by M. D. Massey
My eyes narrow at him as he peers at me seriously as if this is dire information. “Why should I answer your questions? So you know how much to tell me?”
“It’s not like that. I’ll tell you what I know, and I’ll tell you the truth. Just like I told you the truth last night.” The green tent darkens everything, but his eyes are bright with swirling earth-tone color. A soft knowing smile comes to his lips. The first time I’ve ever seen him sure of himself outside a battle zone. “You remember, darlin’?” I want to say something to wipe the cocky look off his face, but I can’t. It’s sexy.
I ignore his question and clear my throat. “They took my fingerprints. They knew everything about me.”
Concern replaces his cockiness as his thoughts turn inward. A long time passes before he sighs. “Everyone since the outbreak has a status. Either you’re active civilian, an active militant, or status unknown. Unknown mainly means you’re famished or unknown to be dead. Militants are under complete control, used for the skills they possess. If what you say is true, that the base confiscated your laptop, then our suspicions are right, and as soon as Mac reported you as alive, you would’ve been scooped up for use.” He pauses, letting this sink in. “Remember your theories on technology, and all it takes are the right people to keep it going?” I nod, not liking where this is going.
“The world needs those people. You’re apparently one of them. Very resourceful. According to Mac, it’s not a great place to be right now. It’s far from what it used to be, and he wishes he wasn’t a part of it, but his sense of duty is ingrained.”
“I didn’t make those programs, Rudy. They were my dad’s. The only useful program I made got me into trouble, but I kept his laptop in case they became useful.”
“Your laptop was confiscated because of something that was on your public record?” he guesses. I nod my affirmation reluctantly. “Then, they got a look at what was on it, and thought you were some computer cracker?” I nod again. “If you’re not, then what are you going to do with this?” He waves the smart pad in my face.
I grab it. “This was the only thing that man carried. There’s probably something worth looking at on here.” I tap the screen. A security password box pops up. I look at the connections. I did have a hook-up that fit it. “The laptop would’ve come in handy for this.” I peer at him. “I’m no expert, but my dad taught me a thing or two just in case. So,” I say, changing the subject. “You’re saying Mac was protecting me?”
Studying me for a moment, a smile touches his lips. “Funny story. I talked to Mac about not reporting you, by then he gained an interest in you, knowing about your laptop. When we saw him at the marketplace, his whole demeanor was different toward you than anyone else.” Rudy glances at the tent door. “I’ve known him since the outbreak. He was stationed at the base when I arrived there for safety. After a while, he started coming and going per the Coalition, telling me stories about the community. We became good friends through alcohol and archery.” He smiles at a memory. “Anyway, you know how much of an ass he can be to people. His interest in you shocked me.” I nod for him to continue. “He all of a sudden wanted to help us, even though he’s under orders not to partake in civilian matters.” A melancholy settles over him like a cloud that never leaves. “Yeah, he did it...we did it to protect you. I don’t know if you’ll show up on the military grid. It’s why I told you not to show or tell anyone about your computer. Given enough time after being at the base, you’ll be reported or found out. The military have people all over in the little leftover pockets in the world.”
“Fat good protecting me did,” I say, deadly calm.
With a tense body, his eyes widen as he leans over to me, closer to my ear. “That. Will. Never. Happen. Again.” His voice just as calm as my voice. Leaning back, he takes my sunglasses off. I try to jerk them out of his hand, but my midsection screams at me to stay still. I glare at him instead. “That reminds me, you think I went through all of this because of Julie?” I don’t say anything, but stare at him. His clenched jaw softens. “First time I saw you, it was like a punch to the gut.”
“It was a punch in the gut,” I say, remembering our scuffle in the damp leaves.
Amusement lights his features as he remembers, too. “And a head-butt and an elbow to the chin.”
“You had my face in the mud – I couldn’t breathe!”
“I helped you out of a vehicle that was wrapped around a tree!”
I scoff. “I couldn’t help it if I had a zombie knocking on my window. Did you want me to let him in?”
He smiles, giving me the full effect of his dimples and teeth. I pull my hoodie farther over my face. Noticing, he hands me back the sunglasses. “You were feisty.” The grin still lights his face as if he enjoyed our scuffle. I put them back on. “Out of all the fights I have been in, you’re the first one to head-butt me,” he says, sounding amused at the thought. I look at him and his smile slips into a sad one. I can’t stand it.
“Kan?” This comes from outside.
“Yo?” I say as the flap unzips.
Kale pops his head in the tent, and takes in my face. “I’m sorry we didn’t get there sooner,” he says, his eyes wide and concerned.
I laugh, sounding bitter. “No. It’s fine, Kale. Thank you for helping.”
He swings his hair out of his eyes, looking to Rudy.
“I guess you two met already.” I don’t want to be rude. This doesn’t feel awkward at all.
Rudy’s head inclines a fraction, still studying Kale. Rudy, to my knowledge doesn’t know about Kale. I never told him, but I did tell Mac.
Kale nods, too, and says, “Julie asked me to come get you.” It takes me a minute to realize he means me.
“What? Why? She’s not, um, having her baby is she? My knowledge doesn’t extend to baby catching.” Kale smiles, rolling his eyes. Rudy snorts.
“Like you’d be the first person she thinks of if her water broke,” Kale says deadpan. He has a point. “I don’t know why, she just asked.” Kale slaps his hand against his thigh.
“All right, I’ll be there in a minute.” I sigh as Kale takes his leave.
“How’d you know about Malachi?” I blurt.
Rudy winces, clearly uncomfortable about the turn in conversation. “Well, uh, that day I carried you from the wreckage. You opened your eyes and called me by his name.” He peers at me. The green of the tent hides the coloring of his neck, but I can tell by the look on his face. “The way you were looking at me wasn’t a way you’d look at a brother or a friend.” I don’t know what to think about his bashfulness. He has no control over it. “With a look like that, I thought he was the reason you were going to the base in the first place.” I’d have thought the same thing.
I blink and laugh it off. “You didn’t think I was in a wreck and having hallucinations?”
The corner of his mouth lifts up. “It occurred to me, but I thought what a lucky guy he was.” He shakes his head, watching me. More sadness seems to seep through his features. “I shouldn’t have assumed. I was an ass that day at the targets, and was the reason you weren’t on guard. I don’t know how I can make that up to you.”
Hating that he blames himself for something he didn’t do, I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. Jeremiah showed up out of nowhere, trying to make friendly conversation. It had nothing to do with you.” He did distract me, but I don’t have to tell him that.
“Mac might be in Birmingham,” he states. I don’t know what I’m going to do about Mac. I need time to think about it. Sitting up suddenly, he pulls me in a hug. I close my eyes and let him. “Don’t leave.” It takes me a minute to catch his meaning. I remember telling him I might head out on my own for a while, and now he’s mentioning Mac to get me to stay with the team.
Pulling away, I straighten my sunglasses. “Listen to you, trying to be noble, but selfish.” I peer at him and sigh. “I won’t leave the team, but you need to figure out what you’re going to do about Julie.”
He stare
s at me, and then looks away, nodding. “I better go help pack things up.” With that one look, my heart sinks.
Kale sees me emerge and points to a small blue tent. I nod my thanks and head in that direction.
“Suga’!” Glinda comes running still dressed in her sweats, and her hair looks worse for wear. I can tell she’s ready to get back to the community. “Don’t go listen to that crackpot.” She looks to the blue tent, eyes wide. I almost laugh. “She is spoutin’ some weird shit. You know?” I can only imagine.
“It’ll be fine.” I think for a second. “She just lost her husband.”
“Sure, but I think she’s lost it.” I nod to her, walking to the tent.
I unzip it, and Julie sits up, still wearing her black turtleneck and slacks. Her hair’s undone, wild all over her head. I scowl. She even makes that look cute.
“My back is killing me,” she complains with her hands cupped on her lower back in the standard pregnant way.
“At least you’re alive.”
She doesn’t waste time. “I want you to know how much I hate you.”
My eyes widen. “Gee, thanks,” I say in a tone worthy of Mac. I start to turn.
“My husband’s dead.” Her voice is thick with tears, but she takes a minute to calm herself. “I’ll always blame you for what might’ve happened to my daughter’s father,” she all but whispers. Sitting straighter, she seems to gather a determined air about her.
I don’t know what to say. The silence between us stretches as we listen to a gunshot in the distance. Probably a roaming famished. I open my mouth to tell her I don’t have time for this, when she speaks up.
“Listen, I’ve seen girl after girl fall for him, but it’s not in his genes to keep anything going.” It takes me a minute to figure out she’s talking about Rudy and not her husband. She shakes her head. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to warn you, you’ll find out soon enough.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I don’t have time for an over emotional, hormonal, grieving pregnant woman.
A bitter laugh escapes her pouty lips, but she looks me straight in the eye. “He won’t choose anyone over me. Never has, never will. Jonathan might be dead, but I have to think about my daughter now.” She smoothes her hands over her large belly. “I’m going to see where Rudy and I can go from here. I need him right now, and he obviously needs me. He looks terrible. I can’t believe how much he’s been through for me.” Emotion grows thicker in her voice before she takes another minute. “We’ve talked about it. He’ll most likely agree, he needs time to work everything out in his head.”
Was this what the look back in my tent was about? Blood pounds in my ears as she watches my reaction. Her face is blank, but the sharp eye she keeps on me lets me know she’s paying me back, tenfold. It’s not that she means what she says, I don’t think she cares about Rudy at all. This is all about hurting me, but it’s not like I’ll do anything about it. Now is not the time. I have other problems.
Keeping my wits about me, I decide not to react to anything she said, but I’ll throw something else in her face. “Are you done? You should take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. Zombies are running around. Worse yet, your Dr. Finnegan made this happen. He destroyed lives, including mine.” I walk out of the tent and don’t bother to zip it up.
Reece stands outside of it, holding a gun. His mouth is in a hard line, indicating he heard everything. Good. I won’t be the only one with this burden on my shoulders. I gesture for him to walk with me.
“How are you feeling?” he asks me.
“I’ve been better.” I peek at him and he stares toward Julie’s tent.
“You gonna tell him what she said to you?” Reece finally asks softly.
“Are you?” He looks to the ground at the question. I continue, “Rudy’s not stupid.”
“Yeah, not my business to tell him, either.”
I sigh, looking around, not wanting anyone to overhear me. “I love him, Reece.”
To my surprise he chuckles. I glare at him and he stops, clearing his throat. “You just now figuring that out?”
“Not just now, but Julie figured it out.”
His face hardens as he catches what I’m telling him, that she knows my feelings for him and uses it to get at me. She lost any good opinion he has of her. It makes me feel a little better.
“What are you going to do about it?”
I tell him the truth. “Nothing. There’s no room for feelings in a world full of zombies.”
He sighs like he can’t believe he needs to explain this to me. “You don’t believe that. If anything, a world full of zombies gives more room for feeling. I want you to think about something, Kan, think about what she said in that tent. Rudy hasn’t seen her in eight months, but where did he end up last night?”
I swallow, thinking about Rudy’s words and the look of absolute sincerity and conviction on his face in the jeep. Reece has a point, but that doesn’t make Julie any less of a problem. Mac either. The thing is, if Rudy would’ve told me sooner it might be different, but he didn’t. Julie has now planted a seed of doubt, I know this, but how do I know she’s not telling me the truth? I’m exhausted and want to wallow in my own self-pity. I don’t have it in me for any strong emotions.
Reece gives me a knowing look as if to say not to worry, I’ll be okay in time. Right. If I have learned anything the past four years, it’s I don’t get over anything easily. Giving me mercy, he changes the subject.
“Maybe we should take the survivors to Nashville first?” he suggests, letting me take the lead, knowing I need to feel a little control.
I scoff. “Not we, but a couple of people from the team.”
33
That’s the plan. All afternoon we pack tents and feed everyone. I take some time to brush my hair out, but end up leaving it alone, finding a spot to cry instead.
Although, when I’m finally by myself I can’t. Staring at the evergreens, I hate zombies more than ever. I realize how angry I am about everything. Even though my anger gives me resolve, the hopelessness of the situation weighs on me. What can I do about it? Put one foot in front of the other, that’s what.
By the time everything is packed, planned, and ready to go, I have more determination than ever to find Mago and learn more about the vaccination. My team - Reece, Sam, Ty, Thomas, and Felix, along with Bunyan, Dalton, and myself - are going to Birmingham. I have other plans once we’re on the road, though. I haven’t found time to talk to Reece yet, but he won’t argue.
Dalton says it’s better to show up in Birmingham with as few as we can manage, anyway. I thought Julie should go. Not because of Rudy, either. They’ll have better medical care there than at the community. She argues of course, and Glinda informs me a mother and midwife can help her through the labor process when the time comes. Julie all but sticks her tongue out at me.
Rudy is going to Nashville with Julie. I can tell Rudy and Julie have talked. Being reserved more than usual, Rudy doesn’t say much. I guess he’s working out his issues. I wish I could help him, but he seems to back away from me. Maybe giving me space? I know he’ll do the right thing. It makes me proud of him, and makes me love him even more than I already do. We leave a lot unspoken, but we don’t need to talk. Rudy’s better with actions than anything words can say. Things are complicated that way.
I strap my duffel to the hog Reece has acquired, riding bitch, but I don’t care as long as I don’t have to converse with anyone. I’m not relishing how my body feels, and riding on a motorcycle for a day or more will not help.
Glinda fusses over Reece. Bittersweet. It looks like they’re hitting it off. She hugs me tightly, and I’m glad for her presence. I assure her I’ll take care of Reece, and almost laugh when I picture myself tucking him in at night with a baby blue blanket and teddy bear. In my vision, he has on his biker Santa boxers.
I shift, bumping into Rudy in my personal space like he won’t ever see me again. It does feel that way as he
gives me his green bandana. “You shouldn’t go,” implying the Coalition might know about me.
I shrug, looking at the bandana. “You said I might have some time before they find out.” Perfect excuse to tell him, but I won’t be going to Birmingham. Rudy knows about Mago, but I keep my plans to myself because I might not find anything.
He sighs, looking frustrated. “I should go, too.”
“You should help Julie. After all, she’s what this whole thing was about.” My tone isn’t what I want it to be. It’s bitter.
A light sparks in his eye. “Why the attitude?” I open my mouth to tell him, but his smiling stops me. “Don’t forget, I know her. I can read her like a book. No worries.” He suspects something from her. I give him a small smile, but he doesn’t see it because he buries me in his chest, careful not to squeeze my battered body. I breathe him in for a minute.
“Please. Take care of yourself.” I tense, realizing his face is inside my hood, buried in my hair, his voice a whisper in my ear.
I nod, pulling away, weaving the bandana through my fingers. “Play my song for me, Rudolph?” I smile and blame it on the pain pills coursing through my system.
He’s not surprised I know his name, or that the song he wrote is mine. He beams a smile showing teeth and dimples, all for me. “I call it, New Life Sunshine.”
I laugh, noticing he used “new life” in reference to when I say, “old life”, and my middle name. “Hardly any sunshine here,” I tell him still smiling, liking the title of the song. My laugh fades catching sight of Julie. She has her arms crossed watching us.
Rudy sees it, too, but he keeps smiling at me. “That’s better. A laugh and a smile. I’ll play it every night, darlin’. Right now if you want.”
“Trying to delay me?”
“Never know unless you try.” He grabs my hand and kisses my palm. When he turns without saying goodbye, it takes everything not to go after him. I straighten the sunglasses. He almost made me forget. Nah, it has to be the drugs. I cover my neck with my hair and face Reece.
