“It’s all good, Connie. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Maybe not for you, but I was… God!”
She put her face to my chest so I couldn’t see it, and I said, “You were wonderful, and honest, and it’s been a long time since I’ve wanted someone with this intensity.”
My body went tense as I smelled fear, and a second later she looked up and exclaimed, “Oh! I’m supposed to do something for you, right? If we don’t have sex and you…. then I have to do something in return.”
“I’m good, Connie. It’s not the first time I’ve had a hard-on and didn’t do anything about it. Tonight was about you and I love the fact I just gave you your first two orgasms.”
“No. I have to do something for you now. I don’t know what, will you show me how to… do you?”
I put both hands to the side of her face, used my thumbs to caress her cheeks, kissed her forehead, and asked, “Why are you suddenly afraid?”
“I’m not afraid — I just don’t want to be rude!”
“Connie, the wolf knows when people are afraid. He can smell it. Please don’t lie to me.”
She put her face in her hands and said, “I’m messing this up.”
I pulled her head to my chest, rubbed her back, and breathed in deeply and out slowly a few times. When her breathing slowed as well, I let some authority seep into my voice as I quietly said, “Tell me what’s going through your head.”
“I don’t want you to go to someone else tonight because I couldn’t satisfy you.”
I sighed and carefully considered my words. “If I ever promise you monogamy then I’ll never so much as consider sex with someone else. If I promise myself to you then I’ll be yours.”
I stopped myself before I said the rest because it sounded so harsh, but she filled in for me. “But you haven’t promised, which means you’ll do whatever you want when you aren’t with me.”
Okay, so she said it a bit harsher than I’d have worded it, but I couldn’t argue. I might be able to soften the meaning by explaining a few things, though.
“You know my history with relationships is… well, not good. My first wife is dead and my second wife’s in prison for life. I need some time to get used to the idea of giving my heart to someone again. I’d never intended to do so, and now that I’m faced with the prospect of someone I care about enough to…” My voice betrayed my emotions, and I ended by gruffly adding, “Fuck, Connie. I just need some time.”
She was quiet a few moments before saying, “Okay, I’ll give you some time if you’ll let me take care of you so you aren’t with someone tonight. I don’t ever want you to leave me and go to someone else. Please, just give me that.”
“I willed myself to go soft while I’ve held you. I’m good, but if it’ll make you feel better then I’ll sleep in a spare bedroom tonight so you’ll know I didn’t go to someone else.”
Her eyes looked back and forth from my right eye to my left, and she finally said, “No. If you tell me you won’t then I believe you. You’re welcome to sleep in my bed tonight and hold me if you’d like, and then move to the guest bed before I wake the twins.”
“I’d love to hold you tonight and then see the twins in the morning. I need to run out to my car and grab something before we go up.”
“You packed in case I invited you to stay?”
I smiled and kissed her forehead. “I put a go-bag in my trunk the day I bought the car, with clothes and basic necessities to last three days. After the first time I spent the night here, I put a smaller bag with a single change of clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a brush, and a small, secure safe so I can stow my gun without worrying the kids will get to it.”
* * *
I awakened with my dick so hard it seemed to throb louder than the beat of my heart. A quick look at the clock told me we had just under an hour until the alarm went off and I’d have to move to another bed. She wanted to get the twins up and have them dressed before she told them I was in the guest bedroom because she worried they’d be so excited she wouldn’t be able to get them ready for preschool on time.
Connie wasn’t ready for sex yet, and even if she was, I didn’t want our first time to be a hurried affair before she had to get up and go to work.
I can’t remember the last time I beat off. Oh, wait, yes I can — it was on a yacht in the Caribbean when the only female on board had belonged to another wolf, and we’d been on it for days and days.
If I want sex, there’s almost always someone around to give it to me. Even first thing in the morning, I can usually go to the main room of the clubhouse and find a chick asleep, wake her up and give her a good fuck, and then send her on her way.
I don’t spend too much time at my house, but I haven’t been so horny there I needed to jack myself off.
This morning, however, I was seriously contemplating a trip to the bathroom to ease the pressure. I was spooned behind her and I wasn’t sure I could move away without waking her, so I started with a few super-slow movements to test the waters.
She gave a sexy moan and wiggled her butt backwards into my dick and I had to suppress my own groan. I rolled to my back, but she fell backwards with me and her arm reached down and back to rest on my hip, inches from my cock. Her breathing normalized in a few moments and I tried again, but this time she rolled toward me and propped her leg over me and I gave up trying to be stealthy as I slid out from under her and stood beside the bed.
“Are you okay?’ God, her voice was so fucking sexy when she wasn’t fully awake.
“Yeah, just going to the restroom. Go back to sleep.”
She sat up as I walked away, and my heart sank as I realized I might not pull this off. No way could I take a piss right now, and how was I going to explain why I was in the bathroom five minutes before I pissed. Fuck.
“You’re aroused.”
I stopped three feet from the door and kept my back to her.
“What makes you say that?”
“Hard to hide it in the tight underwear you seem to prefer.”
“It’s dark and you have human eyes.”
“The streetlight outside gives enough light to see something that big.”
I chuckled as I turned around. “Yeah, I have morning wood. A few minutes in the bathroom and it’ll be gone.”
“Will you let me… darn, I don’t know the right words, but I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel.”
“We aren’t keeping score, Connie.” Her face told me she didn’t care about keeping score, and she wanted to do this.
“Have you ever given anyone a hand job before?”
She shook her head and I asked, “Do you have lotion that doesn’t smell all girly?”
“None of my lotion smells girly. I make it myself and it’s unscented. One of the other scientists has bad allergies so no one can wear perfume or artificial scents, but I didn’t wear them much before, either. I’m a scientist and I know what the chemicals are when I read a label.”
“Where is it?”
She opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out a small jar, and I went back to my side of the bed. I pulled my boxers off before I joined her again, and watched her face as she stared at my cock as if were the most interesting thing she’d seen in ages.
She wanted to explore, and I patiently answered every question even though I wanted to fuck something so bad I had to fall back on every self-control exercise I’d learned while trying to figure out how to control my wolf. I found myself saying things like, “We don’t usually call them testicles, they’re my balls,” and, “That’s the head and it’s the most sensitive part of my cock, so be easy with it, but you can get a little rougher with the base.”
I wasn’t sure where she was going when she asked, “People really… I mean, I’ve heard people talk about putting it in their mouth, but it seems awfully big for that.”
I chuckled and pulled her up as I told her, “Sit up and hand me the lotion and I’ll show you how I
like hand jobs. I’ll warn you now that I’ll need to do the last minute or two because I’m not wired for letting other people jack me off, but I promise I’ll enjoy every second of you touching me while you get me close.”
I got my cock slick and then her hand slick, and I wrapped her hand around the base of my cock with mine folded over hers and showed her how hard she could grasp at the base, and then helped her get just the right pressure as she pulled up toward the head.
I’d expected her to fumble around, but within a few minutes she nearly had my eyes rolling back in my head. I wouldn’t be able to get off from this, but damn if it wasn’t rocking my world.
I probably shouldn’t have let her go as long as she did, but the instant her scent changed I realized her arm was getting tired, and I put my hand on hers. “I need to stand up to finish myself off. Do you have a towel I can use so I don’t make a mess?”
I stood and kept myself on the edge until she returned, and then I closed my eyes and worked my cock until I was ready to go. I have to move my hips as if I’m fucking someone in order to come, and I worried she’d think the ending too violent and it would scare her, but as I leaned forward and made sure I hit the towel I saw fascination on her face, not worry or disgust.
I wiped my hand and cock with a clean section of the towel and then folded it so all of the mess was on the inside. I tossed it on the floor with a mental note to remember to put it in the bathroom hamper later, and crawled back into bed with her.
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure what else to say, but Duke had told me over and over that I needed to thank the sweet-butts at the clubhouse when I told them to get lost after I fucked them, so I figured it couldn’t hurt here, either.
Once upon a time I knew how to romance women, but I’d been basically treating them like shit since… well, since I stopped seeing women as human. There’s no nice way to say it — I stopped trusting the entire gender because of what one woman did to my family.
A few women had earned my trust in recent years, but if I’m honest I’ll admit I only allowed myself to even consider trusting them because men I respected believed them to be trustworthy. Once I got to know them it took some time to decide for myself that perhaps they weren’t mental cases and wouldn’t go bat-shit-bonkers with no warning,
Connie had earned my trust on her own. She’d taken damned good care of my kids when I wasn’t there for them, but she’d also proven through her actions she’s a rational adult with a good head on her shoulders. She’s a logical scientist and not a normal emotional female.
“If anyone should be thanking someone, it’s me. You’ve had so much patience with me, and what you gave me last night was… I don’t even know what to say. I had no idea it could be so good.”
“It can be much, much better. We’ve only scratched the surface.”
“I don’t see how.”
I brushed my finger over the tip of her adorable nose and then kissed the top of her head. “That’s okay. I’ll show you when you’re ready.”
“Why don’t you think I’m ready?”
I considered the question a few seconds and realized I hadn’t said what I really meant. “Okay then, I’ll show you when we’re ready.”
“You don’t want me?”
“Not true at all, but I’m not always as gentle as I was last night. I don’t want to scare you, and I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve been getting you used to my touch and I had no idea things would happen at all, must less this fast.” I hugged her a little tighter and then moved back a little as I put my palm on her cheek to be sure she looked at me as I told her, “I loved watching you come apart in my arms last night, but I think we both know we’re treading on dangerous ground. We can’t let the twins know we’re an item until we’re certain, and I’m not sure we should do a whole lot more than we did last night until we’re sure, either.”
She opened her mouth to argue and I put a finger over her mouth to shush her as I said, “Two weeks. Let’s keep to what we’ve been doing for two weeks and then see where we are.”
Chapter 21
Gonzo
Connie surprised me Saturday by telling me she wanted me to take the twins for the day for our furniture shopping trip, and to call her when we were ready for dinner so she could meet up with us.
I took them to my house first and showed them their rooms, and explained I’d have a door put in the wall between so they could still see each other at night.
They weren’t thrilled with separate bedrooms, but the door seemed to make it tolerable, though barely.
Declan wanted a full sized bed so he’d have room for a chest of drawers, some shelving units, and a huge desk.
Chloe decided on a king sized bed, two shelving units, and a chest of drawers.
Declan chose a nice wood finish, Chloe chose pink and white.
Both were disappointed the items wouldn’t be delivered for a few weeks, but I arranged for the mattresses to be delivered Monday so they could spend the night the next weekend.
Next, we picked out curtains, lamps, rugs, sheets, and we bought pillows. We got toothbrushes and kid toothpaste, a brush and a comb, and all of the other things they’d need so my house could be their second home. They’d have to pack clothes — at least for now — but everything else would already be at my house, just waiting for them.
We had an incredible day together, but I’ll admit I was mentally exhausted by the time we met Connie for dinner at a pizza place. They talked to her nonstop about their day, and I smiled as I listened to them rattle on in their excitement.
Even though I knew Connie wasn’t thrilled about them having their own rooms at my house, she still smiled and asked questions and showed them she was happy for them. I had the sense she had mixed feelings — happy they had the loving father they’d wanted, but sad it meant she wasn’t their sole caretaker anymore.
I needed to show her this could be a good thing for her. She wasn’t losing them, just gaining a little time to do things for herself.
We hadn’t talked much since I left Thursday morning. I’d gone from her house to the basement of the clubhouse and pounded on the heavy bag until my hands bled because I have no idea what comes next and I’m terrified I’m going to fuck up the good thing we have going.
I love my kids and I’ll truly be dead this time if anything happens to them, because they crawled into my heart the instant I saw their picture.
But can I ever have a normal relationship with a woman again? I like and respect Connie, and I enjoyed what little I’ve taught her so far. Showing her sex can be good was fun… but a relationship? I’m not sure I should even try, and if that’s the case then I’ll just fuck up what we have going with the kids if I let us start to go there.
Though, it might already be too late.
I worked the bar Thursday and Friday night. When I made it into the clubhouse after closing early that morning, Dawg had a girl bent over, fucking her from behind, and I made use of her mouth. Later though, when it was time to go to bed I didn’t take anyone with me. I wasn’t interested in any of them.
Connie was in slacks and a tailored blouse, but her hair was down instead of up. She cut her pizza with a knife and ate the pieces with a fork, but she let the kids eat it the right way, thank goodness.
Could I spend the rest of my life with a woman who eats pizza with a fork?
Shit, I hadn’t even had her on my bike — it was possible she’d refuse to ride with me.
We were happily eating at our table when a man strode past us like he was looking for trouble. I leaned out so I could see him as he walked to the back of the restaurant, and then stood when he grabbed a woman from a booth and began dragging her toward the door. I didn’t want him anywhere near the kids or Connie, so I walked to them and told him to let the woman go.
“Mind your own business. This is my woman and I’m taking her home.”
I kept my arms loose at my sides, but I took a step closer and got in his face. “Doesn’t look like she
wants to go with you. Let. Her. Go.”
“You gonna make me?”
“I won’t have to. I’ve heard a few of the patrons of this fine establishment call nine-one-one already. I just have to block you until the police arrive.”
At this he threw the woman to the ground and took a swing at me.
I tend to beat the shit out of men who take a swing at me, but in a room full of witnesses I have to be more circumspect, so I caught his fist and pushed him backwards with it. He took four steps back before he stopped and caught his balance, and I said, “You’ve swung at me once and I didn’t retaliate. Don’t force me to defend myself, because you won’t like it.”
The idiot came at me again with a fist headed toward my face, but this time I blocked the blow with my left arm and hit him solidly on the chin with my right fist. His eyes rolled back in his head as he went down, and I stepped to the woman.
“Are you okay, ma’am?”
“I hurt my knee when he threw me down.”
She was close to tears and I looked around until I found an employee. “She needs ice. If you have a bag to put it in then great, but if not just bring two glasses full of ice so we can put them on either side of her knee.”
We moved her to a booth so she could straighten her leg in front of her, and we had a bag of ice resting on her knee when the police finally arrived.
The officer called for an ambulance for the man on the floor and then asked what happened. Everyone tried to talk at once and the officer finally said he wanted to talk to the person responsible for putting the man on the floor.
I raised my arm. “That’s me, but I know some patrons took video and it might be simplest to begin with you watching to see what happened, officer.” I wasn’t wearing my colors so there was a chance he wouldn’t know who I was affiliated with. Even if he knew, though, I should be okay once he saw the video.
Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) Page 16
