“They’ll do that a dozen or so times and then they’ll be ready for us to do stuff with them. They need someone to lift them up to reach the little zipline, and there are a few other things made for the big kids that they can do, but need help because they’re short.”
“Most four year olds can’t do the monkey bars like that.”
“It’s been a problem at preschool a few times, when they can do more than other kids, and sometimes decide to play on equipment off limits for their grade. They’re both in gymnastics now, to try to teach them better how to use their bodies, and to get some of their never-ending energy out. My dad wants me to put them in martial arts but I’m not sure that’s the right course.”
“I know a responsible instructor who’ll teach it with an emphasis on self-discipline, if you want to try it out and see if he’s right for them.”
“What are your intentions?” Okay, so it came out of nowhere, but I needed to know.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve raised them. I see them as my kids, now. I mean, it’s complicated. I’m not their biological mother, but I’ve acted as their mom for so long…” He’d glanced at me, but now his eyes were back on the kids — watching them like a seasoned pro. Was he already a father? “I guess I just want to know whether you want to visit every once in a while, or whether you’re looking for more.”
“They live with you, and right now your home is theirs. I’d love to take them home and be the family we should be, but that isn’t the right way to do this. You’re important to them but I want to become important, too. I don’t know how to answer you, but I can tell you as long as you and I work together to do what’s best for them, it’ll all work out.”
I’d assumed the big burly biker might be interested in being a dad occasionally, but it’d never crossed my mind he might want custody.
“Hey,” he said, looking at me a few seconds this time before looking back to the kids, “it’ll work out. You did the right thing by telling me I have kids. I know you’ll keep doing the right thing as we move forward, and I’ll do what’s best for my kids, always.”
“Do you have other kids?” This didn’t feel like someone who’s never had to deal with the responsibility of fatherhood before.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because if they have half-siblings, I’d think that’s important information.”
Chloe chose that moment to begin climbing higher than she was allowed to go, and I turned to tell her to come down.
“But it’s been forever since I’ve gone this high, and I’m a big girl now!”
My mouth dropped open as Gonzo scaled the side of the structure, went up over the roof of the fort, and stood on it beside my little Chloe as she went up the arched portion of the roof beside him. “You can’t be this high without holding someone’s hand,” he told her. “You and I just met, imagine how sad I’d be if you fell and got hurt.”
“You might fall, too.”
“I’ve had lots of practice at being surefooted. I’ll keep you safe today, but you have to promise not to go this high again without an adult here to hold your hand.”
She tried to whisper, but she’s really bad at it so I heard her tell him, “I’ve always wanted a daddy to hold my hand. My friends have daddies, and I’m sad when I see them hug.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here before, Chloe, but I’ll hold your hand now.”
She gave him a fierce nod and he wrapped his arms around her. She curled her tiny arms around his neck, and I wanted to cry.
Yeah, I’d made the right decision.
Also, now I knew why the children appeared to be half-monkey sometimes. They got it from their dad.
Declan asked me to help him on the zip line, and I walked with him to the other side of the structure. It starts about ten feet up and ends at four feet up, and takes a while to get there. It’s quite tame but the kids love it. They need help because they can’t reach the handle from the little platform, plus, someone has to walk the handle back up the line.
I kept an eye on Chloe and Gonzo, and he held her hand as she went to the top, and then he brought her down. She rode his hip as he scaled the side once more, and then he brought her to us.
“Miss Chloe would like to do the zipline as well, it would seem.”
Gonzo and I worked as a team, and he walked the zipline back while I lifted the children, and then we swapped jobs for a bit. Finally, Chloe raced for the swings when she landed, Declan followed her, and Gonzo and I stood and talked as we watched them swing.
“Thank you.”
He said it quietly, and I could hear so much emotion in the two words it almost brought tears to my eyes.
“You’re welcome.”
“I’m usually an asshole to adults. I’ll try not to be with you, but if I am, feel free to tell me and I’ll try to do better.”
“I was worried you’d cuss in front of the children. Thank you for keeping your language clean around them, at least.”
“I brought fruit because I worried you might be one of those who doesn’t allow candy and I didn’t want to cause strife. There’s so much I need to learn about my own children.”
“We don’t keep candy in the house, but if we’re somewhere else and it’s available, it isn’t taboo. I allow them to eat however much they want the weekend after Halloween, so we can get it out of the house as quickly as possible. They’re always hyper, but candy makes them even more so.”
“I have access to grass fed beef. If you have room in your freezer I’d love to get you as much as you can store. Candy hypes me up, too, but a good steak calms the beast.”
“We don’t need anything from you.”
“I know, but let me do right by all of you.”
I didn’t want to tell him I’m rich. I drive a late model Volvo, so he had to know we weren’t hurting for money, and I’d told him my sister lived in an apartment in my basement. Still, he didn’t need to know how well off I am. Of course, he’d want to come to the house and then he’d have more of an idea. I sighed. “I have more money than I know what to do with and I love spending it on them. You’re a bouncer — we don’t need to take anything from you.”
I could almost feel tension coming off him and I stepped away, but he grabbed my arm again. I saw my father stand and I shook my head at him.
“You’re going to have to stop grabbing me, Gonzo. It worked okay last night, but you can’t do it every time I try to move away from you.”
He hadn’t grabbed hard enough to hurt me, but he relaxed his grip a little as he said, “I plan to buy a car tomorrow. I don’t know what kind, but I’ll do the research to make sure it’s safe. I have a bike because that’s what I want. I have a truck because it’s practical, but it isn’t suitable for driving young kids around. When I buy this car tomorrow, I’ll write a check for it — I won’t need to take out a loan. It probably won’t be a Volvo, but it’ll be safe and dependable. Bouncing is only one of the things I do for the MC. We own a bike repair shop, the bar, and a gun store. We also patrol our area of town to keep it safe. We get paid for the jobs we do, but we also get a quarterly bonus based on profits. I’m not hurting for cash, either.”
Finally, he let go of my arm. He hadn’t hurt me, and yet my heart felt as if it were trying to escape my chest.
I took a breath and said the only thing I could. “I apologize.”
“I’m sorry if I scared you. I’ll promise you right now that I’ll never physically hurt you, and I’ll do my best not to hurt your feelings. I know better than to promise I won’t do the latter, but I’ll try.”
I ran my hand down my arm where his hand had been. It felt as if he’d branded me with it, though that was ludicrous.
“You should know the kids can hear exceptionally well. I don’t understand it, but I’ve learned to be careful what I say if they’re in the vicinity, even if you think they’re out of range.”
He watched them swing a few times as a smile lit his face, and then he
looked back to me, his expression solemn. “I don’t need a DNA test to know they’re mine, but if you need the proof I won’t mind submitting a sample for a test.”
I shook my head, “No. They have your eyes, and Declan is growing into your build. If that isn’t enough, you erased my final doubt when you asked about them being able to see in the dark.”
“What hours do you work? What hours are they in school?”
“My hours are kind of flexible. I have to be there from about ten to four, but I can patch the other two hours onto the beginning or end in whatever manner I wish. Their preschool is from nine to three, and their daycare picks them up from school for an extra charge. I usually drop them off at school at ten till nine, and then I pick them up from daycare around five forty.”
“I’d like to bring dinner Tuesday night so you don’t have to cook. If I’m being too forward inviting myself, perhaps I can meet you at a restaurant and pay for dinner?”
“Let’s see how the rest of today goes before we make plans, okay?”
He nodded, but I could once again see the emotion in his eyes. These were his kids, and he’d become quite possessive of them already. My being able to say when he could see them was going to rankle, and he and I were going to have to come to terms about that up front or there’d be problems. It was nice for him to think it would all work out as long as we’re thinking of the kids, but not terribly practical.
I was their legal guardian and it was my call, but I felt I needed to explain my reasoning. “I’m not going to keep you from them, I just need to see how they are afterwards and make sure they’re handling everything okay emotionally. I love that you want to see them and want to be part of their lives, I just have to make sure we don’t screw this up. Okay?”
He nodded and looked back to the twins, who were laughing and giggling as they went much higher than I like for them to, but I’d long ago learned they’re capable of much more than I’d prefer they do at this age. I don’t want to hold them back, but it would kill me if they got hurt. So far, they haven’t, but to be honest it’s a miracle. They’re both little daredevils.
Gonzo’s friend walked toward us and put his hand on Gonzo’s shoulder much as Duke had done last night. Gonzo exhaled and shook his head as he said, “Thanks, brother.”
“Anytime.”
“Brother?” I asked.
“We didn’t grow up brothers, but we are now,” Gonzo explained to me before turning to the kids and asking, “Who’s hungry?”
Chloe came sailing out of her swing, and Gonzo caught her and ran with her. Declan slowed a little before jumping out, and Brain and I followed as Declan ran to catch up with his sister and father.
Father. The twins have a father who wants to be part of their life. After being the only person they have in their little lives, would I have told him if I thought there was a chance he’d take my kids away from me? Yeah, I would’ve because it had been the right thing to do, but I’d have consulted an attorney first, so I knew my options, and so I could make sure all the paperwork naming me as guardian was in order.
Oh hell, I know it’s in order. Getting them into the right elementary school was turning into a huge undertaking, but I’d already had to submit papers to have them considered for admittance along with documentation showing I was their parent or legal guardian, and it’d all been accepted without anyone batting an eye. We’d had our first interview already, and as far as I knew they were still being considered. It’d been hell getting them into this preschool, but it’s a feeder school for the elementary school I want them in, so I was hoping they’d make the cut.
I’d brought enough food for six adults and the two kids because I didn’t know how many people Gonzo would bring. My dad helped me pull the food out, and then he handed out plates and silverware to everyone while I put serving spoons in the mashed potatoes, baked beans, and slaw. I handed everyone a napkin as I told them to dig in, adding, “And I brought baby wipes, because it’s impossible to eat fried chicken without getting your hands all gross.”
“Real plates on a picnic,” said Brain. “I thought my mom was the only one who did that.”
“I detest paper plates,” I admitted as I spooned food out for the kids. I noted Gonzo watching me, and realized he was once again learning what his kids needed, seeing what I did to take care of them.
Chloe had sat down by my dad, so Declan was beside Gonzo and I was facing them, with Brain and Harmony to my left. I handed a few extra napkins to Gonzo as I told him, “In case Declan needs clean-up assistance.”
He nodded and bit into his chicken, and smiled at me as he chewed and swallowed. “You cooked this?”
I nodded and he said, “And you aren’t married? Brains and you can cook?”
“The twins need me right now.”
“And Aunt Constance’s last boyfriend wasn’t nice!” Declan shouted, and I felt my face go red.
“What did he do that wasn’t nice?” Gonzo asked him.
“He hit her, and she hit him back with a lamp, and an ambulance had to come!” shouted Chloe.
I looked Gonzo in the face, refusing to let him know how mortified I was, and he said, “If he hasn’t already been taken care of, just give me a name and he will be.”
My dad used his deep, scary voice to say, “Oh, he’s been taken care of.”
“Good for you, for teaching your daughter to defend herself with whatever’s at hand.”
He didn’t respond, and I looked at the twins. “We’ve talked before about why it’s not okay to hit people at school, even if they hit you first. At school, there are teachers to act as referee. I didn’t have anyone around to keep him from hitting me, so I had to do something. Right?”
Chloe looked at her plate and said, “I’m sorry, Aunt Constance. I didn’t know his nose would bleed so much if I hit him.”
“I know you didn’t baby, but you got in a lot of trouble and almost got kicked out of school. You can’t do it again.”
Gonzo’s smile told me he was pretty happy about the fact his daughter had given a boy a bloody nose, and I rolled my eyes at him with a grin.
He’d scared me when I first saw him, but then I’d seen something else when he rescued the girls coming out of the bathroom. I’d wanted to soothe the broken man who’d cried when he’d first seen the twins’ picture… and even when he’d lost it and punched the daylights out of the wall, I hadn’t worried he was going to hit me. My heart went out to him, which is the last thing I’d expected to happen when I first saw a picture of the biker who looked like he’d just as soon gut you as speak to you.
“You went overboard for lunch,” Harmony said. “It’s wonderful, thank you so much.”
“Chloe helped me keep track of the time, and she helped bread the chicken. Declan counted the potatoes and brought me things from the refrigerator when I asked, and they both helped dry the pots and pans after I washed them during cleanup.”
“We’re helpful,” Chloe declared, and Gonzo grinned at her.
“I bet you are, Clara.”
He froze as he said it, and then was up and forty yards away from us facing the other direction in a matter of seconds. Harmony stood as she said, “I’ll go talk to him.”
Chapter 4
Gonzo
I’d called her Clara.
It’d just slipped out, but my baby girl hadn’t been much older than Chloe when she’d been killed, and she looked so damned much like her.
I heard and smelled Harmony behind me, and she stood with me a few moments before saying, “I can’t begin to know what this is doing to you, but I know it’s opened a lot of old wounds. You know we’re here for you.”
“I know you’d go to the ends of the earth for me but I’m glad you don’t have to. I have kids, and I have to be able to look at them without seeing the ghosts of my dead kids. How do I do that? I don’t even know where to start.” My heart felt as if it were being ripped from my chest, but no way was I telling that story to the kids or their aunt t
oday. I had to make them like me, and I couldn’t do that while so grief stricken.
“It’ll happen. This is the first time you’ve met them, of course your mind is making comparisons.” She stood in front of me and reached up to cradle my cheek in her hand. “You’re strong and you’re alive. You didn’t ask for this, but I know you well enough to know you’re going to do right by those kids.”
“Their aunt has kept them alive, so maybe I’m best leaving them in her care? I want to take them home with me but I’d just have to hire a nanny for nights, and they’re in preschool during the day so what would be the point? They have a life with her. Her home is their home.”
“You’ll figure out the details — nothing has to be decided today. Get to know them, and you and their aunt can figure out how to work out whatever happens next. With her dad living in Virginia and only here for a week here and there, it sounds like she’s had to be a single parent. I’m betting she’ll appreciate the help.”
“What should I tell them when they want to know who Clara is? Chloe’s name is so close, it’s just…. it’s hard.”
“Tell them it’s a very sad story and you don’t want make anyone sad on this beautiful day, and then change the subject.”
I nodded and hugged her, and she hugged me back. Harmony is one of the few women I respect, but we had to walk through fire to get to this point. We’d had a rocky start but she’s now one of the few females I trust with a weapon around me. I don’t even hug the women I have sex with, but Harmony insists on hugs when she sees me.
We walked back together arm in arm, and she sat beside Brain while I took my spot beside Declan.
“Who’s Clara?” Chloe asked.
“Clara’s story is a sad one, and I don’t want to make anyone sad while we’re eating this wonderful meal you helped your aunt cook. Instead, why don’t you tell me what you’re learning in school?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I like learning to read, but I don’t like adding things.”
When we finished eating, I cleaned Declan’s hands with a baby wipe while Connie took care of Chloe’s. I was about to tell the kids I’d brought squirt guns when she said, “I brought their skates, if ya’ll would like to walk our dinner off? The Riverwalk is perfect for them to skate on.”
Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) Page 3
