by J. L. Beck
“Are you sure? We can stop right here, we don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to. I can wait until you are ready,” Jared whispered into my mouth, a moan slipped past my lips from him breaking our kiss.
“I’m sure. I want to give myself to you. I want our bodies to connect and become one again. Please, Jared. Give this to me.” I whispered right back to him, reassuring him this was indeed what I wanted. What I crave, desire, and need as I wrapped my hand around his hardness. A roar escaped his lips, like a lion sending out a warning. It was rough and hard, vibrating through my body and going straight to my core as I squeezed him.
I stroked him once, twice, three times before his head snapped back and his eyes closed. I watched him get lost in the feeling of my hand enclosing him as I moved up and down his length. It was like the gun range all over again, a sexual aphrodisiac making me feel powerful.
The palms of his hands heated my skin while they ran down the sides of my body to the back of my thighs, causing a shiver to run through me as he lifted me off the floor. My arms wrapped around his neck, my legs around his waist. We stared into each other’s eyes as he turned us around. Our bodies went down, and I hit the cushions of the chair softly, his body covering mine.
“You are what my heart longs for every single second of every day,” he whispered the words to me as he entered me completely at a leisurely pace. I could feel every inch of him as he moved slowly inside of me, the pain mixed with pleasure, answering my carnal desires.
Forehead to forehead, our moans filled each other’s mouth. His body was slick against mine, sweat beading over our flesh. His strokes gentle, yet powerful as he owned not only my body but also my soul. All of it and every single touch of his skin rubbing against my flesh made this moment so very passionate.
My thighs squeezed him closer, my core clenching tighter as he encircled my body with his. Driving in deep, pulling out easy. Over and over again. My nails dug into his back, his teeth nibbling on my shoulder as he rotated his hips. This was us… us giving ourselves to each other, I thought to myself as my body tingled from the inside out. It started as a tiny flicker of a flame in the pit of my stomach, flowing outward as a flush covered my body.
His breaths came louder, his hand gripping tighter as every one of my senses became overwhelmed by him. He didn’t stop, not when I let go. Not when my body became wild and not when I felt as if I were flying free.
I was sensually wanton, moaning loudly, and begging for more as he whispered “You’re my light, angel” and even then, he never stopped moving inside of me. He just kept going, reigniting my body all over again.
He made love to me, with not only his body, but with his words. Pushing me to the limits, making me feel like I had never felt before. Gentle and rough at the same time he brought me back to who I was. He made me realize what it was I had found in him. He made me feel what it was like to love someone and to be loved in returned.
I didn’t ever have to fight the darkness alone again, and the days when I felt it would take me under, he was there shining his light on me just as I did for him. We were flawed but real, and our love, intense and raw.
We overcame it all.
We survived the injustice.
Chapter Thirty-One
Isabella
I paced the living room floor, my feet wearing a path through the carpet. I was so nervous Alzerro would say no, so nervous I would have to stay in confinement for the rest of my life.
“Rest easy, angel. It’s all going to be okay, I promise.” Jared comforted me with soothing words even if he knew there was a chance it wouldn’t sway our way. It had been a few months since I had escaped hell and then almost lost Jared. I went to therapy every day and was on track, feeling better about myself and learning to let go of the past. Part of that letting go was getting closure from my parents. I had never been given that chance, and now… well, now, I wanted to take it.
Jared’s ringtone blared loudly, and I stopped dead in my tracks, my eyes honing in on his phone as he answered it and smiled at me. He was sitting on the couch—all cool, calm, and collected, while I… I was what Bree would call a hot mess.
“Okay. Yes. I know.” Jared rambled on, the time he stayed on the phone seemed to drag on with each word. My heart was beating out of my chest, my palms sweaty. I felt like I was breaking out of prison or something.
“Yeah, I’ll tell her.” My breathing slowed as Jared hung up the phone.
“Out with it,” I ordered. His face held no emotion so I couldn’t go off that. He continued to stare into my eyes, void of any and all emotion before a cheesy smile spread across his face. I knew then I was truly free.
“He said the Witness Protection Program has released you. There is no longer a risk to your life.” He shot up from the couch, wrapping his arms around me. As happy as I was, I realized just what this all meant.
“Did he…” I paused, I was so afraid to ask, having been told no numerous times.
“He said it’s your choice if you want to call them. You can’t let them know where you are though, and you are only allowed to call them once…” He gripped my cheeks tightly, forcing me to stare directly at him. “I think it’s the closure you need to move on.” His eyes twinkled in the lighting. This had been the plan after all, to move on from the past. I needed to learn to let go of the pain, to forgive even if they weren’t sorry. Allowing hate to rent space in my mind was giving people the power to destroy me without them even knowing. I couldn’t allow that to happen anymore.
Jared pulled away from me, placing his cell phone in my hand. I cast my eyes down toward it as it weighed heavily in my hand. Could I do it? Endure the pain, open the wounds of the past, and push forward?
“You’re only as big as your biggest fear,” Jared whispered as a reminder to me. I headed toward the patio door, giving him a short smile as I shut the door behind me. I slumped down into one of the chairs and punched in the digits to dial out of the country and block Jared’s number. Once I had entered those correctly, I dialed the number I knew by heart. I wasn’t sure if they would answer or not, but I hoped they would.
I pressed the send key and waited for the ringing to sound on the other end. There was a long pause of just air filtering through the line, which caused my heart to pound harder. Then the ringing sounded and I started to calm a bit. The phone was slippery in my hands as I pressed it to my ear, the ringing continuing.
“здравствуйте.” A meek voice answered on the other end. I was so choked up, so unsure of what to say that at first I said nothing.
“здравствуйте?” Someone snatched the phone from someone else, the voice on the other end sounding much older, much more known and held an authoritative tone.
“Momma!” I cried out, unable to stop the emotions from coming forward.
“Izabella?” Her Russian was thick just like I remembered. She seemed stunned, even displeased.
“Yes, Momma! It’s me.” I spoke to her in English as tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t even know—had no idea why I was crying. It’s not as if they cared about me when I was there. Maybe it was the idea that I needed a small piece of home with me.
“How...” she questioned, her voice growing very quiet as she too spoke in English, “you’re not supposed to call, child. Your duties have been done.” Her admission caused my heart to split in two.
“Is that…” I stumbled over my words, taking a deep breath. I didn’t want her to know just how much her words hurt me. “Is it true? I mean—was this all you ever had planned for me? I’m calling after all this time to let you know I’m okay, and you tell me my duties have been done?” I was hurting, my heart wide open just like the day she let them take me.
Her breaths filled my ear. “Isabella, your sacrifice for your family was all we ever needed.” Her words were final. It was as if she didn’t even care. How had I thought for some reason she would? That she would say she was sorry, that she loved me and didn’t mean for it to happe
n? All those things had been false hopes. She wasn’t overjoyed to hear my voice, to know that I was still alive.
“How…” What did I want to say? Wasn’t this about closure and allowing those wounds to scab over?
“How is Marcy?” I asked. I could hear her sighing over the phone as the line grew quiet for a brief moment before her reply came through.
“She is so quiet. Don’t talk to any of us much and when she does, it is a simple yes or no. She is just as much a burden as you were.” Her confession caused my blood to boil and I found myself snapping.
“Let me talk to her!” My voice was strong, not one trace of weakness in it. Marcy was the youngest of my siblings, yet at the age of six, she had more morals than most. We always had a special bond, since the moment I held her in my arms. I felt as if we were one in the same.
My mother sighed heavily into the phone once again, before yelling for her.
“здравствуйте.” The quietest voice I had ever heard met my ears.
“Marsi?!!” I questioned in Russian, almost screaming her name as I allowed the happiness of hearing her voice hit me.
“Да?”
“I have missed you so much,” I cried out, switching between languages. In my old house, this was nothing new as our father spoke to us in English. Even though he could speak Russian fluently, he only spoke to our mother in her native language.
“Isabella?” she screeched, asking in English as well. Had it been that long? Had time passed that much that she had forgotten what I sounded like?
“Yes, Marcy. It’s me. It’s Sissy!” I could hear her voice filling with emotion as she huffed a sob into the phone.
“I…I missed you…” I could all but see the tears falling from her eyes. “Momma doesn’t do my hair like you did or take me for walks. She doesn’t care, Isabella.” Anger racked my bones. How had a six-year-old been able to gather all of this?
“I know, sweetie. I know… and I wish…” What did I wish? “I wish you were here with me. I miss you so much. You know that, right?” I prayed she knew it.
“I do... “ Seconds passed before she spoke again. “I want to go wherever you are. I want to be with you, Izzy. I hate it here.” More emotions swarmed her as she sobbed uncontrollably into the phone.
Through Marcy’s heavy breathing, I could hear my mother screaming, her Russian sharp, which told me she was pissed off about something, which wasn’t really all that much of a surprise.
“Momma is mad, I have to go…” She cried harder into the phone.
“подождите, Маrsi… I won’t leave you there. I will do whatever I can to bring you where I am. Okay? Don’t give up. Just stay strong. Let me talk back to Momma. I love you.” Her sobs seemed to stop as she realized what I had said.
“I know you’ll come for me. I love you too, Izzy,” She whispered into the phone just as my mother’s voice came through the line again.
“What is it, Isabella? Your Poppa will be home soon. I need to finish dinner. You cannot call here again.” Her words were filled with irritation as if I had just ruined her day.
“Вы не хотите Маrsi, она такая нагрузка для вас, то вы не будете возражать мне получить помощь, чтобы получить ее здесь, со мной. Вы услышите от кого-то достаточно скоро, и когда вы делаете, делать все, что они просят вас. Маrsi, будет моя ответственность в настоящее время.” I whispered harshly into the phone right before the line went dead. I was shaking, my own fears and hate coming forward. I felt as if I was being swept out into the ocean. Ahead was a life jacket, but every time I reached for it, it seemed to float further from me.
Minutes ticked by as I sat in the chair, feeling the warmth of the sun against my body. I had an amazing life now, a man who worshiped me, and I was free to do as I pleased. I couldn’t allow these feelings coursing through me to ruin all of the progress I had made.
“Are you okay?” I didn’t even hear the door open behind me as Jared’s voice lingered in my ears.
“If I told you I wanted to save my sister, would you tell me I was crazy?” I asked without hesitation.
“I would say that if that’s something you want to do, if it’s important to you, and it will make the healing easier, then I think you should do whatever you can.” He took a seat next to me, and for some reason, I found myself crawling into his lap. I felt comfort in his arms as I had never felt before, the warmth always covering me like a blanket. It reminded me of where I was. Here. Not there.
“Then let’s try. Let’s talk to Alzerro and see if we can,” I cried into Jared’s shirt. The tears weren’t sad ones, just ones that needed to be released. Ones that I had kept deep inside for so long.
“Whatever you want, Isabella.” He pressed his lips to my forehead and I melted. He was more than I had ever expected, I thought as my last words to mother replayed in my mind, but this time in English.
You don’t want Marci. If she is such a burden to you, then you won’t mind me getting help to get her here with me. You will hear from someone else soon enough, and when you do, do whatever they ask of you. Marci will be my responsibility now.
*
1 year later
“Our anniversary isn’t until Monday,” I said loudly, Jared’s robust voice was rattling through the speakers of our car. I was on my way home from working at the women’s center that I ran with the help of Bree and Tegan. We were offering our support in every way we could. Moral support, therapists, food, clothes, even housing for women who had been raped, kidnapped, or beaten.
I never knew so many women went through what I had been through. To help them healed me in more ways than one. When I learned the stories of Bree and Tegan, I cried. I cried for them, and for me, and for all the things we had all lost. When they came up with this idea, I was apprehensive, not sure I could help someone when I was still taking it day by day. At first, it was hard seeing these broken women every day, but as each day went by, I felt lighter. It got easier. We were all survivors and it fueled me to give them my all in their healing processes.
Bree had recently just come back to work after giving birth to their second child and then taking months off to spend time with both kids. Tegan was a little firecracker, swearing up and down that she wouldn’t let another child rip her vagina apart, but Devon had other plans. You couldn’t see it in his eyes when he looked at his daughter—like he was longing for another child.
The first time I met Devon was at the party Bree and Tegan had thrown for me. It was my ‘Get out of Witness Protection Party.’ He pulled me to the side as everyone chatted and the girls played around us. As soon as we were off to the side where the noise wasn’t overbearing, he pulled me into an embrace.
He told me it was wonderful to meet the woman who gave Jared what he had been missing. I just smiled at him, unsure of what to say as he stared into my eyes. Then he shook his head, as if he remembered a time that he wasn’t very fond of before telling me he was so sorry he was just now officially meeting me, and he hadn’t wanted to overwhelm me since seemingly we were strangers, so he had chosen to wait. Plus, with everything that had happened, everyone thought it was best to wait to introduce us until I was better so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
He hugged me again and batted those forest green eyes at me, telling me not to bust Jared’s balls too much. I could tell he was the softest of the three men, but at the same time, you wouldn’t want to cross him either.
Jared was now an exclusive driver, solely for Alzerro and Devon’s teams. He was so much happier now, and that made me happy. He still had his days when he would try to shut everyone out, but then he would look at me and it was like his world altered. Our demons would probably always haunt us, but at least we would never be alone in the darkness to fight them ourselves ever again.
We weren’t married and didn’t hav
e any plans for babies just yet, but who knew what the future held. Right now, we were just in love and together, helping one another put the pieces of our lives back together. We made a promise to each other, and for me that was enough. To me, our promise was just as valid and strong as the bond that a husband shares with his wife. That bond tethers us together in our own special way. Once we both are over the past completely, we will establish our future through marriage… But right now, we are happy where we are, plus we are still very much getting to know each other.
“Who cares? Every day with you is a celebration, baby. Plus you weren’t complaining the other night when I had you all over my cock,” he growled. My cheeks grew red, thinking about the things he had done to me. Being with him had awakened something in me. I had a deeper reason and need to fight—together we made each other whole again.
“Shut up, Jared.” I smiled, and it was a huge one. He had me so caught up my heart was beating out of my chest.
“Where are you by the way?” he asked. I rolled my eyes, he had been asking that a lot lately, working overtime with Alzerro twice a week. He hadn’t really been distant, but more closed off when it came to his work. I couldn’t blame him though, the things he had to deal with as a driver for the FBI made even the thickest skin of people change.
“Turning onto the interstate,” I lied. I was right down the road, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I wanted to surprise him.
“Okay, well, I’ll see that sexy ass when you get home. Love you,” he said. I said it back to him and then hung up. His words never got old. His ‘I love yous’ never changed. In them, I could feel his love.
I pulled into the driveway, slipping from the car as quietly as possible. A smile lingered on my face as I headed up the driveway and to the door. Finding the key and placing it in the lock, I turned it realizing instantly that the front door wasn’t locked at all.
