by M. D. Massey
Claire was so brave, trying to diffuse the situation. She reached out for Nate’s Sig, slowly taking it from him. She passed it to Henry, and he stuffed it into the back of his pants. Sophie lowered her Sig. Nate stood in silence, shaking. Sophie cleared her throat and tucked the stray strands of her Barbie locks behind her ears.
“You do that to her again, and I will kill you!” Henry raged.
“Henry, calm down.” He glared at Sophie. “Well, now, that was the most excitement I have seen in ages!” She waved at Nick. “Come, Nick. Let’s raid.” Mumbling all sort of obscenities and threats, Nick followed her without taking his eyes off Nate.
Henry grabbed me, holding me close. Too stunned to cry, all I could get out was, “It was a child.”
“I know, love. I should have said that we were apt to see a child out here, just to prepare you mentally. I’m sorry. That was my fault.”
“Henry, this is not your fault,” Claire spoke sincerely. It sounded like she had a change of heart.
“I should have prepared everyone more. We have to head back to our place and rethink our strategy.”
Claire stepped over the rotting true deads and headed into the family’s apartment. I heard her relay Henry’s message of heading back to his apartment. Nate still stood in the same spot.
“Elaina, love, say something.”
I opened my mouth for a moment until words started flowing. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Henry held my face in his hands so I could look into his eyes. “Love, it’s okay. This isn’t exactly a picnic in the park. We’ll go back and figure out something, yeah?” I nodded.
Nick, Claire, and Sophie came back out of the apartment, their arms loaded with nonperishable food, medical supplies, linens, and clothing.
“Check it out, Henry.” Proud of her find, Sophie held up a box of Junior Mints. “Your fave!” Henry smiled at her. I admit, I couldn’t continue to stay mad at her. After all, she did play a role in keeping Nate from killing me.
Henry wrapped my arm around his waist, holding me firm as we walked back down to his apartment.
We made it back unscathed, seeing no more roaming undeads. Henry walked me back to his bedroom and sat me on his bed. “Are you all right, my love?” He rubbed my cheek with his thumb.
“I think so. It just scared me. And seeing that child… It was overwhelming.” I stared off, looking at nothing.
“It’s okay, love. I agree. Seeing a child as an undead is heartbreaking. Unfortunately, that wasn’t my first.”
I didn’t want to ask how many children he had seen like that. The thought of children being purposely turned into undeads just for training purposes made my stomach twist into knots. He looked just as upset about it as I did.
One by one, everyone came into the bedroom, Nick holding a bottle of whisky and a small juice glass he’d found in Henry’s cabinet. “Here. Have a drink. It will help soothe your nerves a bit.” He poured me a glass, and I took a few sips. The fire burned my throat, but I could feel it relaxing me. I knew alcohol was not the answer, but Nick was right. I needed something to soothe my nerves.
I managed to choke out a few words. “I’m sorry, everyone. It just took me by surprise.”
Claire sat beside me and stroked my hair, then took my hand. “It’s fine. As long as you weren’t hurt.” When I shook my head, she smiled. “Then that is what matters.”
Henry stood, rubbing his temples and neck. He seemed to still be hurting from Sophie’s idiotic grenade toss. “We need to rethink our plans.”
“We aren’t leaving the area now, are we?” Claire said, brows pulled tight together.
“No. I’m thinking that we should split up.” Immediately, everyone protested. It was like a bunch of angry monkeys pouncing.
“Wait! Please. Shut it, would you?” Henry held up his hands. “This is what we are doing. Three of us will go out to hunt and collect supplies. The other three will stay here.”
Nick crossed his arms. “I don’t like this idea,” he mumbled.
“I don’t care if you like it! This is what we are going to do. We will rotate groups. While one group is out, the other will rest.”
Henry turned and walked to the hallway closet. We all looked at each other in bewilderment as he rummaged around, grumbling to himself.
When he returned, he had a pair of walkie-talkies. “We’ll use these to communicate. Hopefully, we will be able to get reception. They’re military issue so we should.” He handed one to Sophie and tossed the other back and forth in his hands.
Everyone was silent. I continued to sip my whisky, and Nick kept refilling my glass. I wasn’t going to argue. Henry grabbed the bottle and took a long pull from it.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to drink after your accident, Henry.”
He glared at Nick. “Since when is my welfare any of your bloody concern?” Nick looked back and forth between the door and Henry, like he didn’t know if he should leave or stay. Obviously, his sharp words made him uncomfortable. Henry took another drink. “Can I have some time alone with Elaina before we go back out?”
With hesitation, the rest of the group headed back down the hall. Henry shut the door behind them, then headed back to the bed.
“Hey, love.”
“Hey.”
His eyes weren’t gleaming anymore. I missed the warmth I used to feel when I’d gazed into them. I wrapped my arms around his cool body, and he held me for what felt like hours, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead.
“Listen.” His voice was a little raspy. “I know this is hard on you, but I need you to be that tough girl I know.”
I pulled away from him a little so I could see his eyes. “I don’t know if I can.”
“I have faith in you, love. I do. I think it will help the group to see you as yourself.”
“Henry,” I whispered and wrapped my arms around him. He tried to make me feel whole, even though my heart was shattering. I wasn’t sure if I could lie.
“Love, I’m sorry all this is happening.” He pulled back and held my face. He was so sincere. I truly felt I could trust him. “We will get through this. I promise you.”
“Please, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I know we’ll get through this. Afterward, we will get married, go on our honeymoon, and have some delicious nights to ourselves. Maybe we could even make a baby.”
My mind traveled to the undead boy two floors up, and my breath hitched. The thought of a baby in this fucked-up, chaotic world scared me to no end. “I don’t know if I want to bring a child into this world. I have so many concerns.”
“I can understand why you would feel like that. I just want to make you happy.”
“What if Roger’s assholes get you? Then—”
“Shhh, love. Don’t worry about them. They have nothing on me. I have much more to throw at them than they could ever imagine.”
I wasn’t convinced. He had said he was beaten to near death a few times. I’m sure he was scared, and I had a feeling he was lying to me. “What do you mean? Wouldn’t they be trained like you?”
“Well, yes, but…” He paused. “Most of the time they beat the shit out of me, I was zip tied to a metal chair, blindfolded and gagged. However, we’d sometimes train blindfolded and I beat every recruit there. Besides…” He stopped. He was definitely hiding something.
“What are you hiding from me?”
He flinched. My words stung him a little. Aggravated, he shook his head. “In due time, I’ll share with you.” He scared me, but I needed to fight the tears. He was right. I needed to be strong. I didn’t like that crying girl who kept coming to the surface.
“Tell me about Liam.”
He sighed. “Why do you want to know?”
“I want to know more about you.”
He barked out a nervous laugh. He scratched at the beard that was filling in on his face. “We don’t have enough time in our lives for all the stuff I could tell you.”
He paused for a long period of time. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll tell you a little bit.”
I wanted to know all of Henry: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the brilliance of the man with whom I wanted to share the rest of my life. I would be thankful for anything.
“When Roger initially pulled me into the program, I continued my life with my given name—Luke Richards. Shortly after my probationary period, Roger assigned me a new identity. Liam Henry Daniels.”
Sighing, I became annoyed because he already told me that part. I wanted more.
“It was difficult for me to accept this change. I wasn’t always in an orphanage. I have some memories of my mum. I can still hear her in my dreams, calling me by my given name. I have carried one picture of her and me for, well…forever, I suppose. Roger never knew I had it. I hid it from him.”
Henry got up and walked to his dresser, pulling a picture from a box in the top drawer. He looked at it longingly for a moment, gently touching the image, as if he could feel her. “Here.” He handed it to me. It was creased and aged.
I was in awe of her beauty, but they looked nothing like one another. I gathered that he must look like his father. “Wow, Henry, she’s beautiful, and you were…are pretty cute yourself.”
He smiled. “She was. I only have vague memories of her.”
Silent for a moment, he fought his emotions. He closed his eyes tight and took several deep breaths. I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to know.
“How did you end up in an orphanage?”
He refilled my glass, then took another long pull of the whisky himself.
“She was murdered…right in front of me.” I gasped. “My father wasn’t around, so off I went.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve tried to bury it in my past, but I don’t want to let the few memories that I have go. Shit.” His voice cracked. “She was murdered on my fifth birthday.” I reached out to him, and he sat next to me. “She made me a cake. She had saved every spare coin she could to buy me a toy truck.” He went silent.
“Go on.”
He cleared his throat again. “So Roger and his goons, our instructors, would beat me and make me repeat my new name. Sometimes, I would just be tied up; other times, blindfolded and tied up. At times, it would be so brutal, I would throw up or pass out from the pain.”
My heart ached for him, seeing that his pain was real. He took another swig from the bottle. He rested his elbows on his legs, dangling the bottle in one hand, putting his face in the other. It took me a minute to realize he was trying to hide that he was crying.
“I’m so sorry you were put through all that.” He looked up at me, his tears flowing steadily from his fading eyes. All the abuse, all the lies, all the bullshit happening right outside the windows tore him apart.
“So, you see, I can’t be Luke.” He choked out a sob. “That boy doesn’t exist anymore, but even if he did, he would be mentally torn up. And I can’t be Liam. If I were, I would be full of aggression and ridiculous amounts of hatred. All I have left is Henry. And you. I’m nothing without you. I needed to separate myself from all of that, shutting off all those emotions.” I reached over and wiped tears from his cheeks. “I was so afraid to tell you any of this. I thought you would run far and fast.”
“I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”
“I’m just so fucked-up. I tried to bury it. It runs so close to the surface, but yet so deep.”
I grabbed him and held him while he cried. I couldn’t believe he hid all his pain from me. I was so furious that he was a pawn in some sick and twisted game of life, power, and greed.
Before all this happened, he was so calm and happy-go-lucky. It was like a levee had broken as he cried in my arms. Seeing him so distraught, and me trying to keep him from shattering was new for us. Henry was always the brave one, but I now saw him differently. Sophie was right. He was fragile. Much more than I could have ever imagined.
Henry was a broken man.
I pulled back, then grabbed his face, like he always did mine. I wanted to bring comfort to him. I wanted to get him through his pain and make him feel worthy.
“Henry,” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say to him so I kissed his salty tears. “I love you so much, Henry Daniels. I love you whole, and I love you broken.”
“I love you more.” He softly smiled through his despair, and I couldn’t do anything but return it.
“Well, I don’t know about that. It’s not a contest.” My attitude made a comeback.
He sighed, a chuckle mixed in. I didn’t want to make him go back out to talk to everyone until he was ready. It would humiliate him for them to see him so upset. We sat in silence and had a few more drinks while he did his best to collect himself.
“Well, we should probably go back out there and figure this out.”
“Yeah, probably.” I kissed him, more passionately this time. I wanted him, but I knew we would get interrupted.
“Mmm…” A soft groan radiated from his chest, then he pulled away. “Hold that thought, love. Later, I’m taking you and fucking you senseless. Deal?” He winked and stood.
“Sounds like a good deal to me.”
He took my hand and the bottle of whisky, leading me out to the living room.
I felt so close to him after he shared his true emotions with me. Claire looked up at us as we came into the room. She had a smile on her face, but I immediately felt guilty about Marc, so I let go of Henry’s hand.
“How are you feeling?” Claire asked.
“Much better. I promise I won’t do that to you again.”
She hugged me and kissed my cheek. She looked happy, but I still felt guilty.
“Have a seat, love.” Henry directed me toward the couch, turned around, and set the whisky on the table. Grabbing a chair from the dining room table, he turned it backward, straddling it, crossing his arms over the back. “We’re going to break into two groups.” Everyone protested again, causing Henry to raise his voice. “This is non-negotiable.” The sudden silence was heavy. “I will lead one group, Sophie will lead the other. My group will consist of Nick and Claire. Sophie’s will be Elaina and Nate.”
My jaw dropped. My anger was about to erupt like a volcano. After what we had just shared, he was forcing me to be with her? This was one of those moments I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Are you shitting me, Henry? Really? You’re fucking joking, right? You want me to be separated from you?”
“I said this is non-negotiable.” His voice was calm as he glared at me. It was like he was a different person than when we spoke in the bedroom.
“But I want to go with you! I want to fight with you!”
He stood and slammed his fist on the table. “Damn it! I said this was not up for discussion!” He grabbed the whisky and took another swig.
I stood and got in his face. “Why? I want to know why right now!” Everyone was silent, their gazes locked on us, but I blocked them out. I didn’t give two shits what they thought. It was like Henry and I were the only two in the room.
“Why do you have to be so defiant all the bloody time?! Why can’t you just do what you are asked for once without a fucking argument?!”
“Let me just back up for one moment. Ah yes. I don’t recall you asking me what I wanted! And if you remember, just a few minutes ago, you wanted me to be the true Elaina, not some sappy, crying, whiny girl! So, here I am, doing exactly what you fucking asked me to do!” I clenched my fists at my sides, considering decking him.
“It’s not always about what you want!” he barked.
When I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, I whipped around, arm cocked and ready to throw a punch. It was Sophie.
“What the fuck do you want?” I growled.
“He wants you separated from him in case something happens to him. He knows you wouldn’t be able to handle having to give him a true death. That’s why he’s not pairing you up with
anyone you love,” she whispered. It made sense when she explained it, but I hated that she was right.
I felt like a fool and sagged a little. Why couldn’t he have just said that in the first place? Why did he have to be all combative and not the Henry I knew? I pushed her hand off my shoulder and stormed past him. I ran down the hall and slammed the bedroom door, locking it before anyone could see me cry…again.
Henry sighed and took another drink of whisky. He looked at Nick. “Women. Can’t always make them happy, can we?” He chuckled a bit, and Nick smiled slightly. Feeling the effects of the alcohol, Henry stumbled over the chair as he tried to turn toward the hallway. “I suppose I should go speak with her.”
“No. I don’t think that’s your greatest idea, Henry. I’ve got this one.” Nick headed down the hall.
Chapter 7
I buried my face in Henry’s pillow and sobbed. I heard someone jiggle the doorknob, then knock on the door. “Elaina, can I come in?” Nick. I didn’t want to see anyone at that moment, no matter who it was. The fucking president could come knocking on that door and I would still have cranked the bird and told him to go the fuck away.
“Go away,” I choked out.
“Elaina, stop acting like a hormonal thirteen-year-old.” He knocked again. “Elaina!” Knowing he wouldn’t stop, I got up and opened the door. “Thank you.”
“I only opened it because you wouldn’t have stopped.” I went back to lay on the bed.
He rocked back and forth on his heels, one hand in his hair and the other in his pocket. “Listen. What Sophie said was right. You could never give us true death if you had to.”
I sat straight up. “I shot our father!”
“I know!”
“I did what I had to do for him. I don’t want to be separated from any of you.”
“I understand.” We were both quiet for a moment. He sat on the bed next to me. “Elaina, I don’t think I could give you a true death.”
