by Coralee June
A slight breeze slapped against my cheek, stirring up my curled hair. “What do you mean Joseph owes you?”
“Let’s just say I helped him with something. I was supposed to get cash, but he backed out on our deal.” Why did she sound so cocky?
I didn’t like how she’d adopted the Beauregard way of speaking in riddles. “What do you mean you helped him with something? Something illegal?”
Mom pressed her lips together. She looked like a fortress, determined not to let a single secret past her teeth. “I’m not telling you. I’m not sure I can trust you anymore, Vera. Please, just leave.” The pleading tone startled me.
“No, I think she should stay, Lilah,” Hamilton’s deep voice interrupted. I spun around and met his teasing stare. He wore khaki pants and a button up shirt with a navy blue blazer that accentuated his muscles perfectly. His hair was awkwardly swept to the side, as if he were trying to look like he was going to the local country club.
Seeing him was devastating. It was like looking at a stranger but also gazing into the eyes of a soul I knew intimately. It hurt to see him, but it excited me too. I couldn’t get my body to process how to respond to the pain and utter delight.
“Hamilton, I thought you weren’t feeling well.”
He walked up the front steps while practically ignoring me. “I felt better. Shall we go inside?” He held out his arm to my mother, and she reluctantly accepted it. The two of them went through the front door without a word, and I stayed behind for a moment to go over my mantras.
I could leave any time I wanted.
I was safe.
I had a place to live.
I was not tied to the Beauregards any longer. I could do this on my own.
I turned, half ready to leave. Hamilton didn’t even look at me. It was like I didn’t exist. What did that even mean? Could I handle a day of sitting at the same table as the man that both broke me and built me up?
“Are you coming, Vera?” Jack asked. I hadn’t even seen him approach. I waited at the threshold, my breathing turning panicked. Opening my mouth, I tried to form words, but nothing came.
“Vera? Are you alright?” Jack asked the question as if he already knew the answer. I shouldn’t have come back here.
“I...” I breathed harder; my vision tunneled. I hadn’t expected to panic at the sight of Hamilton. I was supposed to be here to figure out what the fuck was going on.
“Vera? Why don’t you sit down, you look like you’re about to pass out.”
“Here,” I choked out before thrusting the pie into Jack’s arms. “I have to go.”
It took all the strength I had to force those words out. I felt stupid. Childish. Who was I to take on this pain and get to the root of it? I forced my stiff legs to turn my body around and walk back down the drive. A bus? I needed a bus.
“Lilah? Come quick. I think Vera is going to pass out.”
I moved faster, not wanting my mother to pretend to be the hero, pretend to care about my well-being, pretend to give a shit about anyone but herself.
Harsher breathing. My eyes swam with tears. I could barely move.
Strong arms wrapped around my body, and I slumped in relief, instantly recognizing who it was that held me. “Whoa, Petal. Are you okay?”
No. I wasn’t okay. I was losing my fucking mind. And for what? A man who didn’t want me back? A mother who was more preoccupied with getting money?
I thought I was strong enough to handle this, but I fucking wasn’t. I felt stupid. “Is she okay?” my mother called. “Maybe you should take her home, yeah?”
Hamilton picked me up and cradled me to his chest, as if I were a broken doll or a baby. “I’m going to take her home,” he called over his shoulder, the tone mirroring disgust. “Happy Thanksgiving.” He then murmured under his breath, “Selfish bitch.”
It was wrong—so wrong—but I pressed my face to his chest and breathed him in. I let him carry me to a BMW I didn’t recognize. It had temporary license plates and every upgrade you could imagine.
I focused on my breathing.
I inhaled. Exhaled.
The rising panic continued to consume me. It felt like everything was crashing around me, and I couldn’t process it. How had my life become so complicated? Would it ever end?
I sat in the front seat and stared at Hamilton as he circled the hood and got into the driver’s side. “What happened, Petal?”
I breathed in and out. “I’m safe,” I whispered. “I feel stupid. Seeing you and talking to my mom shouldn’t fuck me up in the head as much as it does.”
“Why’d you show up?” Hearing the question shared so bluntly shamed me some. I honestly didn’t know how to respond. Why was I here? Was it for closure? Did I show up because I craved the drama? Did I have something to prove to my mother? Maybe I just wanted to feel strong for a little bit and show off how much my mother’s decisions didn’t affect me anymore.
Or maybe I just wanted to see Hamilton again. He was an addiction I couldn’t quit.
“I had some questions. Needed some closure. Plus, I’ve never had a real Thanksgiving before and thought, what the hell.”
Hamilton twisted in his seat to look at me. “You’ve never had Thanksgiving?”
“When I was little, Mom started a tradition of McDonald’s for Thanksgiving. She couldn’t afford a turkey, and our first apartment only had a hot plate and a microwave. As we got older, she just kind of kept up with it. Depressing, right?”
Hamilton cursed under his breath and started driving away from the house. “What closure do you need?”
“You said goodbye. But then you called me. I’m trying to wrap my head around what you’re doing with Jack. I saw in the papers that you’re working for Beauregard Industries again. Why? And why do I care? You can’t be happy there...but it doesn’t affect me. A smarter woman would move on with her life and just…”
I was rambling.
“Here’s the thing,” I quickly added. “I feel like you’re working with your father because of me. Tell me I’m wrong, Hamilton. And you know what sucks? I can’t even tell if I hate it or am thrilled by the idea of you being willing to work with Jack.”
Hamilton gripped the steering wheel tighter, his face a mask of indifference. “Thrilled? Does it get you hot to see me like this, dressed up in a suit and driving a car worth more than what I used to make in a year?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m thrilled that you care about me, Hamilton. Because despite the way you treat me, and leave me, and hurt me, I fucking love the idea of you loving me back.”
“I don’t get how you can just forgive people. When I walked up the drive and saw you talking to your mother, it just infuriated me. You were done with her, Vera. You told her off and walked out like—” His tone was cold, his charcoal eyes black and pinned to the road in anger.
“How did you know about that?” I asked.
“It’s not important,” he quickly snapped. “What’s important is that you just stood there having a calm conversation like nothing had ever happened.”
“Forgive me for trying. Is that what this is about? You want to be punished, Hamilton? You’re working for your father because you think you deserve to be miserable? You’re pushing me away because you don’t want us to be happy?”
Hamilton pulled over the car, the deserted winding road hugged by a tunnel of barren trees. Dead leaves littered the ground. Hamilton reached over and unbuckled my seatbelt. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“Making you happy, Petal.”
10
Hamilton
I was a certifiable dick. I honestly deserved to have my ass kicked. I didn’t deserve Vera. I’d fucked her and walked out the last time we were together. “You can’t fix everything with sex, Hamilton,” she snapped at me, her fiery eyes wild with challenge. I knew that look on her face. Lust. Need. She fucking wanted me, despite it all.
“Sex fixes plenty of things, Petal,” I whispered before leaning over the console to tra
il my lips over her exposed neck. Goose bumps broke out over her creamy skin. My eyes zeroed in on the heaving rise and fall of her chest. And then—she fucking slapped me away, like I was a dog trying to eat her steak dinner.
“Back the fuck off, Hamilton Beauregard. You hurt me.”
I swallowed and looked at her. The bite in her tone went straight to my dick, which made me feel like even more of an asshole than I already was. It was such a pussy move to push her away. “You hurt me too, you know,” I countered.
Her brows raised. “Is that really how you want to play it?” she asked, challenging me even more. Fuck yes, Vera. Call me on my shit.
“I’m not playing anything. Why’d you agree to that arrangement with Jack, huh?”
“Because at the time, I didn’t feel like I had any other options,” Vera quickly replied. “I made a snap decision with the information I had at the time. My mother had just shown up beat to hell, and the man I was falling for betrayed me in the worst possible way. The only thing I had was school, and Jack was holding that over my head. I made a choice. And then I changed my mind,” she said while crossing her arms over her chest. The move pushed her tits up, and I had to rip my eyes from the beautiful sight of her cleavage.
“You could have talked to me—”
“No, I couldn’t. You didn’t even try to reach out after shit went down. Honestly, if it weren’t for Jack, I would have never spoken to you again, Hamilton.”
Yeah, no, fuck that. Not talking to Vera ever again wasn’t really an option anymore. I physically couldn’t keep away from her. So much for pushing her away for her own good.
I wasn’t going to let Vera walk out of my life forever. I was too far gone, too stuck in her orbit. Loving Vera was an inevitable consequence of knowing her. It was impossible to stay away. I just needed a little more time. I wanted to build a life for us that was safe and free of my bullshit with Joseph and my resentment of Jack.
“Are you saying I should be thankful that Jack basically manipulated you into reaching out to me?”
“I guess that depends on whether or not you give a shit about me, Hamilton? Why are you working with Jack? Why are you driving me home? Why are you ignoring me one minute, then trying to get in my pants the next? Why are you—”
I cut her off with a kiss, because I couldn’t stand not having the taste of her on my tongue. Because I wanted to swallow her words and make things better. The seatbelt strained against my body. The center console cut into my stomach as I swept my tongue over hers. She tasted like mint gum.
Moans filled the car. She was driving me insane. Her hands pressed against my chest, but I didn’t budge, though. “Petal,” I groaned, the needy tone so desperate I knew she’d figure me out.
She pressed against me again. “You haven’t even apologized yet,” Vera choked out between kisses.
“I’m sorry, Petal.” I sounded desperate. I needed her forgiveness like I needed air, the beautiful irony was claiming her mercy was as easy as opening up my lungs and fucking breathing. I’d been too damn stubborn.
She ripped away from me on a choked sob and opened the car door. It took me two seconds to realize she was running away from me. “I can leave anytime I want to!” she yelled the moment I got out of the car and chased after her. The deserted highway was the only witness to our emotional moment.
“Vera, get back in the car. You can’t just walk home!” I threw my arms up and dropped them at my side as she stomped ahead of me, her heels sinking into the wet earth with every step.
“I can leave anytime I want, Hamilton,” she repeated. I chased after her and nearly collided with her when she spun around to face me. “What the fuck kind of apology was that, Hamilton?” she asked, her voice an emotional screech. She lifted both hands and shoved at my chest. “You want to fuck again? Is that it? Am I just someone you can use again?”
“Petal...”
“Don’t call me that!” she screamed. I watched helplessly as she looked up at the sky. “Why’d you have to go and be like everyone else, Hamilton? Why’d you have to hurt me like that?”
“I’m trying to protect you!” I roared. That was the whole point of this shit, to not be like everyone else in her life. To not demand her forgiveness and abuse it. But here we were, and I wasn’t any better than her mother, or Jack, or Joseph. I was just another person making Vera Garner cry, and I hated myself for it.
Vera froze on the spot. “Who are you trying to protect me from, Hamilton?” she whispered. “Jack? Joseph?”
I looked at her and let out a sigh. Lifting up my hand, I stroked her cheek for a gentle moment before responding. “From me, Petal. From the inevitable shit storm that’s about to rain down on us.”
She shook her head as more tears fell. “I risked it all for you,” she whispered. “I would have given you anything. And you know what’s worse than you hurting me, Hamilton? It’s the fact that I still care about you! I still want you to be happy. I still want to pick apart your mind and figure out what hurts you—what heals you. Does that make me weak? Does it make you happy to know that I’m so fucking torn up about all of this?”
“I was trying to avoid this, Petal,” I whispered. “You want the truth?” I don’t know why I was telling her this now. I just couldn’t stop the honesty pouring out of my mouth.
She gave me an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right?”
I grabbed Vera’s wrist and pulled her to the tree line. I didn’t want any cars driving by to see what we were about to do. “I fucking love you, Vera. I can’t stop thinking about you. I know where you’re staying right now, because the moment I wake up, I have Jack give me an update on your life. I know you got the scholarship for Connecticut State University, because I had Jack call and make sure you were awarded it.” She started breathing heavy, a storm brewing in her brown eyes. I pushed her against the trunk of a tree and continued speaking. “The day after you found out about Saint, I drank myself stupid. The next morning, Jess kicked my ass and demanded I come beg for your forgiveness. You want to know why?”
Vera swallowed as I pressed my body against hers. “Why?” she whispered.
“Because she knew you were the best fucking thing to ever happen to me.” I kissed her neck. I ran my hands up her sides. I breathed her in. “And that I was a complete dumbass for not being honest with you.”
“So why didn’t you try?”
“It’s dumb.”
She grabbed the belt loops in my pants and tugged at me. I wasn’t sure I could get any closer than I already was. “Tell me.” Her nostrils flared with barely contained anger.
“I knew I was just going to fuck it up again,” I admitted defeatedly. Saying my fears to Vera was harder than I anticipated.
“You stupid, broken man,” she whispered back before slamming her lips to mine. The wind kicked up her hair as she curled her leg around my body. The trunk of the tree hid us from the road where an eighteen-wheeler zoomed by. “Stop pushing me away.”
I inhaled sharply and pressed my forehead to hers. “I thought sex couldn’t fix everything.” I was teasing her, but she didn’t smile. We both knew that I was just trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m not fucking you out here, Hamilton,” Vera said in a soft, steely voice. “You’ve been in control of us from the beginning. I’ve been helpless to stop this since the moment I met you. But you know what I just realized?”
She pushed me away and dropped to her knees. Fuck. The sight of her in the dying grass with her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling with mischievousness. I almost came right then and there. “Wh-what are you...”
She unbuttoned my pants and pulled out my hard cock. I’d never been so ready for a woman. “You’re not in control anymore, Hamilton. If I want to get hurt by you, it’s my choice. If I want to forgive you, that’s my choice, too. If I want to suck you off out here, I’m not doing it because I’m a fucking martyr who likes to suffer. I’m doing it because I want your cock in my mouth. I’m doing it because I am
my own person now.”
“Vera—” Her lips pressed against the head of my dick, and she placed a soft kiss on my hot flesh. I twitched and jerked from the featherlight touch. “Fuck.”
“Don’t try to save me, Hamilton. I don’t need a hero. I just need you.”
She wrapped her glossy lips around me and slipped me fully into her mouth. I tossed my head back, shocked at how good it felt, her lips pressing together to make it hot, wet, and tight. When I bumped the back of her throat, she gagged a little bit. Drool collected in the corner of her mouth. She looked up at me with angry eyes and wild hair. I gathered her chestnut locks in my fist on top of her head and guided her movements. Faster. Nastier. Harder. Pleasure like nothing I’d ever experienced wholly consumed me.
Every little moan had me shaking with need. I felt myself building, building, building.
She pulled away and gasped for air before going back to sucking the fucking soul out of my body with her talented little mouth. My muscles contracted. I moaned. A car drove by. The leaves under my feet shifted and crunched. A beam of light burst through the clouds. Heat. More wind picked up. Pleasure. A beetle climbed up the tree trunk. Nirvana. The woods witnessed our naughty declaration, and my queen? Fuck, she kneeled before me, taking all the power and control for herself.
And then she stopped.
I nearly toppled over. I was so close. So fucking close. “Why’d you stop, Petal?”
She grinned and wiped her lips with the pad of her thumb. “I can leave any time I want to,” she replied. What the fuck was with this phrase, and why would she want to stop now? “We could be good, Hamilton.” She licked my shaft with her warm tongue.
“We are good, Petal.”
I leaned forward, bumping my cock against her lips in silent protest. I wasn’t going to beg for her mouth, but I sure as fuck would encourage her to keep doing what she was doing.
“You don’t get to end this because you’re afraid I’ll get hurt, Hamilton,” she whispered before rising to her feet.
