ve even been minutes later, I heard the bathroom door close. The click of the door was soft, but in my own mind, it couldn’t have been any louder. It signified the end of the conversation—the end of the closure I so desperately fucking wanted.
No matter how resilient she seemed, I still needed to find a way to break her barriers down. To make her talk to me so we could figure this out together.
Climbing out of the loft, I headed toward the bathroom. If I knew her as well as I once did, I knew she would try something sneaky. Given the situation we were in, it wasn’t a matter of how but more of when. As I grew closer to the door, all I could hear was the water running, and then it dawned on me—she would try to climb out of the bathroom window, if she hadn’t already.
“Fuck…” I muttered under my breath, a hand running through my hair in frustration. This woman was going to be the death of me. A switch in my mind flipped, and all I could feel was the need to stop her. I slipped out the door and around the cabin to the back field where the window was located.
My eyes zeroed in on it. The screen was hanging on by a mere thread and little Miss Tegan was nowhere in sight. My heart started beating out of my chest at the mere thought of those men touching her again, of her lifeless body in my arms again.
Swinging around, my eyes landed on a red mass bobbing through the high weeds in a field off to the right. She was running, holy fuck she was running away from me. After all these years, she was running. My mind was fucking blown.
She wanted to play games? We would play games, but she would be playing them by my fucking rules. A smirk formed on my lips as I took off in a dead run toward her. Didn’t she realize I was in the FBI? That meant, when it came to being stealthy, killing, and getting away with shit, I was King.
“Tegan…” I bellowed out. I watched her head turn in my direction as she came to a slow jog. She knew I would hunt her down and I would capture her like prey, and when I did, she would be mine. Mine. That feeling alone fueled me…
Before I could finish my thought, she was off again, running faster than she had been previously. My feet dug into the weeds as mud flew up off the ground covering my body with each movement I made. My fists clenched at the mere thought of touching her, and I licked my lips in anticipation. She was playing a dangerous game with me. One that could get us both hurt if we weren’t careful.
In less than five seconds flat, I was tailing her, watching as she slipped through the muddy terrain. It was almost cute how she thought she could get away from me.
“Stop running, Tegan. All you’re doing is wearing yourself out,” I said hardly out of breath. She turned around once more, coming to a halt to look at me. Her cheeks held a rosy glow as she filled her lungs as fast as she could with another breath. It was in that second when I took the chance to take her down. I covered the distance between us in a blink of an eye. My arms wrapped around her midsection as I softly pushed us to the ground, adjusting us as we fell so I would take the brunt of the fall.
“I hate you,” she huffed out, wiggling above me. Gripping her to my front, I rolled her over so she was facing me, then I flipped us so I was on top, and she couldn’t run again. If she wanted to run, she would have to get through me and no way in hell was I going to make it easy for her.
Ragged breaths expelled from her chest, drawing my attention straight to her breasts. The up and down motion was almost too much for me. Stop. Stop. Stop. Snap out of it. I repeated the same words over and over again in my mind. Abort mission. Abort. Yet my d
ick still continued to grow harder with every breath as I got lost in the rise and fall of her gorgeous tits. I was a pervert—there was no denying it.
“Damn it, Teg, stop wiggling!” The roughness of my voice halted all movements from her. She didn’t realize this fight and fire she had brewing in her was fueling me to rip her fucking clothes off and show her what would happen if she ran from me again.
“Get the fuck OFF me, Devon!” she screamed pushing against my chest with all her might.
“NO!” I screamed back equally as loud.
“No?”
“Yes, no,” I said, resting my forehead against hers. I could feel her breath against my lips as the softness of her body pressed against the hardness of my own. I wanted to kiss her, so fucking bad. I needed to feel her lips on mine—to take everything I had to give while giving me even more.
“Don’t you know how to fucking listen? I said get the fuck off.” Her chest rumbled against my own as her hot breath hit my face.
“Don’t you know how to stay put, better yet, maybe fucking listen when someone tells you something for your benefit?” The sexual tension and anger I had for her was about to take over if she kept pushing me. Every fierce comment from her mouth pushed me closer to possessing her body in every possible way.
“You’re not my keeper, Devon. You’re not my boyfriend. God knows you had that chance a long time ago. A long time ago. So long ago, I can’t even remember it…” She paused. She was a shitty liar. The way her body reacted to mine. They way her eyes lit up. She had to be bluffing. “None of that even matters because it’s over now. I’m over it and I want you to get off me.” She was lashing out at me with her words, her small fists were clenched, and I almost found her anger amusing. Almost.
“You’re not over us. You never were and saying that you are now is a lie. Since we can’t seem to move past any of this until we talk, let’s talk. Let’s lay it all out right here, right now. Matter of fact, I will go first. Nothing you say will change the fact that my heart rate picks up around you. My palms get sweaty, and it’s as if I’m seeing you for the first time all over again. All I can focus on is the way your lips will feel against my own as I slide my cock into your hot core. The way your bright blue eyes will grow big with every thrust I make inside of you. The sounds you’ll make as you come… Those are all the things I’m thinking about right this second. So while you lay here and tell me you feel nothing, I know otherwise.”
Her cheeks grew a shade darker as her eyes glossed over and a single tear slid down the side of her cheek. Was she crying? Another mistake made by yours truly. Fuck, I didn’t want to make her cry. Easing off her to allow her breathing room, I kept half my body over her and let the other half rest on the ground. It was evident we both needed some time to handle this, but running from it wasn’t going to make it better either.
“I believed you when you told me it was over.” She sniffled. “I listened to you. I took your advice and I moved on with my life. Hardly moved on, but I tried. Yet, all I could think about over the years was you. Your smell, the way you held my hand, the memories we shared. Simple things were hard to get through merely because I couldn’t stop the memories of you...” Her voice cracked and with it, so did my heart. Gone were the thoughts of wanting to possess her body. Now I would give anything to piece her broken heart back together.
“I’m so sorry, Tegan. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t know... I just... didn’t know the depth of sadness you would be forced to deal with later.” God, I was so fucking sorry. Words couldn’t express the regret that filled me.
“I know, I know, Devon. You don’t have to explain yourself to me anymore. I get it, and I know why you did it. I understand all of it, but after all of these years, you can’t just come back and act like you didn’t rip my heart out. You can’t actually expect me to be happy about being forced to be around you. You can’t expect me to take to you like glue all over again. Things are different now. I’m different now.”
Where was she going with this? Weeds were poking into my side and mud was caked to both our bodies, yet all I could think about was adding another memory to our already large basket of them. This moment right here was one alone.
“I don’t know what to say, Teg. I don’t know what to tell you to make things okay. I know you aren’t the same, I know things are different, but in ways, they’re the same. You’re the same. Your eyes are the same, your hair is the same, and your smile is the same, your freckles that you try to cover up, all of it, is still the same. And though the circumstances of how we came together again are far from perfect, I’m not letting you go without giving you everything I walked away from before.”
She gasped for air at my declaration. I didn’t want her to think anymore. I just wanted her to feel. No, I needed her to feel.
“I can’t… I can’t do this with you right now. There is too much shit going on in my life. Dangerous stuff, Devon. Stuff you wouldn’t even remotely understand…” I smiled. Damn, did I smile. She hadn’t a clue what I had been through.
“Dangerous stuff? Teg, I am danger. I’ve gotten my hands dirty in both the mafia and the drug cartel. I’ve done so many undercover jobs there had been times when even I forgot my own name. I’ve lived and breathed danger, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant saving you. So, believe me when I say I’ve dealt with some dangerous stuff, as you so kindly put it. I think I can handle whatever is going on with you.”
I took a deep breath before I continued. “We can do this the easy way or my way. The easy way, you tell me everything. My way, I call in reinforcements, we do some digging, and then we find a way to get the rest out of you. Either way, I’m going to find out. I don’t want you being caught in the crossfires. We might’ve been apart for years, but my heart still lies in making sure you’re okay.”
Her eyes grew large as she pushed me out of her way. The force of her shove had me on my back as she got into a sitting position. Turning my head to look at her, I watched as her teeth bit into her bottom lip, a tendency she always had. It meant she was nervous, and it just caused more anxiety to form inside of me.
“Jamie, my ex-boyfriend. Well, he got into some trouble about six months ago. Probably longer than that, but he didn’t tell me until then. Anyway, he ended up owing some men at the casino a lot of money. Money we didn’t have. Like a million dollars. I guess when he realized he couldn’t pay them back, he decided to fucking run. He left only telling me to lie if people came around looking for him. At first, no one bothered me, and I thought everything was okay until a couple months ago when I got a knock at my door.
“When I didn’t open the door fast enough, they kicked it down and threatened me. They said because they couldn’t find Jamie, I would have to pay the money he owes, and if I didn’t, they would kill me. They gave me six months. I still have time left to repay them, but I guess I’m not making payments fast enough. Either that or they wanted to shake me up. You know, scare me to make me get the money faster.”
I shot up to a standing position after taking in everything she had just told me. So much anger stirred within me. I knew if I ever saw this Jamie guy, I would be the one to deliver the last blow. He was going six feet under one way or another.
“Basically, what I saw yesterday was them coming to rough you up?” She nodded her head and my anger grew more. Was there anything good that had happened to my girl while I was gone?
“What have you been doing since Jamie left six months ago?” I asked, my voice growing violent. It wasn’t her fault I was angry. I needed to get my feelings under lock and key. My mind couldn’t be cluttered with all these emotions because having emotions in my line of work always got you killed.
“Well, after the first visit, I had to drop out of classes. I was having a rough patch with college anyway, so it didn’t seem like such a bad thing to take some time off and get my shit together. Add in the fact I needed money, it was just easier to find a job so I could start making
payments to them.” There was nervousness in her eyes making it obvious she didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t going to stop me from asking more questions though.
“What happened to your mom? Why isn’t she taking care of you or helping you?” I asked. The sun had started to come out and was now beating down on us. It was warmth that was long overdue, yet the coldness of the spring air overrode the warmth.
“She, uh…” She stumbled over her words, wiping the mud from her hands onto her blue jeans. She was a mess.
“She what?” It wasn’t like I couldn’t see her mom getting mad about something. She was always pissy over something back when I was with Teg.
“She…” Teg froze up again before continuing.
“She didn’t handle the break up between you and I well. We would get in pointless arguments because she was so bitter, and she shoved it in my face that she was right all the time. No matter how much you hurt me, I still loved you, and I couldn’t take her always putting you down. When I went off to college, things between us were tense. We didn’t really talk until I fell sick. I had gotten a rare case of Meningitis. I ended up having to move back in with her and it was then we sorted our crap out.”
Wow, her mom hadn’t changed one bit.
With a sigh, Teg continued, “After that, I started classes again but was still living at home. Then I met Jamie. He was the next best thing to you. Except, my mom hated him and thought letting another man into my life was a huge fucking mistake. She wasn’t happy about it, and it mostly came from both of our pasts with men, which led to things getting ten times worse than before. She kept comparing Jamie and me to what you did to me and telling me how I was headed down a dark road alone. Eventually, she kicked me out, and we haven’t talked since then.”
Are you kidding me? She had to be kidding me. I felt like the dirt on the ground. Like the fucking scum beneath her shoes. I had left her when she needed me most. I had made this mess and now it was my job to make it right. To be the man she had needed all those years ago. If I was going to do anything, it was prove to her how much she meant to me all those years ago, and how much she meant to me now.
